The Baseball Boogie

in honor of it almost being baseball season here is this absolute gem from The Big Lead
Put on your dancing shoes and your boogieing clothes- it’s the 1986 LA Dodgers as the Baseball Boogie Bunch doing “The Baseball Boogie”
You have to see it here (oh why oh why is embedding disabled?)

Wow that is really elaborate it even had Mayor Tom Bradley- how bizarre. How long did that take to make? And do you think any of the people in it remembered it existed or thought it would ever be seen? More importantly where was Tommy? He must’ve loved this (and it even had Mayor Tom Bradley- how bizarre
Anyway instead of doing this song and dance number they probably should have been practicing.
Perhaps not surprisingly that season the Dodgers finished 5th out of 6 teams in the NL West with a 73 and 89 record.
I really feel if Kirk Gibson were on the team he would not have allowed any of that

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I Just Had a Nightmarish Vision of The Future

Courtesy of Patt Morrison of the LA Times

Los Angeles, I've always got your back, don't I? So here's how I see this election going down for us:

Say that Hillary Clinton does get the Democratic nomination -- and, with the Iraq war stalling and the economy free falling, she wins the election. Boom, she's got a Cabinet to fill. And who's her California main man? Who was there for her way back, before Obamamania, bringing in Latino votes in sheaves?

Antonio Villaraigosa. Mr. Future Secretary of Education or Labor or HHS Villaraigosa. Instead of running for reelection in 2009, he's out of the Getty House and off to the Beltway. Adios, City of Angels and psychotic traffic; hola, City of Lobbyists and cheap taxi rides.

But what happens to us? L.A. will need a mayor, pronto.

I have just the man.

The mastermind mayor, the man who can whip a civic entity into shape faster than Richard Simmons on crack. He's tanned, he's rested and he's ready for some Hollywood prime time -- Rudy Giuliani!

What's that? Is he available? Not long ago, he was reeling in six figures for a single speech. Two weeks ago, he couldn't entice a hundred people out to hear him talk for free in Florida.

Of course he's available.

Sure, he's got that security consulting biz but like a lot of New Yorkers -- including the people he expected to vote for him in Florida -- he has to be looking for more fun and sun. The Big Apple has soured on him, so he needs a fresh crowd to hobnob with, and to a New Yorker, the only hob that's conceivably nobbier is Hollywood.

What would Rudy bring to L.A.?

He's deliciously mean. Maybe Villaraigosa can deliver the political shiv with the best of them, but even when Giuliani smiles, he scares me. In L.A., where traffic flow is the yardstick of a leader's success, Giuliani will make us behave. If the sign says, "No parking 7 a.m. to 10 a.m.," the Scourge of Squeegee Men, the Avenging Angel of Times Square will tow your illegally parked car and ticket your butt. Not just here and there, not just now and then, but all over town, and every day. The same goes for red-light runners and other scofflaws.

This has many advantages. One is that it will make shed-loads of money for a city on its uppers. The other is that it would make law-abiders out of habitual lawbreakers. The police chief has gotten a grip on the felonies with the "broken windows" theory -- traffic zero-tolerance is the broken windows theory for the lesser assaults on L.A.'s daily life and livability.

With an ex-New Yorker in charge, the legions of other ex-New Yorkers here might pay more attention to the city they live in rather than the city they left. Some couldn't tell you the name of their L.A. City Council member or find City Hall without MapQuest -- but they remember their borough president from 30 years ago, when they lived in that SoHo walk-up. Mayor Rudy would engage them with L.A. and get all those acidulous political juices flowing again. And if he'd issue a proclamation forgiving the Dodgers for abandoning Brooklyn, he could entice fellow Big Apple expats to Chavez Ravine.

His amusing jealous feud with ex-NYPD Chief Bill Bratton might be renewed. But it could be short-lived. Bratton, who has made himself part of the civic fabric here in a way many of his predecessors didn't, might be on that plane to D.C. with Villaraigosa. As he told Playboy, "In terms of Homeland Security and the FBI, those are very significant positions. And when the president of the United States knocks on the door, you certainly have to respond to the knock and give it consideration." Pity, though. It's harder to find a good police chief than a good mayor, and we'd miss the fireworks redux.

Giuliani loves a fight as much as many L.A. politicos try to dodge one. He'd be the guy with the bullhorn at the MacArthur Park May Day melee. He'd pick fights with Cardinal Roger Mahony. He'd find something at LACMA he'd want taken off the walls. He banned news conferences and protests on the steps of New York's City Hall. I'd love to see him try that here. Nothing revs up activism like telling people they can't do something.

Giuliani could unite L.A. Earthquakes do too, but maybe we wouldn't have to go that far. The local TV news wouldn't have to depend on poor Britney Spears for video drama -- not with the Giulianis in town. They'll cut ribbons and pose with huge cardboard checks and swan along the red carpet at the Oscars even if ethics rules make them pay for their own tickets. Someone once said of Teddy Roosevelt that he wanted to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral. Ditto Rudy and Judy.

The big theater of L.A. would be irresistible to Giuliani; I'm just afraid the little things would send him scurrying back East. I can just hear him griping about how terrible the knishes are -- when what he's eating are empanadas.

The only reason I make fun of Rudy is because now he has no power but if he were to actually be in control of a place I cared about I’d be terrified. He scares me and seems like a very mean and vindictive person. I’m just glad L.A. doesn’t really go for the “tough guy” strong man leader- mayors I can remember were an old guy Tom Bradley, a cuddly old rich guy who liked reading, Richard Riordian, James Hahn who…whose dad was apparently really influential and Antonio who cheats on his wife and used to be in a gang. Rudy would totally harsh the vibe. Plus people with too much power and too much anger would have to remind people of Daryl Gates, and that didn’t work out well, for anyone. And Donna Hanover seems way too clingy and bizarre for the west coast.
Though we do now have his BFF, Joe Torre as manager of the Dodgers so he’ll have a paisan at least.
Ugh, I hate how I’m actually devoting time thinking about this. Damn you Patt!

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The Mitchell Report: A Quick Look

(my mom's maiden name is Mitchell-I wonder if George Mitchell's ancestors owned mine-bastard)

So I wanted to check out quickly some of the Mitchell Report and to see which team was the dirtiest and all and so I searched the pdf and this is how many times each team is mentioned in the report, as divided by Divisions

NL East
Mets-64 times
Marlins-30
Nationals/Expos 4+12= 16
Phillies-14
Braves-13

NL Central
Cardinals-20
Reds-17
Astros-15
Cubs-13
Pirates-13
Brewers-9

(and the only ones that matter to me:
Giants-55
Dodgers-54
The Giants are such dirty cheaters, it’s disgusting)
Diamondbacks-31
Padres-23
Rockies-20

AL East
Yankees-89
Red Sox-37
Orioles-32
Blue Jays-17
Devil Rays-4

AL Central
Indians-26
Royals-15
Tigers-10
Twins-9
White Sox-6

AL West
Oakland-37
Rangers-29
Angels 24
Mariners-15

And then I guess for closure or understanding about what happened I wanted to see what the report said exactly was the Dodger's role in this whole mess and it was a little shocking.
So more for me I guess here are all the mentions of the Dodgers (there may be multiple mentions in the same paragraph and you can see how much Paul LoDuca fucked the Dodgers, though Todd Hundley who I always hated was the deepest root (bastard)

