Friday, September 7, 2007

An Example or Two Why Hollywood is Doomed

yeah I know this was something like the highest grossing theatrical summer ever, but seriously how many movies did you see and actually adore or thought about 3 days after the fact? Especially if you're over the age (mentally) of like 16 And there are no new ideas, as evidenced by the plethora of threequels, which kinda means someone had a great idea 7 or 8 years ago and execs are too scared for their jobs to do anything that isn't safe with a "guaranteed audience."

But I hadn't intended on writing that because it is a little too angry, and I feel way too sick to be angry. I really was just trying to form an introduction to a few things that I don't know how were green light or actually made onto the fall schedule.

Exhibit 1: The geico Caveman show? Sure the commercials were fun and amusing but they were 30 seconds long- who thought that that one gag would still be watchable after a 23 minute episode (forget about a full season.) I think I read somewhere that it was intended to be a satirical look and examination of stereotypes and racial issues in today's society, but guys you got your idea from an insurance commercial. And it's gonna be on ABC. There's no way it can even be on the blade, let alone edgy, you can't offend anyone and hope to keep an audience. This video entitled BlackMen (that i found originally on Defamer) is pretty much what I expect Cavemen to be, though it is likelier funnier.
[damn it I can no longer find it anywhere, but just imaginethat someone doesn't want the cavemen to go somewhere and do something and the cavemen replies "why is it because I'm a {black man}" inserted in place of the word cave man. But you get the idea, I'd hope]
(seriously though if they had to steal an idea from a Geico commercial, why couldn't they have been inspired by Tiny House, which would have been an actually really fun show to watch)

Exhibit 2: I really hope that the cooling temperatures and the fact the kiddies are back in school will not lead to a repeat of last weekend when the totally unnecessary and kind of sacreligious Rob Zombie remake of Halloween somehow made money. Labor Day weekend I guess is the last hurrah and the fact it was blazing may have forced many to find refuge in the theatres but I would hope better of America. When I first heard Rob Zombie was thinking of a
"reimagining) I was a little disgusted. The real Halloween is my favorite scary movie and I remember the first time I watched it was in the dead bright middle of the day with everyone window open to give in more light and allow me to paranoidily look out for any killers. And I was still terrified. The music was so perfect. And it was so understated and suspenseful . I think only like 4 or 5 people died in the whole film and I can't even remember there being blood. I mean Rob Zombie is, if anything, not known for being understated ( have you seen House of 1000 Corpses?) Apparently they also explain why Michael Myers is "evil" which offends me because it is far more terrifying if you can't boil down his dysfunction, if there is no cause, but rather if he was just born evil? Is this an attempt to create sympathy for the devil? Because it's hard to keep someone as a bogeyman when you can trace back in his past to him just been a scared little boy. ( and this is the review that I feel I would write.)
Really does Hollywood have no original ideas left? None at all? Can we somehow create a list, like those AFI top 100 lists, of movies that Hollywood should never be allowed to remake? I know it will be different for all people but I'm sure there will be a tonne of overlap between any lists.

Exhibit C: and this one is maybe more offensive to me just because I did go to Duke and spent some of the best moments in my life in K-Ville get wasted in a tent but when I first heard that FOX was making a show called "K-Ville" I was shocked and a rather angry that they were blatantly stealing the name of a pretty well known entity. And the show itself seems awful, which makes it even worse. I don't buy Anthony Anderson as a hard nosed cop. The fact that the show takes place in a post Katrina New Orleans is also not going to work well for it; the government has forgotten about New Orleans and many Americans, if they ever cared, have or are trying to move past such a shameful and devastating event. I don't think they will tune in to be reminded weekly that things are not back to normal in New Orleans and that they should feel guilty. Americans like to put things behind us. Here's the description from its official site (though I found it on the futon critic):

From writer and executive producer Jonathan Lisco (“NYPD Blue,” “The District”) comes K-VILLE, a heroic police drama set – and filmed – in New Orleans. Two years after Katrina, parts of the city are still in chaos, but hope has emerged. Battling an upsurge of violence, understaffing of police forces and a lack of crime labs and other facilities, the cops who remain in the New Orleans Police Department have courage to burn and a passion to reclaim and rebuild their city. MARLIN BOULET (Anthony Anderson) is a brash, wry, in-your-face veteran of the NOPD’s Felony Action Squad, the specialized unit that targets the most-wanted criminals. Even when his partner deserted him during the storm, Boulet held his post, spending days in the water saving lives and keeping order. Now, two years later, he’s unapologetic about bending the rules when it comes to collaring bad guys. The stakes are too high, and the city too fragile, for him to do things by the book. Boulet’s new partner, TREVOR COBB (Cole Hauser), was a soldier in Afghanistan before joining the NOPD. He’s tough and committed, but if he’s less than comfortable with Boulet’s methods, it’s because he’s harboring a dark secret. Cobb has come to New Orleans seeking redemption, but redemption can be dangerous. Will Boulet be able to trust him? Will Cobb’s past endanger them both? Rounding out the crew are wisecracking JEFF “GLUE BOY” GOODEN (Blake Shields), the team’s comic relief; tough-as-nails GINGER “LOVE TAP” LeBEAU (Tawny Cypress), the only female on the squad; and CAPTAIN JAMES EMBRY (John Carroll Lynch), who wrangles the eclectic personalities of his squad with equal parts humor and tenacity. Through its no-holds-barred crime stories and dramatic personal stories, this intriguing series will take viewers from the Victorian mansions of the Garden District to the rubble of the Lower 9th Ward

Nope. not going to work. The only k-ville is on the lawns in front of Wilson. (and quickly, I don't find Carpoolers to be viable either; it just gives off that vibe)
Sigh, and they canceled Arrested Development... {UPDATE: speaking of "good" t.v. Time made a list of the 100 Best Shows of all-time- I haven't studied it because I just wanna nap but I'm sure there will be a few things on there, or that aren't on there, that will piss you or I off. Yay arguing.

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Anonymous said...

Having seen just the first episode, how can you possibly make such definitive statements about K-Ville? The name comes from Katrinaville which is what many in New Orleans called their city after the devastation. You sound like a guy who has not grown past your college years and lives in the memories. Give the show a chance--there are some really good actors here and the first episode is always a weak one. Perhaps the show will bring attention to the lawlessness that is a part of life in that city. Are you aware that they have an extremely high percentage of crime? Maybe seeing a show about trying to deal with the issues would make people take more notice.

Jacqui D said...

Dear anonymous,
I'm glad you enjoyed the show.
No I admit I haven't gotten past my college years, though I graduated a full 3 months ago, and yes I do know there is a devastatingly high crime rate in New Orleans- I try to go there at least once a year. But as I said I don't believe Anthony Anderson will really get people to care.