Saturday, June 30, 2007

Your Stuck in my Head Song of the Day

Today I've actually had two songs stuck in my head Neko Case's Star Witness and James Brown's Super Bad for very different reasons. Neko because it is an amazing song and it has some emotional resonance for me and James Brown because it conveys a certain bad ass attitude that Die Hard exacerbated. But since I will most assuredly write more about Neko on this site (love. her.) and Star Witness, I'll probably forget about Super Bad in a few days so I wanted to immortalize it and give it its moment in the sun. So here it is, the only video version I could find- James Brown Super Bad

I got soul and I'm Super Bad

James Brown- Super Bad (mp3)

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My Baby Names

One of the new "buzzes" on is about weird baby names.So that got me thinking. I always like interesting or different names( a friend is having a boy named Ayden which I like), because there can only be so many Matthews, or whatevers, but some time parents go over board. It can be hard enough being a kid, but some are tanatamount to child abuse. Like Nosmo King (named after a No Smoking sign) or Majestic Mapps. And of course all the weird celebrity baby names that we all know and some love. A few are cute while a lot just go overboard, like all of them on that vh1 special.

I, like a lot of people, have thought about what to name my kids (unlike so many of the parents of the above) and when I have my kids* (I mean adopt them ::sigh::) I've picked out pretty sweet names. Here goes
for my first girl Arden
for my first boy Brando (is there a more masculine or badass a name?)[and Ev I declared it pubicly first, so I win)
Cameron, and finally

They're unique enough so they'll feel special, and cool enough to be admired when they're older, but not just weird. I think they'll like 'em.

*no time before I'm 32

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John McClane- I Worship Ye

That was awesome. I wish John McClane was my because then I'd feel disgusting for wanting to sleep with him.
I'm just really happy that didn't disappoint, though there really was no doubt.
God Bless John McClane.
John McClane bless John McClane
That is all.
Forever and Ever

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Time to Enjoy Saturday

I'm sort of ashamed to admit this since many of my friends basically call me Miss Hollywood (not really), but living in So Cal for my whole live I realized that I haven't seen a movie in theatres since The Departed. It's not that I'm cheap or don't like a lot of movies, because watching movies in theatres have their own special magic, like watching the dust dance in the projection light, or anticipating the moment when the house lights are turned on are all amazing. But not going to a cinema for this long, I think I'm addicted and am sort of feenin' for it. So I'm going to hopefully get out of my rut (and hopefully over some recent negativity from assholes) and see of course Live Free or Die Hard, though Ratatouille is getting some great notices (here too) as well.Plus it looks cute (this is sort of true, though every good movie is a story about relationships-[from Defamer]) But anyway.
So I'm peacing for a bit. Either that or I may just order a pizza and watch Dreamgirls with my mom.
Either way let's enjoy today, m'kay?

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The Messiah Has Returned...

and he has come back in the body of a girl (lay off her, she's STARVING), presumably born in a van down the by the river.

Bless her little heart. R.I.P. Chris

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A Few Quick Political Links

I would have posted these earlier, but I had to be told, essentially that I'm going to hell (yeah I guess they don't like me much here- not at all). Anyway these were way too good to pass up.

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I've Found My Favorite Flower

This week my mom hosted a Revival and so every night until about 11 I had to be at my favorite place (church) with my favorite people( old southern Black Christians). Needless to say I tried to find any excuse to not be in the building. So as I was watering the lawn in the front yard of the church I saw a beautiful pink flower rising from a single stalk nestled against the wall of the property next door. I had no idea what kind of flower it was; it reminded me of a lily but I had only seen white lillies. I plucked off the only full blossomed bulb and put it in my hair. When I asked my mom she told me that it was a Pink Lady so the next morning (yesterday morning in fact)- church exhausts me- I googled Pink Lady flower, because I didn't want to have any unnecessary Grease references. I looked through a tonne of images to find something close and I came upon the Pink Lady's slipper which looked nothing like my new love. In fact it looks kinda like a discolored scrotum, or I guess a pink slipper. I then googled "pink lily flower single stalk" and went through more images (I know this isn't that exciting but hopefully it conveys the boredom that I felt and the incredible desire to figure out what this flower is, so I can demand it in every bouquet I receive) until I discovered it.
The Naked Lady (I wish I looked as good naked) or the official name Amaryllis Belladonna minor. How perfect is that? And the fact that in Italian, the most beautiful of languages "belladonna" of course means beautiful lady (as well as being the name of an amazing Stevie Nicks album) made me love it even more.

At this point in my life I'm sort of rediscovering everything and everything that I have magically discovered and come to love somehow can be used as a metaphor for me, at least to me. In this case Amaryllis means, in its original Latin form amarysso means to sparkle. "The beautiful woman sparkles." I think most every girls' dream is to be so beautiful as to sparkle (and is infintely better than my birth day flower, the anemone which means forsaken-though of course at times that name unfortunately feels like it fits.The story behind the anemone flower's name is a sad one. The name comes from Greek and roughly translates into "windflower". It is said in Greek Mythology that the anemone flower sprang up from the blood of Aphrodite's slain lover, Adonis. The name "windflower" signifies that the wind that blows the petal open will also, eventually, blow the dead petals away.). In the language of the flowers, the Amaryllis stands for pride, a coquette and splendid beauty
Like myself, it is not winter hardy and survives better in the southern half of the u.s. or indoors. They are at their best or flower best with a bit of neglect and relatively lean soil; they often grow up from rocks. I must say I do my best work in similar conditions( I'm not as needy as I may seem at times). In South Africa they are called the March Lily (ahem march 9th) and just like lil' ole me they're a hybrid.
They make me so happy. So if you ever worry about what to give me as a gift, what girl doesn't like flowers.
(and I know this is the second Saturday in a row where I've posted about Pink;what can I say? It's growing on me)

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Friday, June 29, 2007

Your Kinda Gay Video of the Day

Today has been a really shitty day for me (hooray mood swings!) so this is going to be short and probably crappy tonight but I'll make it pretty in the morning. Anyway I was originally going to post this last Friday night but I got too philosophical and sanctimonius, it is Electric Six and their amazing video for Gay Bar because if there is one thing I want to do is take you to a gay bar, and spend all your money.
And if you don't enjoy the video for the overwhelming catchiness of the song and funness of the video, then enjoy the thought that, if Abe wasn't President from the mid 19th century, if he was Abe from Santa Monica in 2k he would be going to a few gay bars. Maybe. Enjoy

and I'm going to try to be happy in the morning. I would kill for a ciggie right now; I wish I hadn't given them up.

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Drink of the Week: Rock Star Edition

This week's drink is reported to be Amy Winehouse's favorite, and as a woman who loves her alcohol , like really loves it, that seems to be a good an endorsement as any. The drink is called the Rickstasy, and I had never heard of it before. So much to learn to become a booze connoisseur! The recipe is as follows:

3 parts Vodka
1 part Bailey's Irish Cream
1 part Banana Liqueur
1 part Peach flavored Bourbon

Prepare a tall glass full of ice then add the Vodka, next add the Peach flavored Bourbon, next add the Banana Liqueur, next add the Bailey's Irish Cream.

