Your Stuck In My Head Song of The Day

Today I've had Fiona Apple's Limp in my head, or as close to it as possible,and no I don't have any particular reason for it besides it came on my iPod and Fiona with her lyrics and that chorus

When I think of it, My fingers turn to fists!
I never did anything to you man!
No matter what I try, You beat me with your bitter lies
So call me crazy, hold me down, Make me cry, get off now, baby
It won't be long 'till you'll be lying limp in your own hands!

lodged itself pretty firmly. I kind of wish I did have a particular and personal reason- my life would be far more interesting that way. Is it too late to do something like "yeah I have no reason for this song today, it's not like someone screwed me over :p" is it? ::shrugs shoulders:: I guess there's some joy in lack of drama.
Anyway here is Your Stuck in My Head Song of the Day Limp by Fiona Apple


Fiona Apple-Limp (mp3) buy
WHEN THE PAWN Hits the Conflicts He Thinks like a King
What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight
And He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring
There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might
So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand
And Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights
And If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land
And If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right

and my computer is really annoying and spastic today, sorry about the quality and erractic-ness of the post, hopefully tomorrow it will be back up to speed but if it's not.... see ya sometimes, I guess.

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The Joys of Lesbian Lit

Some Poems of Audre Lorde 1934-1992


A Woman Speaks

Moon marked and touched by sun
my magic is unwritten
but when the sea turns back
it will leave my shape behind.
I seek no favor
untouched by blood
unrelenting as the curse of love
permanent as my errors
or my pride
I do not mix
love with pity
nor hate with scorn
and if you would know me
look into the entrails of Uranus
where the restless oceans pound.
I do not dwell within my
birth nor my divinities
who am ageless and half-grown
and still seeking
my sisters
witches in Dahomey
wear me inside their coiled cloths
as our mother did
mourning.
I have been woman
for a long time
beware my smile
I am treacherous with old magic
and the noon's new fury
with all your wide futures
promised
I am
woman
and not white.


Who Said It Was Simple

There are so many roots to the tree of anger
that sometimes the branches shatter
before they bear.
Sitting in Nedicks
the women rally before they march
discussing the problematic girls
they hire to make them free.
An almost white counterman passes
a waiting brother to serve them first
and the ladies neither notice nor reject
the slighter pleasures of their slavery.
But I who am bound by my mirror
as well as my bed
see causes in color
as well as sex

and sit here wondering
which me will survive
all these liberations.


The Women of Dan Dance with
Swords in their Hands to Mark the
Time When They Were Warriors

I did not fall from the sky
I
nor descend like a plague of locusts
to drink color and strength from the earth
and I do not come like rain
as a tribute or symbol for earth's becoming
dark and open
some times I fall like night
softly
and terrible
only when I must die
in order to rise again.
I do not come like a secret warrior
with an unsheathed sword in my mouth
hidden behind my tongue
slicing my throat to ribbons
of service with a smile
while the blood runs
down and out
through holes in the two sacred mounds
on my chest.
I come like a woman
who I am
spreading out through nights
laughter and promise
and dark heat
warming whatever I touch
that is living
consuming
only
what is already dead.


Making Love To Concrete

An upright abutment in the mouth
of the Willis Avenue bridge
a beige Honda leaps the divider
like a steel gazelle inescapable
sleek leather boots on the pavement
rat-a-tat-tat best intentions
going down for the third time
stuck in the particular

You cannot make love to concrete
if you care about being
non-essential wrong or worn thin
if you fear ever becoming
diamonds or lard
you cannot make love to concrete
if you cannot pretend
concrete needs your loving

To make love to concrete
you need an indelible feather
white dresses before you are ten
a confirmation lace veil milk-large bones
and air raid drills in your nightmares
no stars till you go to the country
and one summer when you are twelve
Con Edison pulls the plug
on the street-corner moons Walpurgisnacht
and there are sudden new lights in the sky
stone chips that forget you need
to become a light rope a hammer
a repeatable bridge
garden-fresh broccoli two dozen dropped eggs
and a hint of you
caught up between my fingers
the lesson of a wooden beam
propped up on barrels
across a mined terrain

between forgiving too easily
and never giving at all.

If You Come Softly

If you come as softly
As the wind within the trees
You may hear what I hear
See what sorrow sees.

If you come as lightly
As threading dew
I will take you gladly
Nor ask more of you.

You may sit beside me
Silent as a breath
Only those who stay dead
Shall remember death.

And if you come I will be silent
Nor speak harsh words to you.
I will not ask you why now.
Or how, or what you do.

We shall sit here, softly
Beneath two different years
And the rich between us
Shall drink our tears

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The (Almost) Perfect Crime

I love a good heist. No one will ever know who pulled off this prank...y'know, if it hadn't been videotaped!

i wish i was still that productively unproductive and bored. ah the good old days.

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Barack Obama: Man of Words

or as forcefully as one can denounce something through a written statement, that as Jasmyne Cannick points out was originally "only posted under the LGBT section of Obama's site and not under his general newsroom where all of his statements and press releases are" and
Here's the statement, before we get any further along
"

I have clearly stated my belief that gays and lesbians are our brothers and sisters and should be provided the respect, dignity, and rights of all other citizens. I have consistently spoken directly to African-American religious leaders about the need to overcome the homophobia that persists in some parts of our community so that we can confront issues like HIV/AIDS and broaden the reach of equal rights in this country.

I strongly believe that African Americans and the LGBT community must stand together in the fight for equal rights. And so I strongly disagree with Reverend McClurkin's views and will continue to fight for these rights as President of the United States to ensure that America is a country that spreads tolerance instead of division."

Tough but fair words indeed but as Earl Ofari Hutchinson points out nowhere does that statement say that Barack won't appear on stage with Donnie McClurkin, which would be a far more powerful endorsement of McClurkin's views than this statement is a denouncement of. The whole actions speak louder than words thing. And more importantly the tour is of course still going on as planned. You can't expect a candidate to actually give up those potential votes, do ya?

And even if these words were meant to announce his disagreement with Donnie McClurkin (another thing that peeves me; at what point do people stop going by names like Donnie and go by Don or Donald, like a grown up?) he has said nothing about other acts on the bill including, as Jasmyne Cannick shows, Mary Mary who equates homosexuals with murderers (but it's okay that they don't agree with the gay lifestyle, they still love them.. and they want their gay fans to correct their lives and change it) and other homophobic artists.
How about instead of the "hate the sin, love the sinner" b.s., we work to get people to question what exactly is sin?
(It’s what Dumbledore would’ve wanted.)
As a commentator said "Obama certainly won't openly fan the flames of religious driven intolerance against gays. He will continue to fervently denounce it. But without a direct and forceful challenge to those such as McClurkin to do the same, they're just words. And politicians are masterful at using words when they want to win"

and as another writes " So is it (a) good that McClurkin and his usual audience will get exposure to Obama's pro-gay acceptance views, or (b) bad that the Dem hopeful is selling out LGBT people in order to capture a specific vote? Well, that's open for debate. On one hand there's an opportunity to open some hearts and minds, but on the other there is the fear that a President Obama may sign an anti-gay measure with which he doesn't agree just so that he doesn't piss off some potentially supportive 'mo foes"

Finally to a man who harps on having the "judgment to lead" I would merely ask what were you thinking? Why didn't you see this sh*tstorm coming? Where was your judgment when you allowed a concert in your name to include such proponents of hateful and hostile views? Or is it simply politics as usual?

