Tips For Boys

(or for anyone really)

1)If you ever meet this girl

her name is Dominique Fisher and DO NOT HOOK UP WITH HER! She's crazy and not only will she cut you, but she'll carve her name into you

from the Daily Mail

A drunken fling ended in disaster for a man who woke up to find his lover's name carved into his arm.
Dominique Fisher, 22, used a Stanley knife to write her name on Wayne Robinson's upper arm.
She inflicted the injuries on the 24-year-old at her home in Blackburn, Lancashire.*
Mr Robinson woke to find his body decorated with a star on his back, 'Dominique' written on his upper right arm, and numerous slash marks on his left arm and shoulder.
He told police he had drunk vodka and taken Valium and was not awake during the incident on the night of June 14 last year.

Ow; it's like a cross between The Business of Strangers and American Psycho. *And please no jokes about there being a few more than 10 thousand holes in Blackburn Lancashire now...after that one. moving on

2) Guys if you think it might be safer to...um just handle yourself then brave the Dominique Fishers of the world and you have to...ahem...release yourself at work, find out which company this is and try your darndest to get hired there. From Slate's "Dear Prudence"

Dear Prudence,
I work in an office that I share with two other people. The desks are in a triangle with short partitions between us, but it is possible to see one another through the gaps. One co-worker is part-time, so I am frequently alone with the third. Lately, I have been hearing and then seeing him participating in a solo activity usually done in the bedroom. Once I figured out for sure what he was doing, I went to human resources. The manager told me that as she has only my word about this, I should go find her when he does it again so she can know for herself. The problem is, she is never around when it happens. He stops if I get up to go out the door and starts when I sit down again. I feel violated, abused, and totally grossed out. What should I do?

3. Failing to find that company might lead you to one other option, but it's a good one and it doesn't seem like your bosses would care. Work in Peru! Drink in Peru! Drink while working in Peru!
From Lemondrop

You don't have to worry about hiding that bottle of Hennessy in your desk anymore. At least not if you work in Peru, where the nation's top court has ruled that workers can't be fired for being drunk on the job. Woo-hoo!

Peru's Constitutional Tribunal has said that you can't get fired for being a little tipsy at work, as long as you're not hurting or offending anybody.

So to make sure you don't offend anyone with either you're drinking or your masturbating just be sure to pass around the Pisco, yo.

You're welcome

Guns n' Roses- You're Crazy [mp3]
The Beatles- A Day In The Life [mp3]
Talking Heads- Psycho Killer [mp3]

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What the Hell, Britannia?

This is the "Ultimate British Male Face" and all I will see is ew, ew, ew


I lied- I have more to say. First, I didn't know the British were into the debonair zombie crackhead look. Secondly this composites always turn out horrifying; it like the sum is never the equal of the parts and a lot of times it seems like a pretty cheap and easy way to fill an article or blog quota (hello!) But in this case, according to the daily mail, the parts were the results of a survey asking which british star had the best eyes, lips, etc blah blah.
And what makes this even stranger/ disappointing is that that "thing" is the result of

• the nose of Orlando Bloom
• the mouth of Jonny Wilkinson
• Lewis Hamilton's coco complexion
• Ewan McGregor's jaw
• Daniel Craig's eyes and
• the hair of Hugh Grant

not a bad looking bunch at all. Though i was thinking about it and Beckham is still gorgeous and totally missing and of course the smoldering wonderfulness of Clive Owen


yeah.....wait, what was I going on about?

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The Brawling Rooneys Return

Thank god for the Brits…and their gossip.
From the Daily Mail comes more information about my favorite British "should be made into a sitcom" family

The Rooneys are a formidable lot. The men all look like Wayne, simply with varying belly sizes and crew cuts. Most seem to be amateur boxers.

The nicest thing the Mail heard about them this week, in Liverpool, was that they were "good, solid, Irish Catholics, the salt of the earth, and dead good with their fists". Eek!

The last time she extended common courtesy to her husband's relatives, inviting them to her 21st birthday party, Coleen was rewarded with one cousin baring her boobs to photographers.

The time before that - her 18th birthday - the £10,000 of "refreshments" behind the bar were a little too enthusiastically received, and the evening ended in a punch-up.

How high can the poor girl's standards be, given that she is marrying a man who once paid for sex with a granny, and - as worryingly, perhaps - thought it was perfectly normal to propose in a petrol station?

This week there has been much huffing about the very public snub, and endless family conflabs about whether the cousins should boycott the post-wedding party that Coleen has said she will be throwing for them as compensation.

Yet hilariously, Coleen's efforts to airbrush her soon-to-be in-laws from her new glossy life have served only to throw the spotlight on them. Our curiosity is whetted.

Never mind whether Posh will be maid of honour, or if Wayne will wear a floral waistcoat, when it comes to this wedding, it's the groom's family we really want to know about.

Who are all these Rooney "rellies", as they are so quaintly called in Croxteth, and can they really be so hideous that they must be banned from the pages of a publication that routinely makes goddesses out of Jade Goody and Kerry Katona?

