Funky Cold Medina

So Vh1 Classic is doing a 2009 for 2009 video marathon where they're going to play 2009 straight videos (in alphabetical order! for those obsessives among us) and it is pretty clearly the greatest thing ever. It's like if someone created the wheel, except if that wheel was made of sliced bread; anyway it's awesome and you should all be watching it and it's just begging for a far braver and wittier soul to give it the Beavis & Butthead" or MST treatment. (like i mean for this video of Ray Parker Jr's "Ghostbusters"- that's ripe for mocking. Watch it... "Busting makes me feel good" I'm sure it does Ray, I'm sure it does)

But anyway I was watching it and on came Tone Loc's classic (and only hit?) Funky Cold Medina, and it put me in the mind of something I used to do in the before time of this site; encourage alcoholism with fun and different cocktail recipes-woo! And in case you don't know the song, here it is (and don't mind the blatant trans/homophobial the 80s weren't all together perfect)

and for you all, here is apparently all you need (minus whatever gives it that bubbly cauldron vibe- dry ice would probably work I guess)

Funky Cold Medina
1 oz vodka
1 oz Southern Comfort
1 oz peach liqueur
1 oz blue curacao liqueur
top with cranberry juice
top with ice

Pour over ice and top off with cranberry juice.
Serve in "Mason Jar"

I wonder what to add to make a Funky Warm Medina*...it's been snowing off and on for weeks, and that's just not ok.

*though after a few of those I think anyone is gonna be feeling quite warm and funky

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It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere- Clamato’d Edition

I was watching Leaving Las Vegas last night and I was kind of interested in some of the background. As I tend do in these situations I went onto Wikipedia and found out that it was based on a book written by John O’Brien, a book which his father considered to be his "suicide note" .
From there I learned he was the brother of Erin O’Brien who writes a blog titled , The Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings
Which lead me to this frightening yet interesting “confession” of Erin’s about her addiction to Clamato.

Hello, my name is Erin, and I am a Clamatoholic. Clamato. Say it out loud and it sounds like a dirty word. Everyone crinkles their nose when I own up to loving it. Because culturally speaking, Clamato is like Spam's ugly-duckling stepsister. Canadians might drink this stuff by the gallon in their Bloody Caesars, but stateside, we think Clamato is weird or yucky or downright horrific - providing we know what it is.

"You drink tomato and clam juice?" my friends say with disgust after I explain the crux of Clamato.

"Um, yeah," I mumble and look down.

Even Motts is embarrassed by their 42-year-old clam drink. The label features a glistening glass of red liquid along with some celery, tomatoes, lime and, tucked behind the glass and barely visible, an innocuous-looking clam shell, as if to say, "Hey, there's lots to love in here! Never mind that pesky clam." Motts also doesn't like to own up to Clamato. The only place you'll find the maker's name is in tiny squeaking letters on the back label along with the mandatory address of origin and "product of USA."

Unlike buying a cute rectangular can of Spam, which is occasionally stacked in a we've-got-nothing-to-hide display at the end of the aisle (and yes, I have been known to wash down Ritz crackers topped with Spam and a dash of Tabasco with a Stroh's beer; and yes, I did even once make Spam sushi, which I proudly dubbed Cleveland Rolls), buying Clamato is a closeted experience.

Grocery managers know we Clamatoholics very well. Hence, there is never, ever a Clamato display of any sort. We don't like people watching us chew our nails as we fret over the "nutrition facts." And we'll pay any price, so you'll never see BOGO under the Clamato bottles, which are amid the land of Knudsen's Very Veggie and those dubious cans of Frank's Quality Kraut Juice.

Clamato is actually some combination of tomato concentrate, high fructose corn syrup, MSG, salt, onion/garlic powder, ascorbic acid "to maintain color" (I love that Mott's explains this ingredient to me, almost an apology: Hey, we only put the ascorbic acid in there to keep this shit good and red!), dried clam broth, vinegar and red 40 (Er ... about that last one, folks ... the tomatoes and ascorbic acid weren't quite doing the job so we went ahead and just added some of our regular red as well).

Eight ounces of Clamato contains 880 milligrams of sodium.

I tell myself every time that no one should drink anything that has 37 percent of the day's salt in one cup. What if I want a Cleveland roll later on? But one glass here and there, moderation and all that jazz, right? Thirty minutes on the elliptical will sweat that out, no problem.

With that intention, I pluck the stratified blood-red bottle from the shelf and drop it into my cart while evoking an image of tomorrow's breakfast: a whole wheat bagel, fat-free cream cheese and a sensible six-ounce glass of Clamato garnished with a lemon wedge. Call that a perfect send-off to the gym. What a good girl! Maybe I'll buy a fresh tube of pink lip gloss as well.

Full of self-satisfaction, I turn toward the rest of my errands, the remainder of the day and the fall of night.

The black space between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m. is populated with even sleep and soft dreams. But then come the nameless hours between 2 and 5, which bring the demons and desires, the sleepless fits. I toss and turn, thinking my useless thoughts: Where is the dry cleaning slip? You would look stupid in Robin Meade's make up. Do not eff up. So it goes until the image of the gleaming bottle of Clamato comes crashing in on all of it. I try to push it away to no avail. In no time, I am tiptoeing down the stairs, snickering to myself like a misplaced Grinch on his way to suck down the last can of Who Hash.

Nude save a pair of cotton undies, the miracle of the refrigerator light spills upon me. I wrap my hands around the bottle and shake, shake, shake, all my Erin flesh jiggling along in celebration.

I relish the twist of the cap. The sound of the breaking seal is barely audible, but satisfying nonetheless. I don't bother with a glass, just stand ablaze in the glorious illumination of the open refrigerator, guzzling the clammy, sweet, salty, tomato-y nectar. I cannot stop myself.

I. Fucking. Love. Clamato.

The next morning, I wake with the uncomfortable results of consuming 3,520 milligams of sodium and 240 calories of what is essentially colored, flavored and diluted high fructose corn syrup. I slither to the breakfast table. My husband clears his throat with no further comment on my bloated appearance or the empty Clamato bottle on the counter.

"Never again," I vow in a throaty voice. "I'm never buying it again!"

Six months later, beads of sweat form on my upper lip as I peer up at the top shelf of the grocery juice aisle and reach up with a shaking hand.

I had no idea what Clamato was but learning it was made of clam and tomato juice, well...yeah.
But anyway I took that article as an opportunity and decided to try to help salvage Clamato by mixing it with that ultimate redeemer of man- booze and so

Here are some recipes taken from the Clamato website

Clamato Tequila
Ingredients:
* Clamato
* Tequila
* Tabasco sauce

Preparation:
In a glass serve some tequila Worcestershire, Tabascoª sauce and one lemon juice. Fill with CLAMATO add some salt if you like it . Decorate it with celery and put some salt.

Clamato Vodka
Ingredients:
* Clamato
* Vodka
* Tabasco sauce
* Worcestershire

Preparation:
In a glass serve some vodka, English sauce, Tabascoª sauce and one lemon juice. Fill with CLAMATO add some salt if you like it.

Pablo´s Boilermaker
Ingredients:
* 1/2 oz. bourbon
* 4 oz. Ginger Ale Canada Dry
* 6 oz. Clamato

Preparation:
Combine bourbon and ginger ale in a shaker over ice.
Serve in a rocks glass over ice with a 6 oz glass of
Clamato garnished with black pepper.