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Falling From Space

Based on the theory of General Relativity, Albert Einstein knew that a man in the emptiness of space wouldn't be able to detect whether or not he was falling ; he called this "a happy idea. (quote lifted from here)




More than a 100,000 foot fall. The only guy to break the speed of sound without a craft, and live. Joseph Kittinger Jr. Such a badass. Here is an interview done with him:

Take us back to New Mexico and August 16, 1960?
Joe Kittinger: We got up at 2 a.m. to start filling the helium balloon.
At sea level, it was 35 to 40 feet wide and 200 feet high; at altitude,
due to the low air pressure, it expanded to twenty-five stories in
width, and still was twenty stories high!At 4 a.m., I began breathing
pure oxygen for two hours.That's how long it takes to remove all the
nitrogen from your blood so you don't get the bends going so high so
fast.Then it was a lengthy dress procedure layering warm clothing
under my pressure suit.They kept me in air-conditioning until it was
time to launch because we were in the desert and I wasn't supposed to
sweat.If I did, my clothes would freeze on the way up.

How was your ascent?

It took an hour and a half to get to altitude.It was cold.At 40,000
feet, the glove on my right hand hadn't inflated.I knew that if I
radioed my doctor, he would abort the flight.If that happened, I knew
I might never get another chance because there were lots of people who
didn't want this test to happen.I took a calculated risk that I might
lose use of my right hand.It quickly swelled up, and I did lose use
for the duration of the flight.But the rest of the pressure suit
worked.When I reached 102,800 feet, maximum altitude, I wasn't quite
over the target.So I drifted for eleven minutes.The winds were out
of the east.

What's it look like from so high up?

You can see about 400 miles in every direction.The most fascinating
thing is that it's just black overhead-the transition from normal blue
to black is very stark.You can't see stars because there's a lot of
glare from the sun, so your pupils are too small.I was struck with the
beauty of it.But I was also struck by how hostile it is: more than 100
degrees below zero, no air.If my protection suit failed, I would be
dead in a few seconds.Blood actually boils above 62,000 feet.I went
through my 46-step checklist, disconnected from the balloon's power
supply, and lost all communication with the ground.

I was totally under power from the kit on my back. When everything was
done, I stood up, turned around to the door, took one final look out and
said a silent prayer: "Lord, take care of me now." Then I just jumped
over the side.

What were you thinking as you took that step?

It's the beginning of a test.I had gone through simulations many
times-more than a 100.I rolled over and looked up, and there was the
balloon just roaring into space.I realized that the balloon wasn't
roaring into space; I was going down at a fantastic rate!At about
90,000 feet, I reached 714 mph.The altimeter on my wrist was unwinding
very rapidly.But there was no sense of speed.Where you determine
speed is visual -- if you see something go flashing by.But nothing
flashes by 20 miles up -- there are no signposts there, and you are way
above any clouds.When the chute opened, the rest of the jump was
anticlimactic because everything had worked perfectly.I landed 12 or
13 minutes later, and there was my crew waiting. We were elated.





I mean seriously how had I never heard of this guy before a random moment of slacking off today? Such an incredible badass. I can't even imagine staring down at the clouds from that far above and deciding:" ok let's fall." And then falling and falling through darkness and cold. All by yourself for four minutes before even opening your parachute. But not knowing you're falling until you see your balloon drifting away above you. And doing this after the fact that "In the first test the stabilizer chute was deployed too soon, catching Kittinger around the neck and causing him to spin at 120 revolutions per minute. This caused Kittinger to lose consciousness" wow.
And how cruel is history? Here's a guy who did this absolutely amazing/breathtaking/heartstopping and dangerous thing that, I'm sure as a soldier and as someone of that generation didn't think of it this way, but as something that you think will secure your legacy. And unless you are a student of aeronautics or physics or of the space program you probably will never hear about him (until his obituary, at least.)
Well I know it's not much but I'll always remember your badassity, Joe Kittinger (or at least remember there was a guy who fell from heaven once...) He truly is a Real American Hero. word.

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And Soon Facebook Will Be Even More Annoying

but I of course am still so hooked it's upsetting. From Radar Online

With the November 6 D-Day of Facebook's new advertising platform approaching, speculation is mounting as to what, exactly, the Palo Alto-based company plans to unleash on its throngs of massively indebted users. Now, a source with knowledge of the proceedings tells Radar that Mark Zuckerberg's brainchild has invited nine industry-leading companies—Condé Nast, Nike, Apple, Sony, General Motors, Coke, CBS, Chase, and Verizon—to be "Landmark Partners" in the venture, each shelling out a minimum of $300,000 for the privilege.

While the money is relatively small by Facebook standards, it is proof that Madison Avenue has faith in the new Facebook model, which will likely allow advertisers to target a specific segment of the Facebook population based on user-submitted data (say, by showing Nike sneaker spots to those who list "running and basketball" in their "Interests"). Other rumors persist that the new advertising model will allow Facebook to target users on non-Facebook sites, though exactly how remains to be seen.

The company—approaching $10 billion by some valuations—is obviously keen to prove to advertisers that it can generate a Google AdSense-esque revenue stream. The launch of the new platform is seen as a significant step towards this.

Really they're going to target segments based on their interest? I can see how that'll work for like movies and music and maybe groups but I'd like to see them try to target me based on my activites:

DSUAD, Pub Quizzing, hating Carolina with every fiber of my being, giving back stories to random people, calling shenanigans, corrupting, Contrarian Society, searching for a Signature Moment and/or an Original Idea, figuring out what to do with the rest of my life, Center for Death Penalty Litigation, Team PuppyClubber, Pursuit, LME, being nostalgic, Thursday Thursdays, free t-shirt floozie, drunken philosophizing (sp.), listening to Purple Rain on repeat, giving in to temptation, taking pictures of other people taking pictures, John Edwards' One Corps, writing letters to Hubby, spending all my time writing things no one will read, teaching myself xhtml, learning arabic and french, standing and smelling the rain, organizing Thaddeus Lewis' Heisman campaign, discovering the joys of agoraphobia

or interests

Politics, Power, Kittens, Competitive Napping, Lance Armstrong, Warhol Superstars- not so much Warhol, people watching/reading at Monuments, The Preference Game, A.S.Roma, Little Asian babies, McDonalds-Termini, "Dick Gore", road trippin', random dance parties in K-ville with Hubby, requiems, adventuring, Italian wine, crescendos, pietà(s), G-Love, arias, Eliot, makeup, butterflies, watching christmas movies in the Summer, the term boyo, Grady Sizemore, purple, Virgin America

I mean there are some inside jokes in there that I don't even think I remember. I really don't know anyone who clicks on the ads unless they are really college and club specific. I also don't feel super compelled and thrilled by any of those Landmark Sponsors, but whatevs. But ah Facebook you've come a long way. I remember back in January of 2005 when I first signed on and I thought I was such a latecomer to the party and when it was not only just open to colleges, but to a certain level of colleges. I remember like a year ago when my friends and I were ridiculing Zuckerberg for not selling for 700 million and look at it now... now it's such a moneymaking thing. But I can't.stop. using. Damn you ::shakes fist::

Meh, At least it's still not as creepy as MySpace

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Best Band Ever*

*according to me, at this moment, subject to change

(yada yada witticism yada yada observation blah blah) and so The Postal Service is the Best Band Ever*
I'm not actually sure how I heard about this band, perhaps it was sometime in freshman year when somebody exposed me to them, though I can't remember who (and I wouldn't give them credit even if I did.) Anyway I just thought the myth of them, or what I was told at the time that they had never met but collaborated only through mail was like the coolest thing ever. I had never heard of Death Cab for Cutie and certainly not Dntel so I didn't recognize the "indie superbandness" of it all, what I knew then was that they had a kind of minimalist beeping electronic sort of futuristic sterility, as well as the distant lyrics which was very appealing to me.