Perhaps the old Coleen McLoughlin would have snorted loudly and slapped an ample thigh when she heard that one of her intended's cousins - a gay transvestite, no less - was offering his services as a bridesmaid.

It certainly seems that Stephen, the son of Wayne's uncle John, thought that the Coleen he knew and loved would appreciate his quirky sense of humour.

As he pointed out, while confirming that he likes to dress up in a Danny La Rue-type wig and slap on red lipstick: "I'm good mates with Coleen and she knows what I'm like.

"I came out about two years ago and both she and Wayne are cool about it."

For some reason he felt compelled to tell the world: "I've worn knickers and bras when I've been with boyfriends."

Then added: "If Coleen wants me as a bridesmaid then she won't be let down. I've been hitting the shops."

Heavens! Stephen is 23, often paints his nails scarlet, likes to show off his tongue stud and works in Kentucky Fried Chicken, though presumably not all at the same time.

Still, Stephen seems positively harmless when you compare him to his younger sister Natalie.

It was Natalie, 18, who famously fell out of her dress in front of the massed ranks of celebrity snappers at Coleen's "tasteful" 21st birthday party.

Following the pattern of holding every family do in a more upmarket venue than the last, Coleen - ever anxious to buff up her image - had pulled out all the stops for her 21st.

Indeed, friends have said that she saw the party as a precursor for her wedding - a chance to banish the awful memories of previous chavtastic events and practise how to throw a proper regal party, as befitting the King and Queen of Hello!

But she hadn't reckoned on the lovely Natalie being determined to grasp her ten minutes in the limelight with that dramatic self-exposure.

And it didn't end there. Pursued by the red-tops, and actively encouraged to think of herself as some sort of fledgling celeb, Natalie gushed to the Press about her famous cousin, his fiancé, their family - but mostly about her own breasts.

Just weeks later, she underwent a boob job, upping herself from a 34C to a much more mediafriendly 34FF.

And she couldn't resist telling how even Wayne had given his seal of approval.

She said: "My mum has told Wayne about it and he just laughed. I can't wait to get it done and I'll be getting them out all over the place."

She went on to threaten to flash even more if she got an invite to their wedding, joking: "If Coleen doesn't like my new boobs, I'll squeeze her head between them.

"My aim is to look like Jordan. I've met her and she looks fantastic."

Oh dear. These blatant shrieks for attention were terribly embarrassing for all concerned.

But Coleen was furious. She had already warned Wayne that he had to keep his wayward family under control at public events.

There had been much gnashing of teeth in the McLoughlin home after the first(very) public hint that all was not well between the families.

Coleen's 18th had ended in either a "little upset" or a mass brawl between the Rooneys and the McLoughlins, depending on whose version of events you believe.

One report said there was then a stand-up row between the young couple's mothers over who was to blame when things got out of hand.

"You've ruined my daughter's night," Coleen's mum is said to have screamed.

"Your ******* family started this," retorted Mrs Rooney.

Whatever, the police were called, and the PR advisers who were already starting to work with Coleen realised that they might have a struggle on their hands. And since then, they have.

Take the tale of Uncle Eugene, who found himself branded a "neighbour from hell" by the family next door, and plastered over the papers.

Back in 2005, Liverpool mum Julie Worsley, 36, told of her "nightmare" at the hands of Eugene, a keen boxer and keep-fit addict.

Julie was convinced he wanted to drive her from her home, "to buy our house and turn it into a gym for him and his mates".

His supposed method of driving her and her four children out?

Playing loud music, shouting abuse, and displaying some of those infamous Rooney fist flurries.

"He and his mates are always shouting abuse through the walls into our living room.

"I went round once to complain and they all started telling me I should leave my husband and go in there with them for some 'fun'.

"Wayne Rooney has been round there himself singing karaoke from 1am to 11.30 the next morning."

Then there is John Morrey - Wayne's favourite uncle, and the brother of his mother, Jeanette - who was fined £4,000 for illegally showing Sky Sports matches at his pub.

In normal circumstances, such an indiscretion would hardly have warranted coverage, but when he appeared before Liverpool Magistrates Court last year, the Press were on the case, so potent is the Rooney connection.

But it is not just the extended family that have been found wanting in the public decorum stakes.

Last year, Wayne's brother Graham came in for some serious stick in the red-tops when he was caught on camera singing distasteful songs about the serial killer Harold Shipman.

Graham presumably didn't engage his brain before allowing himself to be filmed singing with a guitar in his Liverpool bedroom, while a friend egged him on.

The ditty, to the tune of Winter Wonderland, went something like: "One Harold Shipman/There's only one Harold Shipman/Scousers say thanks, cos he only kills Mancs/ Walking in a Shipman Wonderland."

The Rooneys, however, were "grittier" types.

Wayne senior was a keen boxer and his brother, Graham, had the potential to be an amateur international had he not given it up for football.

Their uncle, Richie Rooney, runs the Croxteth Amateur Boxing Club.

"They are a very tough family," says a long-standing family friend.