I haven't tested it yet myself, but it seems pretty perfect for the summer or any time really. And it must be strong too,(here Amy seems to be under the influence of few of them) as Amy Winehouse declares that
“By the time you’ve had two of them you’re like, don’t even try and go anywhere. Sit down and stay down, until the birds start singing."

I can't wait to try it, to experience for myself why "they tried to make [her] go to Rehab" to which she replied quickly "no no no" That's my kind of drink.

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Sad News Sports Fans

I hate to be the one who must inform you but the World League, I mean NFL Europe, no, NFL Europa is no more. I'm sure all NFL Europa fans (all 4 of them) are incredibly distraught but we must thank them for the good times and remember all those moments that made us leap to our when NFL Europa games were broadcast on the NFL Network and the remote was on another couch. I mean seriously I love football, I even watch flag football, but this product was so inferior with Dungeon and Dragon like names (Centurions, Sea Devil, Fire? c'mon!) and the bizarreness of football where only football should be.

And in much sadder news for all basketball fans, nay all sports fans Josh McRoberts, once a highly touted recruit in high school, then a projected first round pick, fell out of the first round of the NBA draft where he was drafted by the Trailblazers with the 37th pick. Pity. He seemed so promising. You know who the real losers are in this, Trailblazer fans who will have to witness his incosistency and never fulfilled potential (as all Duke fans will tell you) as well as his magic footwork, but especially Greg Oden who will be forced to play with him (at least they already hang out and he likes him! Greg Oden must be a saint.) I'm sorry to you all. Excuse me while I celebrate that the Lakers did not in fact draft him.

See, I can butch it up some.

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There are Reasons why God don't want no racial minglin' *

*said in a Deep South Dixiecrat accent.

As if the zebra didn't have enough of a racial identity problem in Germany (germany?!) of all places a horse was bred with a zebra making a Zorse (such a horrible sci-fi like name) called Eclyse. George Wallace would not be happy about this at all("Segregation Today, Segregation Tomorrow, Segregation Forever" and everything).

(via The Sun Online)

He would probably be quite pleased about this though.

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God Machine Update

I'm not nearly cool enough for an iPhone. I mean it's so stylish and pretty and sleek, and right now I'm none of those things. I really wish I was (and I wish I had 600 bucks of disposable income right now.)
So I guess I'll wait until the next gen iPhone when hopefully all the glitches and bugs are fixed (for myself and the phone) and I'm cool enough for one.

adieu mon amour, jusqu'à ce que nous réunissions encore

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I'm sure she'll do quite fine in the real world

So a mom decides to get her daughter a car for her 15th(!) birthday and hilarity (and moral depravity) ensues

This is of course, from the show that will not be named here. You all know what it is.
If I were her Mom I would have absolutely no problem canceling her party, and any party until she moves out...and then her trust fund.

Sometimes people disgust me

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Badass-ness of the Day

A&E is showing 24
in order at 11 a.m. pacific time, and as of yesterday they started on Day 2. This episode has maybe my favorite Jack Bauer line ever. In case you don't remember the context there is a nuclear bomb somewhere in L.A. and CTU believes that someone that Jack put into prison while Jack was undercover has information about the bomb. The problem is that as Jack put this guy into prison he's not likely to trust him.
Jack directs that the prime witness in a trial against Wald be brought into CTU. What follows is godlike in its awesome badassity.

{Marshall Goren is being brought into the conference room. He sits down as Jack asks Michelle to leave. She exits}

JACK BAUER: You are Marshall Goren?


JACK BAUER: Eight counts kidnapping a minor, two counts child pornography.

MARSHALL GOREN: Yeah, hey look I already made my deal. I testify against Wald and I walk.

[Jack pulls out his gun and blasts a bullet through Goren's heart}



GEORGE MASON: Killing a witness?

JACK BAUER: That's the thing about people like you George, you don't want to get your hands dirty. I’d start rolling up your sleeves.............I'm gonna need a hacksaw.

There are very good reasons why Jack Bauer is considered God.

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Some Things I Learned Yesterday

  • When walking outside a federal courthouse, don't have your hand in your pocket to fiddle with your iPod when approaching police officers. They may get suspicious...and shooty. (and then they'll be acquitted. ugh)
  • Filming somehow, is everywhere again in downtown.
  • When on the subway with someone who looks like a young femme/gay Wayne Brady don't bother to smile; their not very friendly and won't smile back
  • There are very few things better than food from street carts and hole in the wall restaurants.
  • Walking around and just observing I realize I am no longer a boy but not totally a woman. And people seem to notice this. Even when I'm dressed in boy clothes, people still give me a once over before trying not to stare too intently. I guess I can't "butch it up" anymore.
  • I had forgotten how good Jamba Juice is.

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Your Simply Amazing Stuck in My Head Song of the Day

okay I'm exhausted so this is gonna be quick (i say that a lot, don't it) but this song is simply amazing. It's called A Man/Me/ Then Jim and is by easily one of my favorite bands of all time (in all seriousness, not like the Spiced Ones) Rilo Kiley. It's from their album More Adventurous (buy it!) I worship Jenny Lewis, kind of wanna be her and sort of wanna become famous just so there would be a chance I could meet her. I listened to this song seriously 6 times in a row while in downtonw today and I have been singing it in my head since then. The lyrics are simple phenomenal and the line " it's just a gradual descent into a life I never meant" should be a call and a warning to live the life you want.
They never made an official video to the song but here is a live version. Enjoy sweethearts. It and you all make me happy.

Good night and dream well

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And finally...

before my 13 hour break, I have to share with you the most important news ever and it is official:
The Spice Girls are reuniting!!! And their first show is in L.A. on December 7th (please no Pearl Harbor/ day of infamy jokes)
I hadn't planned on being in So Cal then, but I may have to change all potential career plans.

I haven't been this excited since yesterday. In honor of impending world (re)domination here's one of my fav songs ever-

I make a fierce Scary Spice (and apparently Eddie might dig me too)

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God Bless America: Musical Version

I love serious political discourse. Patriotism is sweet too. It makes me proud to be an American...

That and having to make fun of the whole mess

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I may be a bit of a wimp...

This morning I was watering some plants in my backyard, per usual, when a hummingbird appeared. I was really excited because hummingbirds are cute and are the only birds I really tolerate. But after a bit I pay it no mind. Then as I move around the yard with my house this hummingbird keeps following me. I stand as still as I can just to see how close it would come before it freaked out. But it didn't freak out it kept coming and all I saw in my mind was
All I could think of was The Birds and how if birds really were beginning the war then what more innocent seeming assasins to send thn hummingbirds, before the inevitable full on assault?