The first song I think I stumbled upon of theirs (was that english?) was There's Never Enough Time. I suppose it was around one of those times that work and school stress as well as emotional b.s. was just suffocating and the calming pessimism of the track and the lyrics repeating:
In due time.
we'll finally see
there's barely time
for us to breathe.
was kind of soothing.

I then picked up their album Give Up from one of my friends and probably listened to it for like a week straight. And though a lot of their songs seems to be about pain and emotional distance I really think Such Great Heights that it is one of the more romantice and awww songs. I mean these lyrics
I'm thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate
that God himself did make
us into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay

true, it may seem like a stretch
but its thoughts like this that catch
my troubled head when you're away
when I am missing you to death
when you are out there on the road
for several weeks of shows
and when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights,
"come down now", they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now", but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave
this all on your machine
but the persistent beat it sounded thin
upon listening
and that frankly will not fly
you will hear the shrillest highs
and lowest lows with the windows down
when this is guiding you home
soo sweet. I loved the song so much I even enjoyed watching that M&M commercial with the Iron & Wine cover . Here is the original though:

Such Great Heights (mp3)
And Sleeping In with the sheer hopefulness of the dreams, that there aren't conspiracies and that global warming is actually a good thing (something I always like to believe when it was February and sunny.) I know I've tried to use the chorus as an away message constantly, though all too often no one pays attention and I end up being awakened way too early (grrr.) Anyway though this isn't the official video it still is a really well done, um...one

Sleeping In (mp3)
I think another reason I was hooked so immediately was because I knew Jenny Lewis (who I kind of want to be) worked with them. Like on the song Nothing Better a pretty amazing song of pleading for a second chance being met with rejection with such great lines as " Don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future/Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures." It is a huge favorite of mine (And I really kind of like this Harvard/Radcliffe Veritones a capella cover)

Nothing Better (mp3)
It was around this time when I started doing a little more background searching and trying to figure out what had made these two come together. Which led me to finally finding the Dntel album Life is Full of Possibilites which featured a song with lyrics written and sung by a Ben Gibbard called (This Is) The Dream of Evan and Chan (a song which was apparently inspired by a dream with Chan Marshall, Cat Power, and Evan Dando from the Lemonheads...who knew?)


(This is) The Dream of Evan and Chan (mp3) And subsequently I acknowleged the greatness of Death Cab for Cutie ( my disdain towards everything "The O.C." related notwithstanding.)

The New York Post (I think) recently called this one of the 100 best covers of all time, though as I was thinking about it and I don't know if I can think of 100 really popular and well known cover versions. Anyway the song was featured on the soundtrack to Wicker Park, a movie that I avoided because I heard it was horrible. But the song Against All Odds makes me grudgingly give respect to Phil Collins

Against All Odds (mp3)

but I think my absolute favorite song by The Postal Service is The District Sleeps Alone Tonight. it is one of those songs where I can fully relate to the emotions behind the lyrics; I mean I don't know how often I wish I was a visitor and not permanent. And the idea of being so out of context, especially in gaudy apartment complexes, or maybe just the idea of sleeping alone. Anyway it's an utterly amazing song, that I'm sure all of you know. I actually think this was the first Postal Service video I saw and one that allowed me my fantasy of Ben Gibbard and Dntel having never been in the same room at the same time.


The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (mp3)

and so for all of those reasons, plus the fact they were Stuck In My Head yesterday with We Will Become Silhouettes, The Postal Service is the Best Band Ever*

Other goodies in mp3 form:
There's Never Enough Time

And the song Brand New Colony has such wow lyrics

I'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and
served with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman.
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the
ancient brick where you will sit
and contemplate your day.

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you
start drowning in an open tab when your
judgement's on the brink.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
albums back as you're lying there, drifting off
to sleep... drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes; undo what heredity's done to you:
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes.
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped
straight to the throat with the collar up so
you won't catch a cold.

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
and kiss you on the mouth.
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of
this scene, start a brand new colony.
Where everything will change, we'll give
ourselves new names. Identities erased.
The sun will heat the grounds, under our bare
feet in this brand new colony.
This Brand new colony...

Everything will change, Ooo ooo..

I mean if I was the swooning kind... what the hey ::swoons::
Brand New Colony (Live at KCRW) (mp3)

Buy Give Up (amazon)

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My Favorite Backdrop

Miranda July obviously reading The Dumbledore Story.
seriously though I hope they rent that out for like Queer class photos (picture from the Modern Times Bookstore)

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Your Stuck in my Head Song of the Day

I've had this song in my head since maybe Saturday(?) so this is a great opportunity to not only have an amazing song in this spot but also to get it out of my head (and possibly give a clue to Best Band Ever*, maaybe.) it's by Ben Gibbard and Dntel otherwise known as The Postal Service (y'know the one that doesn't screw up your mail way too often) and the song is We Will Become Silhouettes:

I've got a cupboard with cans of food,
filtered water, and pictures of you
and I'm not coming out until this is all over.
And I'm looking through the glass
Where the light bends at the cracks
And I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
Pretending the echoes belong to someone
Someone I used to know

And we become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
ba ba ba ba

I wanted to walk through the empty streets
And feel something constant under my feet,
But all the news reports recommended that I stay indoors
Because the air outside will make
Our cells divide at an alarming rate
Until our shells simply cannot hold
All our insides in,
And that's when we'll explode
(And it won't be a pretty sight)

And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go
ba ba ba ba

My only question is we will become silhouettes when our bodies go "ba ba?" or will we become silhouettes when our bodies finally go...with ba ba being a whimsical utterance. And I think I may like an image of becoming a silhouette, though that image kind of reminds me of the typical remains of victims like in a nuclear blast, which is depressing. Either way here is the video (with the fabulous Jenny Lewis) for Your Stuck In My Head Song of The Day "We Will Become Silhouettes" by The Postal Service


I've decided I really like this video; it reminds me of a time and place I have never known but still seems strangely familiar and the end totally reminds me of like Luke staring at the twin suns of Tatooine (god I'm such a nerd) [And that's why I thought it gave off that strange Napoleon Dynamite feel-they were both directed by the same guy, Jared Hess]


The Postal Service- We Will Become Silhouettes (download) buy Give Up

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Apocalypse 2007: "The Fire This Time" Mix

this is probably in incredibly poor taste (though if it's any type of consolation my mom is paranoid she can smell the smoke from her house.)
As I'm sure you've heard Southern California is on fire. Growing up there, there always seemed to be a few major wildfires each year so I at first didn't think this was so different but the fact that fires are ranging from basically Mexico to almost Santa Barbara is really unique and intense and really scary. I still have faith in the whole world not being consumed by flames though.
But I decided to be the first insensitive bitch to make a Fire playlist for no other reason than because the idea was in my head and I couldn't shake it. So...