"You can say what you like about them, but they don't have any pretensions. With them, what you see is what you get.

"They don't take kindly to being crossed and don't go in for all the glitzy, showbiz world.

"They still see Wayne as being one of them, but Coleen is wrapped up in a glamorous world they are not a part of."

The couple grew up in Croxteth, a rundown working class suburb just east of Liverpool city centre.

Rooney and his family were regulars at the tough Western Approaches pub, which has framed memorabilia signed by him on the walls.

It's all a million miles away from Hello! magazine, and that is where the trouble lies.

Because it's definitely in this glossy world that the couple's future lies.

Wayne may have the multi-millionpound feet, but Coleen is the one with aspirations, and the drive to make it happen.

She has already amassed a £5million fortune of her own, through canny self-promotions in everything from clothing to perfume to publishing. And brand Coleen sells.

The trouble is that the more it has to sell, the more upmarket it has to appear, and there is simply no room for the sort of tackiness that characterised Coleen's early days in showbiz.

When was the last time she was photographed in one of those hideous tracksuit/Ugg boot combos?

Her image today is sweet, cool and decidedly collected. Yet, is she trying to move just that little bit too far away from her roots?

There is something a little poignant about one of Coleen's latest interviews, in which she confirms that she finds it easier these days to make new friends from within the celebrity world.

"There's nothing wrong with having celebrity friends," she gushed.

"Trust is a big thing when you're meeting new friends. You don't know whether they're just being friends with you because of who you are.

"I think that's why you see a lot of relationships between celebrities - because they can trust each other."

It's true that other celebs are unlikely to embarrass you by whipping out their boobs at your cameraladen party, but attempting to completely wipe Wayne's relatives from the picture might be taking things a little too far.

What Coleen might not have grasped is that once that ring goes on her finger, they are her "rellies", too.

And no amount of airbrushing is going to change that.

If they didn't exist someone would have had to invent them. God I LOVE THE ROONEYS

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The 50 Best Children’s Book

As determined by a poll of 4,000 respondents was conducted by the charity Booktrust, which runs the Governmentbacked Bookstart initiative giving free packs of books to children.

And number 1 is…The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe, which I guess is fine as a children’s book but once I got older and saw the overt Aslan=Jesus thing it kinda lost its appeal to me.
Number two was The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle a book that supposedly has sold a copy every minute since it was published in 1969 which is, according to my rudimentary math like a billion copies (or about 20,100,053 and that doesn’t sound as impressive but…)
Number Three was the Famous Five, which I’ve never heard of and I assume must be a British thing. The rest of the list I can’t really argue with, other than the placement of a few and the fact that I guess I don't consider some "children's book" but have a look and though maybe you can find something that displease you
(oh and I italicized my own personal favorites)

: Top 50 Best Children's Books

1. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis
2. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
3. Famous Five, Enid Blyton
4. Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne
5. The BFG, Roald Dahl
6. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, J.K. Rowling
7. The Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
8. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
9. Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
10. The Gruffalo, Julia Donaldson
11. The Tales of Peter Rabbit, Beatrix Potter
12. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
13. Matilda, Roald Dahl
14. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
15. The Cat in the Hat, Dr Seuss
16. The Twits, Roald Dahl
17. Mr Men, Roger Hargreaves
18. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
19. The Malory Towers series, Enid Blyton
20. Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie
21. The Railway Children, E. Nesbit
22. Hans Christian Fairy Tales, H.C. Andersen
23, The Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum
24. The Witches, Roald Dahl
25. Stig of the Dump, Clive King
26. The Wishing Chair, Enid Blyton
27. Dear Zoo, Rod Campbell
28. The Tiger Who Came to Tea, Judith Kerr
29. Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Jan Brett
30. James and the Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
31. A Bear Called Paddington, Michael Bond
32. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
33. Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak
34. Aesop's Fables, Jerry Pinkney
35. The Borrowers, Mary Norton
36. Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling
37. Meg and Mog, Jan Pienkowski
38. Mrs Pepperpot, Alf Proysen
39. We're Going on a Bear Hunt, Michael Rosen
40. The Gruffalo's Child, Julia Donaldson
41. Room on a Broom, Julia Donaldson
42. The Worst Witch, Jill Murphy
43. Miffy, Dick Bruna
44. The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
45. Flat Stanley, Jeff Brown
46. The Snail and the Whale, Julia Donaldson
47. Ten Little Ladybirds, Melanie Gerth
48. Six Dinners Sid, Inga Moore
49. The St. Clare's series, Enid Blyton
50. Captain Underpants, Dav Pilkey

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The World is Freezing

The Great Freeze of '08 continues

Y'know that original ImprovEverywhere masterpiece of a Frozen Grand Central?
if you don’t (or are too lazy to click on that link) you can watch it here


Well it seems to be catching on as the cold storm heads South affecting these Virginia Tech students fall under the spell of the Freeze

and now it can be seen as the Great Freeze spread across the Pond reaching this London square


Now that you mention it I have been bundling up for the last few days...
But seriously can people “freezing” combat global warming?
Art can change the world!
Someone should look into this.