Yeah so I'm quite ashamed to admit it but I jumped first. I played chicken with a hummingbird. And lost!
Eventually I realized that, like I thought, the hummingbird was attracted to the running water, but I will always believe what I saw, including that homicidal glint in her eyes.

Hummingbird is still one of my favorite songs though.

Wilco- Hummingbird (mp3)

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Drinking and Sports- God's Gift to Man

Tonight is the long awaited NBA Draft. Greg Odeon and Kevin Durant are expected to go in that order and though I think Durant is fucking sweet I'd probably pick them in the same way. After that it should be interesting just to see where everyone goes. And I must admit that this year there is so much more of a buzz about the draft, which I attribute to the rule that you must be one year out of high school before you can enter the Draft, which allowed a huge numbers of fans to see and get excited about players like Odeon and Durant. It's hard to get enthused when top picks are from Lithuania, no offence.
But with that being said I'm not all that excited about this Draft. I usually love Drafts, though mostly the spectacle that is the NFL extravangaza that compels me to sit on the couch for eight hours in the middle of reading period just to see who the Jaguars may pick out of Eastern Illinois in the 3rd round [correction they picked a receiver from Central Florida). But mostly I'm not too excited just because the Lakers are picking 19th and the only excitement and enthusaism I'll be able to muster is if somehow we get KG tonight. (come on! there has to be someway)
I will actually miss all the Draft- my mom is really loving me to be their when she prays for my soul, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get wasted and have fun (or in whichever order you do that) It is Thursday after all. So here's the official NBA Draft drinking game and with some of the rules you should probably just plan on crashing at whoever's place you're watching. It's from last year but if you just substiute Yi for Andrea Bargnani ( or better yet just drink whenever a comparison is made with a premier player.

And in related news, Dukie's are still not sad to see McRoberts leave for the bottom half of the first round.

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Happy Thursday!

Happy Thursday everyone! In honor of it being the best day for having a beer (or six) in the afternoon today will be a relatively light posting day. Hubby, my dear love/the girl I would marry/cofounder of Thursday Thursday asked for a care package since she's in the damn Peace Corps in damn Burkina Faso until September 2009 (damn) and so I need to put that together today and make sure I send it out today, Thursday, in honor of our special day. She forgot some songs on her iPod (who knew she had access to a ready source of electricity?) so I made her a mix tape:
John Denver- Leaving on a Jet Plane
Mr. Big- To Be With You
Otis Redding- (Sitting on the) Dock of the Bay
Fergie- Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal) -[just a reminder these are Hubby's songs, not mine]
Paul Simon- 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
Tina Turner- What's Love Got to Do With It?
Paul McCartney & Wings- Maybe I'm Amazed
Daughtry-Home [see fergie above]
Corinne Bailey Rae-Put Your Records On
Soundgarden- Black Hole Sun
Mary J. Blige and U2- One
Joe Cocker- With a Little Help From My Friends
Rob Thomas- Streetcorner Symphony
Liz Phair- Why Can't I
Billy Preston- That's The Way God Planned It
Ike and Tina Turner- Proud Mary
The Pretenders- I'll Stand by You
Prince & The Revolution - Purple Rain

God I love that girl.

Also to start her monthly reading she requested T.S. Eliot's Four Quartets and Walt Whitman's Song of Myself.
So I need to wrangle some of that stuff up and ship it and then drink- so if today sucks, blame affection.
Is it 2009 yet?

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Your Kinda Gay/Stuck in My Head Video of the Day

This song isn't really kinda gay unless you count naming your band after a movie directed by Jodie Foster (who may be kind know and I actually met at the premiere of) but the song has definitely been stuck in my head all day. The band is Little Man Tate from either Leeds, Manchester or Birmingham (unless they're not) and correction their from Yorkshire. They do have a song about a crossdresser but this is not it. This is What? What You Got?
Good song, fun video; enjoy

It has been a long day (filled with so many posts; oh my!) so I'm headed to nightie land,where I'll dream about wearing a cuter nightie. And you, of course!

A domani

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Okay last Paris related post

I had planned on moving on from anything Paris related for the day but this is too good. This is from MSNBC I'm not sure what show, but this is tremendous and I'm sure this shows the frustration of alot of newsfolk and their fantasy as well. My favorite part is the glare on her face and how Joe Scaraborugh and the other co anchor keep mocking her and egging her on. Just watch; it's fabulous

So reminiscent of Network. I can see Mika doing this the next time she has to even look at Paris Hilton:

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Jesus Never Made an iPhone

Yeah I admit it. Steve Jobs is my G*d

(Via Huffington Post)

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OMG- What is truly important

I can't believe today is half over, and while I've bored you with a lot of inconsequential b.s. I have neglected the most important news of all time. Live Free or Die Hard comes out today!!! And everyone says it's apparently perfect and amazing (or at least pleasurable) Here's the article Die Hard IV is based on but I'm too excited to read. I'm so excited. So get excited and if that doesn't excite you this should:

John McClane; such a man so badass. And god Bruce Willis is so sexy; he's like the only 40 year old I would touch (well besides most of them.) But don't let my crushes get in your way; John McClane is so hot he can even make "straight" boys go a little gay

Yippee Ki Yay Motherfucker
Yippee Ki Yay.

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A Couple of Quick Thoughts for the Noon hour

Just a few quick things because I don't really care too much about either of these people.

The picture of Rosie's 4 year old dressed up with an ammo belt has (justifiably) sparked a lot of outrage. Even at her own website. And too be honest the first time I saw it I thought Rosie, being politically aware as she is, was making a point about the absurdity and horror of war and maybe how if we continue down this path that eventually our children will be fighting the same battles (though maybe not at 4) I especially thought it was relevant because of the news from last week about the Taliban attempting to use a 6 year old as a suicide bomber. I didn't like or buy her intital explanation, that the kids were playing dress up ( the kid looks so sad like she was made to do this; so dour) but I wholeheartedly agree with her observation that "It's fascinating to me/that an image of a child dressed up as a soldier/evokes so much attention/yet the real soldiers - their deaths - their wounded bodies/doesn't seem to faze most/or make news" Very true, and it is also instructive that the media and people are so outraged by this photo of a blonde blue-eyed child, while no one bats an eyelash over the continuing use of child soldiers in conflicts (a war crime) across Africa.

And today Gordon Brown succeeded Tony Blair as Prime Minister and all I can say is; Tony I used to love you and had such high hopes for you. The optimism that you and President Clinton together inspired made a whole generation believe, to keep that since of idealism, that somehow your generation would be different. You had the opportunity to reign Georgie in, to stop the debacle in Iraq before it started.
You disappointed and disillusioned a lot of people and I'm sorry for that. But Tony try to spend your remaining years (you are only 52) working for peace and the betterment of the world. Good luck Mr. Brown. Godspeed Mr. Blair.

