Oh, Canada. Please Stop It

You've scarred me more than enough. If I promise to always pay attention and follow safety procedures that I know by heart will you start by the friendly happy Canadia that I dream about*?

The Canadian Workplace Safety Insurance Board- I'm really picturing their office as being incredibly dark, with probably a few skulls and rusty pliers and maybe a dart board that they play with to envision weird and terrifying scenarios of workplace mayhem and mutilation.
Not content with their continuing series of television ads that are maybe the most gruesome things this side of Eli Roth's mind they've begun branching out to print ads, y'know so you can be startled when you're not by a tv or computer





Pretty soon there's going to be one of these where someone is reading a magazine, with one of these ads ominously inserted in and will sever an artery in the most gruesome paper cut incident ever.

(VIA BWE)

*This is the kind of happy friendly Canadian ad I like to see

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With earplugs in, it’s less dangerous

Smells Like Teen Spirit as performed by ukuleles


and “The ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain” as seen on Later...With Jools Holland

How bizarre!

Dear god what would Kurt think?

Though to be fair it’s still a thousand times better (in a purely unironic way) than “this” the Hackley School Massacre

(p.s. I love the description on the youtube page
"This is the entire god-awful performance. Quite possibly the worst cover of any song ever recorded in the history of the universe. Enjoy!")
( p.p.s. why couldn’t they perform on the stage which is right behind them?)
(p.p.p.s this one is pretty awful as well but not nearly as earnest and they’re Italian so I’ll cut some slack)

Oh well. Whatever. Nevermind.

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Would This Be Considered Gay?

NSFW unless you work in like a gym where I suspect this isn’t that uncommon


I mean the guy is obviously in love with the male body, or at least his own and it is very very satisfying (and getting even more satisfactory) for him. So is it like some narcissistic autophilia? I mean is it gay to be turned on by yourself? I don’t know- pick your perversion and have at it. Though I would like to know where his hands are…no,check that, on second thought I really don’t.

(thanks? Best week Ever)

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See the Ring

eid uoy erofeb gnir eht ees uoy

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Canada Scares the Heck Out of Me

So sometime back I posted on this first Canadian work safety psa but little did I know that they had made more! Just when I had finally gotten that first one out of mind
And AOL and their Videologists have compiled “5 shocking Canadian PSAs” along with their own comments and rankings of the gore from up Nor’
but really remind me never to get a job in Canada, or perhaps even visit there again- it is obviously the most dangerous place on Earth

Lousy Ladder


Man Crushed By Steel


here’s that Scalded by Oil one


Man Gets Electrocuted, rises from coffin


Propane Explosion


Now I have new fears, awesome; I'm now afraid to: climb onto a shaky ladder and overreach while standing above a glass table, drive a forklift in a warehouse near any "skeds", get electrocuted and riase from the dead at my own funeral or be anywhere near a propane tank.

Oh Canada, oww

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Great, I've Found a New Fear

All today basically every site I've been to has posted about the Canadian Kitchen Safety PSA. I didn't watch it, because let's be honest that is like the least sexiest tease ever; kitchen safety? in canadia?
But then I watched it in a moment of boredom and let's just say Jesus, I now believe in the importance of kitchen safety


I really thought she would cut off a finger or something but it was so much worse and unexpected.That last shot of her face was way way unnecessary- she looked like old Anakin or one of the adherents of The Divine Bomb in Beneath the Planet of The Apes. And her scream was so terrifying and piercing.

People I can't implore you if you spill grease in a high traffic zone, take the time to clean it up. I'm still a little shaken.
I feel like this is going to be the most talked about psa since that brain on drugs one.

But seriously, cooking from now on is going to take a lot longer, as I mop and dry the floor like every 5 minutes.

Here's the website because there are no accidents [obviously] Just a warning though, this "cheery" flash animation is quite disturbing. Why are Canadians so scary?
(found on Deadspin originally)

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Two Girls, One Cup, No Hope (for Society)

Alternately titled "Oh God, My Eyes"

so I was already feeling a little queasy this morning because of recent poll numbers and a night of tortured sleep thinking about Barack winning the nomination but even that sense of impending doom was obviously nothing compared to that. I feel like I'm a much worse person because of it. I hadn't been thinking about it or was even planning on watching it but then I decided to be shocking for Overheard because one line made me think of 2 Girls 1 Cup (seriously don't watch it- keep some innocence )and how it was supposed to be vile and the fact I had never actually seen it. And so when I was still in bed I decided to give it a go and my itunes was playing Prince's If I Was Your Girlfriend at about the same time so that may have made it worse, somehow.
here's 2 girls 1 cup reaction #1 (there are hundreds of them, and they're all kinda funny)

And if someone were to have filmed me when I was watching it I would have been a strange mixture of all three of those (staring in shocked disgusted amusement while feeling like i needed to puke) they would have seen me in bed, pulling my sheets up over my mouth to keep from gagging, covering my eyes but looking through my fingers, me saying "oh god" over and over again, wondering how much longer it could go on, looking away in horro and being drawn back to it and all of it culminating in me two hours later still shaking my head with my mouth agape. I really stayed in the shower for twice as long today. I kinda wish I could've scrub off my retinas.

