Overheard in L.M.E.- The Ultimate Showdown

(an early Saturday afternoon in April)

ev livid e: omg, that is the cutest thing ever!!!
ev livid e: cuter than kittens
ev livid e: way cuter than kittens
a dam e: "you should say i'm gonna kick his butt"

"ooh"
a dam e: best part
ev livid e: ohhhhhhh
ev livid e: ahah
a dam e: and don't hate on kittens
ev livid e: kittens are ugly and dirty
a dam e: babies poop
a dam e: and talk back
ev livid e: babies are natural
a dam e: kittens came before babies
a dam e: evolutionaryily speaking
ev livid e : babies are louder than kittens
a dam e: is that good or bad?
ev livid e: in emergencies, better
a dam e: but when trying to sleep not
ev livid e: but when robbers come in, yes
a dam e: but babies like everyone so they'll just be happy, whereas cats are finicky and elitist and would scratch strangers
ev livid e: babies are friendlier
a dam e: friendly doesn't win wars
ev livid e: pretend friendly does. babies pretend they need attention, then they go in and suckle
a dam e: (haha-you just made me choke a little)
ev livid e: why? because i said suckle?
a dam e: kittens will rub against your leg just so they can get close enough to slice your achilles tendon with their claws
a dam e: cuz i was laughing so hard i started to cough but i was still laughing so i choked
ev livid e: babies will cry in your ear so that they can be burped and then vomit baby juice all over and in your ear
a dam e: a kitten will knife you
ev livid e: a homesick abortion will climb up your leg
a dam e: haahhahaaha
ev livid e: this may quite possibly be the most offensive conversation that i've had on a saturday morning
a dam e: its past 3 in the afternoon
ev livid e: pacific time
a dam e: still past noon

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