Roasted Mary
Ingredients:
* 1 oz. vodka
* 2 Tbsp. diced roasted red pepper
* 4 oz. Clamato
* lime juice as needed
* cilantro for garnish

Preparation:
In a blender, combine vodka, peppers, Clamato, lime juice and ice and blend until smooth. Garnish with a sprig of cilantro.

Margarita Rioja
Ingredients:
* 1 1/2 oz tequila
* 4 oz. Clamato dash worcestershire sauce
* dash hot sauce
* dash cumin
* cilantro for garnish

Preparation:
In a shaker, combine everything but the cilantro and shake well. Serve in a rocks glass and garnish with cilantro.

Tijuana Taxi
Ingredients:
* 1 oz. vodka
* 4 oz. Clamato
* 1 oz. beer
* squeeze of lime juice
* dash of hot sauce

Preparation:
Combine all ingredients in a shaker and serve in a rocks glass with a wedge of lime.

Chipotle Cocktail
Ingredients:
* 1 oz. vodka
* 4 oz. Clamato
* Chipotle (las needed)
* Lemon juice

Preparation:
Combine all ingredients in a shaker and serve in a highball glass with lime garnish

Clamato Spritzer
Ingredients:
* 5 oz. Clamato
* 1 oz. Squirt
* Lime juice ¨Rose¨

Preparation:
Combine all ingredients in a shaker and serve in a highball with lime garnish.

a couple of other recipes out there:

Clamato Cocktail
11⁄2 fl oz (37 ml) vodka
3 fl oz (75 ml) tomato juice
1 fl oz (25 ml) clamato juice
ice cubes as required

1. Pour the vodka, tomato juice and clamato juice into a shaker with ice cubes. Shake well.
2. Strain the mixture over ice cubes into old-fashioned glass(es) and serve.

Beer and Clamato
12.0 oz Beer
0.75 oz Clamato juice
Directions: Preferably use a regular beer (blonde) or a light beer. Pour clamato into the glass (3-4 oz for a 12 oz beer) and top with beer. Very pleasant in hot weather or when you want to cut down on alcohol.

And of course the Bloody Caesar, which I spotlighted earlier
11⁄2 oz Vodka
3 Dashes Worcestershire Sauce
3 Dashes Tabasco
Salt & Pepper
Fill Clamato Juice

Line the rim of a glass with salt and pepper. Over ice, add vodka, fill with clamato juice, then add the remaining ingredients. Garnish with a celery stick.


None of those sound actually enticing to me but we all have different tastes…
Bottoms, up

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A Recipe for Life

As told by Muhammad Ali

A few cups of love
A tablespoon of patience
One teaspoon of generosity
One pint of kindness
One quart of laughter
One pinch of concern
Then mix willingness with happiness
Add lots of faith
Stir it up well
Spread it over the span of a lifetime

Serve to each and every (deserving) person you meet

That must cook up to be a sweet and delicious life indeed

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It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere- Best Picture Edition

Because the Oscars are a big deal, even if this year everyone was confused as to how they would go down, here is a really fun idea

“The Polo Lounge, that venerable dining establishment inside the Beverly Hills Hotel, is once again toasting the best-picture nominees with a special menu of Oscar-themed cocktails.”

And here they are- maybe you can mix them up for your Oscar parties (for recipes that weren't easily available you can as always, just wing it

No Country for Old Men: the Blood and Sand
3/4 oz Johnny Walker Red,
3/4 oz rosso vermouth
1/4 oz cherry brandy
1 1/2 oz orange juice

Shake over ice cubes, strain into a chilled cocktail glass, and serve
“Enough of those should give you a hangover that feels like a bolt-stunner to the melon.”

"The Juno drink is named for the frozen treat our hero upchucks into her stepmother's urn:" th Blue Slushee
2 oz Stoli raspberry,
2 oz blue curacao,
fill with lemonade,
blended with ice.

"There Will Be Blood's potable does not involve a milkshake. Rather, it's Texas Tea":
2 oz tequila
2 oz rum
2 oz vodka
2 oz gin
2 oz bourbon whiskey
2 oz triple sec
2 oz sweet and sour mix
splash with Coke

Fill a 1 gallon pitcher with ice. Add all the ingredients except the coca-cola. Stir, then add the coca-cola and stir again. Pour into your favorite glass with ice and enjoy.

For Michael Clayton, the Fixer:
(3/4 oz) amaretto,
(1 oz) cognac,
(1 oz) cherry brandy
and cream.
Strained over ice and served in a martini glass

inspired by Atonement the Bound by Love,
containing sloe gin,
Chambord,
lemon juice
and an egg white,
shaken with ice and served up.

And even though it didn’t get the nod it deserved Defamer speculated that the Diving Bell and the Butterfly drink would be the Paralyser
1/2 oz Tequila
1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Kahlua® Coffee Liqueur
4 oz Light Cream
4 1/2 oz Coca-Cola®

Pour tequilla, vodka and kahlua over ice in a collins glass
Half-fill with coke, and top with light cream or milk
Stir gently with a straw, and serve

And if you’re wondering this was last year’s cocktail menu:

The Nightcap for Good Night, and Good Luck, the ode to TV newsman Edward R. Murrow:
1 oz Kahlua
1 Dash Nutmeg
6 oz Milk
1 tsp Powdered Sugar

Heat milk
Add sugar
Add Kahlua
Nutmeg on top
Sleep tight

"Then there is the tongue-in-cheeky Jolly Rancher, the potable in honor of the gay Western romance Brokeback Mountain
2 oz vodka
1 oz Midori® melon liqueur
cranberry juice
Pour vodka and melon liqueur into a cocktail shaker, and fill with cranberry juice. Shake, pour over ice in a highball glass, and serve

In Cold Bloody Martini for Capote (a bloody mary with Absolut Citron and Absolut Peppar).
1 1/2 oz vodka
3 oz tomato juice
1 dash lemon juice
1/2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
2 - 3 drops Tabasco® sauce
1 lime wedge
Shake all ingredients (except lime wedge) with ice and strain into an old-fashioned glass over ice cubes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add the wedge of lime and serve.

The Olympian for the vengeance drama Munich
2 oz dark rum,
2 oz cherry brandy
fill with lime juice

"One could question The Carjacker (a highly potent variation on the Long Island with vodka, gin, rum, tequila, triple sec, sour mix and fresh orange juice) as making light of the racial conflicts that drive Crash. But one intoxicating sip will likely wash away any concerns.
1 part vodka
1 part tequila
1 part rum
1 part gin
1 part triple sec
1 1/2 parts sweet and sour mix
1 splash Orange juice

Mix ingredients together over ice in a glass. Pour into a shaker and give one brisk shake. Pour back into the glass and make sure there is a touch of fizz at the top. Garnish with lemon.

Salute. To Oscar.

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Happy New Year

Wow year 4705 just flew by, didn’t it?
Well welcome to 4706, the Year of The Rat.

I must admit I didn’t know it was this time of year until I noticed the Google logo, but
now we know and knowing is half the battle.

Let's know some more:

Legend has it that in ancient times, Buddha asked all the animals to meet him on Chinese New Year. Twelve came, and Buddha named a year after each one. He announced that the people born in each animal's year would have some of that animal's personality. Those born in rat years tend to be leaders, pioneers, and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking
William Shakespeare, and Mozart were all born in the year of the rat.
Fireworks and Family Feasts

At Chinese New Year celebrations people wear red clothes, decorate with poems on red paper, and give children "lucky money" in red envelopes. Red symbolizes fire, which according to legend can drive away bad luck. The fireworks that shower the festivities are rooted in a similar ancient custom. Long ago, people in China lit bamboo stalks, believing that the crackling flames would frighten evil spirits.
The Lantern Festival

In China, the New Year is a time of family reunion. Family members gather at each other's homes for visits and shared meals, most significantly a feast on New Year's Eve. In the United States, however, many early Chinese immigrants arrived without their families, and found a sense of community through neighborhood associations instead. Today, many Chinese-American neighborhood associations host banquets and other New Year events.