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America Needs Paxman

Not only does Jeremy Paxman have a really snazzy name but he actually seems to be a hard hitting interviewer which is something this country of Larry King’s and Diane Sawyers needs to restore some integrity,
Welcome to a true no spin zone- he's totally my new favorite thing

Jeremy Paxman and his interview with George Galloway (silly Brits- elections are held in even numbered years)

Absolutely brilliant!
I think the Brits call him Paxo- he’s like a superhero.

Paxman makes Tony Blair cringe by asking if Blair and Bush pray together

Paxman vs. John Bolton. Bolton ends up even redder ( it starts getting good at about 4:15 and only gets better)


"Conservative Home Secretary Michael Howard, refusing to give a simple answer to Jeremy Paxman's question"

Genius

apparently “Paxoed” is a thing
"Bob Ainsworth, the British Armed Forces Minister, grilled on Newsnight by Jeremy Paxman on UK troop withdrawals"

and that guy totally just got Paxoed


The world needs more Paxo.


Just goes to show that journalism isn’t dead everywhere…

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Think of The Children!

Where would underage American kids go abroad to drink and not have to worry about knowing another language if England considers a misguided question over whether to raise the drinking age to 21 in response to issues posed by articles like this (from The Mail)

Hundreds of thousands of underage drinkers are escaping punishment when they are caught trying to buy alcohol in pubs and off-licences.

More than a million young people are refused alcohol in pubs and bars every month, surveys show, and it is thought at least as many again are turned away by supermarkets and offlicences.

But only a handful of under-18s face prosecution.

In 2006 just 10 youngsters were taken to court for trying to buy alcohol, while 13 received a police caution. A further 62 youths aged 16 or 17 were punished with fixed penalty fines of £80.

According to a British Beer and Pub Association survey of members, there are 12million cases a year where bar staff refuse to serve youngsters.

No equivalent figures have been gathered for shops and off-licences, although one national off-licence chain alone refused sales more than 300,000 times last year.

Just enforce the law as it is- don’t punish those rightful 19 year olds who would be out in the cold with an alcohol sweater because of a few rotten pickled apples

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Pepsi Goes Raw

I'm actually really curious and excited by this news because one of the main reasons I don't drink like soda is because I'm always trying to cut out high fructose corn syrup, which is so so hard because it is like in everything.
From the Mail
Pepsi Raw is said to be made from natural ingredients and contains no artificial preservatives, colours, flavourings or sweeteners.

Traditional Pepsi contains fructose corn syrup, sugar, artificial colourings, phosphoric acid, caffeine, citric acid and natural flavours.
In comparison, Pepsi Raw has only natural ingredients including apple extract, plain caramel colouring, coffee leaf, tantaric acid from grapes, gum arabic from acacia trees, cane sugar and sparkling water. It is paler in colour and less fizzy than other cola brands.

By replacing corn syrup with cane sugar, Pepsi claims it has managed to reduce the calorie content of a 300ml bottle, from around 126 calories per serving to around 117 calories.

Cutting the amount of sugar in the drink could also help prevent damage to teeth.

To begin with, Pepsi Raw will only be available in selected bars and clubs in seven cities - London, Manchester, Glasgow, Brighton, Birmingham, Leeds and Liverpool, although a wider roll-out is expected later in the year.

Ah, another reason to want to be British! Though traveling I have noticed that like in other countries Coke is already made from like actual sugar. But how does it taste (the taste's the thing y'know) well according to this Times of London field piece either- the same, sweeter, "more rubbish" or like it has a bit of scotch in it.
Good to know. Let's work out the kinks over there first.

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The Brawling Rooneys

Sounds like a great name for something, a tv show or band, or just an offensive stereotype, either way…

(Wayne Rooney covered in the blood of his 3rd cousin, once removed, after a particularly spirited Family Board Game Night)

I love this story from the Mail just because it fits that title The Brawling Rooneys so well
And plus it fights my image of Wayne Rooney as like a British bulldog or a boxer. He looks like one, like he would get drunk in a pub and start a row…kinda like Russell Crowe on South Park

Anyway here’s the story from the Daily Mail (which is my new obsession)

The news comes after Coleen reportedly refused to invite [Wayne Rooney] the England striker's extended family to attend her big day.

The only members of Rooney's clan that Coleen is allowing to attend the ceremony this summer are his parents and two brothers, but the decision has caused massive family tension.

Coleen, 21, is understood to be anxious there is no repeat of scenes at her 18th birthday party, when police were called out after an unseemly brawl broke out between family members.

Manchester United forward Rooney, 22, later claimed that members of his family had got involved in an argument with several of the bouncers.

And Wayne Rooney has a transvestite cousin?! This is too fabulous

Mr Rooney's two children, Wayne's cousins Natalie and Stephen, are also waiting for an invite.

Telephonist and aspiring glamour model Natalie, 18, caused a stir when she flashed a breast at Coleen's 21st birthday last year and then threatened to strip entirely at the nuptials.

