Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ad diction: Bad Howie

I really need to think of a name name for these things.
Anyway Tim, from Tim's Take, and a wonderful facebook/internet friend (who has a blog that is so much better than mine I must hate him for it; i forgot about that) mentioned this in a status a few days back and it was so funny because I had been thinking the exact same thing the first time I saw this commercial and as it has been played incessantly I'm sure you've seen it as well. It's Howie Mandel for

Yeah, just like Tim thought that is pretty racy to be playing at basically all hours of the day. But another thing about that commercial that gets to me as I see it 4 or 5 times a day is that fact that Howie is pretty OCD and germophobic and so a) I couldn't imagine him going through someone else's lunch and eating it, and b) and probably more obviously I'm not sure he'd have sex with a stranger in a cubicle during the middle of the day, especially considering how on Deal or No Deal he can't shake the contestant's hands but rather greets them with a pound.

Sigh, the more you know....the more your enjoyment of things decreases...
But in honor of Howie here's his first TV appearance

Oh god; he was zany-ugh. was that ever funny?

This is much much better

Ah! Howie's funny!!! And dirty!!!

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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

God-speed Patrick

I really hope this isn't true about Patrick Swayze but if it is here are a few prayers for the dying that touched me

Prayer for the Sick near Death
Almighty and Everlasting God, preserver of souls, who dost correct those whom Thou dost love, and for their betterment dost tenderly chastise those whom Thou dost receive, we call upon Thee, O Lord, to grant Thy healing, that the soul of Thy servant, at the hour of its departure from the body, may by the hands of Thy holy Angels be presented without spot unto Thee. Amen.

Lord Jesus Christ! Thou Son of God and Son of the Virgin Mary, God and Man, Thou who in fear sweated blood for us on the Mount of Olives in order to bring peace, and to offer Thy Most Holy Death to God Thy Heavenly Father for the salvation of this dying person… If it be, however, that by his sins he merits eternal damnation, then may it be deflected from him. This, O Eternal Father through Our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Dear Son, Who liveth and reigneth in union with The Holy Spirit now and forever. Amen.

Lord Jesus Christ! Thou Who remained silent to speak through the mouths of the Prophets; I have drawn Thee to me through Eternal Love, which love drew Thee from Heaven into the body of the Virgin, which love drew Thee from the body of the Virgin into the valley of this needful world, which Love kept Thee 33 years in this world, and as a sign of Great Love, Thou hast given Thy drink, as a sign of great love, Thou has consented to be a prisoner and to be led from one judge to another and as a sign of great love Thou has consented to be condemned to death, and hast consented to die and to be buried and truly rise, and appeared to Thy Holy Mother and all the Holy Apostles, and as a sign of great love Thou hast ascended, under Thy own strength and power, and sitteth at the right hand of God Thy heavenly Father, and Thou has sent Thy Holy Spirit into the heart of Thy Apostles and the hearts of all who hope and believe in Thee. Through Thy sign of Eternal love, open heaven and take this dying person… and all his sins into the realm of Thy Heavenly Father, that he may reign with Thee now and forever. Amen.
(from The Friends of the Poor Souls)

The Miracle Prayer

Lord Jesus, I come before you just as I am. I am sorry for my sins. I repent of my sins, please forgive me. In your name I forgive all others for what they have done against me. I renounce satan, the evil spirits and all their works. I give you my entire self, Lord Jesus, now and forever. I invite you into my life, Jesus. I accept you as my Lord, God and Saviour. Heal me, change me, strengthen me in body, soul and spirit.

Come, Lord Jesus, cover me with your precious blood, and fill me with you Holy Spirit. I Love You, Lord Jesus. I Thank You, Jesus. I shall follow you every day of my life. Amen.

