Showing posts with label tis the season. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tis the season. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Yes, Virginia, There is a G-Spot

"It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no [G-Spot].
There would be no... poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight.
Nobody sees [the G-Spot], but that is no sign that there is no [G-Spot]. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding." -Newseum

from the BBC

The mysterious G spot - supposedly a route to female sexual satisfaction - can be located with ultrasound, claim Italian scientists.

Some women say stimulating a certain part of the vagina triggers powerful orgasms, but medicine has not been able to pin down the exact location.

Researchers told New Scientist magazine they found an area of thicker tissue among the women reporting orgasms.

But specialists warned there could be other reasons for this difference.
The existence of the G spot has remained controversial since the 1980s, when the term was coined as a way to explain why some women were able to achieve orgasm through vaginal stimulation, while others were not.
The latest research, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, was carried out the Dr Emmanuele Jannini at the University of L'Aquila, and involved just 20 women.

Ultrasound was used to measure the size and shape of the tissue beyond the "front" wall of the vagina, often suggested as the location of the G spot.

In the nine women who reported being able to achieve vaginal orgasm, the tissues between the vagina and the urethra - which carries urine out of the body - were on average thicker than in the 11 women who could not reach orgasm this way.

Dr Jannini said: "For the first time, it is possible to determine by a simple, rapid and inexpensive method if a woman has got a G spot or not."


It's like Christmas, every night. And why am I not surprised that Italians were the ones who discovered this...

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

It's A Wonderful Life


Sparklehorse- It’s a Wonderful Life [download]

y’know sometimes it really is. a wonderful life.

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Fairytale of New York

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"

And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

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Monday, December 24, 2007

Twas The Night...

before Christmas and all through that jazz

Here is Mary K Mart the mistress and hostess of the too much fun Drag Bingo in Durham (which I wrote a huge paper on) doing her "Trailer Park" version of the classic "A Visit from St. Nicholas (The Night Before Christmas)" at Flex, a gay club in Raleigh


and here are a few of the hundreds/thousands/millions of re-tellings and reinterpretations
Edwin S. Porter’s 1905 version


1933




Tom & Jerry


Tay Zonday


Al Bundy’s


Blue Collar Comedy


A Cajun Night Before Christmas


John Cleese


and a few rather random ones (by real people!)


by Kaia


some college kids


The Stallions


Dad’s


and Barcelona Edition


I think we’re all lucky I have no follow through and didn’t do my Yiddish version- it’s a Christmas miracle!

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Who Could Be Sacred of Santy Claus

obviously not this guy


but apparently every small child that's ever lived










and you can see hundreds more here or here; it's an epidemic. I do feel I'll still make my kids meet Santa every year and sit on his lap just so they would cry and I could laugh.I mean what else are kids good for, besides amusement?

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Christmas Presents: The "Santa Died For Your Sins" Mix


John Lennon- Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl-Fairytale of New York
Mariah Carey- All I Want For Christmas Is You
The White Stripes-Candy Cane Children
Mannheim Steamroller- Carol Of The Bells
Death Cab for Cutie-Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
The White Stripes-The Singing of Silent Night
Neko Case- Christmas Card from a Hooker In Minneapolis
Tom Waits- Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis
Sufjan Stevens- Only At Christmas Time
The Vandals- My First X-Mas (As a Woman)
James Brown-Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto
Sufjan Stevens- That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!
Aimee Mann-Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Robert Earl Keen- Merry Christmas From the Family

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Yes,Virginia,There is a Santa Claus

By Francis P. Church, first published in The New York Sun in 1897.

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

Dear Editor—

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.


(more info)

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A Very Special Holiday Episode

Here are a few Holiday episodes from shows that were a little before my time, but thanks to the wonders of hulu..voila

McHale's Navy- The Day They Captured Santa (season 1 episode 11)


The Bob Newhart Show- His Busiest Season (season 1 episode 14)


The Mary Tyler Moore Show- Christmas and the Hard Luck Kid (season 1 episode 14)


Alfred Hitchcock Presents - Back for Christmas (season 1 episode 23)


Lou Grant- Christmas (season 1 episode 13) [and I had honestly never heard of this show]