The Langley Schools Music Project-Wildfire (download) buy Innocence and Despair
Gorillaz-Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's Head (download) buy Demon Days
Metallica-Jump Into The Fire (download) buy Kill 'Em All
Tom Vek- "C-C (You Set The Fire In Me)" [download] buy We Have Sound
Charlotte Gainsbourg-Set Yourself On Fire (download) buy 5:55


Dead Milkmen-If You Love Someone Set Them on Fire (download) buy Metaphysical Graffitti
Johnny Cash- Ring of Fire (download) buy The Essential Johnny Cash
Bishop Allen- Ring of Fire (download)
Antony & The Johnsons- Blue Angel (download) buy Antony and the Johnsons
Bruce Springsteen- I'm on Fire (download) buy Born In The U.S.A.
Noisettes-Burn (download) buy Three Moods of the Noisette
Elton John- Burn Down The Mission (download) buy Tumbleweed Connection
Red Hot Chili Peppers- Fire (download) buy What Hits?!
Franz Ferdinand- This Fire (download) buy Franz Ferdinand
The Coral- Wildfire (download) buy The Coral
Rage Against The Machine-Sleep Now In The Fire (download) buy The Battle Of Los Angeles

Yeah I admit this was way way too soon but... if you feel guilty, save the songs for the rainy day that will hopefully come soon ::knock on wood::

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Tupac: Resurrected

Bentley Green with his single "Hey Mama"

What went through my head upon first watching this: shock, awwww he's so cute, wow how old is that kid?, awww he loves his mom, did he just say "peer?," I wonder who wrote this for him? But the kid was obviously born to be a rapper, I mean Bentley Green; Bentley. Green. His name just smacks of materialism and excess. If this was a few years ago (or back when I was like 8) he already would have had a record deal.

btw, The song he's rapping over and obviously inspired by, is Dear Mama (download) though the chorus he seems to have taken from 2Pac's earlier Keep Ya Head Up (download) which is tremendous all around considering this kid was born like 5 years after he died. And people don't believe in reincarnation with such evidence.
Just a word of advice to Bentley though, if you ever encounter any giant men nicknamed Suge, run. Run far and run fast. And hopefully things will work out better this time around...

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My Friday Post

or Making Up For Lost Time.

I had to fix my computer this weekend, which was why, as you may have noticed Friday was bare. So this is the post where I try to condense all of my Friday "regular" features into one post. Andiamo

Coonie Tunes

Wow that was racist

Liquid Fantasies:

• Vin Mariani, a wine infused with leaves from authentic coca plants
• Gold Flake Martini
• Gérard Bertrand's "Numerology Wine" based on personality
• The Beer Sccop.
• and the Tiger Woods' sports drink, not to be confused with the Tiger Woods cocktail:

• 1 oz vodka
• 2 oz lemon juice
• 2 oz cranberry juice
• Fill a highball glass with ice, add the vodka, lemon juice and cran. Garnish with a lemon wedge and serve.

Drink Of The Week-
The Three Day Weekend
1 part Jagermeister® herbal liqueur
1 part Malibu® coconut rum
1 part pineapple juice
1 part grenadine syrup

Fill a hurricane glass with plenty of ice. Add Jägermeister and rum first. Top off with pineapple juice and grenadine. Shake well.

And I would have had a post asking how Viva Laughlin ever got on the air, and also wondering what would be the next predictable celebrity arrest- Kid Rock at a Shoney's? (close) [just kidding]
before ending the day with an upbeat danceable Stuck in My Head Song of the day

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Barack Obama Hates Dumbledore

(probably.)
(as I'm sure everyone has heard by now) At an event on Friday J.K. Rowling announced that Albus was gay. The exchange-

The question was: Did Dumbledore, who believed in the prevailing power of love, ever fall in love himself?

JKR: My truthful answer to you... I always thought of Dumbledore as gay. [ovation.] ... Dumbledore fell in love with Grindelwald, and that that added to his horror when Grindelwald showed himself to be what he was. To an extent, do we say it excused Dumbledore a little more because falling in love can blind us to an extent? But, he met someone as brilliant as he was, and rather like Bellatrix he was very drawn to this brilliant person, and horribly, terribly let down by him. Yeah, that's how i always saw Dumbledore. In fact, recently I was in a script read through for the sixth film, and they had Dumbledore saying a line to Harry early in the script saying I knew a girl once, whose hair... [laughter]. I had to write a little note in the margin and slide it along to the scriptwriter, "Dumbledore's gay!" [laughter] "If I'd known it would make you so happy, I would have announced it years ago!"

There is a chance that (if the cameras weren't rolling) Barack would not have been among the enthusiastic and embracing horde. This is from Queerty:

The Democratic senator and his staff announced the “Embrace the Change” gospel tour. The tour, which cruises around South Carolina, will include gospel acts Mary Mary, Hezekiah Walker, Bryon Cage and ... Donnie McClurkin, a man who would really like gays to embrace the change:

"Gospel singer Donnie McClurkin, who has detailed his struggle with gay tendencies and vowed to battle “the curse of homosexuality,” said yesterday he’ll perform as scheduled at the Republican National Convention on Thursday, despite controversy over his view that sexuality can be changed by religious intervention."

Wait, let’s get this straight: Barack Obama, who pandered to gay voters at HRC’s gay forum, will now join forces with a self-repressed religionist? Obama, a man who preaches about political hope, has enlisted a McClurkin, who blames his homosexuality on being raped and one said, “I’ve been through this and have experienced God’s power to change my lifestyle…I am delivered and I know God can deliver others, too.”

Obama’s religious affairs director Joshua DuBois celebrated the announcement, saying

"This is another example of how Barack Obama is defying conventional wisdom about how politics is done and giving new meaning to meeting people at the grassroots level. This concert tour is going to bring new people into the political process and engage people of faith in an unprecedented way."

Not to mention giving gay voters a new view of a candidate who’s devotion to potentially oppressive religion may prove troublesome.