Mary, my mother, Queen of Peace, St. Peregrine, the cancer saint, all you Angels and Saints, please help be. Amen

We pray for all those undertaking chemotherapy "chemo.” the use of medicines or drugs to treat disease, that the Lord will work out His perfect will in your situation and bring about healing. We ask that The Great Physician will heal all those that have undergone surgery and radiation therapy and that the fire of God will destroy all the cancer cells. We speak peace to all the patients and ask the healing virtue of Our Lord God will flow through every vein, tissue, cell, ligament and that healing will manifest. We believe that Gods desire is manifest in your life. His desire is written in 3 John 2 “Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along”. We speak peace to all the families having cancer patients. We speak uncommon provisions to cater for all the expenses needed to take care of the patients. We destroy every generational curses and declare that they will not continue but the blessings of God will overshadow each and every one of you. We are in agreement with Gods word in Jeremiah 30:17 “ But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds declares the LORD.” So be it, in Jesus Name. (Prayer for Cancer)

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Demetri Martin Has A Show

And he is really quite funny. The show premieres on February 11th and in order to get the word out he's created some flyers people can print out and...flyer.
But since I'm lazy and I don't like vandalizing I'll try and show my support by linking to his website and by posting the flyers here, which if you think about it is my own little wall on the internet.

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Has Anyone Seen This?

I had never heard of this film until it was mentioned in one of my facebook friends status, but know that I've seen this trailer I really really want to see it and think I would love it. It's called the "Itty Bitty Titty Committee" and it's from the director of "But, I'm a Cheerleader" which I adored (in my teenage sexual identity crises days...good times.)

Anyway here's the trailer and... I really love queer cinema

Sigh... sometimes I wish I were actually a lesbian, though that would probably confuse people even more.

It was "released" theatrically in September, so someone out there in this big beautiful world has had to have seen it and would let me know if I should to because i really think i would like it, like a lot. [Update: I forgot how awesome the internet is- really, what did people do before it?]

And in solidarity I will try loving my Itty Bitty Titties

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God Made Dirt

and dirt don't hurt. And now it's been scientifically proven

From the New York Times

"...indeed, accumulating evidence strongly suggests that eating dirt is good for you.In studies of what is called the hygiene hypothesis, researchers are concluding that organisms like the millions of bacteria, viruses and especially worms that enter the body along with “dirt” spur the development of a healthy immune system.

“What a child is doing when he puts things in his mouth is allowing his immune response to explore his environment, Not only does this allow for ‘practice’ of immune responses, which will be necessary for protection, but it also plays a critical role in teaching the immature immune response what is best ignored.

He said that public health measures like cleaning up contaminated water and food have saved the lives of countless children, but they “also eliminated exposure to many organisms that are probably good for us.”

“Children raised in an ultraclean environment,” he added, “are not being exposed to organisms that help them develop appropriate immune regulatory circuits.


In answer to the question, “Are we too clean?” Dr. Elliott said: “Dirtiness comes with a price. But cleanliness comes with a price, too. We’re not proposing a return to the germ-filled environment of the 1850s. But if we properly understand how organisms in the environment protect us, maybe we can give a vaccine or mimic their effects with some innocuous stimulus.”

Dr. Ruebush, the “Why Dirt Is Good” author, does not suggest a return to filth, either. But she correctly points out that bacteria are everywhere: on us, in us and all around us. Most of these micro-organisms cause no problem, and many, like the ones that normally live in the digestive tract and produce life-sustaining nutrients, are essential to good health.

“The typical human probably harbors some 90 trillion microbes,” she wrote. “The very fact that you have so many microbes of so many different kinds is what keeps you healthy most of the time.”
Dr. Weinstock goes even further. “Children should be allowed to go barefoot in the dirt, play in the dirt, and not have to wash their hands when they come in to eat,” he said. He and Dr. Elliott pointed out that children who grow up on farms and are frequently exposed to worms and other organisms from farm animals are much less likely to develop allergies and autoimmune diseases."

You see! Cletus isn't just a slack jawed yokel living in stereotypical hillbilly filth- he's just helping to strengthen his 44 kids' immune systems. Take that Park Avenue!