Picket Fences-High Tidings (season 1 episode 12)


and (just for kicks and because it's possible) here's 30 Rock's "Ludachristmas"


keep ho ho hoing

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Friday, December 21, 2007

Your Stuck in my Head Song of the Day

Your Stuck in My Head Song of the Days is Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” and I know it’s cheesy and cliché but it is a great fun festive song and I’m allowed to be girly. Though if it helps any of my “music cred” the other songs I was thinking about were Marilyn Manson’s “Cake and Sodomy” (and there’s some great footage of them “before they were big”) but I thought that may not fit the “season” (and at home over the next week I feel I’ll get plenty of cake; sodomy? Not so much)
and the song I was actually excited about doing for a while. It’s a song by The Vandals “My First X-Mas as a Woman” a song I think I first heard when I was like 13 on KROQ and one that immediately became a favorite of mine (hopefully at this point I don’t have to spell it out.)
And I was so excited because this year is really like my first Christmas as a Woman and it’s exiting and all and for the first time its true (besides the post-op stuff-I’m planning on that happening before my 10 year high school reunion so I have a few years left.)
But it’s a really fun song and I thought it would be perfect

With Christmas upon us it's time to be honest
and follow my dreams and to face
a life of delusion and gender confusion
no longer will be the case

I never wanted army men or basketballs,
I only wanted pantyhose and Barbie dolls
And dressing up in mother's clothing.

My whole life I've been feeling only feminine
It always seemed so useless trying to be a man
Now that's a ghost of Christmas past

Now it feels like the very first time,
cuz it's going to be the very first time,
that Christmas feels right to me.

And I know that I'm looking good
Just like a real girl should-
It's my first Christmas as a woman

A doctor reconstructed my genitals
And now I'm waiting underneath the mistletoe
for a guy who could love a girl like me.

I took the hormones and I got my breasts
This season's gonna be the best to me.

I won't have to tuck it behind me
Since I got my brand new vagina
It's my first Christmas as a woman.

Chop if off! Chop if off! Chop if off!
My penis, chop it off
It's no use to me.
Cut it off!
Chop it off! Chop it off!
My penis, cut it off so I can finally be
A Woman...

Now I'm finally happy cuz I made my goal
to be a post operation transsexual.
now I'm a pretty lady

Now it feels like the very first time,
cuz it's going to be the very first time,
that Christmas feels right to me.

Cuz I know that I'm looking good
Just like a real girl should-
It's my first Christmas as a woman


But unfortunately there wasn't a video for it (besides this) so I decided that Mariah Carey in her peak and Johnny Depp, together would be an appropriate gift in this season (and plus all really want for Christmas is YOU!) so here is “technically” Your Stuck in My Head Song of the Day- Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”


(ok there may be some sporadic posts over the next week or so [or maybe forever if I decide I’m bored of this experiment] but this is my last real day of posting. So after a 50 post week, which was my record, here’s a 60+ post week. I think that’s a nice enough send off till the new year. )
It’s a Wonderful Life; enjoy it

The Vandals- My First X-Mas (As a Woman) [download] buy it on iTunes
The Vandals - Oi to the World - My First X-Mas (As a Woman)


Mariah Carey-All I Want for Christmas Is You [download] buy it on iTunes
Mariah Carey - Merry Christmas - All I Want for Christmas Is You

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It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere- "Baby Jesus Wants You Drunk" Edition

I mean he does. And these cocktail recipes should get you there (just like they did for Santy Claus)



Mulled Red Wine

Ingredients:
8 whole cloves
4 whole black peppercorns
4 (3 x 1⁄2 inch) strips fresh lemon zest
4 (4 x 1⁄2 inch) strips fresh orange zest
4 cups dry red wine (from two 750 mil bottles)
1⁄2 cup kirsch or other cherry-flavored brandy
1 1⁄2 cups water
3⁄4 cup sugar
1 (3 inch) cinnamon stick
1 vanilla bean, halved lengthwise

Garnish: cinnamon sticks
Special equipment: a 4-inch square of cheesecloth; kitchen string

Directions:
Put cloves, peppercorns, and zest on cheesecloth, then tie closed to form a bag.
Combine wine, kirsch, water, sugar, cinnamon stick, vanilla bean, and cheesecloth bag in a 4-quart saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring.

Simmer 10 minutes. Serve warm.


Hot Holiday Punch

Ingredients
2 Egg
2 tbs. Sugar
2 oz. Brandy
Milk

Directions:
Beat egg yolks, sugar and brandy. Pour into two warmed glasses or punch cups. Fill with hot milk, stir and sprinkle with grated nutmeg. Preferably fresh.

