Pootie-Poot

Time magazine announced that Vladimir Putin is their Man of the Year and while I would've been amused if this were on the cover

Since they did totally dominate the summer, I'm quite happy about Vladdy being chosen. I don't know what it is or why exactly but I've always liked him. Like in 1999 when out of nowhere Yeltsin announced he'd be succeeding him and since he'd been in the KGB it all smacked of Cold War Soviet stereotypes on insular shady dealings. And I liked it. Or maybe it's the fact that he is definitely master of his domain and seems to dominate his surroundings. Maybe it's his face and cold aloofness that just seems so dangerous like you don't want to cross with him

somehow, even though he's short and baldish, maybe its his pale skin, dour countenance and eyes but he's still really hot (see Kissinger quote.) I think I have a thing for strong despotic leaders. hmm....
And so since everyone everywhere else will be debating the merits and his human rights and democratic crackdowns and ordered murders I've decided to focus on the fact that Everyone Loves Pootie-Poot

The Man

"No one is born with a stare like Vladimir Putin's. The Russian President's pale blue eyes are so cool, so devoid of emotion that the stare must have begun as an affect, the gesture of someone who understood that power might be achieved by the suppression of ordinary needs, like blinking. The affect is now seamless, which makes talking to the Russian President not just exhausting but often chilling. It's a gaze that says, I'm in charge.

Vladimir Putin gives a first impression of contained power: he is compact and moves stiffly but efficiently. He is fit, thanks to years spent honing his black-belt judo skills and, these days, early-morning swims of an hour or more. And while he is diminutive—5 ft. 6 in. (about 1.7 m) seems a reasonable guess—he projects steely confidence and strength. Putin is unmistakably Russian, with chiseled facial features and those penetrating eyes. Charm is not part of his presentation of self—he makes no effort to be ingratiating. One senses that he pays constant obeisance to a determined inner discipline. The successor to the boozy and ultimately tragic Boris Yeltsin, Putin is temperate, sipping his wine only when the protocol of toasts and greetings requires it; mostly he just twirls the Montrachet in his glass. He eats little, though he twitchily picks the crusts off the bread rolls on his plate.
He relaxes, he says, by listening to classical composers like Brahms, Mozart, Tchaikovsky. His favorite Beatles song is Yesterday. He has never sent an e-mail in his life.

Asked if he'd like to correct any American misconceptions about Russia, Putin leans forward and says, "I don't believe these are misconceptions. I think this is a purposeful attempt by some to create an image of Russia based on which one could influence our internal and foreign policies. This is the reason why everybody is made to believe...[Russians] are a little bit savage still or they just climbed down from the trees, you know, and probably need to have...the dirt washed out of their beards and hair." The veins on his forehead seem ready to pop.

But Clinton was willing to work with him. Putin tells us how, at an apec dinner at which he was feeling somewhat lost, Clinton crossed the room past other world leaders and leaned down to talk to him. "Volodya," Clinton said, using the familiar form of the name Vladimir, "I suggest we walk out together from this room." Putin rose to his feet, and the two men strolled out together. "Everyone applauded," Putin recalls. "I will remember that forever."It was Putin's only sign of softness during the 3 1⁄2 hours we spoke.

Putin has been irritable throughout, a grudging host. Suddenly, at 10 o'clock, he stands and abruptly ends the evening. "We've finished eating, there's nothing more on the table, so let's call it a day," he declares. Actually, the main course (choice of sturgeon or veal) and dessert ("bird's milk" cake)—lovingly printed in gold ink on the prepared menu cards—haven't yet been served. The Russian President's brusqueness is jarring. Have our questions angered him? Bored him? Does he have another appointment? It's not clear. "Bye bye," says Putin—in English—as he walks briskly out of the room."