I've said it so many times before but "Whatever happened to the politics of hope?" I shouldn't be surprised though, you can't spell Barack Hussein Obama without B.S. And this is either an obvious attempt to appeal to members of Southern Black community, unfortunately a lot of whom are homophobic and religious and Barack really has no morals or a true belief in equality and is willing to hitch his wagon to anyone and anything that can help his campaign or
there's too much conservatism in his compassion. And I'm sure it will be said that the candidate doesn't necessarily have to agree with every performer's every belief but to choose one who is so...who has the position that you can change your sexuality which is against science and can lead to so much confusion and turmoil in peoples' hearts (I think the ex-gays and Christians "recruit" far more than any "gay group") and the notion that being raped can lead to homosexuality sort of furthers the myth and notion that "homosexuals are all pedophiles" when there are so many other Christian singers who are quite popular who don't make such ignorant and hurtful claims, well it kind of seems to me like an equivalent to having Ted Nugent play a concert for you, with your approval, and then trying to court the PETA vote.


and on a side note when I first read the tease that Rowling outed a character I first thought it was a little cheap she didn't do it in a book and then I immediately thought it was Neville. I'm not sure why, maybe because his name is Neville (Longbottom, if you will) or that I don't remember him dating and in that epilogue it didn't say he married. but Dumbledore works as well, though it is quite sad that he lived for most of his life without anyone. Neville, according to J.K. got married to Hannah Abbot and lived above a pub.

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Fun on Live TV

So I watched Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday because John Edwards was scheduled to be on as a guest. His interview went pretty well (except for the awkwardness of the first few questions when it seemed John was trying to decide how comedic or open to be with it and at the end when Bill Maher suggested he'd donate to the campaign if he didn't think it would hurt at this point John stuck his hand out and pointed into it "Money" which really doesn't help to combat the image of rich guy loving money and is a misstep that I could see being edited into commercials down the road, though he did wear a purple tie that I liked as it could be used to symbolize a United America with its blending of Red and Blue) and the crowd loved him. [You can watch it here or]

After John's segment was over I kept watching because I guess I didn't want to take the time or effort to change the channel, but I'm glad I didn't because then the hecklers started and it was really compelling and tense and I felt awkward watching it

Seriously though where was the security? It took them forever (and in "real time" it seemed like a lot longer than the 4 and a half minutes.) I don't think I would have been upset if they had gotten tasered, bro. For the whole rest of the show I kept expecting to hear someone screaming from the audience and though it was annoying and rude this incident totally gave Bill Maher the most press and attention since he suggested that the 9/11 hijackers weren't cowardly.

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Things To Do: Monday-Wednesday

(because I don't plan any farther in advance, and so neither should you. plus these things can get so unwieldy at times...)

• Monday: Boys Like Girls at the House of Blues, Jesus And Mary Chain at the House of Blues-Anaheim, at the Billy Wilder Theatre "Actor Anthony Hopkins screens his directorial effort Slipstream (2007), about an actor/screenwriter’s breakdown spawned by his inability to distinguish reality from fiction, co-starring Christian Slater and John Turturro" , at the Wadsworth Theatre "Stephen Farber’s Fall 2007 Monday night series continues with The Kite Runner, based on the bestseller about an Afghan family’s experience of the Soviet invasion through the rise of the Taliban. Guest speakers include producers Rebecca Yeldham and William Horberg and actor Shaun Toub" @ 7, An Hour inside My Brain “Kristine Zbornik's musical-comedy cabaret” at L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center- Renberg Theatre, or the Russian Patriarchate Choir at Royce Hall "They dress in long cassocks and look like monks in the throes of their devotions. No flashy stage antics here — the sober 12-member Russian Patriarchate Choir is the only vocal ensemble authorized to officially represent the Moscow Patriarchy of the Russian Orthodox Church, and do they ever do their job. Formed by courageous and dedicated singer/scholars during the latter part of the Soviet regime, the choir spent years unearthing and decoding sacred manuscripts, despite government censure of sacred music, and gave the first performances of works that had been buried for centuries. Today, they are at the forefront of the exciting renaissance that’s at last bringing this rich vocal tradition to the world’s attention. Led by Anatoly Grindenko, the all-male a cappella ensemble demonstrates its “expressive and visceral sound” and vocal range in its Royce Hall debut program that runs the glorious gamut from medieval chant and 16th- to 19th-century church music to Russian folk songs both melancholy and ebullient."
• Tuesday: Interpol at the Forum(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!), Jesus and Mary Chain at The Wiltern, Gemma Hayes (with Holly Conlan, Christina Courtin, Angie Mattson ) at the Hotel Café, or Jill Sobule at the Largo.
• Wednesday: A Double Feature at The Egyptian- "The Outside Man" then "Classe Tous Risques," Sia at the El Rey or Múm at the Orpheum
  
  
  

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Monday Morning Cuteness

Ok my computer is continuing to be really (finicky/bitchy/annoying) so I don't know how posting will go today (as it didn't go at all on Friday-sorry) but since it's working now here's a simple and short but sweet Monday Morning Cuteness

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Your Stuck in my Head Song(s) of the Day

I'd be lying if I said I had gotten Ben's Brother- "Stuttering" out of my head today. I mean it's the catchiest song I've heard in a long while so here is what I wrote about it this morning:
but the reason I especially like the commercial is because of the song, which has the best use of stuttering in any song outside of Roger Daltrey in My Generation, and I was immediately drawn to.
So I did a little research and found out the song is by Ben's Brother and is called, appropriately enough, Stuttering:

It's been, it's been, it's been, it's been
su-su-such a long time, long time, long time
since anybody touched me, touched me, touched me
the way that you touch me
So if I stutter, stutter, stutter
and I feel so so so unsexy
so maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut at least until you kiss me

[Chorus:]
So kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my su-su su-su su-su su-su-su- suffering

[Verse 2:]
I know I know
it's sy it's sy-sy-symbolic of everything
Everything that's wrong with me and you
So tell me what I'm supposed to do
Oh it's been ages since we've been really honest
but I can make ch-ch-ch-changes if you really want this

[Chorus]
So kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my *su-su su-su su-su su-su-su- suffering

Aww. It's such a regular song structure and normal (for me) and kind of reminds me of the mid to late 90s rock vibe, but it's so cute and romantic and awesome and I love it. I kind of don't want to hear any of their other stuff for fear that this image of have of them was merely an aberration. But don't let me stop you.

Ben's Brother-Stuttering (mp3) buy it on iTunes



The more I listened to them the more I decided they could be around for awhile. So get in on the ground floor. Here's a fan video:


Though another song did come to mind today, in a very roundabout way. I had The (International) Noise Conspiracy's "I Wanna Know About U" in my head since yesterday but I couldn't find a video for it, so, out of necessity and because the songs kind of sound the same after watching their video for Smash It Up that became Your (other) Stuck in My Head Song of the Day



I love proletariat chic. And I've decided I really want to find a place where I can find out what flashes on those signs, because I'm lazy and don't want to pause the video every two seconds. But the lyrics are straight truth; peep knowledge:

I want to smash it up for all the workers who spent hours into nothing
I want to smash it up for all my sisters who got caught up in this funky system
I want to smash it up just like a locust, like a satellite shooting rockets
I want to smash it up in every way I can, right now I think I want to be your man
smash it up yeah, when I'm down
I want to smash it up for all the kids who, who got fucked up just like their parents did
I want to smash it up, the gods and masters who made us die so much faster
yeah yeah, you know I wanna smash it up
yeah yeah, you know we gotta smash it up
yeah yeah, common pretty smash it up
everybody right now, common everyone
smash it up yeah, when I'm down
I want to smash it up for all the people and for our right to be, to be treated equal
I want to smash it up for all my friends, I hope you stick around until the very end
yeah yeah, you know I wanna smash it up
yeah yeah, you know we gotta smash it up
yeah yeah, everybody wants to smash it up
common everyone right now, yeah
smash it up yeah, when I'm down, yeah
I wanna smash it up

Damn right. We all should want to smash it up. Anyway since they are revolutionaries, I doubt that they can get too upset about me sharing the song with y'all.