She said at the time: “I'll do the Full Monty if I get an invite to their wedding next year! Coleen will probably be fuming about it but I don't care - it was just a bit of a laugh.”

She then insulted the future Mrs Rooney when she told a national newspaper she should have breast surgery to improve her shape. [Ed. Note Like Natalie who wants to get 34FF implants!]

Her 23-year-old brother Stephen, who is a gay transvestite, is equally outgoing. He is reported to have offered his services as a bridesmaid but has found out that he won't be attending either.

Soo saucy! That would've been the best wedding ever- transvestism and drunken brawling- it's like the English national pastimes.
Ah the British, so much more refined than us.

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A True Love

This is such a lovely and "awww" story for any day really but especially on this Holiday to Love. I've italicized things i loved
from the BBC

Couple counts 80 Valentine's days
Britain's longest living married couple, celebrating their 80th Valentine's Day, say a kiss every night is the secret of keeping love alive.

Frank and Anita Milford met in 1926 and married two years later. They live together in a care home in Plymouth.

Frank, who was 100 at the end of January, said: "We don't go in for big Valentine's Day gestures, being in love is something you do every day.

"At our age that's all you need, just us together, no big fuss," he said.

Anita, who is 98, says they still have little disagreements on a daily basis.

She said: "Not big rows, just the odd cross word. As far as I'm concerned, it's healthy."

The couple have two children, Marie and Frank, who are now in their 70s, and are grandparents and great grandparents several times over.
Married at Torpoint in Cornwall, they lived in a three-bedroomed bungalow in Plymouth for over 70 years before they decided to move into their care home in 2005.

One of their secrets for a long and happy marriage is to "share a little kiss" every night before bed.

Anita said: "It's our golden rule."

Frank said: "To win over your sweetheart you need a dose of old-fashioned chivalry and don't let your standards slip.

"We do everything together even after nearly 80 years."

Anita added: "Couples these days don't last long because they often don't take enough time for each other.

"There just isn't enough respect, love is about give and take.

"Our advice to young couples would be to make time for a little romance every day."

On 26 May, the couple will have equalled the record for the longest British marriage, held by Percy and Florence Arrowsmith, from Hereford, who were married for 80 years.

Stories like that really are so beautiful and give me hope that perhaps there is someone out there for each of us. It's a wonderful thought...a love like that...
Btw those pictures are Anita and Frank then and now

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Shangri-La and Xanadu

Two perfect seeming places I want to visit

Abu Dhabi has started to build what it says is the world's first zero-carbon, zero-waste car-free city.

Masdar City will cost $22bn (£11.3bn), take eight years to build and be home to 50,000 people and 1,500 businesses.

The city will be mostly powered by solar energy and residents will move in travel pods running on magnetic tracks.

The city will make use of traditional Gulf architecture to create low-energy buildings, with natural air conditioning from wind towers.

Water will be provided through a solar-powered desalination plant, Masdar says. The city will need a quarter of the power required for a similar sized community, while its water needs will be 60% lower.

The city forms part of an ambitious plan to develop clean energy technologies.

In January, the government of Abu Dhabi announced a $15bn five-year initiative to develop clean energy technologies, calling it "the most ambitious sustainability project ever launched by a government".

As part of the plan, Abu Dhabi will become home to the world's largest hydrogen power plant.

The money is being channelled through the Masdar Initiative, a company established to develop and commercialise clean energy technologies, and Abu Dhabi hopes it will lead to international joint ventures involving much more money.

Abu Dhabi will invest $4bn of equity in the project and borrow some of the rest, Masdar said.

"We are creating an array of financial vehicles to finance the $22bn development," Masdar chief executive officer Sultan al-Jaber told Reuters news agency.

"We will monetise all carbon emission reductions... Such innovative financing has never been applied to the scale of an entire city."

Of course all of the money used to pay for this oasis in the desert will have come from oil revenues, but let's not worry about that part.

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
-Coleridge

and in a less scary part of the world with a lot of fun things converging
Feeling singer Dan Gillespie revealed to us that singer Sophie Ellis Bexter is to start up a gay themed 80s club in London, inspired by David Bowie.
Gillespie, spilt the beans on the plans of the wife of his bassist, Richard Jones saying 28-year-old is in talks with the owners of the late Rebel Rebel gay night club.

80s? Sophie? Bowie? Buggers? Brits? I am totally there.
And I am really all about this club just as long as they promise to play this song.
For at least one straight hour. Each and Every night.

It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Dj, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
Oh, I know I know I know I know I know I know
About your kind
And so and so and so and so and so
I'll have to play
If you think you're getting away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Boy, just come along
Hear me when I say
Hey, It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
Dj, gonna burn this goddamn house right down
Oh I know I know I know I know I know I know
There maybe others
And so and so and so and so and so and so
You'll just have to pray
If you think you're getting away
I will prove you wrong
I'll take you all the way
Stay another song
I'll blow you all away
Hey, It's murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey Murder on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
DJ, gonna turn this house around somehow
Murder on the dancefloor
But you better not kill the groove
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Murder on the dancefloor
But you better not steal the moves
Dj, gonna burn this goddamn house right down

(I LOVE THIS SONG)
Sophie Ellis-Bexter Murder on The Dance Floor [download]
Dj, gonna burn this goddamn house right down

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Where's The Justice for Gingers?