Chinese New Year ends with the lantern festival on the fifteenth day of the month. Some of the lanterns may be works of art, painted with birds, animals, flowers, zodiac signs, and scenes from legend and history. People hang glowing lanterns in temples, and carry lanterns to an evening parade under the light of the full moon.

In many areas the highlight of the lantern festival is the dragon dance. The dragon—which might stretch a hundred feet long—is typically made of silk, paper, and bamboo. Traditionally the dragon is held aloft by young men who dance as they guide the colorful beast through the streets. In the United States, where the New Year is celebrated with a shortened schedule, the dragon dance always takes place on a weekend. In addition, many Chinese-American communities have added American parade elements such as marching bands and floats.
(infoplease)

Some other attributes about The Year of The Rat

Being the first sign of the Chinese zodiacs, rats are leaders, pioneers and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking. Rat people are endowed with great leadership skills and are the most highly organized, meticulous, and systematic of the twelve signs. Intelligent and cunning at the same time, rats are highly ambitious and strong-willed people who are keen and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas, which often include money and power. They are energetic and versatile and can usually find their way around obstacles, and adapt to various environments easily. A rat's natural charm and sharp demeanor make it an appealing friend for almost anyone, but rats are usually highly exclusive and selective when choosing friends and so often have only a few very close friends whom they trust.

Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the cost. These people tend to have immense control of their emotions, which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both emotionally and mentally. Rats are masters of mind games and can be very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises. Quick-tempered and aggressive, they will not think twice about exacting revenge on those that hurt them in any way. Rats need to learn to relax sometimes, as they can be quite obsessed with detail, intolerant and strict, demanding order, obedience, and perfection.

Rats consider others before themselves, at least sometimes, and avoid forcing their ideas onto others. Rats are fair in their dealings and expect the same from others in return, and can be deeply affronted if they feel they have been deceived or that their trust has been abused. Sometimes they set their targets too high, whether in relation to their friends or in their career. But as the years pass, they will become more idealistic and tolerant. If they can develop their sense of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well, Rats can find true happiness.

According to tradition, Rats often carry heavy karma and at some point in life may face an identity crisis or some kind of feeling of guilt. Rats are said to often have to work very long and hard for everything they may earn or have in life. However, a Rat born during the day is said to have things a bit easier than those who are born at night. Traditionally, Rats born during the night may face extreme hardships and suffering throughout life. Rats in general should guard themselves against hedonism, as it may lead to self-destruction. Gambling, alcohol and drugs tend to be great temptations to Rat natives.

Traditionally, Rats should avoid Horses, but they can usually find their best friends and love interests in Monkeys, Dragons, and Oxen.

Professions include espionage, psychiatry, psychology, writing, politics, law, engineering, accounting, detective work, acting, and pathology.

(don’t ask me what the following necessarily means because I have no clue at all)

Zodiac Location	1st
Ruling hours	11pm-1am
Direction	North
Season and month	Winter, December
Chinese Lunar Month For The Rat	December 7 to January 5
Gemstone	Garnet
Colors	Black, red, white
Lucky Number	11
Roughly equivalent western sign	Sagittarius[]
Polarity	Yang
Element	Water
Food	Pork, peas, cabbage
Positive Traits	Meticulous, intelligent, shrewd, compassionate, charismatic, charming, ambitious, practical, industrious, honest, eloquent, versatile, familial, creative, hard-working, neat, organized, lovers of music, loving.
Negative Traits	Controlling, obstinate, resentful, lacks-a-sense-of-humor, manipulative, cruel, vengeful, power-driven, critical, possessive, stingy, bossy, fickle, defensive

and here is some information about New Year’s Cuisine that is really interesting

like Buddha’s Delight

Prep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Ingredients:

* 4 dried Shiitake or Chinese black mushrooms
* 1/2 cup dried lily buds
* 4 dried bean curd sticks
* 8 ounces bamboo shoots
* 6 fresh water chestnuts
* 2 large carrots
* 1 cup shredded Napa cabbage
* 4 ounces snow peas
* 1/4 cup canned gingko nuts
* 1 knuckle of ginger, crushed
* Sauce:
* 4 tablespoons reserved mushroom soaking liquid or vegetable stock
* 1 tablespoon Chinese rice wine or dry sherry
* 1 tablespoon dark soy sauce
* 1 teaspoon sugar
* 1/2 teaspoon sesame oil
* Other:
* Vegetable or peanut oil for stir-frying, as needed
* Salt, Accent or MSG to taste

Preparation:
1. In separate bowls, soak the mushrooms, dried lily buds, and dried bean curd sticks in hot water for 20 to 30 minutes to soften. Squeeze out any excess liquid. Reserve the mushroom soaking liquid, straining it if necessary to remove any grit. Remove the stems and cut the mushroom tops in half if desired.
2. Slice the bamboo shoots. Peel and finely chop the water chestnuts. Peel the carrots, cut in half, and cut lengthwise into thin strips. Shred the Napa cabbage. String the snow peas and cut in half. Drain the gingko nuts. Crush the ginger.
3. Combine the reserved mushroom soaking liquid or vegetarian stock with the Chinese rice wine or sherry, dark soy sauce, sugar and sesame oil. Set aside.
4. Heat the wok over medium-high to high heat. Add 2 tablespoons oil to the heated wok.
5. When the oil is hot, add the carrots. Stir-fry for 1 minute, and add the dried mushrooms and lily buds. Stir-fry for 1 minute, and add the water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, snow peas and ginger. Stir in the shredded cabbage and gingko nuts. Add the bean curd sticks.
6. Add the sauce ingredients and bring to a boil. Cover, turn down the heat and let the vegetables simmer for 5 minutes. Taste and add salt or other seasonings as desired. Serve hot.

And
Nian Gao

Ingredients:

1. 250 g glutinous rice flour, sieved
2. 250 ml water
3. 280 g brown sugar
4. A few bamboo or banana Leaves, run over flame to drive out the moisture (but not burnt)
5. 4-5 10 cm-width round baking tins
6. Some hemp strings
7. Few layers of muslin cloths

Preparation:

1. Mix glutinous rice flour and water into a smooth paste. Add in brown sugar and mix well till sugar is diluted. Leave aside while preparing the containers.
2. Line tins with bamboo or banana leaves (make sure it is cut to a size that has excess on the top and can be folded down to wrap around the edge of the tin). Secure the lining with the hemp strings.
3. Bring a large pot of water to the boil. Turn heat to low.
4. Pour the paste mixture into the tins, and steam over the boiling water in the pot on low heat for about 8 hours. Securely warp the lid with muslin cloths so that the water condensation will not drip into the cakes.
5. The New Year Cake will turn into reddish brown colour when cooked. Roll a little ball with a chopstick or fork, coat with some grated coconut, and enjoy it while it's hot. Alternatively, wait till it is cool to get it out of the tins.

