Political Porno: Radar Breaks The Campaign Wide Open

Radar Magazine has an pretty amazing edition out that focuses on the upcoming elections. Here are some highlights including their handwriting analysis of the candidates (more of which you can find here)

according to Radar you can see He wants to be perceived as a man of overpowering intellect and spirituality. His handle, however, reveals a man preoccupied with sex and fame. Grossly swollen capital letters indicate an Oprah-like need for attention. The phallic B deserves an NC-17 rating, while the slashed O in his surname may suggest fury at his absentee dad.
I can totally see that. He seems like a diva
as for Madame President

Her tall, legible script reveals a straight talker who's effective in a crisis—though sometimes a tad frosty. Note the steroidal bulk and soaring vertical strokes of Hillary. She sees herself as a brave pioneer. But the word Clinton is dwarfed in her signature.
Warning Signs:Rodham collapses into a vague scribble, suggesting she lies through omission.
BOTTOM LINE: Impressively presidential.
Even handwriting analysts think she has this in the bag (with the election more than a year away) ::sigh::
though of course this is a crock of a science. Just look what they say about John Edwards

So much for Edwards, the folksy, empathetic Southern gentleman: His whiplash of a handle reveals a loose cannon fixated on his own failings.
Warning Signs: Heavy-handed pressure hints at a frustrated man, in this case disappointed by his life (squashed lowercase letters). The extreme right slant is born of a reckless, girlish impulsiveness.
Yeah that makes no sense at all.
Anyway here are some of the funnest (or at least my favorite) facts that Radar has uncovered that you may not know about the candidates:

Barack Obama
His pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, known for militant screeds against the “United States of White America,” has met with Qaddafi and Farrakhan. “When [Barack’s] enemies find out,” Wright has predicted, “his Jewish support will dry up quicker than a snowball in hell.”
Drank, smoked pot, and used "a little blow" at his tony tropical prep school. Has suggested that this behavior was driven by a need to escape from the confusion of his racially mixed background, a story line rejected by a fellow mixed-race classmate as "bullshit." (I'm not suggesting that Barack is an addiction prone, antisemitic liar but...his middle name is Hussein) [UPDATE: and according to Lynne Cheney, Barack is Dick Cheney's 8th cousin. I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels we don't need another Cheney in power.)

Hillary Clinton
According to one biographer, keeps marriage together by advising spouse, "I need to be fucked more than twice a year." (I did not need to know that) Brothers Hugh and Tony allegedly accepted money from convicts to advocate for pardons.

John McCain
Remembered as "a tough, mean little fucker" in high school. Sent to juvenile court for telling two girls to "Stick it up your ass." Graduated fifth from the bottom of his class at Annapolis. As his flight instructor put it, he was "positively one of the weakest students to pass our way."
... Also showed poor judgment by dating a stripper named "The Flame Thrower."


Rudolph Giuliani
Started an opera club in high school. Recognized as "one of the pussies" in his college fraternity. As a young attorney, was "overweight, had a mustache, and was living in Queens." Advised wife of his intention to separate from her via TV press conference. Disliked by own children.
[snipped]
His father did time in Sing-Sing for robbing a milkman. In a possible homage to Pop, Giuliani admits that on one Father's Day, he canceled plans to play ball with his son to cheat on his wife with a staffer at City Hall. (Ha!)

Fred Thompson
"He was smart, but he was lazy," recalls a school chum, a sentiment confirmed by Thompson's yearbook quote: "The lazier a man is, the more he plans to do tomorrow." He was, however, able to muster the energy to impregnate his teenage girlfriend, sparking a small-town scandal.

John Edwards
Sold his $3.5 million house to a lobbyist for Saudi Arabia while investigating the country's role in 9/11 on the Senate Intelligence Committee. Exposed, he reneged on the deal but kept the $100,000 deposit. (Greed is an American Virtue)

Oh and White Separatists love Ron Paul.

God I love politics.

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