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John Stamos...

Completely sober on an Australian morning talk show.

Gotta love Uncle Jesse

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God Bless America

or the Young Americans at least. It seems that maybe America is waking up and that there will be Mourning in America no more, as the Young Americans are leaning left (or as I say headed right) according to a NY Times/ CBS poll. I'm sure in every generation the youths lean left but this is such a vital and critical point in our history that even this brief change will better the country as a whole. So thank you America and never grow up or grow cynical, rather grow more determined and hopeful and try not to become that old cliche from (my favorite PM ever, Churchill) "If you're not a liberal when you're 25, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative by the time you're 35, you have no brain."

A brain is a horrible thing to waste by becoming conservative. Stay brainless; have a heart.

David Bowie-Young Americans (mp3)

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Maybe My Gaydar is broken's front page as well as their on air broadcast right now has, as a part of their "Homsexuality in America" or whatever series, are reporting a study by Northwestern that has people look at the way four images walk to determine if their male or female, gay or straight, y'know looking for clues to the genetic cause or what not. Anyway apparently people are accurately picking who's who and the researchers are excited that this may be a breakthrough.
So i took the test, cuz my gaydar is amazing (well above 80% I'd say) and let's just say...this study must be b.s. cuz I think I only got # 4 right. I'm thinking the whole thing is flawed and that the figures were all of transgendered bisexuals. I mean obvi.

But you try it (that mythical you who of course follows this blog religiously) and see if you're any better...

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The (Obviously Long Anticipated) Paris Post

This will be relatively short because as we all know there has been way too much written about this whole overblown affair already but this is my take on Paris Hilton. She was born into money and privilege, this was not her fault. Perhaps she was pampered as a child but I haven't yet heard where she had something as ostentious as a 17 ooo dollar diamond encrusted pacifier. So she grew up and when she turned around 20 she started appearing at premieres and clubs and stuff. Big deal, she's young rich and beautiful; going to clubs is what everyone does at that age, even if you're ugly and poor. So people photographed her because she takes fashionable pictures, makes good copy and sells magazines. Those things are not her fault. She made a sex tape and it was released by an asshole ex. It wasn't because of her own curiosity that everyone bought or saw it and if it was going to be out there why shouldn't she make something off of it? And that's what propelled her to stardom.
She went to more parties because club promoters and owners knew that she attracted attention and so more attention was given to the fact that she went to clubs and parties sort of a cycle of perpetuation. Then the Simple Life premiered, a show that at its core was made to make fun of these "spoiled rich kids", and it did its job with that infamous Walmart quip. But should there be a particular reason why Paris Hilton should know what Walmart is?(and to be fair they do sell "wall stuff" but I digress even further in this digression) Only recently have they been allowed within L.A. and its not like someone in Texarkana would know what Kitson is, which of course Paris does. It is all a matter of what you are familiar with and where you interact,; the circle you are within. And if you never had to work a day in your life or maybe see a cow, would you be comfortable milking one? The show was all in (mean-spirited) good fun where I think both parties played off stereotypes but maybe people didn't understand that and chalked it up to ignorance in the lap of privilege.
This whole thing continued because Paris became an easy target, a parody of what is wrong with the youth today, their material obsessions, lack of regard for others, yada yada. And I can understand when and why "serious newsmen" get upset when they have to cover Paris because she hasn't really done anything of import, but then when she tries to do something like write a book, make perfume, or an album, she's lambasted and lampooned immediately because of who she is. Like in the Carl's Jr ad she sells sex, but that probably wasn't her idea (cough marketing staff cough) and name a company marketing to men that doesn't sell sex.
It seems that people's main problem with her is that she's rich and doesn't have to do anything besides go out (though there haven't been many rumours of her getting Lohan'd no matter how often she goes out), is young and gorgeous. In other words she's living the new American Dream; I know a lot of my friends if they didn't have to work would go golfing everyday and out clubbing at night. They may not like her because she could do that if she wanted; she does what they wish they could do. So it is subconscious jealousy I think that causes much of this hate, as well as the oversaturation of media that follows her anywhere; neither of which are her fault directly. It's more this age we're living in; this celebrity obsessed age where every foible is brought to life and we mock those we want to be like. Where we help to build people up just so when they fall it will be more spectacular. I know it's a convenient cop out, especially in this day and age, but I blame the media- they can create and destroy (you know all the example that are too numerous to put here because I'm too lazy to think.)

But the saga of the past three and a half weeks has been the most obscene I've ever witnessed. At th MTV awards that sunday night when the audience cheered for minutes that she was going to jail and then Sarah Silverman, who I love btw) made the joke about the penis bars, I was shocked that people fail to realize she is still a person who, like any of us, don't like when people revel in their misfortune. Her being transferred to house arrest was not her doing; sure she was anxious and freaking out but I know I would be too my first few days in jail. The fact that that decision may lead to the downfall of numerous careers (i've already written about Rocky Delgadillo's) is absurd as was the tv coverage the day she was sent back to jail, with seven helicopters and like 200 cameras following her patrol car to the courthouse. And the glee that people seemed to take in that horrid picture of her crying in the back seat.And then the coverage just continued with people mocking her claims of having grown up (she's only 26!) and of course the million dollar interview, which I'm sure she masterminded and negotiated from solitary.
The coverage of her release was more of the same (though she looked so cute and geniune and happy when she got out. She really doesn't need the make up)
and I know its going to continue. I hope she has turned a corner like she said and is going to stop playing dumb (though I may have overestimated her smarts now that I've seen this sketch and letter- A Letter from a Birmingham jail it defintely is not.) But I really hope the media would let her be for a bit; its very hard to reinvent yourself when the whole world is watching. I won't watch the Larry Kind interview tonight because I know that all quotes and highlights will be everywhere later on. But I wish her luck and I wish parents would do their job. Too many children are getting sucked into this cult of celebrity and have these very flawed humans as role models ( there was like a 10 year old girl interviewed on the morning news and her quote was something like " I like Paris because she's so glamourous but she can also be casual" and I was in shock about this girl's admiration and obsession with fashion- I never used the word casual like that until...maybe 4 years ago) parents need to do their job and I hate if they have to use someone as a model of "what not to be" but if it works, I guess...
And though all this coverage may have generated more of a backlash towards Paris, there has also been a backlash against the backlash, or more simply put "sympathy" a word which is too often missing in our discourse. So I'll close with this comment from the Nora Ephron article:

You know something, seeing Paris emerge from jail with the first genuine smile I’ve ever seen spread across her face, it kind’ve heartened me. She’s done her time, even more than she should for her crime which most would do a week top for, so maybe we should cut her some kind of break and give her some credit for spending 23 days out of the spotlight, something an attention junkie craves on a daily basis.

Vilify the media for focusing their cameras on celebrity train wrecks, not the trains themselves. Of course they’re going to take any attention that comes their way. Fame is the most highly prized attribute one can have in American society, not a high I. Q.

