Monday, September 10, 2007

And We Continue Down the Spiral...

Remember back when Britney Spear's performance were entertaining because of her "talent" and the fact she was hot and not because of the spectacle of a train wreck? I can just barely.
I hadn't planned to watch any of the VMAs because I really don't care about any of the "artists" and I'm over MTV but I figured I could watch Britney at the beginning just to see what every one would inevitability be talking about today. After having to endure watching John Norris pretend to actually take any of this seriously (more on that later) she came on and within two seconds my mouth was agape. By the time she had waked down a step covering her mouth in time with a laugh on her backing track I wanted to turn away, by the time she started "singing" I was shaking my head and by the time she started "dancing" I was mesmerized. It was the best most awful "performance" I have ever seen. She seemed so damn apathetic it was almost artistic. You can watch it here until it's no doubt taken down, if you haven't seen it, but be forewarned it is incredibly uncomfortable to watch.

It's like she wasn't even trying or didn't know where she was. I remember thinking that this looked like it was a rehearsal or something, because there were certain points where I could see her counting her steps. And even when she was "dancing" which was her just shuffling around the stage, playing with her hair and being helped, gingerly, from level to level, it looked like she was out of breath. There were no attempts to even pretend she wasn't lip syncing. And she had such a belly! The stripper sexy thing doesn't work when you like like you're 4 months pregnant (though now it seems like she had been locked into this get up and idea for months) The crowd shots of Rihanna or Curtis Jackson or Sean Coombs were probably the best part where they were some embarrassed and had no idea how to react like they couldn't be too critical facially for fear of being on film. Neither did I; the only reason I continued watching after the initial 30 seconds where I knew this was going to be a disaster was because I really expected her to fall down, and I did not want to miss that. It really looked exactly what a parody of a Britney Spear's comeback performance would have been and as I was watching it she reminded me of this old Andy Dick character Daphne Aguilera, who was a teen pop star but fat and untalented and ugly. (and on a side note; because I hadn;t really thought of or cared about Daphne Aguilera I hadn't noticed but that character looks exactly like Kathy Griffin does now. it's uncanny.)

There have been various reports for why it was so so bad and she looked so vacant, like she wasn't really there and only going through the motions (which she didn't remember the steps for), such as she was out until 3 the night before with Puffy and Paris . Another rumour was that this was a performance concieved at the last moment because the Palms had issues about the safety and worries over insurance, and MTV thought that the original Criss Angel aided performance would have been too controversial and that Britney was furious about such a change but I don't believe it. I think if she was actually furious, (assuming she's still capable of feeling emotions,) or even cared that this was her comeback I think it would have just been better if she canceled or bailed out at the last minute. Everyone already thinks she's out of her mind and crazy; a last minute cancellation wouldn't really have hurt her image- in fact that could actually make people worry more about her so that when she actually did her performance her way (if it was so spectacular) it would be even more amazing and a return to form. By going through with such a 5th rate set up it not only gives video documentation of her craziness and chubbiness, and leads to endless ridicule, but also makes people, who held out hope that she still had some talent left, realize there may be nothing left and that they should move on.
And I feel kind of bad even writing all of this because the girl really needs serious help, and I know it's horrible to think that at 26 she's a lost cause but all of this might have been prevented if someone had taken stronger action back when she was getting married in Vegas after a night of drinking or having anything to do with Kevin Federline ( and how has he suddenly become the sympathetic good father?) I think we all can look back onto episodes like this as warning signs and the beginning of the end

So while I know nothing about Vanessa Hudgens (not sure if I spelled that right)besides the fact that they boy she's dating is very pretty and very gay I think it's good that her first foray into explorations of sexuality/ "bad girl"ness has been met with swift disapproval and condemnation by those all powerful tweens, as can be seen by this investigation on This Recording. Perhaps if they had acted with similar vigilance back in 2004 and shamed her like they're shaming Vanessa, Britney Spears would be a still attractive, reasonable drinker, decent singer and mother, instead of being whatever the hell she is now.

[and a few other quick thoughts. How old is John Norris? He's been on MTV forever and did you see him last night with the horrible blond hair and the guyliner? He looked like a skeleton, but not in a good way. It was disgusting. Isn't it time to move on and do something more respectable and important than what some 17 year old singer thinks about anything? Even Tabitha Soren ( my idol) moved on long ago. You went to NYU you can get a better job one where you don't have to subject yourself to such b.s and you can have some dignity. You're almost 50! This is embarrassing.
P.S. MTV is dead. It may still get decent ratings but never again will it be the decider and barometer of cool, or a trendsetter. It's not a good sign when they're big VMA reinvention was widely panned and probably did disappointingly in the ratings, or that they're big new fall show is a retread of (female versions of) a retreaded idea (but it has an edgy twist- she's bisexual ::gasp::) starring an Internet "celebrity." I'm sure it will always inspire some 11 year old girl in Minnesota or somewhere, but it is losing more of it's cultural relevance each day, being replaced by the internet. And more of its audience will spend their MTV years on youtube and elsewhere on the internet finding their own amusement before deciding that the bands MTV plays are horrible and that they have outgrown it. I'm not sure any of that makes me sad.]

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