1. Page SR-4: I have never met or talked with Jeff Kent of the Los Angeles Dodgers, but he appears to have understood this when he said in September, as reported in several newspapers: “Major League Baseball is trying to investigate the past so they can fix the future.”
2. Footnote 103 page 32: Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Steve Howe received the same suspension. Howe was a repeat offender who failed two separate drug tests for cocaine during the 1983 season which were administered by the Dodgers under the club’s agreement with Howe following his treatment for cocaine abuse in a rehabilitation program.
3. Page 35: Two clubs, the Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Francisco Giants, attempted to require drug testing as a term of new player contracts
4. Page 52: The physicians meeting that Manfred described was held in Milwaukee, and was attended by, among others, Dr. William Bryan of the Houston Astros, Dr. John Cantwell of the Atlanta Braves, Dr. John E. Conway of the Texas Rangers, and Dr. Michael Mellman of the Los Angeles Dodgers. The meeting was convened by the Commissioner in anticipation of the coming negotiations with the Players Association about a drug program and also to discuss implementation of the minor league drug testing program that year.
5. Page 131: Estalella’s apparent use of performance enhancing substances was noticed by club officials. After the 2003 season, the Los Angeles Dodgers considered signing Estalella as a free agent. During a three-day meeting of Dodgers officials in late October 2003, assessments were made of many players, including the possible use of steroids by some players. Ellen Harrigan, an administrator in the Dodgers’ scouting department, kept detailed notes of the discussion. Among the comments she recorded was an observation by one of the participants that Estalella was a “poster boy for the chemicals.
6. Footnote 344 page 131: Transcript of Dodgers Baseball Operations Department Meetings, dated Oct. 21-24, 2003, at 51. Several Dodgers officials participated in the meetings, including special scouting advisor Gib Bodet, senior advisor John Boles, general manager Dan Evans, team physician Frank Jobe, athletic trainer Stan Johnston, manager Jim Tracy, advance scout Mark Weidemaier, senior scouting advisor Don Welke, and director of amateur scouting Logan White.
7. Page 163: Todd Hundley played as a catcher with three teams in Major League Baseball from 1990 until 2003 (the New York Mets, Los Angeles Dodgers, and Chicago Cubs). He was with the Mets from 1990 to 1998. He played in All-Star games in 1996 and 1997.Chris Donnels played with Hundley in 2000 when they were both with the Los Angeles Dodgers. Donnels admitted to my investigative staff that Radomski supplied him with performance enhancing substances. Donnels recalled having extensive discussions with Hundley about his performance enhancing substance use and about Radomski while they were teammates. Hundley’s name, with two addresses and three telephone numbers, is listed in the address book seized by federal agents from Radomski’s residence.
   
8. Page 182: F.P. Santangelo played several positions over short stints with four teams in Major League Baseball between 1995 and 2001, the Montreal Expos, San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Dodgers, and Oakland Athletics. He is now a radio broadcaster.Radomski believed that Santangelo was referred to him by David Segui when both played for the Expos between 1995 and 1997. (sweet-I remember him playing for us and I’m glad he was still clean at the time)
9. Page 190: Chris Donnels played parts of eight seasons as an infielder with five teams in Major League Baseball between 1991 and 2002, the New York Mets, Houston Astros, Boston Red Sox, Los Angeles Dodgers, and Arizona Diamondbacks. Radomski met Donnels while they were both with the Mets in 1991 and 1992.Radomski sold both human growth hormone and steroids to Donnels from 2000 to 2004.
10. Page 192: Donnels played in Japan for four years and then signed with the Dodgers organization in 2000 after reconstructive shoulder surgery. He considered “taking something to speed up his recovery,” and he recalled hearing “talk about HGH” during this time. Donnels began researching human growth hormone on his own. He knew that human growth hormone was illegal, but he was also aware that Major League Baseball did not test for it. While on a rehabilitation assignment with the Dodgers’ class AAA affiliate in Albuquerque, he talked to strength and conditioning coach Todd Seyler about human growth hormone, and they both conducted research on the internet. Seyler said that Donnels admitted using human growth hormone and seemed very knowledgeable about steroids. One month into the 2001 season, Donnels hurt his back. He had 10 to 15 cortisone injections, and a Dodgers physician eventually told him he could not receive any more injections. Donnels called Radomski, who he had not spoken with since 1992. Donnels does not remember who referred him to Radomski, but he recalls having discussions with Todd Hundley about performance enhancing substances and Radomski. After some discussions, Radomski sold Donnels testosterone, Dianabol, Deca-Durabolin, human growth hormone, Vicodin, and amphetamines. Donnels said that the steroids and human growth hormone “sat around for awhile before [he] used them.
11. Page 193: Donnels said that he told Dodgers athletic trainer Matt Wilson that he was considering using performance enhancing substances. Wilson told him to “look it up on the computer” and said “I don’t need to hear anything about it.”405After starting his cycle of steroids and human growth hormone in 2001, Donnels was assigned to the Dodgers’ class AAA affiliate in Las Vegas for rehabilitation. While there, he was tested under the minor league testing program (which began in 2001). Donnels expected to test positive but never heard anything about the results of his test. He speculated that he may have been wrongly tested under the minor league program because he was on the Dodgers’ 40man major league roster at the time. Donnels felt that he “dodged a bullet,” and the incident “scared him straight.”
12. Page 194: Todd Williams has played as a pitcher with five teams in Major League Baseball since 1995, the Los Angeles Dodgers, Cincinnati Reds, Seattle Mariners, New York Yankees, and Baltimore Orioles, among many assignments in the minor leagues
13. Page 194: Phil Hiatt played several positions in minor league baseball for fourteen seasons, in Japan for one season and for parts of four seasons (1993, 1995, 1996, and 2001) played with the Kansas City Royals, Detroit Tigers, and Los Angeles Dodgers in Major League Baseball. Radomski first spoke to Hiatt while he was with the Dodgers in 2001. Over the span of several seasons, Radomski sold Hiatt both human growth hormone and Deca-Durabolin. According to Radomski, he sold these performance enhancing substances to Hiatt on two or three occasions. For the first sale, Radomski sent a package addressed to Hiatt at the Dodgers clubhouse. On another occasion, he recalled sending a package to Hiatt at a Florida address. Radomski believed that he sent a third package to Hiatt when he was playing in the minor leagues (Hiatt played in the minors during the 2002-2004 seasons). He believed Hiatt paid by money order
14. Page 208: Paul Lo Duca is a catcher who has played with three teams in Major League Baseball since 1998, the Los Angeles Dodgers (7 seasons), Florida Marlins (2 seasons), and New York Mets (2 seasons). He has appeared in four All-Star games. Todd Hundley referred Lo Duca to Radomski when Lo Duca played for the Dodgers. Radomski estimated that he engaged in six or more transactions with Lo Duca. In some transactions, Radomski sent the performance enhancing substances by overnight mail to Lo Duca’s home or to the Dodgers clubhouse and Lo Duca sent Radomski a check a week or so later.According to the notes of an internal discussion among Los Angeles Dodgers officials in October 2003 that were referred to above, it was reportedly said of Lo Duca during the meetings: "Steroids aren’t being used anymore on him. Big part of this. Might have some value to trade . . . Florida might have interest. . . . Got off the steroids . . . Took away a lot of hard line drives. . . . Can get comparable value back would consider trading. . . . If you do trade him, will get back on the stuff and try to show you he can have a good year. That’s his makeup. Comes to play. Last year of contract, playing for 05".On June 26, 2004, Lo Duca wrote a check to Radomski for $3,200. On July 30, 2004, the Dodgers traded Lo Duca, Guillermo Mota, and Juan Encarnacion to the Marlins. On August 7, 2004, Lo Duca issued another check to Radomski for $3,200. In January 2005, Lo Duca signed a three-year contract with the Marlins. The handwritten note shown below on Dodger Stadium stationary from Lo Duca to Radomski was seized from Radomski’s house during a search by federal agents. Radomski said that this note was included with a check Lo Duca sent Radomski as payment for human growth hormone (you broke my heart Paulie, you broke my heart)
    