Steaming Hot Holiday Punch

3 cups Apple Juice
1.5 tsp. ground Cinnamon
0 cinnamon stick
0.75 tsp. ground Cloves
6 cups Cranberry juice
0.75 cup Maple Syrup
0.75 tsp. ground Nutmeg
3 cups Orange Juice
2 tsp. Powdered Sugar

Directions:
Combine all the ingredients in a very large heavy pan, except the cinnamon sticks. Bring to a boil and turn to simmer for few minutes. You can put the ingredients in a crockpot after it has boiled and keep warm over low heat.


Holiday Punch

2-48 oz. (1.36 L) cans pineapple juice
1-40 oz. (1.14 L) bottle cranberry juice
2-750 mL bottles soda water
1 litre strawberry, raspberry or lime sherbet
Fifth of.Vodka
Directions
In a punch bowl, mix juices. Pour in soda water. Top with scoops of sherbet.


Frostbite

-1⁄2 oz. Tequila
-1⁄2 oz. white crème de cacao
-1⁄2 oz. blue Curacao
-1⁄2 oz. cream

Pour ingredients into a mixing glass, shake, strain and serve in a chilled glass.


Christmas Love

1⁄4 oz. brandy
1 oz. sherry
Dash of lemon juice
1 sugar cube
3 oz sparkling white wine

Pour brandy and sherry in a flute glass, and stir in the lemon juice and sugar. Stir until sugar dissolves, and refrigerate. When you are ready to serve, add the sparkling wine.


Three Wise Men

1⁄2 oz. bourbon whiskey
1⁄2 oz. Tennessee whiskey
1⁄2 oz. Scotch whisky

Put ingredients in a glass, drink.


The Cranberry Celebration

3 oz. cranberry juice
2 oz.orange juice
1/8 oz. lime cordial soda water
frozen cranberries
11⁄2 oz vodka

Directions
In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine 3 oz cranberry juice, 2 oz orange juice and 1/8 oz lime cordial. Shake sharply and strain into a collins glass filled with ice. Top with soda water and sprinkle with frozen cranberries

The Chocolate Milk Whip

4 oz.chocolate milk
2 oz. cold coffee
whipped cream
shaved chocolate
2 oz. Bailey's

Directions
Fill a tall glass with ice. Add 4 oz. chocolate milk and 2 oz. cold coffee and Bailey's. Top with whipped cream and garnish with shaved chocolate.


Feel Like Holiday

1 cl.Vodka
1 cl. Grenadine
100 ml. Champagne

Directions:
Stir Vodka and Grenadine with Ice. Fill in a champagne glass without the ice and fill up witch champagne.


Black Santa
Liqueur, coffee 3/4 oz.
Schnapps, peppermint 1/4 oz.
Vodka 1/2 oz.

Pour the vodka and Kahlua coffee liqueur into an old-fashioned glass half-filled with ice cubes. Add the peppermint schnapps and serve.

Jäger Nog

Jägermeister 1 part
Eggnog 1 part
Cinnamon 1 sprinkle
Pour equal parts eggnog and Jägermeister into glass. Sprinkle with cinnamon.

Candy Cane Martini

1/2 oz. vodka
1 tsp. peppermint schnapps

Mixing instructions:
Mix all ingredients with ice in a shaker. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
Option: Garnish with a small candy cane or create a candy cane "rimmer" with crushed candy canes.

Grinch

2 oz. Midori
1/2 oz. lemon juice (fresh)
1 tsp. sugar syrup

Mix all ingredients with ice in a shaker. Strain into a chilled martini glass.
Option: Garnish this green drink with a red cherry.

Purple Jesus (I just really like that name)

1.0 oz Ginger Ale
2.0 oz Vodka
1.0 oz Grape Juice
Fill a Highball glass almost full with ice cubes. Pour all ingredients into Highball glass, stir well, and serve.

Santa Claus is Coming

0.5 oz. Cinnamon Schnapps
0.5 oz. Melon liqueur
0.5 oz. Rumplemintz
Layer in a large shot glass, top with whipped cream "snow".

Why Santa Has a Naughty List

Amaretto 1 oz.
Gin 1 oz.
Liqueur, banana 1 oz.
Grenadine 1/2 oz.
Sprite Fill with

Add gin and amaretto to a collins glass filled with ice. Fill almost full with sprite. Add grenadine slowly, then layer banana liqueur on top.

Santa’s Pole

1.0 fill with Lemon Lime Soda
2.0 splash Grenadine
1.0 shot Peppermint Schnapps
1.0 shot Vodka

Merry Christmas
1 oz. cranberry juice
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1 oz. Plymouth Gin
Schweppes ® Club Soda

Mixing instructions:
Stir the gin, cranberry and lemon juice in a highball glass filled with ice. Top up with soda.
Option: Sprinkle with dried, or fresh cranberries and a lemon wedge.


Drink and be merry...

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My, It's Been a Busy Year

good thing JibJab is here to help us all remember what happened
In 2007

There's no way 2008 can be worse.... in fact I feel it's going to be awesome starting the night of January 3rd...

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The Candidates' Christmas Commercials

because 'tis the season. And this will be the only time on this site where I give Equal Time, so enjoy...

Mike Huckabee (the waay too overanalyzed "subliminal cross" ad)


Rudy's “Holiday Wishes”


Rudy's "Same Gift"





Barack's "exploting my family" I mean "Friendship" (he would)


John McCain “ My Christmas Story"


Hillary's “Presents”


and
John Edward's Season


funny, they've all ended up being arranged in an ascending order of my candidate preference. It's a holiday miracle

(and on an almost related note, Wonkette has a list of the 10 Best Campaign Ads ever and it's pretty sweet)

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Things To Do This Week: Weekend Edition

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And All Through the House

When I was too young most likely I guess someone let me watch Tales from the Crypt and I remember being haunted by this one episode. I'm not going to give away any plot points but it really terrified me and I was so scared of Santa or this happening and still creeps me out. But it is a nice little thriller and such a nightmarish scenario.
I had been looking for it for quite sometime but since I didn't know the name it took me awhile to dig up any information, but thanks to the wonders of google and youtube I finally found it; And All Through the House from 1989 (oh I really hope no one let me watch this when I was 6!)
Part 1

Part 2


Or here’s the possibly better definitely more stylish 1972 version with Joan Collins.

::shudder::
I'd like to think I'd handle that situation differently though...


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Coonie Tunes

So I was looking for some sort of racist Christmas cartoon for this spot but I could find nothing really (damn this season) but then I decided to search for racist santa and stumbled upon this site which had some disturbing images from the Netherlands about Sinterklaas and his adorbale little helpers










and as I actually felt a bit of revulsion and disgusted I knew I was on the right track.
According to Wikipedia
Sinterklaas is the basis for the North American figure of Santa Claus. It was during the American War of Independence, that the inhabitants of New York City, a former Dutch colonial town (New Amsterdam) which had been swapped by the Dutch for other territories, reinvented their Sinterklaas tradition, as Saint Nicholas was a symbol of the city's non-English past The name Santa Claus is derived from older Dutch Sinte Klaas.

Which of course means that Santa is racist.
Wikipedia continues
Sinterklaas is assisted by many mischievous helpers with black faces and colourful outfits, modelled after 16th century Spanish clothing. These helpers are called Zwarte Pieten (Black Petes) in Dutch (see below for names in other languages). During the Middle Ages, Zwarte Piet was a name for the devil. Having triumphed over evil, it was said that on Saint Nicholas' eve, the devil was shackled and made his slave. Although the character of Black Pete later came to acquire racial connotations, his origins were in the devil figure. This racialisation is reflected in the reworking of the characters' mythos. From about 1850, Pete was said to be an imported African servant of Saint Nicholas
In 1845 Jan Schenkman writes Saint Nicholas and his Servant; Piet is described in this book as a servant and as black, and a slave and is depicted as a dark man wearing Asian-style clothes. Steamboat travel becomes part of the mythos from this point. In the 1850 version of Schenkman's book, they are depicted looking much as they do today. The servant gets his African origin but still has no standard name. In later editions Piet was shown in the page costume, the book stayed (with some changes) in print until 1950 and can be seen as the foundation of the current celebration, even though it did use a lot of older ideas and customs.

