I mean sure they're controversial, what with their cheating, adultery, dog killing, fighting, arrests, and murder,but there's nothing fun*. Where's the "deviant sexual behaviour"? there are only rapes (which are not funny), purely hetero (which is boring) and either not filmed (which is a shame for everyone), or photoshopped.) In fact the only thing that almost redeemed us was the story of pitcher John Maine allegedly offering a woman hundreds of dollars in order that he could wear her dress (an act that could have been a clever way to get her naked but was unfortunately not true)
It is yet another case where the Euros are so much more evolved and thus better than us. Recently young English footballer Ashley Young, a member of the national team, was caught stripped naked and pleasuring himself on the internet
It was 1.30am Moscow time October 17 when Young logged on in his room at the team's hotel and hooked up with beauty therapist Sarah Taylor on the Webcamo dating site.
Within minutes he was bombarding her with instant text messages describing the sordid things he longed to do to her.
As he groped himself 22-year-old Aston Villa star Young said: "I'd love to lick ur ****** making them nice and ****...yeh babe, teasing ur ****."
Ignoring all the rules on handling, he went to huge lengths to show himself off and feverishly bashed out saucy demands like: "I wanna have my **** between ur **** and u ****ing the top of my ****."
Pretty Sarah, 21, told us: "I was shocked. I'd gone on for some flirty chat but what I got was a randy sex addict."
Sarah was at home in Bristol —where it was 10.30pm—when she first encountered Young.
"This guy messaged me and said he was in Moscow on business," she said.
Young—who lives with a long-term girlfriend in his home town of Stevenage, Herts—called himself Lewis, the name of his childhood chum, racing driver Lewis Hamilton.
Sarah said: "At first he seemed so charming and nice." But Young then stripped naked and paraded his manhood on camera. She added: "I couldn't believe someone was being so forward. He's got an impressive package but I was amazed he could just show it off like that.
Well, at least he's got an impressive package. If he was lacking then... that would really have been embarrassing.
Even more "fun" was the tale of Stefan Postma, a goalie for some team who last year was involved in a bit of ...cinematic "art" when his jilted ex girlfriend released a sex tape . Involving a strap on, and Stefan playing the role of the 2006 US Soccer team, aka the bitch/bottom
btw, hella NSFW
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I can't imagine something like that happening in America; I'm sure the chants would be gruesome and uninspired, though I'm sure he heard a tonne of all sorts of those insults while standing in goal in Europe, especially when he let up a goal.
But where are our American athelete sex tapes and scandals? I mean I'm sure they've screwed around enough to piss of some chick, I'm sure some camera or camera phone happened to be running during "those magic moments" and I don't believe most athletes are smart enough to not let that happen. (wow grammar)
So come on somebody, take one for the team. You're used to performing under the lights; make it happen. For America.
I think it would be fun...or at least amusing for a few seconds.
*no I didn't do my research for this post or include the links to each individual athlete I was referring to but it is late, i'm tired and sick. Sphere: Related Content
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