People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry, Don Henly once sang, but I question when someone revels a bit too much in anyone’s misfortune, even a hotel heiress. As obnoxious and smug as she seems, it’s nothing compared to the likes of Dick Cheney who hasn’t had to do one day in jail for the crimes he’s perpetrated against this country.

okay I'm done. on with the rest of life.

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Overheard in L.M.E.- Paris (Hilton)

(april 28th 2006 at the 11th hour)

a dam e: did i ever send you the paris hilton song?
ev livid e: no you didn't :-( but i found it online. she sucks
ev livid e: did you see the video of her singing happy bday to hugh hef
ev livid e : she relaly sucks
a dam e : don't hate
ev livid e : i hate paris
ev livid e : hilton
ev livid e : i love britney
ev livid e : but paris is just just not for me
a dam e : she grows on you
a dam e : like a fungus
ev livid e : i don't like fungus, but thank you

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Your Kinda Gay/Stuck in My Head Video of the Day

I was going to write my (obviously long awaited) treatise on the whole Paris Hilton saga of the past three weeks but I've become a little down and somehow today has become a bad day and I'm sad and almost crying for no reason I can think of. Damn Hormones (sorry just previewing TMI Wednesday.) But with that in mind I can't really put forth the knowledge or effort (or even pretending to care) about writing that post right now so I'll try to squeeze that in some time tomorrow.
Anyway enough problems. I've had this song in my head all day, since I walked my dog this morning; with its chorus stuck in my head (C'mon chemicals...C'mon mood swing swing back to good again) I should have known it was going to be one of those days (along with the lightheadness that I've had all day). But it's a great song from Of Montreal , they came to Duke when I was like 4 people who knew who they were and they put on a great concert on the Plaza while some were wearing at times barely nothing while others were in part dresses and I'm sure all of the were on acid, but we bonded. And this is from their new album Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? It was the first single of that album called Heimdalsgate Like the Promethean Curse. Be prepared; this video is incredibly bizarre, but more importantly you will not be able to get it out of your head. Here's the video and I'm sorry for bitchin' and not being on top of my game but I'll (hopefully) be back to speed domani.


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Ann Coulter is a fucking bitch

This will be short because I don't wanna waste time thinking about her but Ann Coulter is a horrible bitch and I must admit I'm a little offended when people call her a transsexual because we're way cooler than her. Be gone bitch; you're now a parody. So in closing God Bless Elizabeth Edwards. I.Love. Her.

Ann Coulter Owned.

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cough Loser cough cough

This is the guy who is first in line in New York for the iPhone, and let's just say I finally found someone who's in bigger need of a life than me. Those chips are really good though.

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Okay, last baby related post of the day

I don't think my biogical clock is anywhere near running but somehow this is my 3rd baby related post in a row but this one was too good to pass on. This is another video from Will Ferrell, the guys from Funny Or Die and Pearl, easily the best actress of her generation (their first one was the classic Landlord sketch) While not as perfect as the Landlord it is still brilliant and Pearl is so adorable. And also this is her farewell appearance as she says according to a press release:

"My ventures as an actor on the internet have been rewarding and spiritually fulfilling, but now I must look to broader challenges as I approach my 26th month, says Pearl. I shall always reflect upon these days with much fondness, and also, I have no idea what I just said, and I want banana-nana and the upside down show."

Good Cop, Baby Cop

Godspeed Pearl, Godspeed.
(via Best Week Ever)
[okay, no more babies today; pinkie sworn]

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Yeah, I'm going to hell

<-- (not Sam Alexis Woods)

Speaking of babies Tiger and Elin have released a nice set of family pictures on Tiger's website and the baby is (a couple of weeks old/gonna be rich/named Sam/already balding/looking just like dad) stunnin. Yeah, that'll do it. I don't know. I'm not saying the kid is not going to be gorgeous, god knows she has the genes, it's just that I think right now... she's going through an akward phase. And maybe no babies really look cute until they open their eyes; that's what I'm guessing.Either way I apologize to the Woodses who I actually like and can buy and sell my soul. And there's no way Sam Alexis could be considered ugly, or even not cute, when you think about who are procreating (see immediately preceding post)- those Grace kids are so the odds on favorite to win this next year. I'm such a bad person... whatevs, at least I know how Elaine felt.

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Someone call Child Protective Services. Now

Ugh, ugh (barf) Nancy Grace is pregnant (barf) -that is the most disgusting thing i've ever learned. Who would marry and do...whatever is done to impregnate this. I think I need to shower for an hour, I feel dirty. Warning! Avert your eyes or your face may get a little melty

You've been warned

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Keep an eye on this spot

I stumbled upon and they had "buzz" regarding this documentary. It is ostensibly a documentary about what is love and the nature of love but on the meta level it is a documentary about making a documentary. It's called My Heart is an Idiot and it is being shown in chunks each week. The filmmakers are going to be showing their work as they go along and also listening to suggestions from viewers so it is an incredible idea and project. The website is here and I'll try to keep you posted because I'm really excited about it (and I'm a horribly incurable romantic) Enjoy the first installment

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Just Kidding...

though Paris was a very worthy choice I forgot that Kelly Clarkson's album comes out today! SO this is her day because she's far more worthier. I actually can't believe I forgot about her album with all the talk of the feud between her and Clive Davis being everywhere for the past month, but I did ( I have so fallen off of popular music.) But I seriously love her so I may need to figure out more about what the album is actually about.
So I didn't fall in love with Kelly when everyone else did in 2002 on American Idol because I had no idea what the show was and didn't watch tv during AmeriCorps but I did have a pretty close interaction with her that made me like her. It was on Sept. 11 2002 when our AmeriCorps campus was called to D.C. to hold flags on the step of the Lincoln Memorial and around the reflecting pool. I was on the steps by an air conditioned tent where apparently Kelly Clarkson was. She sang the national anthem, and when she was announced the crowd erupted in excitement. It was a horribly tense day, with every siren bringing a kind of dread to me, but she sang really well and seemed quite humble and overwhelmed and incredibly cute and as happens whenever you meet someone genuine you like them.

She started appearing everywhere and seemed like such a regular girl (so much so that I have like 3 different friends that remind me of her) that you couldn't help but like her and be on her side (as I'm sure you understand. And if you don't, well we're not friends anymore.) I think since she auditioned for, and won American Idol before it was such a phenomenon that she seemed more geniuine and real. Everyone since then may have just been in it for the television exposure and fame; but it seemed like she is and was just a small town girl thankful for everything she's gotten.
Miss Independent broke which was such a guilt pleasure and a great feminist drunken sing along (that even my guy friends sheepishly admit to liking.) Then her song Breakaway came out and I fell in love with it; it was just so breathey and hopeful with like a feeling of freedom and flying. Perfect for a spring day
Then of course was Since You've Been Gone, a song that every guy loves, and most of the time will actually admit! Kelly Clarkson is not considered one of those embarrassing pop artists like Jessica Simpson or whomever. It's a girly female empowerment song, but its so far from sappy plus the video is every ex's fantasy. Since You've Been Gone is such a perfect sing along at the top of your lungs song. That whole album is amazing.