Versatility Note:

1. To secure the muslin cloths around the lid, wrap the cloths upward so the corners meet at the top handle. Tie these corners tightly around the handle, and secure them with string if necessary.
2. My aunt used to place a china spoon in the boiling water through the steaming process, so she can tell that the water has not dried up (the spoon in the boiling water knocks against the inside of the pot and make continuous noise). But there was also superstitious saying about the spoon being an agent that drives away evil spirits that may cause the cake a failure.

New Year’s Superstition

Good Luck

• Opening windows and/or doors is considered to bring in the good luck of the new year.
• Switching on the lights for the night is considered good luck to 'scare away' ghosts and spirits of misfortune that may compromise the luck and fortune of the new year.
• Sweets are eaten to ensure the consumer a "sweet" year.
• It is important to have the house completely clean from top to bottom before New Year's Day for good luck in the coming year. (however, as explained below, cleaning the house after New Year's Day is frowned upon)
• Some believe that what happens on the first day of the new year reflects the rest of the year to come. Asians will often gamble at the beginning of the year, hoping to get luck and prosperity.
• Wearing a new pair of slippers that is bought before the new year, because it means to step on the people who gossip about you.
• The night before the new year, bathe yourself in pomelo leaves and some say that you will be healthy for the rest of the new year.

Bad luck

• Buying a pair of shoes is considered bad luck amongst some Chinese. The word "shoes" is a homophone for the word for "rough" in Cantonese, or "evil" in Mandarin.
• Buying a pair of pants is considered bad luck. The word "pants” is a homophone for the word for "bitter" in Cantonese. (Although some perceive it to be positive, as the word 'pants'(fu) in Cantonese is also a homophone for the word for "wealth".)
• Washing your hair is also considered to be washing away one's own luck (although modern hygienic concerns take precedence over this tradition)
• Sweeping the floor is usually forbidden on the first day, as it will sweep away the good fortune and luck for the new year.
• Talking about death is inappropriate for the first few days of Chinese New Year, as it is considered inauspicious as well.
• Buying books is bad luck because the word for "book" is a homonym to the word "lose".
• Avoid clothes in black and white, as black is a symbol of bad luck, and white is a traditional funeral colour.

"Congratulations and be prosperous"

p.s. Slate has a really good slide show of The New Year.

(and coincidentally with this Italian/American Mafia bust I’m sure a few rats were or will be involved. dov'e l'onore?)

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Drink of the Week: The Caesar, eh?

Earlier this week I was looking to see if I could find a sketch from the old Sid Caesar show, which spoofed DW Griffith’s "What Drink Did "as A Drunk There Was. I haven’t found the sketch yet but I stumbled upon the Caesar Cocktail, something I have never heard of before.
Some background from The Art of the Drink (the site that introduced me to the Caesar)

When someone says Caesar the first thing that might come to mind is a salad, or possibly and old dead Roman guy, but if you are in Canada you'll probably think cocktail. If you were to pick an official cocktail for Canada, the Caesar would be it. For some reason this cocktail is the most popular cocktail in Canada. It could be that it is a savory cocktail with nary a drop of sugar. It could be the multitude of garnishes that adorn this popular drink, some would even say it is a buffet atop the cocktail. It could be the spice, or the salt, or the overall combination. If you say it is just a Bloody Mary knockoff, you'd be short sighted. This may be a similar cocktail, but where the Bloody Mary is quiet and subdued, the Caesar is spicy and fun. Please note that it is not a Bloody Caesar, it is called a Caesar. The “bloody” part comes from a confusion with Miss Mary and doesn't belong in this cocktails title.

“The Bloody Caesar was invented in 1969 to celebrate the opening a Marco’s, a new restaurant in Calgary, Alberta. Bartender Walter Chell developed the original cocktail after three months of exploring different recipes. He came up with a spicy drink made of Clamato juice, vodka, salt, pepper, Worcestershire sauce and a dash of oregano. It is Canada’s #1 selling cocktail, with more than 250 million sold each year.” The oregano has been replaced by Tabasco in most Caesars.

Now first I have to admit that I'm not a big fan of Caesars, but I've tried them, so I know what they taste like. But, if you like seafood and Italian cuisine, this is a drink you might very well enjoy. Hell, millions of Canadians enjoy them every week. On any Friday night behind the bar I make sure there are a few extra bottles of Motts Clamato in the fridge and a whole lot of extra Caesar garnishes. The Caesar seems to be the way to start off a weekend meal at a restaurant.

The fun part about the Caesar is that it lends itself to a boat load of garnishes. Originally celery and a lime were standard, but since the Caesar has become so popular, every restaurant felt a need to customize the garnish to make the drink unique. For example in some places you get pickles, olives, peppers, a spicy pickled bean, or pickled asparagus. Actually any type of vegetable works well and pickling it seems to up the flavour quotient. Even boiled sea creatures (shrimp) make an appearance in the garnish at certain restaurants. Some drinks look like an appetizer. If you find it in your crisper, you can probably put it in your Caesar.

The other part of the fun is that you can add different spices to the drink to spruce it up. Depending on the restaurant the additions to the Caesar are endless. Horseradish, in place of the Tabasco seems top be very popular, and wasabi is also pretty common. I've seen places add basil infused vodka and HP BBQ Sauce to sweeten the drink up a bit, and it goes really well with the tomato in the Clamato. The brine from pickles is often used and I've heard that it tastes like a McDonald's cheese burger, well at least the ketchup and pickle part of the burger. The latest addition to the list of condiments that goes in a Caesar is the White Wine Chicken Marinade (white wine worcestershire sauce) from Lea and Perrins. The base of this worcestershire is Sauternes and is actually quite tasty.

By all accounts, a well made Caesar is a great cocktail. It isn't tied to any traditional recipe, but follows a basic set of requirements, such as Clamato. Part of the fun is hitting different places to see what they've done to make their Caesar better. Every place is a surprise.

Canadians are weird. Incredibly bizarre. I'm not a fan of Bloody Marys either but I will try anything twice.

So here’s the Caesar Cocktail recipe

11⁄2 oz Vodka
3 Dashes Worcestershire Sauce
3 Dashes Tabasco
Salt & Pepper
Fill Clamato Juice

Line the rim of a glass with salt and pepper. Over ice, add vodka, fill with clamato juice, then add the remaining ingredients. Garnish with a celery stick.

Salute.

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Schadenfreude Pie: Best Served With a Glassful of Your Enemy’s Tears

Cartman: [walks over to Scott's end of the table] Yes! Yeess! Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott! [Starts licking Scott's tears off his face.] Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet.

Cartman: Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mm-yummy. [Licks the tears off the table and off Scott's face.] Mm-yummy, you guys!

From John Scalzi’s “Whatever Blog something that is totally up my alley and combines two of my great interest- baking and reveling in the pain , misery and misfortune of my enemies.

It's the world's first Schadenfreude Pie, the pie to enjoy while you are reveling in the horrible misfortunes of others. Why is there a Schadenfreude Pie? Because after I wrote the headline for this entry,
I wondered to myself, "what would Schadenfreude Pie taste like?"

My guess: Dark. Rich. And oh so bittersweet.

And you know what? That's exactly what it tastes like. Also -- and this is really just a perfect but unintentional extension of the whole schadenfreude metaphor -- you really only want a small slice; too much of this pie and it'll sit in the pit of your stomach like a rock of judgment, pulling you down. Small slice? Excellent. Big slice? You'll regret it. Just like schadenfreude itself.

Let's face it, schadenfreude is a dark emotion. It deserves a dark pie. Here are your ingredients.

