Monday, July 23, 2007

Tales of Self-Discovery Through Bad Movies

My mom and I were watching some documentary about Transgender females in male prisons some time back (she's become very interested in the topic- transgender issues not prisons- since I came out to her, which I really appreciate) and one of the subjects was talking about knowing since she was like 4 that she wanted to be a girl. My mom asked me about "when I knew" and I honestly told her I had no idea, I really don't remember anything from too far back and most things before like 7 had to have been incredibly memorable (like that time I had a penguin...though maybe that didn't happen and my brother lied to me; bastard.) I think it was more of a thing that I 've known or thought since as long as I can remember but recently I could pinpoint at least one early sign. On HBO they've been playing over and over (as they are wont to do) a movie called Switch where, according to its description a "playboy victim of a hot-tub murder returns as a sexy woman but with the same old mind."
I had forgotten all about the movie until I saw it on the program schedule but I pretty instantly remembered seeing a commercial for it when it was coming out in theatres, and wishing and praying so hard that that could be me, that I could do that, that I would magically become a woman. That was in 1991 so I was like 7 or 8 at the time. And that fact actually gives me some relief that what I am, and what I am feeling is true and not the victim of (too much) nurture. And at least I have some kind of time post to tell my mom. I've never actually seen the movie, which may be a good thing according to some reviews ( Blake Edwards of Pink Panther and Victor/Victoria glory wrote and directed; who knew?) and also I don't think I'd want to ruin whatever memory and fantasies of the movie that my 8 year old mind conjured up and believed in. But you feel free to knock yourself it. It does have Jimmy Smits and Ellen Barkin, both quite attractive at the time (and still, quite frankly.)
That was probably incredibly inappropriate and way too personal a post for 3:30 (west coast time) but whatevs. I think I'll probably do something like this for my TMI Thursday unless something life changing happens in the next few days. But for now I'm going off to start dinner; I've become more domesticated than a white tiger*-ugh .

(*just another one of those stories I've had for awhile and been trying to sneak in.)

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