The Myth
In reading that Time profile and interview with Vladdy they kept bringing up jokes about the power of the leader so I thought I'd collect a few Vladimir Putin jokes here (as a demonstration of how Russians view him-humor is generally a good anthropological indicator of what are societal norms and views, and thus deviations from an expected {ED. note "wha?} Aka views into the soul. And a lot of the jokes are like Chuck Norris jokes but Vlad Putin will poison you

• How do Russians see Putin? For generations they have defined their leaders through political jokes. It's partly a coping mechanism, partly a glimpse into the Russian soul. In the oft told anecdotes, Leonid Brezhnev was always the dolt, Gorbachev the bumbling reformer, Yeltsin the drunk. Putin, in current punch lines, is the despot. Here's an example: Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country. Stalin says, "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue." "Why blue?" Putin asks. "Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."
• There is already a new Putin joke: Putin goes to a restaurant with Medvedev and orders a steak. The waiter asks, "And what about the vegetable?" Putin answers, "The vegetable will have steak too."
• Another Putin joke: Putin and Bush are fishing on the Volga River. After half an hour Bush complains, "Vladimir, I'm getting bitten like crazy by mosquitoes, but I haven't seen a single one bothering you." Putin: "They know better than that."
• Putin was holding a joint press conference with the Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, focused on the Iran crisis. At the end of the conference, when he is thought to believe the microphone was off, he said “greetings to your president.” Following this, the microphone was turned off and journalist Andrei Kolesnikov claims he heard the president say, “What a mighty man he turns out to be! He raped 10 women – I would never have expected this from him. He surprised us all – we all envy him!”
• Russians like their leaders powerful. Here are some jokes that are floating around Russia now (courtesy of Pajamas Media; translation by Oleg Atbashian). These jokes reveal just how powerful Putin has become.
• • A fork that Putin ate from can slay a vampire with one stab.
• • A chair that Putin sat on gets promoted to the rank of Major General.
• • When Putin was little, he broke a cup. The spilled water turned into oceans and the splinters became continents.
• • Putin can scratch his own heel without bending over.
• • Shirts worn by Putin are sent to a secret military facility and converted to the strongest layer of armor for the Russian tanks.
• • Socks worn by Putin are routinely dropped on Chechen rebels.
• • Putin’s used tissues become the property of the Department of Cartography and their content is classified.
• • Putin knows every Russian citizen’s name, address, and phone number. If you say a dirty word, Putin will call you in the evening to reprimand.
• • When Putin’s name is typed, the first letter capitalizes itself.
• • By squinting his eye Putin can read and write multimedia DVDs.
• • Putin’s stare has downed 15 American satellites spying over the Kremlin.
• • Putin’s stare penetrates a ten foot lead wall and brings a kettle to a boil within 10 seconds from three miles away. For public safety he must wear special contact lenses at all times.
• • Chechen rebels blow themselves up when they hear Putin’s true name.
• • Saying Putin’s name repeatedly contributes to the common good in the universe.
• • Putin inhales carbon dioxide and exhales oxygen, ensuring the continuation of life on the planet.
• • Putin’s love for humankind heats up the planet by 2.35 degrees annually - a phenomenon also known as the Global Warming.
• • Putin appeared in Thomas Edison’s dream and revealed how to live in harmony with the Universe. But all Edison could remember in the morning was how to make the light bulb.
• • Everything Putin touches turns into a national project.
• • If a sunbeam shines beautifully through the clouds, Putin is nearby.
• • If you shake hands with Putin you will be taken to heaven alive.
• • If you hate Putin you may die early through your own fault.

The Legend
"And then there are the President's loudest and most visible defenders: members of Nashi (Ours, in Russian), the cultish pro-Putin youth movement. In mid-December, about 20,000 of the Nashi faithful from all over Russia gathered for a rally by the Kremlin walls to celebrate the recent victory of Putin's United Russia Party in elections to the parliament. From the stage, speakers, rock singers and rappers declared their patriotism and love for the President. A banner read, into the future with putin! Someone introduced Dasha, a 10-year-old member of Mishki (Bear Cubs), the new children's division of Nashi. "I love Russia," said Dasha. "I love teddy bears. I love Putin. Together we will win!"







And I'm not sure if the Nashi are behind these youtube videos but they are amazing, especially if you love bad music. Good ol' New Soviet propaganda


(love that song!)




And as one of those video creators wrote: Vladimir Putin:
...President of Russia, family man, judo champion, witty, very smart, powerful, very sexy, well-dressed, classy, hot...
Vladimir Putin Владимир Путин: 99% of the world's manhood in one human being!
[UPDATE: and is reportedly the richest man in Europe]

Vladimir the Great. Putin for America.

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