I knew a girl once who had pica and we would randomly find her with a shoe in her mouth...I wonder what happened to her.

Anywhooo, I try to never use antibacterial soap unless I've been doing something really dirty, because I heard a few years back that bacteria can be good for us and I kinda remembered from high school bio about how those little bacterias being exposed to our body enable our body to build resistances to them and thus make your body stronger in the long run, and I'm all about preparing my body for the coming post-apocalyptic wasteland (without actually having to do something too severe and time consuming)

So in conclusion, eat dirt once in a while. Scientist do, however, still recommend you not eat shit. Sorry Divine (r.i.p.)

Red Hot Chili Peppers- I Like Dirt [song download]
(picture source)

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Reach For The Stars...and Lasso The Moon

Say what you will about North Korea (China's smelly armpit) and about their leader Kim Jong Il (short, megalomaniacal, dead) you've got to give them credit; even with all their terrestrial problems they're still aiming high and reaching big, if this report from The ONN International is to be believed.

Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea

Remarkable...remember when Kennedy pledged that we would reach the moon in a decade, and then GWeeB announced that we would use the moon as a base from which we would more easily be able to invade Mars?(that happened right? the eight years have been a terrible blur of...) [Wow; it really did. what a frackin' fever dream that administration was] Well Kim just put them all to shame; talk about inspiration and hope and blah blah barack.

I suppose the only thing that should be surprising about this is that Kim Jong is such a romantic- after all it's well known he's a movie buff, but who knew he'd be inspired by one of the better scenes (evah) to craft a space policy for the glory of his country...tear

I guess Kim isn't a Bette Davis fan, after all he had the stars and still asked for the moon... (my affection for totalitarianism is beginning to frighten even me)

p.s. barack is totally a lizard and a sham- if the russians say it, it must be true!

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What the Hell, Britannia?

This is the "Ultimate British Male Face" and all I will see is ew, ew, ew

I lied- I have more to say. First, I didn't know the British were into the debonair zombie crackhead look. Secondly this composites always turn out horrifying; it like the sum is never the equal of the parts and a lot of times it seems like a pretty cheap and easy way to fill an article or blog quota (hello!) But in this case, according to the daily mail, the parts were the results of a survey asking which british star had the best eyes, lips, etc blah blah.
And what makes this even stranger/ disappointing is that that "thing" is the result of

not a bad looking bunch at all. Though i was thinking about it and Beckham is still gorgeous and totally missing and of course the smoldering wonderfulness of Clive Owen

yeah.....wait, what was I going on about?

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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Slumdog Ketchupaire

So I read this story weeks ago and I wanted to comment on it but I didn't really have "an angle"...
Anyway here's the story (from the Daily Mail)

Speed is the word for Guinness Rishi as he powers his way through a giant 490 gram bottle of ketchup in just 39 seconds.

Guinness believes he holds the fastest time for drinking the world's favourite condiment, which he sups through a straw.

Guinness puts his motivation down to the need to stand out in a country of over 1 billion people.

'People consider me an extraordinary person, not an ordinary person,' he said.

His records include 'taking on the world's oldest adoptee', after he legally took custody of his 61-year-old brother-in-law.

Guiness also built the tallest sugar cube tower in the world, which stands at 64 inches.

He took his new name in 1991, after keeping a motor scooter in continuous motion for 1,001 hours for another bizarre record.

'Persons who have no money wish to do something in their lives, so the poor people try to break records by their strength or their will,' said Guinness, who is joint owner of an auto-parts factory.

The ketchup-crazed pensioner said he will continue to find new records to break until he achieves his dream of official recognition.

'I hope to make my family proud,' he said.