15. Page 211: Adam Riggs played several positions in portions of four seasons with three teams in Major League Baseball between 1997 and 2004, the Los Angeles Dodgers, San Diego Padres, and Anaheim Angels. He also played in the minor leagues for eleven seasons. Since 2004, he has played professional baseball in Japan.According to Radomski, Lo Duca referred Riggs to him. Radomski subsequently engaged in six to ten transactions with Riggs from 2003 to 2005. Radomski never met Riggs in person
16. page 214: Kevin Brown (not only did he cost us 105 million and suck but he was usuing steroids.) pitched for six teams in Major League Baseball between 1986 and 2005, the Texas Rangers (8 seasons), Baltimore Orioles (1 season), Florida Marlins (2 seasons), San Diego Padres (1 season), Los Angeles Dodgers (5 seasons), and New York Yankees. Radomski said that Paul Lo Duca referred Brown to him in 2000 or 2001 when Brown and Lo Duca were teammates with the Dodgers. Brown called Radomski and they spoke about human growth hormone for one or two hours. Radomski said that Brown was “very knowledgeable” about human growth hormone. Brown was placed on the disabled list in June 2001 with a neck injury and in July 2001 with an elbow injury. After Brown got hurt, he called Radomski again and asked for human growth hormone.
17. Page 215: Radomski said that he sent human growth hormone to Brown by overnight mail and called Brown several times to make sure he had received it. Brown finally returned Radomski’s call and confirmed he had received it. Soon thereafter, Radomski returned home one day to find an express delivery package from Brown on his doorstep, wet from the rain. When he opened it, he found that it contained $8,000 in cash. Radomski called Brown and told him not to check the signature waiver box on the overnight delivery package when he was sending cash, because the envelope was left on Radomski’s doorstep for several hours and could have been taken. According to Radomski, over the next two or three years he sold performance enhancing substances to Brown five or six times. Radomski recalled that Brown usually purchased multiple kits of human growth hormone. Brown sent cash, sometimes as much as $10,000, to Radomski by overnight mail, and he used his agent’s business address as the return address. At one point, Brown asked Radomski for Deca-Durabolin to help with an ailing elbow, and Radomski sold it to him. (In 2002, Brown was placed on the disabled list with an elbow injury.)
18. Page 216:In the notes of the October 2003 meetings among Dodgers officials, it was reportedly said of Brown: Kevin Brown – getting to the age of nagging injuries . . . Question what kind of medication he takes . . . Effectiveness goes down covering 1st base or running bases. Common in soccer players and are more susceptible if you take meds to increase your muscles – doesn’t increase the attachments.Is he open to adjusting how he takes care of himself? He knows he now needs to do stuff before coming to spring training to be ready. Steroids speculated by GM.422Less than two months later, the Dodgers traded Brown to the Yankees.423In order to provide Brown with information about these allegations and to give him an opportunity to respond, I asked him to meet with me; he declined. Eric Gagné Eric Gagné is a relief pitcher who began his career in Major League Baseball with the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1999 and played with the Dodgers through 2006. In 2007, he played for the Texas Rangers and the Boston Red Sox, and in December he signed with the Milwaukee Brewers. In 2002 and 2003, Gagné was the Los Angeles Dodgers Player of the Year. In 2003, he saved 55 games and won the Cy Young Award and the National League Rolaids Relief Pitcher of the Year. In 2004, he saved 45 games and again won the National League Rolaids Relief Pitcher of the Year. He has played in three All-Star games. Paul Lo Duca and Gagné were teammates with the Dodgers from 1999 to 2004. Although he is not sure when, Radomski recalled that Lo Duca called Radomski and told Radomski that Gagné was with him and wanted to buy human growth hormone. Gagné then came onto the phone and asked Radomski a question about how to get air out of a syringe. This is the only time Radomski spoke to Gagné. Radomski said that Lo Duca thereafter placed orders on Gagné’s behalf. Radomski said that he mailed two shipments to Gagné, each consisting of two kits of human growth hormone. One was sent to Gagné’s home in Florida; the other was sent to Dodger Stadium. Federal agents seized from Radomski’s home a copy of an Express Mail receipt showing a shipment to “Dodger Stadium, c/o Eric Gagne – L.A. Dodgers Home Club, 1000 Elysian Park Ave., Los Angeles, California 90012” dated August 9, 2004. A copy of this receipt is included in the Appendix and is shown below. Radomski said that this was for one of the shipments of human growth hormone to Gagné. (fuck.)
    
19. Page 219: In a November 1, 2006 email to a Red Sox scout, general manager Theo Epstein asked, “Have you done any digging on Gagne? I know the Dodgers think he was a steroid guy. Maybe so. What do you hear on his medical?” 425
20. Page 221: Matt Herges is a pitcher who has played for seven teams in Major League Baseball since 1999, the Los Angeles Dodgers, Montreal Expos, San Francisco Giants, San Diego Padres, Arizona Diamondbacks, Florida Marlins, and Colorado Rockies. Herges was a teammate of catcher Paul Lo Duca with the Dodgers from 1999 to 2001. According to Radomski, Herges called Radomski and said that Lo Duca had given him Radomski’s telephone number. Radomski said that he made two or three sales of human growth hormone to Herges. His first contact with Herges might have been as early as 2004 and his last sale to him was in late 2005, not long before federal agents executed the search warrant on Radomski’s residence
21. Page 227: Jeff Williams is a pitcher who played portions of four major league seasons with the Los Angeles Dodgers, from 1999 to 2002. After leaving the Dodgers, Williams went to Japan to continue his playing career
22. Page 230: From 1999 to 2000, Todd Seyler served as a minor league strength and conditioning coach for the Albuquerque Dukes, which was then the class AAA affiliate of the Los Angeles Dodgers. Around May 1999, Seyler began talking with five of the Dukes players about using performance enhancing substances. The players were Matt Herges, Paul Lo Duca, Jeff Williams, Mike Judd, and Ricky Stone. As already discussed, according to Kirk Radomski, Herges, Lo Duca, and Williams later purchased performance enhancing substances from him. Seyler said that all five players expected to be called up to the Dodgers later in the season, and they all wanted to be in “peak physical condition” when that happened. 430Seyler gave Herges a “few hundred dollars” in cash to purchase steroids for him. Seyler understood that the other players were giving Herges money too and that either Herges or Lo Duca would buy steroids for the group from a source in Florida. Seyler did not tell anyone in Dodgers management that he or any of these players were purchasing steroids.Before a game in mid-July 1999, Seyler and the players met to inject themselves with the steroids. Seyler and Stone lived in the same apartment complex, and Judd, Herges, Lo Duca, and Williams met them at Stone’s apartment with the steroids that had been received from Florida. Seyler recalls Herges as the player who carried the box of steroids into the apartment.
23. Page 231: Seyler never observed these players use steroids after the first occasion, but he spoke with them frequently about the subject until all but one of the players were promoted to the Dodgers later during the 1999 season. Based on his conversations with them, Seyler believed that all of the players continued to use steroids while training and that they completed their six-week cycles. They had conversations about steroids at the ballpark, in the clubhouse, during practices, and before and after games. Seyler said that the discussions were “as casual as a conversation about going to the movies.
24. Page 248: In the meetings in October 2003 among Los Angeles Dodgers officials, it was reportedly said that “Gibbons is a guy would have interest in but juice involved there.”
25. Footnote 490 page 252: Holmes played for eight teams in Major League Baseball between 1990 and 2003: the Los Angeles Dodgers; Milwaukee Brewers; Colorado Rockies; New York Yankees; Arizona Diamondbacks; St. Louis Cardinals; Baltimore Orioles; and Atlanta Braves.
26. Page 255: Valdez played for seven teams in Major League Baseball between 1994 and 2005, the Los Angeles Dodgers, Chicago Cubs, Anaheim Angels, Texas Rangers, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres, and Florida Marlins. According to the article, on September 7, 2002, while he was playing with the Mariners, Valdez “used a credit to card to buy nearly $2,500 worth of human growth hormone,”

