The 2nd Best Thing I've Seen Today

The first being Matt Damon, obviously. (I mean seriously.Wow)

But this is amazing and actually made me laugh out loud. It originally came from Deadspin and it's a blog entry from Agent Zero, Hibachi, The Black President himself, Gilbert Arenas, a player who I would love to somehow fit onto the Lakers. Anyway Gilbert is quite simply, crazy, or more accurately since he's rich, "eccentric" and this is one of his recent posts; I'm just going to post it as is because there are a lot of other posts, I'm not sure how to spotlight only that one and you might confused by the Gilbertian nature of it all.

There Are No Such Thing as Shark Attacks

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We’re humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”

There's a man who's living every week like its Shark Week. Oddly enough Gilbert's whole thing makes sense...in a way. But who knows the days of "shark attacks" may be coming , albeit not too soon. Though of course we should be grateful for this respite; I think we all remember when the dolphins came ashore...

God bless Gilbert Arenas.The sage, the prophet. A modern Cassandra. Perhaps we should take heed, he is our greatest sports philosopher, well either him or Ichiro.

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