My lovely Theresa has had this Gawker article up as her G-mail status for the past couple and...it really touched me.
It's entitled "How Bigoted New Yorker Magazine Hates Redheads"

Gingerism" is discrimination against redheads, and passes for racism in sissy England, where they are very gravely concerned because some coppertop got stabbed in the back there once or something. Here in America, where people have better things to worry about, New York magazine brazenly attacked the flame-haired children of the city in its Feb. 10 issue. Its cover story on "Why Kids Lie" was illustrated with pictures of four children; fully three were gingers, since we all know blueys are notoriously poorly behaved. After the jump, thoughts from a torch terrified at New York's campaign of hate. Also, a terrible joke about lava heads from the BBC. Finally, a list of carrot-top slurs. To avoid, of course.

Writes our tipster, whose name we are withholding for his own protection:

Its not just the Redhead on the cover; of the four pictures of children used for
the article, only ONE of them ISNT a redhead. As a ginger myself, I'm
just not sure what to think. Yes, its true, I like to torture small
animals, start forest fires, and shove snowsuit-bound children into
snowbanks while wearing coonskin hats, but equating redheadedness to
being a liar is crossing the line.

An raging anti-ginger joke courtesy of the BBC:

Here's a joke. "What's the difference between a terrorist and a redhead?"
Here's the punchline. "You can negotiate with a terrorist."

Finally, words for redheads. Some of the more ridiculous:

Agent Orange.
'Ang Mo'. This means 'red devil' in Chinese. I lived in Singapore for several years and every time I would go out any where, some original individual would shout out 'Eh, Ang Mo!' The words are emblazoned in memory.
Backdraft.
Bonfire.
Burning Bush.
Cheeto crotch.
Groundskeeper Willie.
Lava head.
Red Man Walking.
Ronald McDonald.
Trusty Rusty.
Volcano Head
Woody Woodpecker

Anti-ginger sentiment seems to be far worse in England (I guess because they don't have enough minorities to persecute) as can be seen with the case of a family who were run out of their house because of persistent anti-ginger harassment

A family of six have fled two homes after enduring a vicious hate campaign, apparently prompted by the colour of their hair.

Kevin and Barbara Chapman say that anti-ginger prejudice has led to their property being vandalised and their four youngest children being subjected to a litany of cruel taunts, verbal abuse and bullying.

The Chapmans and their children, who are from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, have a blaze of red hair which, they claim, has reduced them to living like fugitives in the city. Their plight carries uncomfortable echoes of the Catherine Tate sketch in which a group of ginger-haired outcasts find safety in a refuge after being ostractised by society.

Another victim of hair-colour prejudice, the Premiership footballer Dave Kitson, of Reading, claimed two years ago that fans who made fun of his red hair were as bad as racists.

This year, David Cameron, the Conservative leader, dismissed his homeland security spokesman after a race-row scandal. Patrick Mercer, a former Army colonel, had said that soldiers with red hair were given a “far harder time” than blacks and that comments like “Come on you black bastard” and “Come on you ginger bastard” were “the way it is in the Army”.

The Chapmans – who have nine children, with only the four youngest living at home – appear unable to find sanctuary anywhere Newcastle. At each new home – three in the past three years – their windows have been smashed, graffiti has been sprayed on their walls and the children, aged between 10 and 13, have been physically attacked.

Mr Chapman, 49, has reported several incidents to the police and – after the slogan “Ginger Is Gay” [Ed. Note: Really? That may be the peak of immaturity, and laziness to be honest] was daubed on their home this week – is in discussion with council housing officers over another move.

He says that the taunts of neighbours, adults and children, have become so bad that his 11-year-old son, also called Kevin, contemplated suicide. Last week the boy was assaulted by a girl in the street who punched him several times and left him with a black eye.

“Kevin’s never even seen a life yet and he’s been driven to this. The abuse we have to endure is just disgusting,” Mr Chapman said.

“It started more than three years ago, when the kids started getting bullied by local lads over the colour of their hair. They’ve been punched, kicked and thrown over a hedge. Every time they go out, these gangs have got to them. We can’t even go to the local shops, which are only two minutes away, because the kids get all their stuff taken off them.”

The younger children have attended three primary schools in the past three years as the Chapmans moved from their old home in the Walker area of the city, first to Newbiggin Hall and then, a year ago, to Kenton Bar. The couple’s 10-year-old daughter, Ryelle, said: “Every time we make new friends we just end up getting bullied and it happens every time we leave the house.”

A Newcastle City Council spokesman said that housing staff were aware of the family’s plight and were discussing it.