And even as she's become more famous she has become skanky or inspired a backlash, she has just seemingly become more glamourous and more beloved. Plus she is a good person and seems to actually have common sense and morals.
I really hope her new album My December does really well; she's a celebrity I can honestly say I am a fan of ( and I sort of wish I was.) And that all the negativity of late will be brushed aside. I'm just sorry she's not touring right now.

So good luck Kelly and congratulations; you are the Best Band Ever*

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Best Band Ever*

*for June 26th, according to me, subject to change without notice

Today Paris Hilton is the Best Band Ever (snicker if you will) oh and what a coincidence she got out of jail late last night (and looked absolutely gorgeous, but more on that later.) Either way just listen to one of her songs, maybe without knowing who the artist is if you can't get past that, or by yourself, if others can't either, and I defy you to deny their catchiness. Just a quick disclaimer I like Paris, or am, at least, not in the virulent Anti-Paris camp, so when I heard she was making an album I thought it would be a hoot and great fun. I think I was in Rome when all this was happening so it was the fall of 2005 and I downloaded her song Screwed. It was a catchy pop song, pretty generic and with all the production you couldn't really tell what her voice was like, so I enjoyed it. It was said to be from her album Paris is Burning, which I thought was a pretty ironic name and surprising and I would have been horribly shocked if Paris had known this reference. Then I read about her feud with Hillary Duff's sister and I thought that was hilarious; two not incredibly gifted people tiffing over a mediocre song, plus I admired Paris' gaul (sorry horrible joke.)
I was actually a little too excited about her album and got a lot of ribbing from my friends, but whatev. Then she got in a fight with Christina Aguilera over the Scarface wanna be Scott Storch and I ate it up. To sum up, her album Paris came out and I sort of forgot about it (and I think a lot of people did I have no idea how well it sold [check that, rather poorly]), and too be honest I couldn't actually buy it! I have my music snob title to live up to. But her single Stars Are Blind is still tremendous (especially the video; so early 90's Chris Isaak and Madonna -r.i.p Herb Ritts.) And so for those reasons Paris Hilton is the Best Band Ever.

Don't lie; you know you love it!

Paris Hilton-Screwed (mp3)

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Monday, June 25, 2007

Your Kinda Gay/Stuck in My Head Video of the Day

I love this song and its been stuck in my head all day (in fact I put some of its lyrics up on Facebook in "About Me") and the subject matter has lead to speculation about its lead singer's sexuality. The lyrics are here if you can't understand his rather intense accent. The band is Larrikin Love (who apparently already broke up after having formed in 2005.) I had been thinking about profiling them tomorrow in B.B.E. but I thought better of it (I have a doozy planned) so you got off lucky. Anyway this was their first single "Six Queens."

Love. It.

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Just a very quick question

I've been following that sad story out of Ohio about Jessi Davis who was killed, possibly in front of her two year old son. The cops arrested her boyfriend, the father of that boy and her unborn daughter and he lead them to the body so he was definitely involved.
But I just had a very quick question. The son when questioned about what happened told them stuff like "Mommy fell down" "Mommy broke the table" and "Mommy is in a rug" if his dad was involved why didn't the boy say something like "Daddy was there" or "Daddy pushed Mommy" something. I'm assuming the boy knew who his father was and he was a part of his life, since Bobby Cutts (or whatever his name is) and his mom had another baby on the way. It wasn't like he had never seen his dad before and couldn't recognize him. It just seems like if the dad was there and the boy saw what happened to his mom, that the kid would mention something about his daddy being there.
I'm sure he's guilty but you never know and I don't wanna go all Nancy Grace (speaking of which the top paragraph on this page of this article is awesome and tells you everything you need to know about her and her credibility.)
I'm just saying.

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Owned! High School Edition

Georgie? Owned! (by a group of Presidental Scholars)

Bill O'rly? Owned! (by a kinda cute high school kid, and his own words)

Free Speech? Owned! (by the Conservatives on the Court in a case involving high school kids)

eh, 2 out of 3 ain't bad

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My girl friends are going to hate me

They always get mad when I do this. But I really need to lose weight. I'm not necessarily fat I just have some eating disorder tendencies, but without the discipline and follow through. I would be bulimic but I really hate to throw up, plus its so much work to run to a bathroom within 15 minutes (or so I've heard) of eating before the calories are absorbed. I would think I'm more anorexic, but I don't have the hardcore discipline that they have, and I sort of admire. I just sort of try to go as long as I can without eating then I eat. Lately, since I've been home I've been eating about a meal a day, and I try not to eat after 8 at the latest. If I eat after then then the next morning my stomach just feels like such shit, which has to do with the hormones, I'm certain. I also haven't had the same urge to gorge myself as I once did just for kicks.

Right now I'm about 145 (my mom refuses to keep a scale in the house for the very reason that I may do something like, oh develop a type of eating disorder) and about 5'10. Not bad but I feel like I need to lose a stone and a half at least. Then I think I'd feel better about my body cuz right now my midsection disgusts me.

But I do have my (very stitled) reasons. I do live in L.A., it is the summer and I have a new two piece I need to wear and being thinner and smaller is considered more feminine and it helps to pass. Though I am a fuck up and buying way too much into our beauty obsessed culture I still won't get the new alli medicine (even though it is trendy and tempting.) There's just something so unsexy and unappealing about shitting oil and having to carry about a change of clothing. But if it works...

I guess I could always do that whole smaller portions,reducing calories and more exercise thing but where's the fun in that?

btw don't take too much of this too seriously, I am way too lazy and my willpower is sort of a joke to do much.

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Breaking News...I'm way too into sports

C'mon, please god please

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I'm Afraid of Americans; Ignorance Addition

A new Newsweek poll has just come out and it sort of confirms what I've long known. There are some serious morons in this country. Like mildly retarded, functionally illiterate dumb . Some highlights (if you can call them that) from the article :
40% of Americans believe Iraq was directly involved in the Sept. 11 attacks
More people know who won American Idol this year than who is Chief Justice (and this was like the lowest rated American Idol ever)
8% don't believe SUVs contribute to global warming
47& of respondents think Christianity and Islam are older than Judaism
and 39% of Americans polled don't know that the Roman Empire came before the British and American ones.

(btw, I got that great photo from Wonkette)

Thankfully those numbers are lower than I had thought (and to be honest I didn't know who was Federal Reserve chairman, but I recognize that beard). So maybe there is some hope though looking at the following clip quickly strips alot of that away. I really hope, like some of the comments suggest that these people were paid to be stupid, otherwise I will have very little problem moving to Vancouver, consistently one of the best places to live.)
But I bleed red (and if I'm really sick white and blue) so let's just say these people are abberations or pod people.

