from drinkinggame.us
Because really, listening to GWeeB talk for any extended period of time can make anyone reach for a drink
Every time he says.... | |
| General Blather | |
| “The state of our union is strong…” (or some version of this) | 1 |
| elections | 1 if referring to another country's 2 if referring to the U.S. 2008 elections |
| God (or any euphemism for God) | 2 |
| freedom | 1 |
| progress | 1 |
| change or reform | 1 |
| Foreign Policy | |
| troops | small 1 |
| Iraq | 1 |
| Anbar Province | 1 |
| water-boarding | lean your head back and have a friend pour a shot into your mouth; gargle |
| Iran | 1 |
| terror (however it’s pronounced) | small 1 |
| Mahmoud Ahmadinejad | 1 (+1 if he pronounces it correctly) |
| Israel or "Holy Land" | |
| Abbas | 1 |
| Hamas (bonus if he confuses Hamas and hummus) | 1 Car Bomb recipe |
| Pakistan | 1 |
| Kim Jong-Il | 1 shot of Soju (or just 1 of whatever you're having) |
| "6-party talks" or "multi-party talks" | swap drinks with a few friends |
| sanctions | 1 |
| “nukular” | 1 |
| Domestic Policy | |
| Homeland | 1 if followed by "Security"; 2 if another context |
| Second Amendment | One Shot (har!) or shotgun a beer |
| education | 1 |
| edumacation | 3 |
| "border security" | 1 shot of cerveza/tequila |
| stimulus | 1 |
| earmarks | tug on your ear while taking a drink |
| entitlement / entitlement program | 1 |
| discretionary spending | 1 to 3 drinks, your call |
| mortgage or foreclosure | Yell out the name of your favorite "Monopoly" railroad and drink; Do NOT Pass Go |
| unemployment | 1; 2 if he's referencing his own impending unemployment |
| "temporary worker program" | temporarily empty your glass... refill soon thereafter |
| cloning | take an empty glass; pour half of your drink into it; fill up both glasses with the same drink; drink both |
| hydrogen | shout "Oh, the humanity!", take 1 shot |
| ethanol* * With all of the ethanol "serious players" of this game will consume, they will be their own alternative energy source by about 10pm. | We think you can figure this one out... |
| "Don't mess with Texas!" (Come on, this is our last chance!) | Tess with mexas! |
| Every time he.... | |
| uses a Bushism (i.e. says something that's not really a word, other than “nukular”) | 1 |
| references his plan to make peace in the Middle East | take a shot of whatever you were drinking during: the Road Map, Taba, Camp David, Wye River, Oslo Accords |
| references a human-animal hybrid | 1 |
| introduces a human-animal hybrid in the audience | 2 |
| takes off his shirt and reveals that he is actually a human-animal hybrid | 3; bonus shot if you successfully guessed the animal years ago |
introduces an environmental / energy goal that will be met: by the end of his presidency by the end of the next administration (assume 8 years) sometime after the end of the next administration |
1 |
| discusses redeploying troops | redeploy the contents of your beverage into your mouth |
| Every time the camera shows.... | |
| the First Lady | 1 |
| your congressman/woman | 1 |
| any current presidential candidate | 1 |
| any former 2008 presidential candidate | 1 |
| Ted Kennedy | drink until your liver cries |
| a close-up on Nancy Pelosi (without the president in the shot) | 1 shot, taken without moving any facial muscles |
| Nancy Pelosi and Dick Cheney...and only one is applauding +1 if it looks like they're kicking each other under the desk | 1 |
| a "special guest" who is introduced by the President | 1 |
| a "special guest" who is a member of the armed forces | 1 |
| a standing ovation from HALF of Congress | 1 |
| Other | |
| if the speech is under an hour | Finish your drink and have another beer |
| DEMOCRATIC RESPONSE BONUS GAME | |
| any reference to the 2008 elections | 1 |
| if you’ve never heard of the Democrat delivering the response | 1 |
| if she clicks her heels or says "There's no place like home" mid-response | 1 |
Here's the "falafel'ale" recipe mentioned above
- Take 1 falafel ball.
- Take 1 glass of beer.
- Combine, stir and enjoy!