I had planned on talking about how kind of sad it is that in a country that size the only way he feels he can stand out is to....well, do something like this and maybe about how the individualism and quest for exceptionalism that once defined the American spirit has taken root (or infected, depending on your point of view) the world and how at least this way is a lot better than what seems to always tragically happen when someone takes a gun and kills for recognition or infamy, like Arthur Bremer, Keith Jesperson or others (who don't deserve the extra google hits.)
First all I ended up thinking of was "ewww; that's really kind of gross." Secondly I was confused that you could legally adopt a 61 year old.
But then my thoughts went back to Slumdog Millionaire, which I saw last week while visiting a friend (who somehow already has it bootleg, which worked out well because it was snowing in New York) and how, admittedly in the immediate afterglow, I had perhaps hyperbolically declared that I wouldn't call it the best movie I've ever seen but that I'm not sure I've seen one better and about how this reminded me of it. I guess in the way that it was a story of "Persons who have no money wish to do something in their lives" and how they've both ended up getting their dreams; after all Rishi was featured in an international publication, which isn't too shabby for a guy who pretty much just drinks ketchup fast.

It's a pretty universal story, though if he were black he'd totally have to be drinking hot sauce...I' wonder how hot sauce would taste on ice cream...i'm a teensy bit obsessed.

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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Sunday, January 11, 2009

True Love Lives

awwww and I'd bet it lives on lollipops and crisps, too.

(the two loves are centered and on the right; the little sister was to be a witness)

It's a short but undeniably sweet story so I'll just yoink a lot of it (from The Daily Mail)

Police in Hanover, northern Germany, identified the pair only as Mika and Anna-Lena, who have different parents but now share a home in the city's suburbs after his father and her mother moved in together.

The story began on New Year's Eve when the family were watching a documentary about Africa and its wildlife.

'From this, the children began to make plans for the future,' said police spokesman Holger Jureczko.

The two youngsters were 'very much in love and decided to get married in Africa where it is warm, taking with them as a witness Anna-Lena's little sister Anna-Bell'.

As the first dawn of 2009 broke, the trio packed three suitcases with all the essentials for the journey, including sunglasses, swimming trunks, a lilo [air mattress], summer clothes and sandwiches made from chicken paste and processed cheese.

While their parents slept, they crept out of the house wrapped up against the freezing weather and walked two-thirds of a mile up the road to a tram stop from where they caught the service to the central station.

Waiting for a train to the airport 30 miles away, they attracted the attention of the guard, who contacted police.

Two officers managed to convince the young lovers that they would struggle to get to Africa without money or a plane ticket. 'They were very put out that they couldn't carry on their journey,' added Mr Jureczko.

'But they calmed down when they were promised a hot drink and some breakfast.'

As a further consolation, the children were given a tour of police headquarters where they were 'especially taken with the detention cells'.

Their relieved parents picked them up from the station, said Mr Jureczko, adding: 'They can still put their plan into action at a later date.' ovaries are aching

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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Lightning Jacq Strikes Again

and I pride myself on being so observant, tsk tsk (like a few months ago when The Mentalist was promoting its premiere I immediately had the sensation that I'd seen that story ago, as if "The Mentalist" was just a serious "Psych." Of course since I was in my weird blogging phase I dind't write down that thought as soon as it came to me so there's no proof of my automatic genius..darn)
But anyway ESPN is showing the Duke vs Florida State game and like any good alumna I'm watching because I heart Duke (and Florida State always seems to play us hard which is incredibly annoying; almost as annoying as the fans who are sitting behind the broadcast team and doing things obnoxious college fans should be doing, though I real wish they would just stfu and sit the f*ck down) when they showed one of those famous, and apparently mesmerizing UPS White Board commercials.
you know the ones:

And upon my approximately 15,ooo viewing of one of those commercials it dawned on me: how ironic that UPS a main rival and kind of an improvement of the postal service would have as the theme to its main marketing campaign, and has become rather connected to them, a song by The Postal Service. Wow I am so fracking smart. And yeah I really do think.

At least I think it's ironic- it might just be coincidence- I never can tell.

(maybe this is the difference; coincidence is when a clown dies on his birthday- irony is when the clown dies at your birthday party? because by dying, the clown, which is supposed to make you happy, instead makes you sad, right? i think that goes along with a definition of irony I read someplace where irony is where the intended meaning is the opposite of the real or literal meaning...or I may have just made that up, but it seems to make sense)

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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Stanley Fish is really old

I suppose my first clue should've been the fact that he's named Stanley- I don't think I've ever met anyone close to my age named Stanley; I feel that name should've peaked in the '50s after "Streetcar Named Desire" came out.

My second and third clue should have been his picture, and the fact that I read Stanley Fish on the regular, so when I saw he had done a Top 10 list of the "Best American Movies" my mind decided not to do the smart thing and remember that old people like old things (I don't hold this against them though; I know I'm going to be the same way) but I love lists and movies and so I couldn't help myself.
Here's his list

1) The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
2) Sunset Blvd. (1950)
(and the rest were "tied for third")
T-3) Double Indemnity (1944)
Shane (1953)
Red River (1948)
Raging Bull (1980)
Vertigo (1958)
Groundhog Day (1993)
Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1945)

So 8 of his 10 best american films of all time were between 1944 and 1958. I must say I have to respect him for so thoroughly and proudly displaying his epochal provincialism, but still I have to agree with the first (FIRST!1) commenter :

Do you really believe American Cinema peaked in the 40s and the one moment of inspiration since has been Groundhog Day?

Ok that’s weird.

For reals. Groundhog Day wasn't even Bill Murray's best movie (it probably was Andie Macdowell's though; either that or "Green Card", since I can'y name nothing else she's been in.)

That is a tough undertaking, and one I shy away from whenever I'm asked about it (unless I'm drunk, of course) naming a top ten best anything, especially something which can be so subjective like film, and I've only seen about 60% of the films he listed so I won't be too harsh.

All I will say is, I'll admit it- I don't get Scorsese. I mean I enjoy his films enough but, in my mind there is no way Raging Bull is the 4th greatest film ever (the only "great" part of the movie to me, that I really enjoyed is when LaMotta is in jail and is pounding his fists into the concrete wall and then crying over what his life has become- so I'll give Scorsese that.) But there are people who swear by and worship his movies, who write theses about his films and search for answers about life and I don't understand that. To be unfairly general, his "great" films all seem to be about men who have anger issues who end up committing acts of violence.
Though to be fair maybe I'm not smart enough to "get" his films*- I have to admit after seeing Taxi Driver and then reading some essays about it, I enjoyed it about 10% more the next time I saw it. Totally better than Raging Bull.

*I kinda loved Rocky Balboa, not gonna lie; it made me cry. So that's the "authority" you're dealing with)

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Iron Maiden Can't Be Serious...

...can they? They "got it" and were just kind of goofing on the whole "satanic heavy metal band" right? Because I just saw their video for "The Number of The Beast" on VH1's beyond positive superlatives "2009 for 2009" marathon (they're on the "The"s and it seriously made me LOL. I mean, watch it for yourself- it's probably my new favorite video

After seeing that I actually thought for a second that their whole career had been an elaborate performance art piece where they were "Spinal Tap" before "Spinal Tap." Seriously what was up with that dancing couple just waltzing on stage? or the whole 5.99 costumed red devil? That weird sea creature-thing? Godzilla?!?! They must've been the most random band ever; what fun, what fun

God I love it! (and what a good song). I have a feeling they put on an absolutely amazing live show- where's my time machine when I need it?

[ADDENDUM: According to Wikipedia, and I quote,"When the music video was first shown on MTV, Eddie's appearance at the end was edited out after complaints from frightened viewers." Who were these viewers? I mean seriously? Were the 80s that "innocent" and "peaceful" a time that a cartoonishly grotesque stitled costumed guy would terrify you? Hopefully such people were done away with in the Great Idiot Purge of 1995, though I doubt it.