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Dick Cheney: Still Evil


Wonkette has a great take on Dick, plus a succinct synopsis of the juicy parts of the Post Article (plus an incredibly creepy and funny picture of the two most powerful men in the world.)

And who could ever forget this simple yet awesome video. I think it speaks to the true essence of Dick (and what a metaphor; behind the bush) It also speaks quite well for itself.

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The Best Thing I Have Ever seen

And the Best five seconds you will ever spend.
Ladies, Gentleman and all those in between, without further ado I present to you
Dramatic Chipmunk

(he is so a better actor than Ben Affleck)

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Stuff to do this week

Get a Job
Dye my hair (though that may get in the way of Goal No. 1 so maybe not)
The Art of Giving a Blow Job at Babeland on Tuesday (though no one's ever complained)
See Wicked at the Pantages
Worship Bruce Willis and see Live Free or Die Hard on Wednesday
Feist(!) at the Wiltern on Friday Night (i am so getting my lazy ass out the house for that)
The Untitled Groundlings Project at the Groundlings Theatre Saturday Night
See Hamlet at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery on Sunday
Go to the Dodger game Sunday night against the Padres
Do all the stuff I didn't do last week.

Speaking of which here's how I did last week:

Still no job
Haven't learned HTML yet
No LSAT study guide (god I'm worthless)
Kobe has begun to shut up- well he has started talking to the Lakers again
I hung out at a beach in Hermosa, though unfortunately without a mojito and unfortunately before I found...
my cute swim suit :)
Got a bra that fits (36A)
Never made it to Amoeba
Forgot about the John Butler Trio concert
Saw the Dodgers take the series against Toronto, then lose 2 out of 3 to the Devil Rays?! Are you fucking kidding me
I'll go to the Film Festival sometime. Maybe
Winning the U.S. Open- to be continued

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Monday Morning Cuteness- Part Deux

Another installment in the best series ever. Soo adorable I couldn't stop laughing. I want one. This should definitely pick you up on a monday morning...

Oh look they're laughing at Carolina too. Just kidding (I am so petty; whatevs)

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Sunday, June 24, 2007

And finally...

It was a long weekend and hopefully the next one will be better but I think this video (or at least its title) sums up my past few days. I just sorta wish I had a boy to complain about. But it's a great song by a great band

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Sunday Confessional: How I Came Out To My Mom Part II

It was from 6 p.m. my mom's time and she replied to my forward with " hasani, why did you send me this article? is this your way of telling me you're a transsexual?"
i read this. and i read it again and then I started laughing. I jumped in the shower to try to get my head and then I started freaking out; I remember just cursing and having no idea what to do. I took some cigarettes outside and started to chain smoke. I had maybe 4 days to write 2 huge papers that I hadn't really started and now that was another night where I could not possibly think of anything besides that or concentrate on school. I really wished that I had told her a week later when I was done with school, so that just added to my stress. I was also thinking about just how from that point on my worlds would be colliding, like if I had ever wanted to "be a boy" at home I really couldn't how everywhere I went from that point on, my relation with my mom would never be the same and neither would I. So at this point I was in a total state of breakdown. Suj, who had that point basically moved out, had gone up the stairs past me but as she came out she saw me and saw me freaking out and I told her what had happened. Of course she was empathetic and tried to convince me that it would be alright and that she had to already have known, which made sense since lingerie I bought and a few dresses not to mention $400 dollars prosthetic breasts that I bought had all "mysteriously" disappeared. But of course that didn't really help. Theresa came over and they convinced me to go out to take my mind off of it. The whole time I was thinking that I should call my mom, but I had no idea what I would say; How would i start that conversation "hi" My mind was spinning a thousand feet per second. Theresa and I went to Dain's to have a few beers and calm down. We talked, mostly me freaking out, then she vented to me about the problems she was having in her relationship. We went to see a band down the street and I had a few more beers (some of which I didn't realize were like 10% alcohol.) There ended up being a lot of hugs and so many more tears that night. Eventually we all agreed that I should probably write her an email, since I could better organize my thoughts that way. Of course they said I shouldn't do it drunk, but when I got back to my place of course I did. It was a long and rambling letter that I'm sure is akward and poorly written that I haven't read since.
I didn't mean to tell you this way. I am so so so sorry- I've just been really emotional recently. I didn't know what else to do and I love you so much so I wrote a letter. I really hope you understand it. I'm sorry I haven't slept well recently ( worrying about telling you at Graduation was one of the many reasons) so it may be sloppy. But i will understand if you hate me and want nothing to do with me.
All I remember is crying so much while writing it, while writing about just growing up and all the pain and everything. I sent it and my mom responded within half an hour with:

Hasani of course I don't hate you. I am your mother and you are my child. You will always be my child. We must talk about this so that I will understand.
I love you. Please get some sleep.
That helped some but I still didn't sleep well. I was still freaking out so much. The next day was the draft so Jay and I went to a sports bar and I brought some reading to do (which is interesting because Jay was apparently really freaked out about my drunken admissions from Thursday night) then we went to a Durham Bulls game that some of our friends were going to. It was an absoultely breathtakingly gorgeous day, it was beautiful. The whole time I was dreading and waiting for my mom to call and just as I was telling one of my friends " i wonder when my mom is going to call" she did. It was like the 6th inning and I didn't want to talk at a baseball game, and I still had no idea what to say; I was so nervous. So I didn't answer the phone. I got home and after doing some more reading I went outside and called her at about 9 that night. I just remember my voice being so weak and being so apologetic; I know I didn't cry when I was talking to her though. She just (expectedly) had a tonne of questions and expressed maternal concern mostly. She was so calm and nonchalant that I asked her if, like Suj and I thought, if she had suspected anything and to my surprise she said no that she just "thought you liked soft things." She just told me she loved me alot and was proud of me and called me her child instead of her son, which I totally picked up, and held on to. While we were talking one of my friends came up in his Excursion with his frat and they all jumped out, bumped up the music, and started to have a dance party. Obviously that was not the setting for a conversation. The next day was such a good day. I had the greatest weight of my life off my shoulder. I had, at that point, come out to everyone in the world who was important to me (and a lot of random people on the way as well) I had planned on telling my mom at graduation in about a week and a half but I realized this was better, though I did worry because I was so relaxed that I wouldn't have the tension that I thrive on to write those papers. But that day I read Kate Bornstein's My Gender Workbook and talked to my mom again. That monday I wrote my paper on Drag Bingo and in about 19 hours I wrote 33 pages for it. The next day for my gender and language class I wrote 13 pages in 7 hours. And I was done
I realizied that if I had waited to tell my mom until graduation that at that point I would then have something hanging over me and I would be freaking out about it. But now that I had told my mom and was done with classes I was totally and utterly FREE. My mom and my relationship was closer because I didn't have to hide such a huge part of myself from her and we talk a lot more and hang out alot more often now and I couldn't be happier. That wednesday, a week post LDOC, a day after finishing school and a few days since coming out to my mom I celebrated by getting my hair done and going shopping with no regrets or negative thoughts. It was fabulous.