The State of Our Union is inebriated
[UPDATE: And here is Wonkette's version. Insert tongue in cheek...now
Pre-Game Commentary
Pick your channel, but make sure it’s a cable channel and not one of those lame old broadcast networks with their decorum and whatever. You need to see actual crazy people such as Chris Matthews or Lou Dobbs or Brit Hume jabbering about this dumb speech. If possible, watch all three cable channels at the same time — and go ahead and reserve the ambulance now, because calling 911 midway through the State of the Union is like trying to call Domino’s at half time on Super Bowl Sunday.
Take a demure little sip whenever anyone:
- Says “legacy.”
- Brings up 9/11.
- Mentions the 2000 election.
- Mentions the Florida recount.
Repeat when Bush himself mentions any of the above.
Take a regular American-sized gulp if anyone mentions:
- Bush Sr.
- Katrina.
- Liberals.
- Global Warming.
Repeat when Bush himself mentions any of the above.
One shot of liquor when you hear the word(s):
- Subprime.
- Mark Foley.
- Dennis Hastert.
- Ted Kennedy.
- Earmarks.
Drink one shot simultaneously from three different parts of your living room when somebody says:
- Lee Harvey Oswald.
Distinguished Guests
Take a solid hit off your drink when you see:
- Any noble public servants — teachers, nurses, etc. — who will spend the rest of their lives in underpaid obscurity.
Do a body shot off the closest human or pet when you spot:
- Jenna and/or Barbara Bush
Have gay sex with someone or some thing when the camera stops on:
- Lynne or Mary Cheney.
Sullenly sip your Old Fashioned when:
- George H.W. Bush is shown all misty eyed in the audience, while Grandma Babs laughs at some poor black people
Distinguished Senators & Representatives
Finish your current drink when the teevee lingers on:
- Any member of the Kennedy clan.
Pull down your pants and hobble to the bathroom when you see:
- Larry Craig
The State of the State of the Union Speech
Okay, happy hour’s over and it’s time for our main event. You’ll want to assemble the drinking supplies close by the teevee, so you don’t miss a moment of this historic bullshit. Don’t be the kind of anti-American loser who needs to “find the salt” when things get ugly. Be prepared. If you aren’t ready to be American, we’re sure France would love to have you back. (Just kidding. They don’t want you, either.)
It’s George’s last big speech! Prepare five (5) shot glasses per person, and fill each with 1.5 (one point five) ounces of liquor. (If you can’t handle real booze, make five little margaritas or something, and make sure to get your mom’s permission first!) It is okay to chill your liquor if that’s what you like to do.
Behind this “surge line,” assemble a second “surrender line” of secondary beverages. If you like beer, just put the six pack right there where it can’t get lost. Winos will just need a bottle of wine, uncorked and ready, and maybe a wine glass. Hell, put out a bowl of rummed-up eggnog if that’s how you want to act. You can also put a jug of water on the floor under the table, by the gun, as long as nobody can see it.
If you’re Christopher Hitchens, just put the scotch on the table where it always is, and drink as usual.
Take a regular drink when Bush:
- Dorkily praises Nancy Pelosi.
- Lies about the economy.
- Lies about the housing market.
- Lies about health care.
- Lies about Iraq.
- Lies about “energy independence.”
When he looks all proud of himself for successfully, if awkwardly, pronouncing a common three-syllable word:
- Drink one Shot.
Should he jabber about going to Mars or whatever the hell space stuff that would maybe at best happen 15 or 20 years from now, when he’s buried in Paraguay:
- Two shots, chase with half a bottle of beer or three gulps of wine, run around the couch three times flapping your arms.
He makes tragic examples out of various disaster victims brought here by extraordinary rendition, like the people who had their town destroyed by the Monster Tornado:
- Put a little liquor in your eye so you kind of start crying, then drink what’s left of the shot.
Wow, did our president make a light-hearted yet poignant totally scripted thing about Jenna getting married and/or watching his little girls grow up in the White House, where they’ve never lived:
- Three shots, but kind of gag on that last one and spit it up on the couch. Order a pitcher of strawberry margaritas from your neighbors.
He patriotically notes the patriotic example of Iraq veterans missing various body parts because they got blown up in Iraq for ever-changing bullshit reasons:
Oh, and who is that handsome bulbous white devil behind the president? Why, that’s Dick Cheney! When he does “that grin,” you must:
- Grab another person’s shot, drink it, spit it in their eyes, take their wallet, then have them arrested and tortured forever.
ALTERNATE RULES: Just drink through the whole fucking thing and then pass out in the hall just outside your own bedroom.
Sphere: Related Content
No comments:
Post a Comment