Monday, January 5, 2009

Hookers and Blow

So on Slate today they were featuring an article by everyone's favorite Elliot Spitzer with a tease something like "Obama shouldn't use the stimulus package on bridges and buildings; here's what he should use it for" (that was a paraphrase because that grammar seems atrocious; something is probably dangling)
but anyway the first thing I thought of was "He should spend it on Hookers and Blow" because really I know Elliot Spitzer smart guy, blah blah was a Wall Street Crusader (who probably shouldn't have resigned; he might have proved effective with, y'know the meltdown of free market capitalism) but what's anyone actually going to remember him for? The Emperor's Club and Ashley DuPre (is that her name? whatevs) which is probably sad for him and sad that our society is that fixated on the tawdry but it's still pretty fun. Which leads me to believe Fitzgerald was only partially right when he supposedly said "There are no second acts in American Life;" there's maybe not the second life you'd want on the same level of esteem but there is a second life of pity or scorn or ridicule.
Plus "Hookers and Blow" just say can't help but make you smile.

It also reminds me of a facebook wall post convo I had with one of my uber conservative friends in the run up to the election about the only way Johnny Mac and an October Surprise could've beaten Barack(and I really hate how that whole election cycle really made me temporarily side with the conservatives- I felt dirty and ashamed)
Anyway, and this is funnier if you know that my friend is a super dedicated christian who has never cursed, smoked, drunk (drank?) or kissed a girl:

me: do the republicans and the white house actually want john mccain to win? because if so they need to hurry up with that "October Surprise", a surprise that hopefully consists of us capturing Bin Laden to discover he has Barack's cell phone # on speed dial, as well as a video of Barack and Bin Laden snorting coke while shouting "Allahu Akbar" (along with maybe a spare trillion or so dollars and a new renewable energy source.) That just might tip the scales...the CIA can do that right? for America?

him: for mccain to have a chance, it'd probably also have to include:
1) footage of the harem that osama gave to obama to bring back to the white house after the coke-scapades.
2) reports and trascripts of the secret meeting--without preconditions--where barack assembled ahmadinejad and kim jong il for a secret foreign policy summit. at the meeting, barack offered to give both leaders secret nuclear weapon technology and permanent seats on the UN security council in return for more, yep, hookers and blow.
3) it also comes to light that barry has made three more quick stops: one in china, where he announced to the chinese public that their gymnastics team was, indeed, of the proper age; one in venezuela, where he was seen pledging his unfailing loyalty to the regime of hugo chavez in exchange for more, yep, hookers and blow; and finally one in cuba, where he promised to make cuba our 51st state and fidel castro our next associate supreme court justice when JP Stevens finally snuffs it.

And who could ever forget the infamous “Better Know A District” with Robert Wexler

“If you combine the two together it’s probably more fun”

But yeah the actual article isn't nearly that fun and is really kind of boring, and disturbing (why the f*ck is everyone so pro-robot?!)

(and apparently Hookers and Blow is the name of a band and I must say that is a great great name, unless they're a bluegrass outfit, or like Il Divo, which on second thought might even make it funnier)

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