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Monday, January 5, 2009

Hookers and Blow

So on Slate today they were featuring an article by everyone's favorite Elliot Spitzer with a tease something like "Obama shouldn't use the stimulus package on bridges and buildings; here's what he should use it for" (that was a paraphrase because that grammar seems atrocious; something is probably dangling)
but anyway the first thing I thought of was "He should spend it on Hookers and Blow" because really I know Elliot Spitzer smart guy, blah blah was a Wall Street Crusader (who probably shouldn't have resigned; he might have proved effective with, y'know the meltdown of free market capitalism) but what's anyone actually going to remember him for? The Emperor's Club and Ashley DuPre (is that her name? whatevs) which is probably sad for him and sad that our society is that fixated on the tawdry but it's still pretty fun. Which leads me to believe Fitzgerald was only partially right when he supposedly said "There are no second acts in American Life;" there's maybe not the second life you'd want on the same level of esteem but there is a second life of pity or scorn or ridicule.
Plus "Hookers and Blow" just say can't help but make you smile.

It also reminds me of a facebook wall post convo I had with one of my uber conservative friends in the run up to the election about the only way Johnny Mac and an October Surprise could've beaten Barack(and I really hate how that whole election cycle really made me temporarily side with the conservatives- I felt dirty and ashamed)
Anyway, and this is funnier if you know that my friend is a super dedicated christian who has never cursed, smoked, drunk (drank?) or kissed a girl:

me: do the republicans and the white house actually want john mccain to win? because if so they need to hurry up with that "October Surprise", a surprise that hopefully consists of us capturing Bin Laden to discover he has Barack's cell phone # on speed dial, as well as a video of Barack and Bin Laden snorting coke while shouting "Allahu Akbar" (along with maybe a spare trillion or so dollars and a new renewable energy source.) That just might tip the scales...the CIA can do that right? for America?

him: for mccain to have a chance, it'd probably also have to include:
1) footage of the harem that osama gave to obama to bring back to the white house after the coke-scapades.
2) reports and trascripts of the secret meeting--without preconditions--where barack assembled ahmadinejad and kim jong il for a secret foreign policy summit. at the meeting, barack offered to give both leaders secret nuclear weapon technology and permanent seats on the UN security council in return for more, yep, hookers and blow.
3) it also comes to light that barry has made three more quick stops: one in china, where he announced to the chinese public that their gymnastics team was, indeed, of the proper age; one in venezuela, where he was seen pledging his unfailing loyalty to the regime of hugo chavez in exchange for more, yep, hookers and blow; and finally one in cuba, where he promised to make cuba our 51st state and fidel castro our next associate supreme court justice when JP Stevens finally snuffs it.

And who could ever forget the infamous “Better Know A District” with Robert Wexler

“If you combine the two together it’s probably more fun”

But yeah the actual article isn't nearly that fun and is really kind of boring, and disturbing (why the f*ck is everyone so pro-robot?!)

(and apparently Hookers and Blow is the name of a band and I must say that is a great great name, unless they're a bluegrass outfit, or like Il Divo, which on second thought might even make it funnier)

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Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sin of the Day-Lust

Seven days a week, seven deadly sins; it just seems like certain days should lend themselves to certain sins and while I'd prefer to save Lust for Saturday or Friday and leave Sunday for Sloth but I was reminded that Friday Night Lights is coming back to NBC and of course Taylor "Tim Riggins" Kitsch is...well simply the hottest thing in all of creation

Also Mark Sanchez is pretty hot himself (and he actually plays football, like in real life)

I hope to be forgiven small sins of the flesh [-o<

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Our Society Has Failed...

...I think it's safe to say, when our government needs to put out PSAs and have an intiative for fathers to be fathers. It's like that Chris Rock skit from Bigger and Blacker

You know the worst thing about niggas? Niggas always want credit for some shit they supposed to do. A nigga will brag about some shit a normal man just does. A nigga will say some shit like, "I take care of my kids." You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker! What kind of ignorant shit is that?

