Friday, August 3, 2007

Oh Those Wacky Southern Conservatives

You really gotta love them. And especially their penchant for giving blow jobs, or at least trying to. In about the past two or so weeks a Virgina minister was arrested in Tennessee for urinating in public in front of some kids while wearing a skirt. When police confronted him he did what any good lass would do to protect her reputation and get out of jail, he offered the cops oral sex. They've always said Virginia is for Lovers. And of course this news has gone international, I guess everyone is still fascinated by a bloke in a dress
And this is my favorite Bob Allen (great mugshot,btw) a Republican representative from Florida whose major legislative pursuits include "[sponsoring] a failed bill that would have tightened the state's prohibition on public sex. He also has been a supporter of amending the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage and has opposed a bill to curb bullying of gay students." Well he was in a park and there was a cop in a bathroom and, I think you know where I'm going with this. (But in case you don't here's an excerpt from the police report:

I talked with the other officers again and then entered the bathroom and began washing my hands. Allen entered the bathroom behind me and proceeded into the first stall.

I realized that there were no paper towels to dry my hands so I walked in to the handicap stall to dry my hands. As I stood in the stall drying my hands I observed Allen look over the door of my stall and make eye contact with me. Allen then stepped away and then came back to the door and looked in, making eye contact with me again. I said “hey buddy” and Allen said “hi” and then stepped away again. About 5 seconds later Allen pushed open the door to my stall and stepped inside. I was standing against the far wall of the stall. Allen closed the door behind him and stood against it. I said “What’s up” and Allen again said “hi”.

Allen then said “this is kind of a public place isn’t it.” I said, “Do you have somewhere else we can go”. Allen said, “How about across the bridge, it’s quite [sic] over there”. Allen engaged me in conversation in which it was agreed that he would pay me $20.00 in order to perform a “blow job” on me. Allen stated that he wanted to ride with him across the river before he performed the act and gave me the money. Before entering Allen’s vehicle I identified myself as a police officer and detained him."

I never understood paying to give oral sex, it seems a little backwards but I guess if you think the guy's attractive enough? Or you're that repressed, maybe. I don't know, but I also think bathrooms are disgusting and far from sexy, but whatever blows your hair back. Of course Rep. Allen denies it all, calls it "disgusting" and says the only reason it may have happened is because he was surrounded by black people and he was afraid he " 'was about to be a statistic' and would have said anything just to get away." Of course! That explains it! though of course blocking a door to a stall and then suggesting going somewhere quieter doesn't seem to give off a "oh god please help me" vibe.
I just wonder what this guys say to their wives, congregations or republican bases. Just seems like an incredibly awkward situation. Hopefully though, for the sake of everyone involved, this will stop their messages of homophobia, and that they just accept that their gay or bi, or whatever and accept themselves so they don't have to live with such crushing self hatred and their wives and children won't continue to have to be hurt by their lies. I mean then they wouldn't fell so guilty about wanting to visit Planet Unicorn. Such a wonderful, magical place...Heyy

Sphere: Related Content

No comments: