Friday, February 15, 2008

Wow! Sign Me Up!

Scientology must be the most amazing thing ever! According to these “real testimonials”

The Leader is good, The Leader is great I surrender my will as of this date

Maybe Dianetics and Scientology can help you like it did these people in such amazing ways

  • Dianetics help you understand what is it and resolves it
  • And will get rid of that internal conversation in your head (so will Thorazine -those voices can be nasty)
  • Dianetics will prevent you from getting really really really really nervous and freezing (as will alcohol)
  • Your decision making process will be [snap snap snap] right there
  • Dianetics will give you the power
  • You won’t feel the body anymore, you’ll just float (as will psychotropics)
  • You will reclassify into a different person (in what I can only assume to be a Total Recall process)
  • When you’re about to die just by doing dianetics with an auditor all your vital signs will get back to normal
  • Your Allergies will be over
  • Your eyesight will increase tremendously
  • Your sense of smell will come back, even after 12 years. Whoa
  • Dianetics cures Cancer! Cancer!
  • You’ll feel lighter, walk differently get a brighter face, clearer eyes
  • You’ll realize that you’re not twenty years old
  • Your eyes and heart will open
  • Feel alert when you click your fingers, Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Bing.

Jesus H Christ that’s all very tempting but I think I'll stick with free will and my own money.

(from BWE )

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Leader! Leader! Leader...
Homer: Batman! ... I mean Leader!

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