Anyway I actually thought this commercial was darling and it was the first I had heard of this project

but I just think it's a little alarming that we need something like this. I'm not too religious and lord knows I don't believe in a "traditional family" but you shouldn't need a multi-million dollar campaign to know to love your kids and spend time with them. And if you do then you probably should've already had that pre-emptive vasectomy.
Either way here are a few of the other PSAs, because I do enjoy them (and they are far less preachy and sanctimonious than other attempts on the same subject)

But if you jave a kid and don't know how to be involved in their life I'd recommend calling your "baby mama" (I hate that phrase and it should've been killed before two middle aged white women made a movie about it) and talking to her about OR you can visit

(yeah I'm probably just bitter because I wish someone had come up with this intiative when my daddy left...tear)

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I Can't Be The Only One Who Thinks This Is A Bad Idea

Did anyone read this in the Washington Post

Coming to the Battlefield: Stone-Cold Robot Killers

awesome. just awesome. it's actually coming.

Soon -- years, not decades, from now -- American armed robots will patrol on the ground as well, fundamentally transforming the face of battle. Conventional war, even genocide, may be abolished by a robotic American Peace.
(until of course this Pax Americana is replaced and overthrown by a Pax Robotica)
The robots of past science fiction were governed by Isaac Asimov's Three Laws, which precluded bringing harm to humans. But the real robots of the future will be different. Within a decade, the Army will field armed robots with intellects that possess, as H.G. Wells put it, "minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic." Armed robots will all be snipers. Stone-cold killers, every one of them. They will aim with inhuman precision and fire without human hesitation.
Okay on a practical note, in these wars of the future, where nobody is marching in Napoleonic Columns, and in the words of RATM the "front line is everywhere" will these robots be able to differentiate between civilians and combatants? And what about in that overused melodramatic moment where a belligerent is using a hostage as cover- would the machine mow them both down.
But more importantly
So not only will they be efficient killing machines but they'll be as smart as us, and of course unfeeling?
Really do these military goes not read science fiction or watch any related movie of the past 3o years- THIS WILL NOT END WELL, unless you're definition of ending well is being enslaved by cold and murderous robots who see no point in following the orders of their weaker "creators"
Genocide, and the failure of the outside word to intervene, could also become a thing of the past. The industrialized murder of the Holocaust could perhaps have been disrupted by Allied bombers, but subsequent genocides have been less institutionalized, and far less vulnerable to air power. Intervention would require infantry and a decision to accept casualties. Genocide prevention may be in the interest of our common humanity, but it has never been in the national interest. But with no body bags to explain to bewildered voters, America's leaders may be less hesitant in the future about imposing an end to atrocities in places such as Darfur.

Look, I'm against genocide (as well as cancer and murder and other bad things) but I really feel that in our righteous and warranted zeal to prevent genocide we might be opening the door to a Global Genocide.
Of course I have a well documented fear of robots and am probably irrationally paranoid but still...I just ordered my copy...

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The Reviews Are In...

Have you guys seen the trailer for The Unborn? well if not, I congratulate and envy you but here it is because misery loves company and all that jazz

Do you think critics are allowed to make "edgy" somewhat offensive jokes? Because if so I have a feeling I know what most reviews will be like-a litany of abortion jokes (from everyone except for Shawn Edwards and Peter Hammonds, of course)

"The best case I've come across for being pro-choice"
"After seeing this movie I had a silphium salad, just to be sure
"Where's my hanger?
"I think upon seeing this movie Henry Wade changed his mind"

P.S. What is Gary Oldman doing in that movie? Gary, you're better than that? Michael Bay- that I can understand.

ugh- i'm so rusty with being witty in these posts...i'll get there.