So Paul Lo Duca was a bigger drug dealer than Frank Black. Awesome. He was really my favorite player when he was on the Dodgers and I remember being quite quite upset when he got traded. I’m glad of course that “steroids left the Dodgers when he did” and we’ve been clean and sterling since then. And that also at least half of the players associated with the Dodgers in this report I'd never heard of and were probably just in the minors.

At least we're still cleaner than the Giants.

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Some Mitchell Report Names?

This has been circulating in my friend's office this morning and I thought it was a little shocking and worth sharing.

Names reportedly named in the Mitchell (Steroid/Performance Enhancement Drug) Report

Jose Guillen, Jay Gibbons, Juan Gonzalez, Clay Hensley, Jerry Hairston, Felix Heredia, Jr., Darren Holmes, Wally Joyner, Darryl Kile, Matt Lawton, Raul Mondesi, Mark McGwire, Guillermo Mota, Robert Machado, Damian Moss, Abraham Nunez, Trot Nixon, Jose Offerman, Andy Pettitte, Mark Prior, Neifi Perez, Rafael Palmiero, Albert Pujols, Brian Roberts, Juan Rincon, John Rocker, Pudge Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Scott Schoenweiis, David Segui, Alex Sanchez, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Tejada, Julian Tavarez,Fernando Tatis, Mo Vaughn, Jason Varitek, Ismael Valdez, Matt Williams and Kerry Wood.

"Brady Anderson, Manny Alexander, Rick Ankiel, Jeff Bagwell, [He who will not be named], Aaron Boone, Rafaeil Bettancourt, Bret Boone, Milton Bradley, David Bell, Dante Bichette, Albert Belle, Paul Byrd, Will Cordero, Ken Caminiti, Mike Cameron, Ramon Castro, Jose and Ozzie Canseco, Roger Clemens, Paxton Crawford, Wilson Delgado, Lenny Dykstra, Johnny Damon, Carl Everett, Kyle Farnsworth, Ryan Franklin, Troy Glaus, Rich Garces, Jason Grimsley, Troy Glaus, Eric Gagne, Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi,

Too many former dodgers on that list for my liking and some shocking names. Gagne? Say it ain't so! Pujols? I may have been naive but he always seemed so clean cut and just like a good person and so I didn't believe earlier rumours. I had heard the rumors about Pudge, Mark Prior and Nomar but I liked them so I didn't want to believe.

It's all kinda sad. But I always knew Clemens was dirty.

[UPDATE 11:41 a.m.- Here is the official Mitchell Report, all 409 pages. And just a quick search but Pujols, Mark Prior and Nomar aren't showing up. Gagne did.]

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Happy 80th Birthday Vin!

Happy Birthday Vin Scully! You truly is the Voice of God. I hate listening to Dodger games without him and to me, and I'm sure a lot of people, one of the first things they think of when they hear "Dodgers" is Vin Scully. And I can't imagine a world with you. May you live forever and stay forever young!

Here is his call from the 9th inning of Sandy Koufax's 1965 perfect game, a call which has been called poetic and perfect(you should be able to listen to it here)

Three times in his sensational career has Sandy Koufax walked out to the mound to pitch a fateful ninth where he turned in a no-hitter. But tonight, September the ninth, nineteen hundred and sixty-five, he made the toughest walk of his career, I'm sure, because through eight innings he has pitched a perfect game. He has struck out eleven, he has retired twenty-four consecutive batters, and the first man he will look at is catcher Chris Krug, big right-hand hitter, flied to second, grounded to short. Dick Tracewski is now at second base and Koufax ready and delivers: curveball for a strike.

"O" and one the count to Chris Krug. Out on deck to pinch-hit is one of the men we mentioned earlier as a possible, Joey Amalfitano. Here's the strike one pitch to Krug: fastball, swung on and missed, strike two. And you can almost taste the pressure now. Koufax lifted his cap, ran his fingers through his black hair, then pulled the cap back down, fussing at the bill. Krug must feel it too as he backs out, heaves a sigh, took off his helmet, put it back on and steps back up to the plate. Tracewski is over to his right to fill up the middle, (John) Kennedy is deep to guard the line. The strike two pitch on the way: fastball, outside, ball one. Krug started to go after it and held up and Torborg held the ball high in the air trying to convince Vargo (the umpire) but Eddie said no sir. One and two the count to Chris Krug. It is 9:41 p.m. on September the ninth. The one-two pitch on the way: curveball, tapped foul off to the left of the plate.

The Dodgers defensively in this spine-tingling moment: Sandy Koufax and Jeff Torborg. The boys who will try and stop anything hit their way: Wes Parker, Dick Tracewski, Maury Wills and John Kennedy; the outfield of Lou Johnson, Willie Davis and Ron Fairly. And there's twenty-nine thousand people in the ballpark and a million butterflies. Twenty nine thousand, one hundred and thirty-nine paid.

Koufax into his windup and the one-two pitch: fastball, fouled back out of play. In the Dodger dugout Al Ferrara gets up and walks down near the runway, and it begins to get tough to be a teammate and sit in the dugout and have to watch. Sandy back of the rubber, now toes it. All the boys in the bullpen straining to get a better look as they look through the wire fence in left field. One and two the count to Chris Krug. Koufax, feet together, now to his windup and the one-two pitch: fastball outside, ball two. (Crowd booing on the tape.)

A lot of people in the ballpark now are starting to see the pitches with their hearts. The pitch was outside, Torborg tried to pull it over the plate but Vargo, an experienced umpire, wouldn't go for it. Two and two the count to Chris Krug. Sandy reading signs, into his windup, two-two pitch: fastball, got him swinging.