The (International) Noise Conspiracy-Smash It Up (download)

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A TMI Classic: Disconnection

I really had nothing on my mind to write about this week but since today I spent a long time writing probably too much to Hubby, a kind of long winded apology for not being as dilligent and punctual on my previous letters. And the whole letter was about how I didn't want my suckiness to be a sign of wanting to lose touch, but was rather caused by my own neuroses and that I don't ever want to be disconnected from her. Which was the point of this TMI, about my precedent of losing touch with people whenever they're out of sight, It's from the 9th of August and if you haven't read it, it's new to you:
I've been stressing over this for so long and I think it totally ruined my last letter to Hubby, it was full of laments and worries about not being able to keep in touch with people, which is it seems stupid to write to a person you actually want to stay in touch with. But it was what was on my mind when I was writing and it's what came out. I really should like start planning what I write, and in a larger sense do; spur of the moment, stream of consciousness might not always be the best way to go through life.
But enough about that, it's TMI Thursday, though on nights like this, these posts would be bettered labeled as a therapy session where I just vent, because I have no scinitillating details or stories. One of my biggest regrets and character flaws that I feel I have is my absolute inability to maintain a friendship when I am not in the same zip code with someone. I don't know what it is exactly. I used to trot out the excuse of "any one that's not in my field of vision is dead to me" it seemed cool in that devil may care live in the moment way but I think it was to compensate for those times when I would just forget about people, like during breaks, or not budget time to call them. I should probably start this at the beginning otherwise I'll be jumping around so much and this will be so jumbled that your comprehension level will be the same as if I never wrote this.
I suppose it started at middle school. All my friends before lived relatively close to me and we would hang out a good deal in the summers. In my neighborhood I didn't really know any of the kids because I was bussed to a magnet school like an hour away and so that started my cycle of only being friends with people I knew from school. Home was perhaps a separate sphere, a bitter sanctuary where I didn't feel the need to be so perfect and on top of every thing but rather a place to sit in my underwear watching television. But in middle school it was different. I remember in 7th grade math class how we all had to mark where we lived on some map and I lived so far south from everyone else that another map had to be brought on. That combined with such a long bus ride, and being middle school awkward with acne and bad teeth and not nearly that level of wealth totally contributed to self consciousness and maybe feeling embarassed about everything. but I still had friends that I would hang out with that lived pretty close so that was fine, and in the summer we would have some football passing tournaments so I would see my other friends as well. But those feelings of isolation only increased when kids started throwing parties and I could never go because they lived in the valley or whereve and it only got worse in high school. I never got my licence because I was never confident about driving; I would use as my excuse that I tend to daydream like all the team and never thought I had the focus to be a good driver, but underlying that was just my parent's driving histories and how I was in like 4 car accidents before I was 11 and my mom one night got into a pretty sever multi car one. I'm sure that ruined my confidence and that fear was always in the back of my head. But as I couldn't drive my mobility in that area of the city was severely limited, but now as I write this I don't feel it was that big a deal at the time. I had friends and I was never lonely; that element of knowing you would see them all again in a few months really neutralized feelings of estrangement. By the time I graduated I was so ready to move on and start the next phase that that fall I never really thought about anyone; they were off at college and I had decided to do AmeriCorps; everything seemed ordered and in place.
My AmeriCorps year was perfect for me; everyone I needed to talk to and be close to were with me like 24-7 for months; I didn't have time to think about the outside world, but after our closing ceremony on the way to the airport I remember crying so much (before I passed out due to lack of sleep) that I may never see those people, who were my life for that year, again.
I tried to stay in touch with everyone who was important to me, and I was actually successful; I visited them in Texas and Florida, certain people I would call weekly, I even got back in touch with a few people from high school.
But as I got into college, according to popular legend, I really didn't talk for the first few weeks, I don't remember that, but when I went off to visit one of my friends who was working in Vermont for fall break, by myself a rumour was spread that I was delayed in a snow pile in Canada, which was incredibly untrue but still a great legend. And perhaps created my reputation as a loner type.
(I don't know where I'm going with this, and the rum...maybe its not helping)
Anyway everyone loved me but I guess I was still a little distant or withdrawn but it was fine. I started a frat yada yada. I guess my current malaise started. Being friends with pre Type-As has its problem, as they have planned their lives and schedule each summer with internships to further their future careers. Each summer this was the same, they'd be off doing amazing things and I'd be in L.A. chilling, because I never really cared about internships, ( I wouldn't know what to intern for) and I was more that life will work it self out. But over that first summer we had sort of an email mailing list which I never knew about until that fall ( for reasons I don't want to get into in this post) but apparently my lack of activity in that forum led to notions of my demise. Apparently I didn't talk to any of them until I called one of my girlfriends for her birthday, which, according to her, pissed off a lot of our friends because they thought I wasn't as close to her as I was to them.
Anyway time passes, everything changes I stayed the same. My friends from high school I lost touch with; people graduate and move, and the same with my AmeriCorps team and google searches don't really help when one of your friend's name is Katie Holmes (damn you Tom Cruise.) But I don't think it was the whole "preparing for life/doing amazing things" vs. whatever I occupied my time with. Sophomore year when I was freaking out over a lot of things and possibly terrifying Theresa with my depressive/suicidal thoughts she laid out a theory. I think I was telling her about a dream that I always had when I was really clinically depressed of everyone I have ever known or been close to, being a face on a series of hills and how if I did kill myself they all would be affected in some way, and how maybe I didn't get too close to people because I didn't want to be too close and then cause them more pain if I did commit suicide, hence my "distant" nature. And this came from my best and most important emotional friend. She probably was right at that point. I was quite unhappy with my life and being a boy and maybe I thought by forcing some distance, emotionally, between myself and others I would be in a way protecting them, though I think my distancing may have contributed to an aura of hidden mystery with me. I got that a lot. I'm sure my repressed transsexuality also helped to make me shut myself off to some people, to some extent.
The summertime separations were hard no lie, just because all of my friends were on the east coast where they could continue a sembalance of a social life, while I was stuck here with no one I know. But just like in high school the hope of the next school year and the knowledge that I would see them again sped the months along. But of course, as I am wont to do, while I was getting close to one group of people I became "too busy" to talk with some of my old friends. It seems that if they would call it would always be at a weird or bad time. And I never got around to calling them back. I think there was the fear of not knowing what to say, the fear of maybe our only real connection being our shared experiences without which our conversations would be full of awkwardness. The knowledge that our lives would never be so tightly wound again, that we were moving apart. But its not like I never stopped thinking about them I think I just stopped being confident in talking to them, like somehow I failed in some way.
That kind of thinking lead to a love of my life marrying someone else.
And actually I think thats it, thats what's troubling me right now. I think its the fact that, especially know when I've been called an inspiration and courageous by starting my transition that I feel pressure to be something extraordinary, to live some amazing life. And so I feel guilty about when my life consists of me being stressed and feeling inadequate and mocked by hidden glances. There just seems to be a life exemplar that I'm not living that I feel disappoints those who care about me. That and the fact I still can't get a job. And so I think i'm scared of that same old fear that with physical separation there will be an emotional one as well. I really feel this pressure and subconsciously hold onto this belief that without a job, at this point I'm a bit of a failure and so I'm embarrassed. I measure myself and find me lacking. Or maybe its that other fear that I'm really not interesting as a person and I have nothing interesting to say; that deep down we were never really friends but rather that connection was forged due to circumstance and common trial. Like now I have phone dates to schedule with some of my really good girl friends who are so far away and I'm just terrified, which is not okay. I think thats why I'm kind of liking my guy friends right now who I exchange taunting e-mails or drunken texts with; purely emotional less. And that safety blanket of knowing I'll see them back at Harvard Westlake or at Duke is gone and I think that uncertainty is something that is incredibly troubling, that playtime is over and the real world is all I'll know from now on; I need to get through that but I don't know how to yet. (Oh and the fact I'm a girl now may complicate a few of my relations with friends from high school. I would love to go our athletic alumni reunion but I'm sure that would not go over well. Or smoothly. But just most of those friendships are out until a move is made on either side. So frustrating.)
And though I keep in touch with aim and facebook and whatever they just seem so false and tinny. I'm not sure if I could call someone, like verbally at this point. I'm not sure my voice would stand for it. Plus I hate my voice right now.
But there are some people I do make an effort to reach out to and I think the fact that they haven't reciprocated is really exacerbating my feelings. I really need to work through my self esteem issues. And realize these people actually do care about who I really am, and they are maybe the only ones on this whole planet who do. And to lose them as I fear I have lost everyone else would be the worst thing I could do, in the near future or for the whole of my life. Maybe my therapists would help me get rid of this self doubt; I just wish I could trust her as much as I do this blank screen.Maybe I do do better at a distance and maybe I'm that egotistical where I want to only say my piece and control the flow of a conversation to direct it away from anything I'm not comfortable with. But that's not okay. I'm tying to be open and truthful in every aspect of my life and I feel that to keep anything from my friends is a cop out and a lie. I really need to let go and trust and hope for the best in all aspects of my life, especially one so vital and needed and vital. I think what I need more than anything is an unsolicited I Love You.
But this too will pass. Once I get this damn elusice job I'll feel better about myself and feel like a person. Until then I'm going to try to keep writing letters to Hubby every month at least, and also to Suj and maybe that will be my means of communication to all my friends. It really does convey such a sense of humanity and personality, of care and thoughtfulness which is what I want all my friends to feel about me. That I do love them more than anything. And I'm done otherwise this will end up being more of the same than it's already been. Ugh I feel like Eric Carmen, like way too much like Eric Carmen.

