Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Overheard in L.M.E.-Rumours, Blasphemies and Predictions

An early evening conversation from the 29th of August

ev livid e: our prayers and dreams are coming true
auto-response from a dam e : i haven't fucked much with the past but i've fucked plenty with the future...
ev livid e: britney is coming with a new album!!!
a dam e: you don't have to pretend to be excited
a dam e: it'll be a disaster
ev livid e: according to credible sources, says that "music insiders love it"
ev livid e: its not that babyboy shit ballad
a dam e: do they love it in a purely ironic manner?
ev livid e: i have hope
ev livid e: i have faith
ev livid e: no
a dam e: there's no way; she is out of her mind
ev livid e: don't ruin this great hope
a dam e: i won't
ev livid e: this most greatest most hopest hope
a dam e: i'm praying for the best
ev livid e: i don't need to pray
ev livid e: i know
a dam e: but how would she be able to make a coherent record over the last few months?
a dam e: have you seen what she's been doing?
ev livid e: she's been working hard
ev livid e: criss angel has magic
ev livid e: he made her magically powerful
ev livid e: and musical
a dam e: is she dating him?
a dam e: ew
a dam e: ew
a dam e: ew
ev livid e: no, but i think they hooked up
a dam e: ew
ev livid e: he's gross
a dam e: that dude is so cheesy Jersey disgusting
ev livid e: what kind of magic is he
ev livid e: is it just like motorcycle ugly magic
a dam e: i'm not sure
a dam e: i refuse to watch his show

a dam e: did you hear britney blew off making a song with timbaland and justin that she was supposed to debut at the VMAs?
ev livid e: what?!
ev livid e: so she's not going to do the vmas?!
ev livid e: what news source
ev livid e: is it credible
ev livid e: is it from the christina aguilera enemy rumor mills
a dam e: no she is still going to do it but they don't know what she'll perform
a dam e: i'll try to find it
ev livid e she'll prob perform gimme more
ev livid e: or is it gimme it
a dam e: no idea
ev livid e: hold up, im talking to my people to find out
a dam e: apparently timbaland is now denying she's performing
ev livid e: what! minute by minute its changing!
a dam e: it is the most important news ever!
ev livid e: IT ISS
a dam e: though i;m not going to watch and have no idea when it is
ev livid e: i will
ev livid e: i am
ev livid e: i believe
a dam e: i'm too old for mtv
ev livid e: but not britney
ev livid e: or the hills
ev livid e: or newport harbor
a dam e: what's newport harbor?
ev livid e: the new laguna beach
a dam e: i had no idea
ev livid e: some people are on top of things
a dam e: like [REDACTED]?
a dam e: (zing!)
ev livid e: well, its ok, because i like to be underneath things
ev livid e: or below things
ev livid e: i hope that made you uncomfortable. thats what you get
a dam e: i was going to make a joke about reverse cowgirl but then I realized who i'm talking to
ev livid e: i loooooove that
ev livid e: j/k
a dam e: and the fact you're so innocent you haven't even seen yourself naked in the shower
a dam e: but wear a bathing suit
ev livid e: well, its always so steamy, and someone else is always in there
ev livid e: zoooop!
a dam e: sigh
ev livid e: (thats my counter to your zing
ev livid e: you won't win
a dam e: chlamydia (sp) is no joke
a dam e: no because i'm classy
ev livid e: i am too
ev livid e: i don't have it
ev livid e: im immune
a dam e: get it when you were a kid?
ev livid e: no. i am immune to everything. even emotions
a dam e: here's the link

ev livid e: see, thats all "gossip"
a dam e: lies
a dam e: so are unnamed music sources
a dam e: even ne-yo has no idea what's happening anymore
ev livid e: neyo is stupid
a dam e: probably
a dam e: i have no idea anything he;s ever done
a dam e: only thing i know is that there are gay rumours
a dam e: i'm such an old fart
ev livid e: hmmm. i don't think i know enough/know him at all/care about neyo to know
ev livid e: eww
a dam e: i don't understand the kid's popular music
ev livid e: don't be an old fart. be a silver fox
a dam e: i refuse to be gray
ev livid e: just dye your hair
a dam e: exactly
a dam e: hunter green
a dam e: it's the look of the future
ev livid e: i looovoe green
ev livid e: i hope its more like apple spring green
a dam e: the shades will encompass individual styles
a dam e: be whatever you want
a dam e: as long as you're green
ev livid e: be you
ev livid e: be me
ev livid e: be green (Trademarked)
a dam e: perfect!
ev livid e: jesus take the wheeeeel
a dam e: god we're going to be huge
ev livid e thats my new phrase
a dam e: um....okay
ev livid e: its not the carrie underwood meaning
ev livid e: its like, i've been steering, i did a damn fine job
ev livid e: i invented the wheel. now jesus can pretend he made it
a dam e: he would do that
a dam e: sneaky bastard
ev livid e: here's another example. i make a mean omelet. like the best omelet ever. i saute mushrooms and peppers in balsamic vinegar
a dam e: please go on
ev livid e: then i wash the pan and make a 2 egg outer cover
ev livid e: and then i put the sauteed veggies on it
ev livid e: and then i carelessly toss freshly grated mozerella cheese all over it
ev livid e: so that the egg cover connects to the veggies. with love
ev livid e: then i close the omelet
ev livid e: and then i put it on a plate, and then i say out loud
ev livid e: jesus take the WHEEL
ev livid e: or omelet, depending on how specific/how dumb the audience is
a dam e: that is even more self sacrificing then jesus
ev livid e: i know. so next time you've daggered/countedit/zinged something, say jesus take the wheel
ev livid e: because its awesome and
ev livid e: IM AWESOME!
a dam e: as is your mom
a dam e: at oral
a dam e: jesus steered off the road!
ev livid e: well, if it weren't for that, i wouldn't be here
ev livid e: wait, what
a dam e: no if she was good at oral there would be no need for....
a dam e: ew
a dam e: stop
ev livid e: i wasn't conceived the normal way
ev livid e: because i am not normal
ev livid e: because im a superhuman
ev livid e: jesus take the uterus!
a dam e: jesus take the stomach acid!
ev livid e: ahaha!
ev livid e: you know you love how i reinvented that shit phrase
ev livid e: and breathed life into it
ev livid e: like god did to the little clay babies to make them alive
ev livid e: except i did
ev livid e: jesus take the mud!
a dam e: did you just call me a tar baby?
ev livid e: no. although tar baby is one of my favorite books
ev livid e: you know. roofs. patchwork. flying children
a dam e: i am not familiar with this work
a dam e: sounds communist
a dam e: and thus the letters were written with lead
ev livid e: jesus take the pencil!
a dam e: buddha take the pen
ev livd e: everlyn take the DAGGER
a dam e: and stick it in your....
a dam e: cake!
ev livid e: and then....
ev livid e: eat the cake!
ev livid e: and then....
ev livid e: do a little dance!
a dam e: and then...
ev livid e: celebrate!
a dam e: and then pass out!
ev livid e: and then....
ev livid e: wake up!
a dam e: and then shower!
ev livid e: and then...
ev livid e: make an omelet!
a dam e: and repeat
ev livid e: ok time to get burger and milkshake at the shake shack
ev livid e: byebybeyebyebyebyebeybeybeybeyebye

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