Sandy Koufax has struck out twelve. He is two outs away from a perfect game.

Here is Joe Amalfitano to pinch-hit for Don Kessinger. Amalfitano is from Southern California, from San Pedro. He was an original bonus boy with the Giants. Joey's been around, and as we mentioned earlier, he has helped to beat the Dodgers twice, and on deck is Harvey Kuenn. Kennedy is tight to the bag at third, the fastball, a strike. "O" and one with one out in the ninth inning, one to nothing, Dodgers. Sandy reading, into his windup and the strike one pitch: curveball, tapped foul, "O" and two. And Amalfitano walks away and shakes himself a little bit, and swings the bat. And Koufax with a new ball, takes a hitch at his belt and walks behind the mound.

I would think that the mound at Dodger Stadium right now is the loneliest place in the world. Sandy fussing, looks in to get his sign, "O" and two to Amalfitano. The strike two pitch to Joe: fastball, swung on and missed, strike three. He is one out away from the promised land, and Harvey Kuenn is comin' up.

So Harvey Kuenn is batting for Bob Hendley. The time on the scoreboard is 9:44. The date, September the ninth, nineteen-sixty-five, and Koufax working on veteran Harvey Kuenn. Sandy into his windup and the pitch, a fastball for a strike. He has struck out, by the way, five consecutive batters, and that's gone unnoticed. Sandy ready and the strike one pitch: very high, and he lost his hat. He really forced that one. That's only the second time tonight where I have had the feeling that Sandy threw instead of pitched, trying to get that little extra, and that time he tried so hard his hat fell off — he took an extremely long stride to the plate — and Torborg had to go up to get it.

One and one to Harvey Kuenn. Now he's ready: fastball, high, ball two. You can't blame a man for pushing just a little bit now. Sandy backs off, mops his forehead, runs his left index finger along his forehead, dries it off on his left pants leg. All the while Kuenn just waiting. Now Sandy looks in. Into his windup and the two-one pitch to Kuenn: swung on and missed, strike two. It is 9:46 p.m.

Two and two to Harvey Kuenn, one strike away. Sandy into his windup, here's the pitch:

Swung on and missed, a perfect game.

(Thirty-eight seconds of cheering by the crowd.)

On the scoreboard in right field it is 9:46 p.m. in the City of the Angels, Los Angeles, California. And a crowd of twenty-nine thousand one-hundred thirty nine just sitting in to see the only pitcher in baseball history to hurl four no-hit, no-run games. He has done it four straight years, and now he caps it: On his fourth no-hitter he made it a perfect game. And Sandy Koufax, whose name will always remind you of strikeouts, did it with a flurry. He struck out the last six consecutive batters. So when he wrote his name in capital letters in the record books, that "K" stands out even more than the O-U-F-A-X.

Vin bleeds Dodger Blue.

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Ephemeral Desires: Things that are too cool/trendy for me*

*but I'd still like to see or experience

• These tilt shift photos look so cool and actually dolike small scale models. It's so weird. I would love if I were able to do it, but I don't know how I'd learn. Oh wait there's a youtube how to. Amazing (I <3 the free flow of information and handy video clips)
  
• Speaking of art, I want "Alison Jackson: Confidential" where...well...just read the article, I'm not sure I can write a one sentence synopsis and it's really interesting.
  
• "A new game show from Fox will pit contestants against a lie detector. All you have to do is truthfully answer questions like "Have you ever cheated on your wife?" in front of a studio audience, and you, could win up to $500,000" It's called The Moment of Truth and I kinda want to go on it-I feel I'd be amazing. I mean I have nothing really to hide or lie about and I'm rather shameless, especially if I were to imbibe a bit beforehand.
• The Japanese have created a robot that laughs. All I want is when our Robot Overlords assume control is that the end comes quickly (and at first I thought my fear of robots evolving was kind of a joke but somehow it has become serious and frightening.) [UPDATE 11/30: And apparently the Japanese have also created a robot that feels pain. Doesn't anyone else see where this is heading?]
  
• Eliza Dushku who I absolutely loved loved loved as Faith on Buffy is starring in a movie about "group sex" called "Sex & Breakfast" (I wonder which came first.) Apparently it's not lurid or anything but is provocative and I want to see it so I can support her now that she's all grown up (and I did not realize she was only 26)
• Another movie I want to see is "The 13th Disciple" a film that apparently gives Jesus an evil twin. It's blasphemous enough it might just work (and kinda reminds me of a movie idea I thought of during a long road trip about making a movie about the life of the Prophet Mohammad starring a Japanese lesbian, or something like that.)
  
• Have I been able to hide my excitement about the impending return of Futurama? Well that's because (I kinda forgot about it till reading this article) I didn't want to get too excited and have it yoinked away again from some show like The Moment of Truth.
  
• A Couple of Sporting Wishes
• The Angels have been quite busy this offseason, signing Torri Hunter, attempting to trade for Johan Santana and Miguel Cabrera and so I would like if Ned Colleti could even pretend to act like he's trying to improve the Dodgers this winter. I really don't like the Angels
  
• Steve Spurrier returned to Duke, or at least its campus, yesterday. Can he please come back? I'm sure K would dampen down his ego a little bit for that.
  

• Movies Opening this Week

• The Savages
  
• The Protagonist
• Chronicles of An Escape (Cronica de una fuga)
  
• The Rocket, eh
  
• Awake starring Hayden Christensen, Terence Howard, Jessica Alba and the guy who dumped Michelle Pfeiffer (and I actually kinda wanna see this just to figure out how the doctors will benefit by Hayden's death. It seems like a cool plot idea)
  
• and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

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Round 1: I Was Half Right

so know that the divisional series are over let's say how my amazing predictions made a week or so ago concerning the postseason turned out

we're not going to bother with the NL because I was....a little off.

Anaheim (I'll be long in my grave before I call them Los Angeles anything) Angels v. Boston: Red Sox in 4. The three teams I wish nothing but sadness and 14 innings in the rain for are the Giants, Yankees and Angels. And yes I am jealous that they've been so successful and a little angry that one of my favorite Dodgers growing up had to become their manager.

I gave the Angels way too much credit. I should have remembered how awful they are

Cleveland v. Yankees- Indians win in 3. A-Rod tries to carry the team but he can't do it alone. Especially when Jeter and all other clutch heroes of Yankee triumphs past, go 0 for the Series
though I was off by a game I'd like to point out that Jeter and other "real yankees" basically went 0 for the series, while my new love Grady Sizemore was amazing. I count that as a win. You can check Baseball Reference for the box scores (because my math scores are horrible and I had Jeter with a .096 average, Jorge Posada- who I actually kind of like because he seems bluecollar- batted .058 and Matsui hit .101. Those aren't right are they?) [UPDATE: I'm a total ditz and another page had the averages. The Yankees as a team hit .228, Jeter .176, Matsui .182 and Jorge .133 while A-Rod hit an almost respectable .267. God I want him on the Dodgers]

As for the National League Championship Series, i refuse to care. But in the AL I still think the Indians win in 6

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The Post Where I Try to Predict the Baseball Playoffs

and am proven embarrassingly wrong in a matter of weeks.