• 1 cup dark brown sugar
• 1 cup dark corn syrup
• 1/2 cup molasses
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks
• 3 large eggs (I used brown eggs in keeping with the spirit of things, but white eggs are fine)
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1 splash Kahlua or other coffee liqueur
• 1 graham cracker pie crust (9 or 10 inches). Choose regular or chocolate graham cracker crust according to taste.

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees (Fahrenheit). Melt butter in largish mixing bowl; add in corn syrup, molasses, brown sugar and cinnamon. Mix well. Melt chocolate; fold into existing mixture. Add eggs and Kahlua; mix vigorously until mix has an even consistency. Pour into pie crust (depending on size of crust you may have a little filling mix left over).

Shove into oven, center of middle rack, and bake for about 45 minutes. At 45 minutes, poke pie with butter knife. If butter knife comes out clean, your pie is done; otherwise give it about another five minutes.

Once you take the pie out of the oven, let it set at least 20 minutes before you dig in. It's really good when still warm, however.

Serving recommendations: small slices (this is an awesomely rich pie) and an ice cold glass of milk to go with it.

Sounds tasty. Hm, maybe I should bake that for Super Bowl Sunday, just in case the Giants win.

P.S. you have to really check out the photos and captions on this page; I really enjoyed them

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Food & Drink for the Super Bowl

Because I think I'd rather be in the kitchen than actually watch this Super Bowl


Snacks:

French Onion Dip


Appetizers:
For the veggs: Stuffed Mushroom


Swedish Meatballs


Main Dishes:

"Heather Johnston, popular food and wine vlogger at SoGood.TV, demonstrates how to make a flavorful, rich, complex turkey chili that can be done ahead of the big game and enjoyed by a crowd. She also pairs it with two great crowd-pleasing red wines, Korus Merlot from France and The Prisoner, a Zin-based wine from Australia"


Gumbo



and Real Simple has a related article with specific beers for fans of each of NFL team
(Honey Brown and Carolina Blonde are personal faves)

AFC Teams
Baltimore Ravens: The Raven
Buffalo Bills: Bison Brewing
Cincinnati Bengals: Tiger Beer
Cleveland Browns: Honey Brown Lager
Denver Broncos: Dark Horse Beer
Houston Texans: Alamo Golden Ale
Indianapolis Colts: Colt 45
Jacksonville Jaguars: Jaguar High Gravity Lager
Kansas City Chiefs: Tomahawk Pale Ale
Miami Dolphins: Hurricane Reef Lager
New England Patriots: Samuel Adams Boston Lager
New York Jets: Terminal Gravity IPA
Oakland Raiders: Rocky River Pirate Lite
Pittsburgh Steelers: Iron City Beer
San Diego Chargers: Electric Beer
Tennessee Titans: Titan IPA

NFC Teams
Arizona Cardinals: Beermann’s Rip Roarin’ Red Ale
Atlanta Falcons: Atlanta Brewing Company Red Brick Ale
Carolina Panthers: Carolina Blonde
Chicago Bears: Brown Bear Brewery
Dallas Cowboys: Lonestar Beer
Detroit Lions: Lionshead Beer
Green Bay Packers: Green Man Lager
Minnesota Vikings: St. Pauli Girl Lager
New Orleans Saints: Saint Arnold Amber Ale
New York Giants: Brooklyn Lager
Philadelphia Eagles: Yuengling Traditional Lager
San Francisco 49ers: 49er Red
Seattle Seahawks: Black Hawk Stout
St. Louis Rams: Ram Pilsner
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Old Buccaneer Reserve
Washington Redskins: Indian Wells Brewing Co. Mojave Red Beer

Drink & Be Merry for the Pats will win and it’ll suck.

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The State of The Union Drinking Game 2008

from drinkinggame.us
Because really, listening to GWeeB talk for any extended period of time can make anyone reach for a drink

Every time he says....
General Blather
“The state of our union is strong…” (or some version of this)	1 +1 if he breaks down in tears
elections	1 if referring to another country's 2 if referring to the U.S. 2008 elections
God (or any euphemism for God)	2
freedom	1
progress	1
change or reform	1
Foreign Policy
troops	small 1
Iraq	1
Anbar Province	1
water-boarding	lean your head back and have a friend pour a shot into your mouth; gargle
Iran	1
terror (however it’s pronounced)	small 1
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad	1 (+1 if he pronounces it correctly)
Israel or "Holy Land"	swig of Falafel'ale Recipe
Abbas	1
Hamas (bonus if he confuses Hamas and hummus)	1 Car Bomb recipe
Pakistan	1
Kim Jong-Il	1 shot of Soju (or just 1 of whatever you're having)
"6-party talks" or "multi-party talks"	swap drinks with a few friends
sanctions	1
“nukular”	1
Domestic Policy
Homeland	1 if followed by "Security"; 2 if another context
Second Amendment	One Shot (har!) or shotgun a beer
education	1
edumacation	3
"border security"	1 shot of cerveza/tequila
stimulus	1
earmarks	tug on your ear while taking a drink
entitlement / entitlement program	1
discretionary spending	1 to 3 drinks, your call
mortgage or foreclosure	Yell out the name of your favorite "Monopoly" railroad and drink; Do NOT Pass Go
unemployment	1; 2 if he's referencing his own impending unemployment
"temporary worker program"	temporarily empty your glass... refill soon thereafter
cloning	take an empty glass; pour half of your drink into it; fill up both glasses with the same drink; drink both
hydrogen	shout "Oh, the humanity!", take 1 shot
ethanol* * With all of the ethanol "serious players" of this game will consume, they will be their own alternative energy source by about 10pm.	We think you can figure this one out...
"Don't mess with Texas!" (Come on, this is our last chance!)	Tess with mexas!
Every time he....
uses a Bushism (i.e. says something that's not really a word, other than “nukular”)	1
references his plan to make peace in the Middle East	take a shot of whatever you were drinking during: the Road Map, Taba, Camp David, Wye River, Oslo Accords
references a human-animal hybrid	1
introduces a human-animal hybrid in the audience	2
takes off his shirt and reveals that he is actually a human-animal hybrid	3; bonus shot if you successfully guessed the animal years ago
introduces an environmental / energy goal that will be met: by the end of his presidency by the end of the next administration (assume 8 years) sometime after the end of the next administration	1 2 3
discusses redeploying troops	redeploy the contents of your beverage into your mouth
Every time the camera shows....
the First Lady	1
your congressman/woman	1 and pat yourself on the back for being able to identify your congressman/woman
any current presidential candidate	1
any former 2008 presidential candidate	1
Ted Kennedy	drink until your liver cries
a close-up on Nancy Pelosi (without the president in the shot)	1 shot, taken without moving any facial muscles
Nancy Pelosi and Dick Cheney...and only one is applauding +1 if it looks like they're kicking each other under the desk	1
a "special guest" who is introduced by the President	1
a "special guest" who is a member of the armed forces	1
a standing ovation from HALF of Congress	1
Other
if the speech is under an hour	Finish your drink and have another beer
DEMOCRATIC RESPONSE BONUS GAME
any reference to the 2008 elections	1
if you’ve never heard of the Democrat delivering the response	1
if she clicks her heels or says "There's no place like home" mid-response	1

Here's the "falafel'ale" recipe mentioned above

1. Take 1 falafel ball.
2. Take 1 glass of beer.
3. Combine, stir and enjoy!

Yum.
The State of Our Union is inebriated

[UPDATE: And here is Wonkette's version. Insert tongue in cheek...now

Pre-Game Commentary

Pick your channel, but make sure it’s a cable channel and not one of those lame old broadcast networks with their decorum and whatever. You need to see actual crazy people such as Chris Matthews or Lou Dobbs or Brit Hume jabbering about this dumb speech. If possible, watch all three cable channels at the same time — and go ahead and reserve the ambulance now, because calling 911 midway through the State of the Union is like trying to call Domino’s at half time on Super Bowl Sunday.