Christine Daniel's blog- Woman in Progress
Leonard Cohen- Famous Blue Raincoat.m4a

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Sunday Confessional: How I Came Out To My Mom

It's time for another Sunday Confessional! (woo! yay! get excited. ugh) Anyway I'm exhausted from my life of doing nothing so much so that I fall asleep at 9:30 every night- that should be my confession; god it's embarassing. But it is not. And now is time for the show ::curtains rising::

So this is about how I came out to my Mom. It happened about two weeks before I had planned, but looking back it definitely worked out better (and is probably more fitting with how I lived my life in college; drunken late at night with very little thought or planning.)
It all started on my Last LDOC (last day of classes) at Duke which I was involved in putting on this year. I was in charge of giving away thousands of shirts that day, as well as personally get drunk and enjoying my last day. Hubby arrived after being in Mexico for a week, the concert went amazingly and the whole day was perfect. Even though I was totally drunk that night (and told one of my friends Kiwi friend that I like my guests "well lubricated") I got to bed I guess at a reasonable hour. The next morning, the 26th, I had to present my research and paper on Drag Bingo in Durham to my Ethnographic Fieldwork class. I had done some research but I was nowhere close to having anything written for our paper, which was about 70 % percent of our grade, due the next Tuesday and for which during the course of the semester we had to turn in multiple progress drafts that of course I just didn't do, on the basis that I was a senior and I "do what I want." I got up at around 8, which had become incredibly normal for me since started taking the hormones and feeling quite sick in the morning, and screwed around on the internet per usual. I found some clips on youtube about Drag Bingo and the divas (that I wish I had discovered months earlier) that I could play in my presentation and hopefully take up some time. I then went to the L.A. Times website which I normally do to check up on whats going on in the world and saw on the main page a headline "Old Mike New Christine" a play on the name of the new Julia Louis Drefyuss sitcom (daughter of a Duke Grad)
From that title I had a few specific ideas about what the article would be about, but I've come to realize that being transgendered I tend to leap to conclusions, or see transgendered tendencies in many things and to assume. Plus I was still drunk.
Anyway I read this article and for some reason it affected me more than I had anticipated. One of the sportswriters for the times in this article came out as a transsexual and I remember just reading it and feeling so proud and happy for her; I read the article at least three times before I decided I better head to class. I guess it was the fact that I recognized the name Mike Penner from many years of reading the sports section ( and a quick aside, just seeing that name is really weird to me now I think of her as Christine Daniels, as I should) so I felt like I knew her. And secondly, and far more likely and important, everything she wrote about her depressions and feelings and longings were exactly like how I had felt for so many years that I instantly felt a greater connection and sense of kinship. And the courage that she had, to come out to like half a million people just totally blew me away.
After this I was really just happy and buzzing and that was all that I could really think about, it was a good thing my presentation was on a similar topic about gender identity and compartamentalization in society. So i made a rum and coke for class, cuz I refused to go to class during reading period sober, and made my presentation, which sucked but I had an interesting topic so everyone loved it. It was one of those days where everything was so beautiful and perfect and Duke is lovely in the Spring. As i was walking through campus and down Towerview/Morreene towards my apartment Leonard Cohen's Famous Blue Raincoat shuffled onto my iPod. To this day I don't know why the song touched me so, but on the walk back, and in my room I must have listened to it 9 times in a row. Maybe it was just the pure emotion of his voice and the meaning behind the words I don't know and I couldn't tell you. The whole time I was listening to it everything became so much more beautiful and the world seemed so alive and wonderful and I was full of such hope. It was a truly perfect moment. I got back to my computer and I read the article again while the song was still playing and for some reason I started crying hysterically. I think I was just so full of joy and happiness and the beauty in the world (not to mention estrogen) at that moment but I cried hysterically for half an hour. It was a wonderful moment that I'm failing to capture properly, but that is the nature of emotions.
Our neighbors were having a party that night so after a few hours had passed I went the 10 feet over there. One of my friends Bri who had graduated the year before was there and I was so happy to see her. She was a little drunk (as we all were- I had sucked flaming sambuca through a straw! I got mostly fire) and she asked me to give her my three moments that year that had blown my mind. I told her I wore a dress to our Senior Prom, and after a few minutes of convincing her that it wasn't gay prom or whatever she understand. When I told her it blew my mind Megan, my neighbor told me that "it blew a lot of people's minds" which I had sorta gotten (though it still weirded me out that people talked of me.) Anyway Bri, Jules and I went outside for about an hour smoking ciggies and drinking and talking about stuff and I was getting incredibly emotional. I then went into the Beirut room where I was on table and sort of drunkenly exclaimed to some of my friends that I was on hormones, yada yada, which I thought they already knew but apparently freaked out some people. The rest of the night is a bit of a blur but I remember sitting various places and talking to people and being weirdly emotional and inappropriate and open, which I tend to regret in the morning.
After awhile I went back to my place and I sent Christine this e-mail (at 3:20 in the morning):
I'm sorry you're probably getting a lot of mail now and are probably not sure which ones are supportive/which ones to open. But I just wanted to say (even if you never read this) I am so happy for, and proud of you. I'm a transsexual as well, I've been on hormones for about 5 months now, and your article just made me so happy, like maybe there is someone else out there, but also because the courage to do that is amazing. I'm a senior in college and I've sort of been coming out to my friends...and everyone else, but I've never come out to half a million readers in one act.I don't personally know you but I feel like you're my sister and I really wanna wish you so much good luck. I have always read you off and on, but now I will feel quite honored to read anything Christine Daniels writes.

I had started crying hysterically again of course. I then drunkenly decided to forward the article to my mom, to see what her reaction would be concerning transsexuality, sort of priming the pump for me coming out. So I forwarded it to her with the personal message "I am so proud and happy for her." I thought nothing of it and went to pass out.
The next day I decided I really needed to start working on these papers. I got up that morning just sort of sick of being myself, of being the tranny kid that everyone knew so I started to freak out and wanted to get away from myself. There was a follow up article that day about Chrisitne about all the support she had gotten and that made me happy but also a bit sad I guess. I really needed to try to be normal. So I went dressed like any normal guy to Chapel Hill to study. I got a lot of reading done and as I was waiting for the shuttle to take me back to Duke my mom called at like 5 p.m. When she called I sort of freaked out that she was calling because of the email but she only asked me what I was doing and if I was planning to stay in Durham for a bit after graduation. Anyway I got back to Duke and read some more before I got to my apartment to research some more. Then I checked my e-mail.

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