So apparently the MLB playoffs started today at noon o'clock pacific time. Who knew? I might have known that information but every time one of those playoff commercials come on I have to immediately turn it off or, barring that I have to close my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears and hum Tommorrow (from Annie) because I'm...not that fond of Dane Cook or that weird kind of frattish slightly stoner whine in his voice. But that DHL commercial with Kenny Lofton is fantastic!
Anyway enough of that. Before the games get any later in the day, currently Colorado is leading 3-1 after a homer by Rowand, I thought I'd try my hand at predicting who will get the chance to fail at defending their title next season (Dodgers win in '08 of course)

NLDSs
Colorado v. Philadelphia: Phillies wins in 5. Two hot teams colliding should give off sparks. But the phillies have the hope of a generation behind them and so they win.
(I was actually quite happy that colorado got the wild card over the Padres because I didn't want to see any California division rivals happy. Arizona and Colorado I've never concerned myself much about- they still seem like "fake" teams that aren't really in the NL West-and yeah I know that doesn't make any sense)
Arizona v.Chicago: Cubs in 4. The first round is way too early in the playoffs for the Cubs to lose.

ALDSs
Anaheim (I'll be long in my grave before I call them Los Angeles anything) Angels v. Boston: Red Sox in 4. The three teams I wish nothing but sadness and 14 innings in the rain for are the Giants, Yankees and Angels. And yes I am jealous that they've been so successful and a little angry that one of my favorite Dodgers growing up had to become their manager.

Cleveland v. Yankees- Indians win in 3. A-Rod tries to carry the team but he can't do it alone. Especially when Jeter and all other clutch heroes of Yankee triumphs past, go 0 for the Series

NLCS: Phillies v. Cubs- Phillies win in 7 . Zambrano has a breakdown in one of the games and somehow the curse of the Cubs makes itself felt- I don't know, the Cubs are up 3 game to 2 when a meteor ruins a part of Wrigley Field so they have to move the deciding games to Philadelphia. (I can't stand to see the Cubs win because they are, along with the Cardinals, the only NL teams that have the same kind of history as the Dodgers)

ALCS: Cleveland v Boston- Cleveland in 6. The Pats have taken away any goodwill I formerly felt towards the fans of Boston. They are now longer "long suffering" so now when they whine it's just annoying. Indians fans however have had very little joy in the 53 years since they last won, besides those heartbreaking teams in the 90s, Albert Belle, and the Major League movies. I say Grady Sizemore does something significant in this series.


World Series: Cleveland v. Philadelphia- I don't know who I want to win here. I think it would be cool if the Phillies lost their 10,000th game in the same season they had an amazing comeback to win the division, that whole team of destiny thing. But Cleveland fans would be happy too. I guess in the end karma bites Cleveland for having a racist mascot and the Phillies win, which hopefully will make their fans less anxious and mean. Chase Utley =World Series MVP.

yeah now of that is happening. I've probably cursed the Phillies to lose in the first round now. Oh well.

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Ephemeral Desires: Things that are too cool/trendy for me*

but I would still like to experience.
(and yes I do feel really horrible and selfish for writing this after my last post)

• I would love to meet the geniuses/assholes on the marketing team that may have made up fliers for a missing girl as a part of an ad campaign. Or maybe I just want to see if whatever they're promoting is really cool, because I am intrigued.
  
• Apparently today is Google's 9th birthday. I would love to go back to a time when Google was still less powerful than God (seriously on a regular daily basis I rely on Google a lot more than god) instead of trying to "out open" facebook as a part of their universal quest for domination.
• There is something cool about sleeping on a recycled gum pillow, I 'm not sure what exactly, maybe the knowledge your sleeping on things people spit on and out. Though if this Clean Gum becomes a greater reality then such pillows would come apart after a day.
  
• It would be kind of cool to live in one of AquaDomi's floating houses, though I don't think my dog would be so enthused about going outside and taking a walk then.
  
• It's good to know if everything doesn't work out and I get bored that I could embark upon the way of the modern shaman, and the funny thing about is I'm pretty sure if I did my mom would accept me more. I mean at least that way I can pass myself off as a two-spirit person and be knowledgeable about it.
• Germs that were taken into space have returned deadlier. I would love to be there if that seal broke, err maybe not- the Andromeda Strain was pretty freaky.
  
• I think I could get behind this temporary marriage thing, I mean forever is a really long time. If only I didn't have to move to Iran or Germany, though maybe Iran wouldn't be so bad, and I am in love with one person in Hamburg so maybe it'd work out in the end.
• I'm not sure I would actually want to see these casting "coulda beens" in some of my favorite movies but I would enjoy seeing a screen test or maybe them spoofing themselves in the roles they could have had.
• The MacArthur foundation has just selected its "Geniuses" for this year and I think it would be the coolest thing ever to not only get a genius grant but also to be called a genius. Right now I'm only brilliant at best.
• But I feel that perhaps if I were able to understand how the water in Dyson's Wrong Garden goes uphill, I'd be halfway to genius status. Too bad it still confuses me.
  
• If Shawn Marion were to come to the Lakers I must say I would be far from upset about it. In fact you could say I would be quite pleased.
• and speaking of sports I would have lived to been (invisibly) in the room when Vin Scully was interviewed about the strangeness of the Dodgers season, by Christine Daniels, or maybe better still to be in Vin's 80 year old head to see what he was thinking, though since he is Vin Scully and one of the greatest and best people ever I'm sure he was full of love and happiness.
• I however am not so, I'm quite happy that the Evil One Who Cheats will not be in San Francisco
  

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Happy 80th Birthday Tommy

Today is Tommy Lasorda's 80th Birthday and I would not be a Dodger fan if I didn't spread the gospel of this man and how much I live him and wish he was my grampa. He coached the Dodgers for twenty years (and it's quite obvious the downhill slope of our team since then) won 2 titles and, to cement his place as the best manager ever he led the United States to a win in the 2000 Olympics when no one expected him too. And so to the greatest Dodger alive I wish him an amazing birthday.

Some quotes

• About the only problem with success is that it does not teach you how to deal with failure.
• All last year we tried to teach him Fernando Valenzuela English, and the only word he learned was million.
• Always give an autograph when somebody asks you.
• Baseball is like driving, it's the one who gets home safely that counts.
• Guys ask me, don't I get burned out? How can you get burned out doing something you love? I ask you, have you ever got tired of kissing a pretty girl?
• I believe managing is like holding a dove in your hand. If you hold it too tightly you kill it, but if you hold it too loosely, you lose it.
• I bleed Dodger blue and when I die, I'm going to the big Dodger in the sky.
• I love doubleheaders. That way I get to keep my uniform on longer.
• Listen, if you start worrying about the people in the stands, before too long you're up in the stands with them.
• Managing is like holding a dove in your hand. Squeeze too hard and you kill it, not hard enough and it flies away.
• My theory of hitting was just to watch the ball as it came in and hit it.
• No, we don't cheat. And even if we did, I'd never tell you.
• People say you can't go out and eat with your players. I say why not.
• Pressure is a word that is misused in our vocabulary. When you start thinking of pressure, it's because you've started to think of failure.
• The difference between the possible and the impossible lies in a person's determination.
• The only way I'd worry about the weather is if it snows on our side of the field and not theirs.
• There are three types of baseball players: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen, and those who wonder what happens.
• When we win, I'm so happy I eat a lot. When we lose, I'm so depressed, I eat a lot. When we're rained out, I'm so disappointed I eat a lot.

seriously you have to love a man who speaks truth /suffers fools lightly (like this) or has such wisdom such as this


or this


and any man that causes such a reaction from the Giants is obviously a Great and Just man

The following is from Tommy's Blog:

You know, when I was a kid we didn't have fancy birthday parties with lots of presents. Every Christmas my four brothers and I would get the same thing every year; a scarf and gloves. As I look back on my life I am still in awe. I still can't believe how it turned out. Who ever could have dreamed that the son of an Italian immigrant from Norristown, Pennsylvania, who was the third-string pitcher on the high school baseball team, would end up managing the Dodgers for 20 years?