Mr Chapman said the council had suggested that he should dye his family’s hair, which outraged him because he had brought up his children “to be proud of themselves . . . and the way they look”. The spokesman said that the dye suggestion had initially been made by Mr Chapman and that the housing officer’s response had merely been: “You could always do that.”

and who can forget that infamous Brandon Davis video where he calls Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch? It makes no sense- it's their hair color people! and it may be the first time that people are "persecuted" for being pale and white.
It's insane and always reminds me of that Catherine Tate sketch
Justice for Gingers, Gingers for Justice!
(I may not be a Ginger on my head but I am a Ginger in my heart)

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Wanna See Some Emo Boys Make Out?

Of course you do! Who doesn’t?

Those boys don’t even bother coming up for air.

And no, I don't know if they're gay or just emo or if there's even a difference.It doesn't really matter

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With earplugs in, it’s less dangerous

Smells Like Teen Spirit as performed by ukuleles


and “The ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain” as seen on Later...With Jools Holland

How bizarre!

Dear god what would Kurt think?

Though to be fair it’s still a thousand times better (in a purely unironic way) than “this” the Hackley School Massacre

(p.s. I love the description on the youtube page
"This is the entire god-awful performance. Quite possibly the worst cover of any song ever recorded in the history of the universe. Enjoy!")
( p.p.s. why couldn’t they perform on the stage which is right behind them?)
(p.p.p.s this one is pretty awful as well but not nearly as earnest and they’re Italian so I’ll cut some slack)

Oh well. Whatever. Nevermind.

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"That Guy"

You know the guy, the one who sees a camera rolling and tries to position himself in the background for his 3 seconds of fame? Well that Chris Mottram brilliance reminded me and sparked my interest and sent me to the youtubes in order provide some examples and warnings to not be “that guy”

Here is Jim Carrey back in his "In Living Color" days




Two friends who staged a fake fight in the background of a British news broadcast in Norfolk


a college kid at Case Western found his moment in a live report I guess about the Va Tech massacree and it’s affect there


That guy may be drunk and he may be an oil worker, unless he’s just a lot drunker than I thought


Sioux vs Gophers post hockey match. “That Guy” is a Holy Cross fan


here’s a pretty big dick in the background


If you have to be That Guy just know that reporters can get angry


know when enough is enough though; this guy’s just an ass


BUT if you really have to do it, if you have to be "That Guy" do it in style

Was that a stroke of luck or a did he see an opportunity and make a spontaneous decision? Because that was amazing. Well done sir, well done

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"It doesn't matter who you vote for, just make sure you vote"

or to paraphrase Will Bailey from Election Night “but it does matter who you vote for so how ‘bout we change that sign to say ‘No Matter Who You Vote For…is that okay with you?”

(I’ve had this since before the Iowa Caucus and today seems fitting enough)
“Fancy Clothes and Overalls”-Emma Claire Edwards reads a poem about voting written by her brother, Wade Edwards.


(and that’s really sad because Wade never was able to vote and Emma Claire never knew him)

p.s.

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There goes the straight male vote

It seems like Barack Obama is either afraid of strippers, or doesn’t support women who feel the need to earn money that women in order to, let’s be clichéd, pay their way through college, or believes that women don’t have the right to choose how they use their body , instead taking it upon himself to decide what is appropriate and/or degrading. Barack Obama- Anti Education. Anti Feminist. Anti-Freedom.
Moralist.

(or at least the way I spin this article)

From the BBC

Some years before Barack Obama began his run for the White House he found himself on a pub crawl in England helping give a traditional British send-off to a nervous bridegroom.

Then in his 30s, Mr Obama found himself witnessing the British ritual of the pre-wedding humiliation of the bridegroom. Ian and his friends had just moved to a pub called The Rose, when the predictable happened.

"When we got there we had a couple of drinks. Then there was a bit of a commotion and they sort of directed me into a back room with one exit," recalls Ian.

"Lo and behold, a strippergram turned up. She was a St Trinian's school girl."

"As she started I saw that he [Obama] was making an exit. He obviously saw my embarrassment because I was marrying his sister."

Soon afterwards [Obama] decided it was time to return to his hotel room.

Unless he went back to his hotel room to do lines of coke, which is always a possibility, that kind of story, about running away from a stripper can’t sit too well with straight guys.
I mean aren’t Presidents supposed to spirit away strippers and mistresses to that secret room off of the oval office? I don't trust one who wouldn't; seems too...Republican (see: Reagan, Ronald; Bush, George Walker)

This almost makes me want to start a rumor that Barack Obama is gay and just see if that spreads. I mean even gay guys can have kids and Michelle is a little mannish (not a fan) so that’s no straight proof
Plus this guy seems like the farthest thing from a liar


I mean he’s never come out and said he’s not gay (and it is obviously his responsibility to refute any allegations or lies that people like me put out onto the internets)

Keep it on the down low, Barack


Hmm, maybe that's why Barack supports ministers who support "reparative therapy"- he's obviously self hating.

p.s. that picture, which was attached to the original article makes me want to vomit

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I Always Enjoy A Good Romantic Comedy

who knew Patrick Bateman was so sensitive?