I...don't know what to say besides that was seriously the most disgusting vilest shocking thing I've ever seen (and I know this is just contributing to the underground morbid press mill for it) but seriously I'm open to, or interested in (if not personally intellectually) most any "perversion" or what ever as long as it's consensual but coprophagia (shit eating) is just horribly disgusting and repulsive to me. And my god how many things were wrong with this video, not only that but "lesbianism" "bulimia" and the rainbow showerness (and i kinda want to stop typing this because when I close my eyes I can see images from it and I really don't want to)
but I mean who thinks up this? what producer or director came up with it and what was his target audience? and the girls, where did they find people willing to do this? am i naive to think that only a few people would star in something like this? and how many and what strength drugs would you have to be on to actually go through with it? and I mean it's not like they were wearing masks or whatever, not that many people could bear to look and study their faces but if someone were to, it wouldn't be hard to recognize them in "normal society" though I have to guess anyone who would be involved in this is far far from mainstream or possesing a bright future. and this kinda thing, i really thought I had seen it all but I'm sure someone is going to pick up on the "success" (was this intended to make money) of this and try to out do it, out shock this.

I feel really dirty. Is the world over yet?

{UPDATE 11/30: The Smoking Gun has found out that it is all this guy's fault. Torches and pitchforks please.}

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Overheard in L.M.E.- Concering Marriage, Copulation and other Dirty Sex

From a mid evening conversation on the 22nd of August
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before

a dam e : that may have been the 2nd best thing you've ever said
ev livid e : what was the best?
ev livid e : bamfrtu
ev livid e : or LME
ev livid e : or the blame game
ev livid e : or. IM AWESOME
a dam e : bamfrtu
a dam e : i believe a few of those were joint ventures
ev livid e : i thought so too. well done
ev livid e : i can't help it if i am a memorable inspirational quote machine
ev livid e : the song was good too
ev livid e : made me think of weddings, and how i fainted at that one this summer
a dam e : i'm not sure if inspirational is the right word
ev livid e : so the video just made me pissed at cats and pissed at showing i was weak
a dam e : thats what happens when you don't eat
ev livid e : how the hell is "badass motherfuckers rule the universe" NOT inspirational?
a dam e : you were weak?
ev livid e : in the knees
ev livid e : because the idea of marriage makes me physically sick
a dam e : so i've heard
ev livid e : except with certain people!
a dam e : stop it!
ev livid e : da dum dum dum!
a dam e : {REDACTED} can only marry a jewess
ev livid e : what? i was thinking of JT
ev livid e : or colin firth.
ev livid e : minus 10-20 years
ev livid e : what a silver fox
a dam e : both of their moms only want them to marry jews as well
a dam e : his hair is still dark
ev livid e : fine. anderson cooper. minus the gay. he's a silver fox
a dam e : i'll give you that
a dam e : gorgeous gorgeous eyes
ev livid e : and the silliest, cutest, and somewhat strangest laugh
ev livid e : plus he is a vanderbilt
ev livid e : which means i could run around biltmore estate at off peak hours
a dam e : i remember before he was a journalist and was still hosting reality shows
a dam e : hahah
a dam e : which is all that really matters
ev livid e : i'd want to go bowling in cornelia's alley
ev livid e : and romp among the vineyards
ev livid e : with mr. cooper
a dam e : i'd want to go bowling in your mom
a dam e : zong!
ev livid e : you mean you'd hit her?!
ev livid e : thats so mean!
ev livid e : violence is terrible!
ev livid e : horrible!
ev livid e : just for that im going to continue making you feel even more awkward
a dam e : i sort of meant i'd copulate with her
a dam e : did i use that right?
ev livid e : no. and you'll never get it right
ev livid e : you know who i'd copulate with?
a dam e : me
ev livid e : or have
a dam e : wait,
a dam e : what?
ev livid e : wait, wikipedia break
a dam e : you don't know who you'd do?
ev livid e : i had to make sure copulate did not mean creating new people
ev livid e : like populate
a dam e : no that's procreate
ev livid e : bunnies populate
ev livid e : or is it bunpulate
ev livid e : bunalte
ev livid e : is the french word
ev livid e : for bunny sex
a dam e : sick
ev livid e : i totally made that up
ev livid e : and you totally believed me for a split second
ev livid e : I WIN
ev livid e : winners win and losers lose
ev livid e : LME!
a dam e : hah
a dam e : well done madame
ev livid e : do you want to see a dirty picture
a dam e : of who
a dam e : cuz i'll blow your mind with one or two {ED. Note- Please, please don't click on those links. UPDATE and especially especially not to 2 Girls 1 Cup. It was the worst thing I've ever seen. I'm scarred and disgusted but still laughing}
ev livid e : http://drzeus.best.vwh.net/Slugs.html
a dam e : ok i won't show you mine
ev livid e : i like this quote: "The two "penial masses" are then intertwined in a tight spiral, the upper coils expanding to form a kind of umbrella."
a dam e : your's wasn't gross
ev livid e : you can stand under my umbrella, ella ella eh eh eh
a dam e : oh wait. they're fucking?

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