Yeah all of the above? It probably made no sense.

okay and as I wrote Hubby today one more instance came to memory, that I'm not sure if I wrote above but I can't read my own writing. Anyway it was about how a girl, a friend of mine in like 2nd or 3rd grade went to live in Africa with her parents, who I think we're doctors, and I promised to write her and send her tapes of her favorite show, Rescue 911. I of course never did and never read the letter she wrote to me, I think. Oh and a "romantic rival" of mine for her asked me to send her a tape, which was him singing a Color Me Badd song which I listened to and then lost someplace in my closet. I think that incident shaped my life.

oh and 30 Rock is so damn hilarious. There was a brilliant joke tonight about family skeletons in the closet and Jack Donaghy, in passing mentioned his brother Tim who "bet on NBA games." It was great for me.

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Speechifying About: A Story of Two People

As I mentioned before, today I had to take a few hours to write important things, aka a long overdue letter to someone who I thought and maybe still think is the love of my life which got me thinking about actually having a love for life and a relationship that lasts and how that may play out. And so this monologue from Paris, Texas came to me. It tells the tale of a love I hope to never experience, though there is immense beauty in it as well. It is a story of a life together. and this is right near then end of the movie so SPOILER ALERT but this is one of those movies where you really can't spoil all the beauty just by knowing the end


I knew these people ...

(What people?)

These two people.

They were in love with each other.

The girl was ...
very young, about seventeen or eighteen, I guess.
And the guy was ...
quite a bit older.
He was kind of raggedy, wild.
She was very beautiful, you know.
(Yeah)
And together they turned
everything into a kind of an adventure,
and she liked that.
Just an ordinary trip
down the grocery store was ...
full of adventure.
They were always laughing at stupid things.
He liked to make her laugh.
And ...
they didn't much care for anything else,
Because all they wanted to do was be with each other.
They were always together.
(Sounds like they were very happy.)
Yes, they were.
They were real happy.
And he, he loved her more than he ever felt possible. He couldn't stand being away from her, uh ...
during the day when he went to work.
So, he quit.
Just to be home with her. Then he got another job when the money ran out,
then he quit again.
But pretty soon, she started to worry.
(About what?)
Money, I guess.
Not having enough. Not knowing
when the next check was coming in.
(Yep.
I know that feeling.)
So he started to get kind of ...
torn inside.
(How do you mean?)
Well he knew he had to work to support her,
but he couldn't stand being away from her, either.
(I see.)
And the more he was away from her, the crazier he got.
Except now, he got really crazy.
He started imagining all kinds of things.
(Like what?)
He started thinking that she was seeing other men on the sly.
He'd come home from work and accuse her of
spending the day with somebody else.
He'd yell at her, break things in the trailer.
(The trailer?)
Yes.
They lived in a trailer home.

(Excuse me, sir.
But were you in to visit me the other day?
I don't mean pry.)

No.

(Oh. I thought I recognized
your voice for a minute.)

No.
Wasn't me.

(Mm-hmm.
Please go on.)

Anyway, he started to drink real bad.
And he'd stay out late to test her.
(What do you mean "test her"?)
To see if she'd get jealous.

(Ha.
Mm-hmm.)

He wanted her to get jealous, but she didn't.
She just worried about him, but that got him even madder.
(Why?)
Because ...
he thought if she never got jealous of him, she didn't really care about him.
Jealousy was a sign of her love for him.
And then one night, one night, she told him she was pregnant.
She was about three or fourth month pregnant, and he didn't even know.

And then suddenly everything changed.