Who ever could have dreamed that a guy like me who has never stepped foot in college would give six commencement addresses and have six honorary doctorate degrees?

Who ever could have dreamed that I would shake hands with Presidents Nixon and Ford? Hug President Carter? Befriend Presidents Reagan and Bush? Meet President Clinton and George W. Bush?

Who ever could have dreamed I would hang out with the great Frank Sinatra and Don Rickles and travel the world with them?

Who ever could have dreamed that I would join a fraternity of only 15 managers to make it to the Hall of Fame? As I stood at the podium in Cooperstown making my induction speech I told the story of when I was 14 years old. I would actually dream that I was playing for the Yankees and pitching at Yankee Stadium. I would look around the diamond and see Bill Dickey, Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth. Than I would feel my mother shaking me, saying, "Wake up Tommy. It's time to go to school."

Why didn't she leave me alone? Why couldn't I stay in the dream? It was so real!

Standing on that stage in Cooperstown with all the greatest baseball players in the world behind me, I said, "I thank God for all of this, and it won't be too long before I feel my mother shaking me, telling me to wake up because it's time to go to school."

I have lived a dream. Thank you.

No thank you Tommy and may the Great Dodger in the sky watch over you and may you live another 80 years!

(and this was the main reason i decided to post today.)

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Requiem for the Dodgers

Alas for maiden, alas for Judge,
For rich repiner and household drudge!
God pity them both! and pity us all,
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall;
For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
-John Greenleaf Whittier

Time of Death: Pretty much when Todd Helton's walk off home run sailed out into the Denver night off of our all-star closer.

Though we were mortally wounded pretty much after that stretch in late July/early August when we couldn't win a game and hit something like .096 with runners in scoring position, I still had faith and hoped that we'd be able to make a miraculous recovery, hope that was rekindled over the past week or so. But by the time we finished losing both games of a doubleheader I thought it was about time to call it a day.
This season started off so brightly, as all seasons do and we looked like we could actually finally win something this year what with our young starters playing so well and giving hope for the future and our 3 all-stars and our time at or near the top of the division, but we should have known this was coming when Jason Schmidt and then Randy Wolf, 2/5ths of what should have been among the best rotations in the NL were lost for the season. I still thought we could find a way. Even with the guaranteed losses that were Brett Tomko's starts.
Alas all my hope for this year is gone with only 11 games left to play and the Dodgers being 4 and a half games out of the wild card, all I can say- just as I have for every year that I can remember, and even though every year my heart is broken anew- is that old familiar Dodger motto



Wait 'til Next Year.

hope springs eternal.

at least we still have a better record than the Giants- it's the little things that matter.
::sigh::

Clint Mansell- Requiem for A Dream Orchestral Version (mp3)

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Notes On a Sporting Weekend

So I think this weekend was the start of that time of year when it is either a bit of a sports overload, or paradise depending on your perspective, with college football, NFL opening weekend and baseball pennant races. It was weekends like this where I wish I was at Devine's like all day, where the chili is always amazing and the same regulars are always there with their quirks, and I would laugh at the misfortunes of my friends' teams. Great times. So anyway these are a few random thoughts that I accumulated this weekend.

• Jonathon Broxton, you're not dead to me yet (we're still [barely] in the race) but I am very close to pulling the plug. Not only did you make us lose.To the Giants. Twice. But if we had won those games we could have moved up in the West or at least the Wild Card. That is not okay in the slightest. C'mon Jonathon,we need you. Shake it off, but don't let it happen again.
• Watching the Auburn/South Florida game (and why is the University of South Florida in Tampa?) when it ended it was close to midnight and I realized something about college life. First when you go to an SEC school you have to dress up to go to a game. Secondly when your team wins a game you go out drinking and celebrating. When they lose you're angry so you stay in and angrily drink, but either way you drink. I miss that, I think.
  
• When Bo Schembechler died last year the day before the Michigan/Ohio State game I really thought he loved the Wolverines so much that he died in order to inspire them to victory over their biggest rival which would give them a shot at the national title. I've come to think differently, however. Now I kind of think that Bo allowed the Wolverines to be humbled and embarrassed with their worst season ever, in an attempt to gain entry into heaven. I don't know why exactly St. Peter would want Michigan to suffer but he accepted the Curse of Bo Schembechler. I mean they haven't only not won a game but the losses have been historic. I mean how else can you explain App. St and then losing to Oregon in the worst home loss, since the season before Bo's first season at Michigan. Maybe Bo really didn't curse Michigan (though he probably did), instead maybe he is orchestrating these repeated shamings so Michigan will adapt and come out of it stronger. At least I'll hope so, for next week at least- they cannot lose to the Irish.
• This doesn't really have anything to do with this weekend specifically, I just thought it was funny. Joe Pa and his wife just recently discovered the show M*A*S*H and have never seen Cheers and are hoping to "discover it soon." Seriously I can't be surprised-it's Joe Pa. He's so old school I would be shocked if he actually had a color t.v.
• And the whole Rodney Harrison-HGH story has been so brushed over it's sickening. Here's a leading defender on a 3 time Championship team admitting to using a banned substance and you hear about a tenth of the outrage as one hears about Rick Ankiel and his hgh-ness (or about half according to a very quick unscientific google poll) And it's not like it's being shushed because Rodney Harrison is a good guy, he's the dirtiest player in the league.Then what is it? Is the NFL really that bullet proof? (I mean, have you even heard about this?) And yes I do apply a double standard to teams and players I hate as opposed to the clean and upstanding citizens of my favorite sporting clubs. (Also about the Jets game, when Chad got hurt and his back up came in, while I was watching live I just thought the crowd was applauding to offer encouragement to the back up, not to express their delight in an injury, though apparently I think too kindly of people.)
  
• On Sunday night football John Madden and Al Michaels were talking about a new official who is in charge of the kicking balls and one of them said something like "they call [this official] Dr. K." To which John responded something like " you know those officials can be women too" Al: " Yeah we would call them Mrs. Dr. K" (and that transcription was very loose and paraphrased. but you get the idea) Guys you do realize women are allowed to be doctors- there are millions of them, and I'm sure there's a female heart surgeon waiting to operate on John if he keeps on eating turduckens. It reminded me of a riddle that I saw on the Cosby Show.
• The Nextel Cup Chase or whatever is starting soon and I still have no idea how it works. Do the other drivers who aren't in the chase just not race? And so will there be only 12 cars on the track? And speaking of fake playoffs I don't understand- in golf now that Tiger won a match (don't think thats the right term) and Phil has a win as well, they both have to show up this weekend, right?
  