Take a demure little sip whenever anyone:

• Says “legacy.”
• Brings up 9/11.
• Mentions the 2000 election.
• Mentions the Florida recount.

Repeat when Bush himself mentions any of the above.

Take a regular American-sized gulp if anyone mentions:

• Bush Sr.
• Katrina.
• Liberals.
• Global Warming.

Repeat when Bush himself mentions any of the above.

One shot of liquor when you hear the word(s):

• Subprime.
• Mark Foley.
• Dennis Hastert.
• Ted Kennedy.
• Earmarks.

Drink one shot simultaneously from three different parts of your living room when somebody says:

• Lee Harvey Oswald.

Distinguished Guests

Take a solid hit off your drink when you see:

• Any noble public servants — teachers, nurses, etc. — who will spend the rest of their lives in underpaid obscurity.

Do a body shot off the closest human or pet when you spot:

• Jenna and/or Barbara Bush

Have gay sex with someone or some thing when the camera stops on:

• Lynne or Mary Cheney.

Sullenly sip your Old Fashioned when:

• George H.W. Bush is shown all misty eyed in the audience, while Grandma Babs laughs at some poor black people
  

Distinguished Senators & Representatives

Finish your current drink when the teevee lingers on:

• Any member of the Kennedy clan.

Pull down your pants and hobble to the bathroom when you see:

• Larry Craig

The State of the State of the Union Speech

Okay, happy hour’s over and it’s time for our main event. You’ll want to assemble the drinking supplies close by the teevee, so you don’t miss a moment of this historic bullshit. Don’t be the kind of anti-American loser who needs to “find the salt” when things get ugly. Be prepared. If you aren’t ready to be American, we’re sure France would love to have you back. (Just kidding. They don’t want you, either.)

It’s George’s last big speech! Prepare five (5) shot glasses per person, and fill each with 1.5 (one point five) ounces of liquor. (If you can’t handle real booze, make five little margaritas or something, and make sure to get your mom’s permission first!) It is okay to chill your liquor if that’s what you like to do.

Behind this “surge line,” assemble a second “surrender line” of secondary beverages. If you like beer, just put the six pack right there where it can’t get lost. Winos will just need a bottle of wine, uncorked and ready, and maybe a wine glass. Hell, put out a bowl of rummed-up eggnog if that’s how you want to act. You can also put a jug of water on the floor under the table, by the gun, as long as nobody can see it.

If you’re Christopher Hitchens, just put the scotch on the table where it always is, and drink as usual.

Take a regular drink when Bush:

• Dorkily praises Nancy Pelosi.
• Lies about the economy.
• Lies about the housing market.
• Lies about health care.
• Lies about Iraq.
• Lies about “energy independence.”

When he looks all proud of himself for successfully, if awkwardly, pronouncing a common three-syllable word:

• Drink one Shot.

Should he jabber about going to Mars or whatever the hell space stuff that would maybe at best happen 15 or 20 years from now, when he’s buried in Paraguay:

• Two shots, chase with half a bottle of beer or three gulps of wine, run around the couch three times flapping your arms.

He makes tragic examples out of various disaster victims brought here by extraordinary rendition, like the people who had their town destroyed by the Monster Tornado:

• Put a little liquor in your eye so you kind of start crying, then drink what’s left of the shot.

Wow, did our president make a light-hearted yet poignant totally scripted thing about Jenna getting married and/or watching his little girls grow up in the White House, where they’ve never lived:

• Three shots, but kind of gag on that last one and spit it up on the couch. Order a pitcher of strawberry margaritas from your neighbors.

He patriotically notes the patriotic example of Iraq veterans missing various body parts because they got blown up in Iraq for ever-changing bullshit reasons:

• One shot, one entire beer, throw the empties at the teevee your host

Oh, and who is that handsome bulbous white devil behind the president? Why, that’s Dick Cheney! When he does “that grin,” you must:

• Grab another person’s shot, drink it, spit it in their eyes, take their wallet, then have them arrested and tortured forever.

ALTERNATE RULES: Just drink through the whole fucking thing and then pass out in the hall just outside your own bedroom.

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It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere- Thank The Tasting Panel Edition

One of my high school friends works at The Tasting Panel magazine and consequently I've become part of her Facebook mailing group where every week they send out "drinks of the week" recipes, which is like a god send for me. And so here are the recipes they've sent out this month
(from January 4th edition)

Spiked Liquid S’More
In a warm, over-sized coffee mug, first rim the glass with crushed graham crackers, then pour in
1 to 1-1/2 oz. of your favorite spirit of choice, then fill the mug with hot chocolate. Garnish with melted marshmallow and a graham cracker on the side.

Barn Burner
In a small-medium Mason jar, throw in a stick of cinnamon, then add 11/2 oz. Southern Comfort and fill with hot apple cider. Garnish with a slice of lemon peel.

Hot Tub Heaven
In an Irish Coffee glass, pour in 3/4 oz. Hiram Walker peppermint schnapps, 3/4 oz. Amaretto di Amore, and 3/4 oz. Carolan’s Irish cream. Fill with hot coffee and garnish with whipped cream.

Stanley Steamer
In a warm mug, pour in 1/2 oz. Hennessey cognac, 1/2 oz. Tai Maria, 1/2 oz. St. Brendan’s Irish cream or Brennan’s Irish eggnog. Fill mug with hot coffee and garnish with whipped cream and top with a lace of Grand Marnier.

Chocolate Sin
Pour in a warm mug 1-1/2 oz. Myers’s dark rum, 1/2 oz. Maker’s Mark bourbon and 1/2 oz. Arrow dark crème de cacao. Fill with hot chocolate and garnish with fresh whipped cream.

Fireside
In a large tea cup, pour in 1-1/2 oz. VooDoo spiced rum and 3/4 oz. Tuaca. Fill with hot tea and garnish with slices of apple and a few small chunks of soft caramel on the side.

(1s from 1/11)

Between the Sheets Cocktail
Between the Sheets is a shake-and-strain drink that goes in a chilled cocktail glass, getting 3⁄4 oz each of the following: Beefeater gin, Bacardi white rum, Cointreau and lemon juice. Pour and garnish with a twist of lemon peel.

Black Stockings Martini
In a shaker add 2 oz Van Gogh Dutch chocolate vodka with 3⁄4 oz Chambord
black raspberry liqueur and 3⁄4 oz Godiva white chocolate liqueur. Shake till cold, then strain into the glass. Garnish with chocolate "legs."

Skinny Dippin'
11⁄2 oz Belvedere vodka, 1⁄2 oz Amaretto DiSaronno, 1⁄2 oz Bols peach schnapps and a splash of Ocean Spray cranberry juice. Garnish with a slice of fresh peach.

Strawberry Stripper
Start with 11⁄2 oz strawberry schnapps of your choice, close to fill with cold orange juice and top with a dash of cold cream. Garnish with a slice of fresh strawberry.