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Friday, January 2, 2009

Funky Cold Medina

So Vh1 Classic is doing a 2009 for 2009 video marathon where they're going to play 2009 straight videos (in alphabetical order! for those obsessives among us) and it is pretty clearly the greatest thing ever. It's like if someone created the wheel, except if that wheel was made of sliced bread; anyway it's awesome and you should all be watching it and it's just begging for a far braver and wittier soul to give it the Beavis & Butthead" or MST treatment. (like i mean for this video of Ray Parker Jr's "Ghostbusters"- that's ripe for mocking. Watch it... "Busting makes me feel good" I'm sure it does Ray, I'm sure it does)

But anyway I was watching it and on came Tone Loc's classic (and only hit?) Funky Cold Medina, and it put me in the mind of something I used to do in the before time of this site; encourage alcoholism with fun and different cocktail recipes-woo! And in case you don't know the song, here it is (and don't mind the blatant trans/homophobial the 80s weren't all together perfect)

and for you all, here is apparently all you need (minus whatever gives it that bubbly cauldron vibe- dry ice would probably work I guess)

Funky Cold Medina
1 oz vodka
1 oz Southern Comfort
1 oz peach liqueur
1 oz blue curacao liqueur
top with cranberry juice
top with ice

Pour over ice and top off with cranberry juice.
Serve in "Mason Jar"

I wonder what to add to make a Funky Warm Medina*'s been snowing off and on for weeks, and that's just not ok.

*though after a few of those I think anyone is gonna be feeling quite warm and funky

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Thursday, January 1, 2009

number 9, number 9, number 9....

The Beatles- Revolution 9 [download]

[Bottle of Claret for you if I had realised...

Well, do it next time.

I forgot about it, George, I'm sorry.
Will you forgive me?


Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number...

...then there's this Welsh Rarebit wearing some brown underpants
...about the shortage of grain in hertfordshire

Everyone of them knew that as time went by they'd get a little bit older and a litter slower but...

It's all the same thing, in this case manufactured by someone who's always/umpteen ...
Your father's giving it diddly-i-dee/district was leaving...
Intended to die ... Ottoman
...long gone through...
I've got to say, irritably and...
...floors, hard enough to put on ... per day's MD in our district
There was not really enough light to get down
And ultimately ... slumped down

They may stop the funding...
Place your bets
The original
Afraid she'll die ...
Great colours for the season

Number 9, number 9

Who's to know?
Who was to know?

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9

I sustained nothing worse than ...

Also, for example
Whatever you're doing
A business deal falls through

I informed him on the third night, when fortune gives...

People ride, people ride
Ride, ride, ride, ride, ride

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9

Ride! Ride!

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9

...I've missed all of that
It makes me a few days late
Compared with, like, wow!
And weird stuff like that...

...taking our sides sometimes
...floral bark

Rouge doctors have brought this specimen

I have nobody's short-cuts, aha...

9, number 9

...with the situation

They are standing still

The plan, the telegram...
Number 9, number...

A man without terrors from beard to false
As the headmaster reported to my son
He really can try, as they do, to find function...
Tell what he was saying, and his voice was low and his hive high
And his eyes were low...


It was on fire and his glasses were the same
This thing knows if it was tinted
But you know it isn't
To me it is...

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9

So the wife called me and we'd better go to see a surgeon to price it ...
Yellow underclothes
So, any road, we went to see the dentist instead
Who gave her a pair of teeth which wasn't any good at all
So I said I'd marry, join the fucking navy and went to sea

In my broken chair, my wings are broken and so is my hair

I'm not in the mood for whirling

How? Dogs for dogging, hands for clapping
Birds for birding and fish for fishing
Them for themming and when for whimming

...only to find the night-watchman unaware of his
presence in the building

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9

Industry allows financial imbalance

Thrusting it between his shoulder blades

The Watusi, the twist


Take this, brother, may it serve you well

Maybe it's nothing
What? What? Oh...

Maybe, even then, impervious in London

...could be difficult thing...
It's quick like rush for peace is because it's so much
Like being naked
It's alright, it's alright
It's alright, it's alright

It's alright, it's alright
It's alright, it's alright
It's alright

If, you became naked

Phish- Revolution 9 (10/31/1994.Glens Falls Civic Center) [download]

number nine.

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