• Roger Federer, excuse me, God beat Djokovic Novak which I think is his name (or vice versa maybe-either one works) for the US Open title which everyone knew would happen. Like the sun rising too early and Monday would come too soon after the weekend. I didn't know too much about Novak Djokovic but when I saw him in his semifinal match against Ferrer he reminded me of someone. Then it came to me; he is the total twin of (the great) Lee Melchionni. God Lee was awesome; I miss that kid. But check for yourself

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I Think I Just Threw Up in My Mouth

So He Who Will Not Be Named is coming down to Dodger Stadium, with his band of losers (ha! last place!) for a 3 game series. I should be more apathetic to this thing considering how everyone not wearing black and gold knows that its gonna be a b.s. moment branded in history with boos and asteriks but I just know that he's going to do it against the Dodgers, because it seems that he always gets milestones against us (and i had a feeling that if this day would ever come it would come against us- 71*, 500th steal, 500th homer, ugh). And the whole thing just offends my sense of decency . If I was a manager, and I've been saying this for at least 5 years, any time he came to bat I would have my ptichers throw at his head and I would gladly take the suspension and fines. I would be a hero for ever.
So I'm hoping that over the next three days whenever he's introduced that we don't boo him as we do, it only feeds his steroid enlarged head and ego, but rather just silence, I'm talking like crickets, or everyone at those moments can turn their back to the field and not acknowledge it. It's impossible to organize 5 peoplenot to mention 50,000 but how awesome would that be? I know people are going to go and cheer and be loud, its the fuckin' Giants who I've hated since before I was born (they cheated in '51), but those moments will say a lot. When they were playing the Cubs in Wrigley I remember Sportscenter showing fans who were boasting about how much they hate him and how much they were going to boo him, but it seemed that the only time there was an enthusiasm in the stadium was when he was at bat when it seemed the whole crowd was standing, which really pissed me off, especially because The Unnatural noticed. The Padre fans did it right last year with the syringe on the field (and that will be the last thing I ever say good about the Padres)
So fuck him, eat a Dodger dog whenever he's at bat and don't give him the honor of your jeers. He's not worth and the Giants, they're going to lose anyway.
I feel so bad for Vin Scully, but I know if it happens he'll handle it exactly like he needs to, the right way; he always has.
Here are a few things I would rather do then witness that moment:
Try to use a bathroom in J0-Ann's Fabrics.
Be a sheep in this guy's town.
Have her as my teacher (possible Harry Potter spoiler; I didn't actually read the article)
Watch Kelly Osbourne in Chicago, nightly
Be Britney Spears right now.

Whatever. Let's go Dodgers, and welcome to your blue heaven Scott Proctor

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Things that are too cool/trendy for me*

* but I still want.

• For Oprah to adopt me (please; I'd make an excellent daughter.) Jesus.
• Photosynth to be finished and released. It looks so cool and good and its one of those things I would have no idea what to do with but would still wanna mess around with.
• After being inspired by these Filipino inmates,(couldn't they have found a better looking prison bitch? though the "Michael Jackson" sort of looks like Yao) for other prisons to engage in other video reenactments (suggestions are welcome, though these two may be able to come up with a few ideas) instead of, you know rape.
• The above being for the sole benefit of Harriet and Josh of course. Enjoy... (::snickering::)
• Harry Potter magic...in real life!
  
• Someone to propose to me* in a much better way than any of these, and y'know, not through a video (*after meeting and falling in love, yada yada, of course)
  
• A Russ Martin bobblehead. (I Love Russell Martin!!! and am apparently not the only one)
• The Lunch Hour Boob Job. I don't wan them to big, just a full B would be enough.
• To always be able to rate celebrity mug shots as hot or not, and to be able to give you the same joy (via Defamer)
  
• I really really want a pet hippo. I'd love her forever and name her Beth Ditto (yeah that was cheap, I know). How can anyone possibly resist this?
  

Awwwwwwww

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There's Someone Else Out There That Hates Likes Me

This is from Deadspin and it is well worth reading. It is an interview with Jeff Pearlman the author of a biography about He Who Will Not Be Named on this site (let's just say he's a former Pirate and now wears a size 12 baseball cap in orange and black.) In this interview however, Jeff shows that though he tried to be objective in his biography of The Unnatural One, he has finally and fully come around to the side of all that is good and pure. Here are some highlights.

The truth of the matter is, [Forbidden] is completely, undeniably 100 percent full of shit. He truly is. I no longer buy his love of baseball history any more than I buy the sanctity of his marriages or the purity of his blood stream...[Forbidden] cares no more about baseball history than does my goldfish. He knows what Hank Aaron went through to hit 755 home runs, and he was more than happy to cheat, load up on steroids and HGH and surpass him...
[Forbidden] has never treated people especially well, so there's very little loyalty for the man. Do you root for someone who refused to sign a ball for your kid? Who ignored you when you asked for advice? Who told you you couldn't carry his jock? I still often think of Dan Peltier, the former Giant backup who brought his young son to the team's Family Day. When [Forbidden] asked the kid to name his favorite ballplayer, he said, "My dad!" To which [Forbidden] replied, "Why? He never plays."
[Forbidden] is a cheater...Forty years from now [Forbidden] will be what he truly is--a once-in-a-lifetime talent who gave into greed and jealousy. An asterisk and a big, HGH-bloated head....
I set out to write a fair, honest, balanced biography of a misunderstood legend. I did my absolute best, and the result is a book that I'm very proud of. I've received strong reviews, in part because I didn't take sides. Now that I'm well beyond the researching and writing; now that I'm beyond the promotional, 20-second soundbite push I feel liberated to express my conclusion of the whole experience.

It is this: [Forbidden] is evil.

So true my friend, so true. And I really hope every at bat he has at Dodger Stadium that we throw at his hand. His team and fans is like the only reason I'm reluctant to move to San Francisco. And I Hate the fact he'll hold the record for even a second. Ugh


But onto a good guy (except when he's beating the Dodgers, bastard) Craig Biggio is retiring after 20 years, which is kind of sad. Not for any real reason other than the fact that he is soo close to become the All Time getting hit by pitchers. Its a record we all can be proud of and believe in. So come on pitchers, do it for the integrity of the game. Hit Biggio! He only needs 3 more...

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I Bleed Dodger Blue

I would just like to use this space to congratulate my boys, the Dodgers and their three all stars. pitcher Brad Penny (who should be the NL starting pitcher- look at those stats) closer Takashi Saito (best Japanese pitcher since Nomo) and All Star Starting Catcher Russ Martin, my favorite of them all (god I love him- the next great Dodger catcher.) And last time I checked we have the most all stars of any team in the NL West (suck it everybody else). Also congrats to Griffey, whom I have always loved and who I will always treat, consider and worship as the true Home Run King (or until a Dodger, probably Matt Kemp, holds the record)

I will not mention the evil one's name ever on this blog, but for shame, for shame America. Where is Gil Renard when you need him?

Good job beating the Padres today. We should have swept 'em but those are the breaks, and 1 game back at the start of July- I like our chances

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