From the 18th of January

The Diddy Cocktail
2 ounces Ciroc vodka
1 ounce fresh lemonade
1 ounce pineapple juice
1 ounce cranberry juice
Maraschino cherry
Lime zest

Stir all ingredients in a tall glass over ice. Garnish with a Maraschino cherry and a strip of lime zest.

Yeah, she has a pretty sweet job.
If you're interested you can join The Tasting Panel Facebook group qui.

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It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere- "Baby Jesus Wants You Drunk" Edition

I mean he does. And these cocktail recipes should get you there (just like they did for Santy Claus)



Mulled Red Wine

Ingredients:
8 whole cloves
4 whole black peppercorns
4 (3 x 1⁄2 inch) strips fresh lemon zest
4 (4 x 1⁄2 inch) strips fresh orange zest
4 cups dry red wine (from two 750 mil bottles)
1⁄2 cup kirsch or other cherry-flavored brandy
1 1⁄2 cups water
3⁄4 cup sugar
1 (3 inch) cinnamon stick
1 vanilla bean, halved lengthwise

Garnish: cinnamon sticks
Special equipment: a 4-inch square of cheesecloth; kitchen string

Directions:
Put cloves, peppercorns, and zest on cheesecloth, then tie closed to form a bag.
Combine wine, kirsch, water, sugar, cinnamon stick, vanilla bean, and cheesecloth bag in a 4-quart saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring.

Simmer 10 minutes. Serve warm.


Hot Holiday Punch

Ingredients
2 Egg
2 tbs. Sugar
2 oz. Brandy
Milk

Directions:
Beat egg yolks, sugar and brandy. Pour into two warmed glasses or punch cups. Fill with hot milk, stir and sprinkle with grated nutmeg. Preferably fresh.

Steaming Hot Holiday Punch

3 cups Apple Juice
1.5 tsp. ground Cinnamon
0 cinnamon stick
0.75 tsp. ground Cloves
6 cups Cranberry juice
0.75 cup Maple Syrup
0.75 tsp. ground Nutmeg
3 cups Orange Juice
2 tsp. Powdered Sugar

Directions:
Combine all the ingredients in a very large heavy pan, except the cinnamon sticks. Bring to a boil and turn to simmer for few minutes. You can put the ingredients in a crockpot after it has boiled and keep warm over low heat.


Holiday Punch

2-48 oz. (1.36 L) cans pineapple juice
1-40 oz. (1.14 L) bottle cranberry juice
2-750 mL bottles soda water
1 litre strawberry, raspberry or lime sherbet
Fifth of.Vodka
Directions
In a punch bowl, mix juices. Pour in soda water. Top with scoops of sherbet.


Frostbite

-1⁄2 oz. Tequila
-1⁄2 oz. white crème de cacao
-1⁄2 oz. blue Curacao
-1⁄2 oz. cream

Pour ingredients into a mixing glass, shake, strain and serve in a chilled glass.


Christmas Love

1⁄4 oz. brandy
1 oz. sherry
Dash of lemon juice
1 sugar cube
3 oz sparkling white wine

Pour brandy and sherry in a flute glass, and stir in the lemon juice and sugar. Stir until sugar dissolves, and refrigerate. When you are ready to serve, add the sparkling wine.


Three Wise Men

1⁄2 oz. bourbon whiskey
1⁄2 oz. Tennessee whiskey
1⁄2 oz. Scotch whisky

Put ingredients in a glass, drink.


The Cranberry Celebration

3 oz. cranberry juice
2 oz.orange juice
1/8 oz. lime cordial soda water
frozen cranberries
11⁄2 oz vodka

Directions
In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine 3 oz cranberry juice, 2 oz orange juice and 1/8 oz lime cordial. Shake sharply and strain into a collins glass filled with ice. Top with soda water and sprinkle with frozen cranberries

The Chocolate Milk Whip

4 oz.chocolate milk
2 oz. cold coffee
whipped cream
shaved chocolate
2 oz. Bailey's

Directions
Fill a tall glass with ice. Add 4 oz. chocolate milk and 2 oz. cold coffee and Bailey's. Top with whipped cream and garnish with shaved chocolate.


Feel Like Holiday

1 cl.Vodka
1 cl. Grenadine
100 ml. Champagne

Directions:
Stir Vodka and Grenadine with Ice. Fill in a champagne glass without the ice and fill up witch champagne.


Black Santa
Liqueur, coffee 3/4 oz.
Schnapps, peppermint 1/4 oz.
Vodka 1/2 oz.

Pour the vodka and Kahlua coffee liqueur into an old-fashioned glass half-filled with ice cubes. Add the peppermint schnapps and serve.

Jäger Nog

Jägermeister 1 part
Eggnog 1 part
Cinnamon 1 sprinkle
Pour equal parts eggnog and Jägermeister into glass. Sprinkle with cinnamon.

Candy Cane Martini

1/2 oz. vodka
1 tsp. peppermint schnapps

Mixing instructions:
Mix all ingredients with ice in a shaker. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
Option: Garnish with a small candy cane or create a candy cane "rimmer" with crushed candy canes.

Grinch

2 oz. Midori
1/2 oz. lemon juice (fresh)
1 tsp. sugar syrup

Mix all ingredients with ice in a shaker. Strain into a chilled martini glass.
Option: Garnish this green drink with a red cherry.

Purple Jesus (I just really like that name)

1.0 oz Ginger Ale
2.0 oz Vodka
1.0 oz Grape Juice
Fill a Highball glass almost full with ice cubes. Pour all ingredients into Highball glass, stir well, and serve.

Santa Claus is Coming

0.5 oz. Cinnamon Schnapps
0.5 oz. Melon liqueur
0.5 oz. Rumplemintz
Layer in a large shot glass, top with whipped cream "snow".

Why Santa Has a Naughty List

Amaretto 1 oz.
Gin 1 oz.
Liqueur, banana 1 oz.
Grenadine 1/2 oz.
Sprite Fill with

Add gin and amaretto to a collins glass filled with ice. Fill almost full with sprite. Add grenadine slowly, then layer banana liqueur on top.

Santa’s Pole

1.0 fill with Lemon Lime Soda
2.0 splash Grenadine
1.0 shot Peppermint Schnapps
1.0 shot Vodka

Merry Christmas
1 oz. cranberry juice
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1 oz. Plymouth Gin
Schweppes ® Club Soda

Mixing instructions:
Stir the gin, cranberry and lemon juice in a highball glass filled with ice. Top up with soda.
Option: Sprinkle with dried, or fresh cranberries and a lemon wedge.


Drink and be merry...

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Forbidden Decadence/Ultimate Desire

I was on the Metro this morning headed to dance class and so as I tend to do to pass the time I was catching up on some podcasts that I ususally neglect until the weekend comes (and I laze around enough where I have time to just "listen" for like an hour.)
This morning I was listening to This American Life and I guess an episode from near Thanksgiving focusing on, I think poultry, anyway during the beginning when the episode is previewed there was a tease concernign the Third Act about a forbidden delicacy that Mitterand had as his "last meal." I was really intrigued but I never was able to get to that act and so was horribly distracted all during class (though you wouldn't have been able to tell since I am so amazing.)
I eventually made it back to my place and after a minimal amount of research (cough cough google) I discovered the ortolan and the more I read about it the more I decided that it would be my last meal as well. I'll post the information I found about it in a sec but for some reason I've always been a fan of ritual with my food or drink; it makes it seem more civilized to act in some traditional proscribed manner than to just stuff your face ( I kind of have issues with food and the idea of eating-eating seems so disgusting and animalistic and i would've hoped we would have moved or evolved some other way to deal with such necessitates. Of course that type of thinking led me to experiment with living just on vitamin supplements for like a week.) Also with the ortolan it just gives of the ear of something that would have been enjoyed in the court of the Sun King, that feel of nobility and eliteness as well as the fact it is illegal, as well as you drape a napkin over your head before eating appeals to my desire for gnosis in a way.

