and since it is Transtastic Thursday I decided to try this. ( A quick side bar: Once again looking at this video I can't honestly believe Chris Crocker is a top. If he is I would love to see who he's topping. Bless his leopard skinned heart)
Anyway I've been thinking a lot about having a post about Jimmy Santiago Baca and his Transvestite Poems but I didn't actually know when I would fit it in. But seeing how today is TMI Thursday and I have nothing really good for TMI tonight (seriously I know it's a "must read" but tonight's is going to really suck unless I get very inspired/drunk, so you can skip it) I decided to post it today. From an outsider perspective it actually has a lot of the emotions and desires and thoughts that I'm sure many (other) transgendered people feel. I don't know how I stumbled upon it anymore, but that isn't really important
I tried to find the text of these poems somewhere online but I couldn't so I tried to transcribe them as best as I could- the line breaks/ capitalization and punctuation are all mine. (but if you do know where I could find a more accurate text, or know of a place where I screwed up in transcription, please let me know- I won't be too upset, besides maybe at my incompetence and the fact I spent like an hour doing this for nothing) Either way I hope you enjoy them:
Transvestite Poem #1
I come out of the South
from the Darkness
Where Death Ferments
seeping from limbs
moistening what is Hard and Cold and
Alone at Night
I Say “I come from the South”
Out of the Darkness
like A Dream
a Storm beneath my Flesh
Two Faces
Two Bodies
A Hybrid Flower.
of Honey and Poison.
Half Moon Half Sun
Intoxicated on Fragrances
Stinking of Sweat
Smooth and Rough
Bearded and Hairless
with Penis and Vagina
Two Mouths Constantly Quarreling
Two Tongues
Twenty Fingers, Twenty Toes
In constant Conflict
There are Two of us
That were Blurred at birth
By some cruel
god.
always Alone.
Out of the Dark
like an extinct animal I appear.
My Body a cave I look
Out from.
With red eyes, sharp teeth.
I can easily kill. As surrender
I can Kiss or Bite
I can Smile or Snarl
Because I am made of Two!
I am opposite and similar
I am a Field of yellow flowers that I saw as a child
and I am a field of Cactus I now stumble through
Jimmy Santiago Baca- Transvestite Poem #1 (mp3)
Transvestite Poem #2
You do not understand
How much Pain
I am in.
You see, Memories of myself
As a Boy
Confused by being so Different
than other Boys
That Shame
Gutted Me
Created in Me a Dark Hole where
Each day I go to and Die in.
While other childrens’ lives were played in Parks
I crouched behind the headstone in the cemetery
And I used to weep my shame.
And while other boys watched TV or played ball
hung out on couches
I was drawn to dance on the Broken alley crates
Where lecherous Men and Women seduced me
And I survived my Two-Sexed.
Divined disease.
Deceiving Friends and drug Fiends,
Lying in bed with an Innocent lover
My sheets become Vile Plumage where I gorge on his Love
with vultured Hunger.
Aesthetic Pilgrim
whose shrine is the male Body.
Male Sighing. I love so much after he cums.
Male gripping Me
Male pounding Me
Male kisses- Rough, Horrible
Filled with Pain
Pain. Pleasure of Men’s Passion
as they Pillage Me
Open Me
Adore Me
Honor Me
Devour Me,
In their Hatred and their Love!
And then the dream is over.
It’s Gone!
And seeing my face stubbled, Ugly lookin’ again
In the mirror
Studying with Contempt My manly features
As if from a Grave that I just woke Up from.
Yearnin’ for the night to come,
when I’ll sing sweetly to Charm the Men’s
Lewd Attention and lure the Cobra from the Basket
to my Music.
Not the reflection in the Mirror this morning are they going to see.
Not Me plucking these eyes
nor the wrinkles on My face
but opening My compact, mascara
pulling out My eyeliners
My tweezers
The Mirror will begin to Open and talk to Me.
Like a Dark Curtain for an Actress suddenly to appear.
I transform into a Young, Sensuous Woman,
My lemony breasts of both dizzying Delight
Yes obsessed with
Flesh
With My Lust
With My Body
With the curved Wings
Of My Thighs
My Hips
My Legs
As floating across Their Hearts like Quetzal birds
in the Jungle,
filled with voodoo omens of sexual Fulfillment.
Thrones and Furs is what I Desire.
Down filled Beds and Comforters
Popular
Sought after
that even Flamenco guitarists wail their lust for Me.
Walking under the Peach trees through the flower Gardens
I forget the backseat cars as a sweaty whore
Turning tricks for American service mens’ twenty-dollar bills.
I open My legs to the Moon
Rings on each of My fingers
“Call Me you’re witch
as I kiss you as I strip My clothes off.
Make this night for Me,
Please!
For You
Please!
As if We were both Falling
Falling into a World Filled with happiness
for just That long
And not Us as we are
looking for Love
For a Man to Love Me
to Love You
to Love Me
Just This Night
For me
For You
As if we were both
Falling.
Jimmy Santiago Baca- Transvestite Poem # 2 (mp3)
Yeah I can relate. Ok just for you all I'll try to think of something worthy for TMI (and I'll also try to come up with a Stuck in My Head song- I suck today.) If not I may slack off and post something from the "early days" of this here blog. We'll see how everything works out. Sphere: Related Content
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