True Love can drive a man crazy

and here's another comedy with a romantic twist, though I guess it's not actually funny, y'know for those involved:

British twins who had been separated at birth learned they were related only after they had become husband and wife, a senior British lawmaker said

"They were never told that they were twins," he said during the Dec. 10 debate on a law covering human fertility and embryology. They had been adopted by separate families and "met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation."

No further details about the couple have emerged, and it is not known when the marriage took place or how long they were together before they discovered the truth.

Hilarious! I mean couldn't you just see Jake and Maggie starring?

And as I'm sure you've heard Ann Coulter recently split from her democratic boyfriend. Yes yes I know what you're thinking- someone would actually date her? It shocked me too; I always figured she was the actual inspiration for Teeth. Oh and she's a horrible bitch. That is all

(sorry that I'm so slow with these but I've had them for a while and forgot about them and am now trying to tidy up my life)

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The Bridge and Me

In my research, aka trying to figure out what the Bridge actually was and if I was using it correctly, I stumbled across the wikipedia article for a film based on Scientology called, interestingly enough The Bridge. Apparently it was highly controversial and was posted as a free download but then mysteriously it was removed and the director disavowed it and removed all references to it,in what I can only think was suppression by Scientology and thus a great conspiracy and so worthy to be shared and brought into light. I'm not vouching for the quality of the film but if Scientologists hate it then it must be worth sharing.
Anyway here is the wiki article

The Bridge "was the "first feature film" about the Church Of Scientology. While it is set against the background of the Church of Scientology and the Sea Org, the characters and situations depicted are fictional.

"Diane Wheat", portrayed by Carole Smith, is a Scientologist who becomes disillusioned with Scientology over the course of the film. A parallel plot follows the father of another Scientologist who attempts to get his daughter to leave Scientology (the father is played by Tom Padgett). The story touches on such Scientology-related issues as the suppressive person doctrine, the state of Clear, security checks, disconnection, Scieno Sitter, and the Church's secret upper level teachings, including the story of Xenu, as well as including a reference to the South Park episode: Trapped in the Closet.

The film ends with a written dedication: For all who speak out - for those who have been silenced.
Former Scientologists were involved in the production of the film.The movie utilized some clips from the Scientology-produced video, How to Use Dianetics: A Visual Guidebook to the Human Mind,as well as archival footage of David Miscavige.

The film was shot over a five-day period at a hotel in Memphis, in order to avoid what the production team thought could be potential interference from Scientologists.
The film was shown on October 16, 2006 as a feature presentation.
The film was initially released as a free download over the Internet in September 2006. The film credits stated: The Bridge' is licensed as royalty-free digital media, and may be distributed online for personal viewing without permission. All offline distribution rights are reserved by Brett Hanover.

Within a few weeks of its release, Hanover removed The Bridge from its public distribution sites. He stated on his website, that "due to copyright issues, I ask that this film be withdrawn from circulation... Do not contact me concerning this film, I am no longer supporting it". The removal was reported by Jeannette Walls, in an MSNBC gossip column. (3rd item)

Hanover's web site no longer contains any reference to the film"

Well here it is, “The Bridge”


And here is Scientology and Me

"a controversial television documentary conducted by reporter John Sweeney, which aired on the BBC programme, Panorama on 14 May 2007. The programme gained particular controversy before and during filming due to unresolved differences on content and approach between Sweeney's production team and Scientology members, who did not want detractors or enemies of the church, who were included in the aired version to be interviewed in the documentary"

you may remember it from that clip where the reporter goes absolutely crazy and gets really angry but it's much more than that- watch the full Panorama episode here

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It's lonely out in space

I can’t get back to sleep, I don’t know why and so as I was checking my gmail I saw that one of my guy friends who kinda knows my taste sent me this link.
Apparently like yesterday was the 30th anniversary of what the Fark author deems “the most important something or the other in history” (ahem “Exactly 30 years ago, the greatest moment in the history of televised entertainment was broadcast”)

William Shatner totally remaking Elton John’s Rocket Man in his own image. And so because I love this song and enjoy Shatner in his way and really need to get to sleep
From 1978’s Science Fiction Awards here is Shatner and it is soo weird…to see someone smoking on television. Oh and Shatner’s brilliantly wacky


Here is Chris Elliot’s homage to or reinterpretation of William Shatner’s reinterpretation of Elton John’s Rocket Man, performed on Letterman


but in all seriousness it is like one of the best songs ever*; I absolutely adore it

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

And I think it's gonna be a long long time...

And here’s a really amazing performance from Sir Elton

Elton John- Rocket Man [download] buy it on iTunes


*even though I never understood the line “it’s just my job 5 days a week”- I mean if he’s in a space capsule when it becomes the weekend does he suddenly say “fck it, I’m off the clock. Where’s my beer? I wanna watch the game” Isn’t a rocket man pretty much a 25/8 job, like an identity?

aaaand I need to be up in like 4 hours-rock.

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