SO yeah here is what I found about the ultimate delicacy (besides the blood of a virgin, slightly chilled)

If guilt is a flavour, and it definitely is, then l'ortolan is one of
the world's greatest dishes. ….
The birds must be taken alive; once captured they are either blinded
or kept in a lightless box for a month to gorge on millet, grapes, and figs, a technique apparently taken from the decadent cooks of Imperial Rome who called the birds beccafico, or 'fig-pecker'. When they've reached four times their normal size, they're drowned in a snifter of Armagnac.

This sadistic mise en scene has transformed the bird from a symbol of innocence to an act of gluttony symbolic of the fall from grace. In
Collette's novel Gigi, for instance, the tomboyish main character
prepares for her entry into polite society with lessons in the correct
way to eat lobsters and boiled eggs. When she begins training to be a courtesan, however, she is said to be 'learning how to eat the
ortolan'.
Not that it was only courtesans who indulged. The tradition
of covering one's head while eating the bird was supposedly started by a soft-bellied priest trying to hide his sadistic gluttony from God.

Cooking l'ortolan is simplicity itself. Simply pop them in a high oven
for six to eight minutes and serve. The secret is entirely in the
eating. First you cover your head with a traditional embroidered
cloth. Then place the entire four-ounce bird into your mouth. Only its head should dangle out from between your lips. Bite off the head and discard. L'ortolan should be served immediately; it is meant to be so hot that you must rest it on your tongue while inhaling rapidlythrough your mouth. This cools the bird, but its real purpose is to force you to allow its ambrosial fat to cascade freely down your
throat.

When cool, begin to chew. It should take about 15 minutes to work your way through the breast and wings, the delicately crackling bones, and on to the inner organs. Enjoy with a good Bordeaux.

What could be more delicious? Nothing, according to initiates, who
compare the banning of the ortolan to the death of French culture and continue to eat them at the risk of being fined thousands of pounds.

How could you not want to try it after that. And in a way the idea of blinding them, stuffing them and then eating them whole seems like a fairy tale, like you're the Witch in Hansel & Gretel.

Mitterand's last meal not for the birds
Dying of cancer, Francois Mitterrand ordered a last meal of oysters,
foie gras, capons and a tiny, yellow-throated songbird that is illegal
to eat and said to embody the soul of France. Esquire writer Michael
Paterniti provides a detailed account of the former French president's meal on New Year's Eve 1995 in the magazine's May issue. Mitterand died eight days later. Two-ounce ortolan birds were roasted and served to 30 people –Mitterrand's friends and family – as he sat at a table wrapped in blankets, Paterniti reported. Paterniti said he flew to France after hearing the story of how Mitterrand "had gorged himself on one last orgiastic feast before he'd died." He interviewed some of the guests and found a chef willing to recreate the dinner, right down to the illegal birds, according to the magazine's publicist, Dan Klores Associates.
Taking cover under a white cloth napkin placed over his head – "which is meant to heighten the sensual experience by enveloping you in the aroma of ortolan" – Mitterrand took the illegal delicacy and ate it whole, bones and all, Paterniti said

[related]

The ortolan's most recent brush with fame came in 1998, when it was revealed to have been a pivotal course in former French President François Mitterand's last meal. A week before dying of cancer, Mitterand ordered a grand feast for 30 that included oysters, foie gras and a long row of two-ounce ortolans. By some accounts, Mitterand polished off two, bones and all.

BUT how does it taste, you might ask

Devotees claim they can taste the bird's entire life as they chew in the darkness: the wheat of Morocco, the salt air of the Mediterranean, the lavender of Provence. The pea-sized lungs and heart, saturated with Armagnac from its drowning, are said to burst in a liqueur-scented flower on the diner's tongue.

Mitterand’s last meal was recreated and consumed by a curious American writer, Michael Paterniti. Here is his description of eating ortolan:
Here’s what I taste: Yes, quidbits of meat and organs; the succulent, tiny strands of flesh between the ribs and tail. I put inside myself the last flowered bit of air and Armagnac in its lungs, the body of rainwater and berries. In there, too, is the ocean and Africa and the dip and plunge in a high wind. And the heart that bursts between my teeth. It takes time. I’m forced to chew and chew again and again, for what seems like three days. And what happens after chewing for this long--as the mouth full of taste buds and glands does its work—is that I fall into a trance. I don’t taste anything anymore, cease to exist as anything but taste itself.
And that’s where I want to stay--but then can’t because the sweetness of the bird is turning slightly bitter and the bones have announced themselves. When I think about forcing them down my throat, a wave of nausea passes through me. And that’s when, with great difficulty, I swallow everything.

Here is Jeremy Clarkson trying an ortolan though it should be noted he’s not following the exact ritual (y’know he had the head cut off and didn’t take 15 minutes and all though to be honest I have a problem with eating things with heads, like how certain fishes are served)

When eaten, you pick the bird up by its beak and then you shove the whole thing in your mouth and bite. You everything but the beak, which you put back in the now-empty ortolan frying pan (in which the bird was served).

Mr Simon, who considers himself fortunate to have savoured the delicacy on several occasions, was enthusiastic.

He said: "It’s absolutely delicious: rather crunchy, with the texture and flavour of hazelnuts.

"The bird is about the size of a young girl’s fist. Some people begin with the head, others start with the rear end – there are competing opinions on how best to enjoy them."

He admitted, however that eating an ortolan whole was "quite monstrous" to watch. "Hence the napkins."

Once it has been fattened on millet, the captured ortolan is drowned in armagnac, plucked, and stripped of its feet and a few other tiny parts.

After roasting in a ramekin for eight minutes, it is brought to the table while its pale yellow fat still sizzles, for the diner to take whole into his mouth.

It comes painfully hot, says one who has sampled the forbidden flesh - "but the first taste was delicious, salty and savoury, swiftly followed by the delicate, incomparable flavour of the fat.

"By now it had cooled sufficiently to allow me to get the whole thing into my mouth. It was awkward, but not the struggle I had imagined. I was aware of fine bones but resisted the urge to crunch them immediately.

"Still sucking fat, I was aware of the richer, gamier flavour of its innards. I had been dreading this but the flavour remained delicate. Crunching the bones was like munching sardines or hazelnuts. I chewed a long time. When I finally had to swallow, I regretted the end of a very sensual experience."

I really want to try it so much. And the idea of the napkin, whether it be because having someone who is eating something whole would be disgusting to watch, or if it is to capture all of the aroma, or that originally a monk draped himself to hide his decadence from god or that "It is really like you are praying, see?" Palladin apparently said. "Like when you take the Mass into your mouth from the priest's hand in church and you think about God" well anything that has the mystique of communing with god and at the same time as being something to hide from God means I may be spending a few years in France questing.
And I now know my grail

“Mitterrand sank his head into the napkin surrounding the cooked bird to breath in its aromas.

For the next 10 minutes his head stayed hidden as he ate his rich bird whole, crunching through its bones and innards, as is the custom. He then emerged "capsized with happiness, his eyes sparkling", according to M Benamou, and ready to face death”

He literally ate this and was ready and happy to die; could there be any higher endorsement?

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