He stopped drinking, he got a steady job.
He was convinced that she loved him now, because she was carrying his child.
And he was going to dedicated himself to making a home for her.
But a funny thing started to happen.
(What?)
He didn't even notice it at first.
She started to change.
On the day the baby was born, she began to get irritated with everything around her.
She got mad at everything.
Even the baby seemed to be an injustice to her.
He kept trying to make everything all right for her.
Buy her things.
Take her out to dinner once a week.
But nothing seemed to satisfy her.
For two years, he struggled to put them back together like they were when they first met.
Finally, he knew that it was never gonna work out.
So, he hit the bottle again.
But this time, it got mean.
This time when he came home late at night, she wasn't worried about him, or jealous, she was just enraged.
She accused him of holding her captive, by making her have a baby.
She told him that she dreamed about escaping.
That was all she dreamed about:
escape.
She saw herself at night, running naked down a highway.
Running across fields,
running down river beds,
always running.
And always, just as she was about to get away,
he'd be there.
He would stop her somehow.
He would just appear and stop her.
And when she told him these dreams,
he believed them.
He knew she had to be stopped,
or she'd leave him forever.
So he tied a cowbell to her ankle,
so he could hear it at night
if she tried to get out bed.
But she learned how to muffle
the bell by stucking a sock into it
and inched her away out bed and into the night.
He caught her one night,
when the sock fell out and he heard her trying to
run out to the highway.
He caught her, dragged her back to the trailer and tied her to the stove with his belt.
He just left her there, he went back to bed
and lay there and listening to her scream.
And he listened to his son scream.
He was surprised at himself because
he didn't feel anything anymore.
All he wanted to do was sleep.
And for the first time,
he wished he were far away.
Lost in a deep, vast country where nobody knew him.
Somewhere without language
or streets.
And he dreamed about this place
without knowing its name.
And when he woke up, he was on fire.
There were blue flames
burning the sheets of his bed.
He ran through the flames towards the only two people he loved.
But they were gone.
His arms were burning.
And he threw himself outside, and rolled on the wet ground.
Then he ran.
He never looked back at the fire.
He just ran.
He ran until the sun came up,
till he couldn't run any further.
And when the sun went down, he ran again.
For five days he ran like this until every sign of man had disappeared.




(Travis.)

(from Script-O-Rama)

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Ephemeral Desires: Things that are too cool/trendy for me*

but I still would like to see, see happen or experience

• I wish I had enough disposable income so I could really enjoy Polyvore like I feel I would with an extra few thousands
• I want to find a woman who actually needed a "Her Depot" or a pink gps because they just couldn't handle the real thing.
• According to US weekly, for Scientologist parents: "It's all about being positive and supportive," says the couple's friend (Hubbard advised parents to "try to be the child's friend.") As for discipline, one former church member tells Us that Scientologists do not scold their children, but instead explain that bad behavior (like throwing a toy) is the "wrong action." (A Scientology rep tells Us, "How a parent disciplines their child is left up to the parent.")Cruise and Holmes, says their pal, are very lenient and do not like to give Suri too many rules: "Suri pretty much does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. If she fusses before bed, they let her stay up later. If they want her to go swimming and she cries, they'll take her out. If she whines about food, they'll ask her what else she wants to eat. They always want to please her." Hmm I kind of wish my parents had been Scientologists. No wait, no.
• I wish I liked cookies more because this Cookie Diet by Dr. Siegal would then be AMAZING. Who am I kidding, it's amazing no matter what.
  
• Jay Reatard is apparently the new hottness. I feel I need to see him before he gets too popular and I feel he's sold out. I wonder if his name is pronounced Retard- I'm sure those jokes would get old fast.
• Speaking of music NaS' new album is rumored to be titled Nigga. I will actually support that if for no other reason than maybe on a receipt it will say I purchased 1 Nigga for like 13 bucks. So much for the NAACP burying the N-Word.
• Speaking of race, Whoopi has called upon Al Sharpton to apologize to the Duke Lacrosse kids, I mean it is the least he can do, though it won't actually do anything.
• The LA Times did a feature on X-Rated Prestige pictures, all of which I would like to see because I have a dirty mind plus I would enjoy the changing nature of decency and the artistic quality, of course. And some actually seem really interested and cool.
• This movie may not be "prestigious" but I want to see Juno because I love Michael Cera and so would see him in anything (short of a glass box having sex with my friend-that would be weird.) Juno is not a glass box and I don't think any of my friends are working on it so I am definitely there
• A movie I'm not sure I want to see: According to reports there may be a Brokeback Mountain sequel-"Although we won’t be seeing his pal Jake Gyllenhaal, 26, Heath Ledger, 28, is currently in negotiations to reprise his role as Ennis. “It will follow the nasty process of being openly gay in 1963 Wyoming, an insider tells OK!.� “Ennis will finally come out of the closet.” I actually don't know how I feel about that. I think I kind of wanting him to be in his trailer and pine endlessly for his one true love until he died, though this could work too.
• News on the Coming Glorious Socialist Revolution:
• The Chinese are thinking about setting up a Communist Branch in space...whenever they have a permanent space presence. That could be cool, though they may need a new logo. A hammer seems kind of ineffective and pointless in zero gravity.
• Back on this front in the Interplanetary Class War, Mikhail Gorbachev drew loud cheers in New Orleans Friday when he promised to lead a local revolution if the Army Corps of Engineers doesn't keep its promise to improve levees by 2011."We will be coming back," the Soviet Union's last leader said, through an interpreter, during a ceremony in the Lower Garden District. "If this pledge is not fulfilled, we will start a new revolution in New Orleans." though let's not forget Gorbachev let the Soviet Union fall apart with his damn freedoms. Still I'm all about revolution, and if there should be a rallying point New Orleans is the place- the city the government forgot.
• I want to unexpectedly run into a portrait of a saint that J. Michael Walker painted in honor of certain L.A. streets. That was a great part of Rome seeing images of saints on certain tucked away streets.
• Another unexpected surprise- now that I stumbled upon and learned about it I kind of want to put on a performance of Saucy Jack and the Space Vixens. Is that not the best name ever? For anything?
• Viacom is finally offering Daily Show clips online and they're doing it huge, by having 13,000 clips "representing every minute of the show since its 1999 inception" at thedailyshow.com Yes! I missed you Stephen vs. Steven.
  
• Slash, or Guns N'Roses and other sorts of epic rock hedonism has written a book, which doesn't seem like it will disappoint. You can read some excerpts here.
• I don't think there will be nearly as much sex and drugs in this but still:"The 99," an Islam-themed comic book complete with superheroes, hit stands in select U.S. cities. Like U.S. superheroes Batman and Superman, the characters are not overtly religious, but rather promote universal values such as goodness and love.Each superhero embodies one of the 99 attributes that Muslims ascribe to Allah" I wouldn't imagine sampling that, for purely anthropological reasons of course.
  
• The newly planned Star Wars series should be interesting in its own right. I enjoyed Episode II and III and though I refuse to be so intense as to read the novels I do spend to much time in the Star Wars portal on Wikipedia, so I'm nerd enough to probably watch a few episodes.
• And finally I would love to see the guy who posted this ad and the person who would actually respond to it. And more to the point I hope it's real

I am looking for someone to come over and suck me off while I am eating a bowl of Hamburger Helper (orignial [sic] recipe) and chatting on the phone with my mother. Funny Girl will be playing on DVD with the volume off. I plan to ejaculate at the same time I say, “Okay, mom, gotta go, bye.”

I am 39, 4′10″, 190 lbs., thinning black hair, gray eyes, bushy mustache, hairy back but smooth everywhere else, 5″ cut cock - often told I look like a handsomer version of George Jetson’s boss.

I can host tonight in my apartment on 39th and Bleecker. Please, no freaks, smokers or Muslims.

My therapist would have a lot of fun with him. But seriously " no freaks, smokers or Muslims" that's funny. Well done, well done.

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