The perspective of a Trinidian living in the Netherlands.
and even David Sedaris wrote about it in, I think "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim"
Six to Eight Black Men
"When do you open your Christmas presents?" is another good
conversation starter as it explains a lot about national character.
People who traditionally open gifts on Christmas Eve seem a bit
more pious and family oriented than those who wait until Christmas
morning. They go to mass, open presents, eat a late meal, return
to church the following morning, and devote the rest of the day to
eating another big meal. Gifts are generally reserved for
children, and the parents tend not to go overboard. It's nothing
I'd want for myself, but I suppose it's fine for those who prefer
food and family to things of real value.

In France and Germany, gifts are exchanged on Christmas Eve, while
in Holland the children receive presents on December 5, in
celebration of Saint Nicholas Day. It sounded sort of quaint until
I spoke to a man named Oscar, who filled me in on a few of the
details as we walked from my hotel to the Amsterdam train station.

Unlike the jolly, obese American Santa, Saint Nicholas is painfully
thin and dresses not unlike the pope, topping his robes with a tall
hat resembling an embroidered tea cozy. The outfit, I was told, is
a carryover from his former career, when he served as a bishop in
Turkey.

One doesn't want to be too much of a cultural chauvinist, but this
seemed completely wrong to me. For starters, Santa didn't use to
do anything. He's not retired, and, more important, he has
nothing to do with Turkey. The climate's all wrong, and people
wouldn't appreciate him. When asked how he got from Turkey to the
North Pole, Oscar told me with complete conviction that Saint
Nicholas currently resides in Spain, which again is simply not
true. While he could probably live wherever he wanted, Santa chose
the North Pole specifically because it is harsh and isolated. No
one can spy on him, and he doesn't have to worry about people
coming to the door. Anyone can come to the door in Spain, and in
that outfit, he'd most certainly be recognized. On top of that,
aside from a few pleasantries, Santa doesn't speak Spanish. He
knows enough to get by, but he's not fluent, and he certainly
doesn't eat tapas.

While our Santa flies on a sled, Saint Nicholas arrives by boat
and then transfers to a white horse. The event is televised, and
great crowds gather at the waterfront to greet him. I'm not sure
if there's a set date, but he generally docks in late November and
spends a few weeks hanging out and asking people what they want.
"Is it just him alone?" I asked. "Or does he come with backup?"
Oscar's English was close to perfect, but he seemed thrown by a
term normally reserved for police reinforcement.
"Helpers," I said. "Does he have any elves?"

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but I couldn't help but feel
personally insulted when Oscar denounced the very idea as grotesque
and unrealistic. "Elves," he said. "They're just so silly."

The words silly and unrealistic were redefined when I learned that
Saint Nicholas travels with what was consistently described as "six
to eight black men." I asked several Dutch people to narrow it
down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always
"six to eight," which seems strange, seeing as they've had hundreds
of years to get a decent count.

The six to eight black men were characterized as personal slaves
until the mid-fifties, when the political climate changed and it
was decided that instead of being slaves they were just good
friends. I think history has proven that something usually comes
between slavery and friendship, a period of time marked not by
cookies and quiet times beside the fire but by bloodshed and
mutual hostility. They have such violence in Holland, but rather
than duking it out among themselves, Santa and his former slaves
decided to take it out on the public. In the early years, if a
child was naughty, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men
would beat him with what Oscar described as "the small branch of
a tree."
"A switch?"
"Yes," he said. "That's it. They'd kick him and beat him with a
switch. Then, if the youngster was really bad, they'd put him in
a sack and take him back to Spain."
"Saint Nicholas would kick you?"
"Well, not anymore," Oscar said. "Now he just pretends to kick
you."
"And the six to eight black men?"
"Them, too."
He considered this to be progressive, but in a way I think it's
almost more perverse than the original punishment. "I'm going to
hurt you, but not really." How many times have we fallen for that
line? The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements
of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain, old-
fashioned fear. What kind of Santa spends his time pretending to
kick people before stuffing them into a canvas sack? Then, of
course, you've got the six to eight former slaves who could
potentially go off at any moment. This, I think, is the greatest
difference between us and the Dutch. While a certain segment of
our population might be perfectly happy with the arrangement, if
you told the average white American that six to eight nameless
black men would be sneaking into his house in the middle of the
night, he would barricade the doors and arm himself with whatever
he could get his hands on.

"Six to eight, did you say?"

In the years before central heating, Dutch children would leave
their shoes by the fireplace, the promise being that unless they
planned to beat you, kick you, or stuff you into a sack, Saint
Nicholas and the six to eight black men would fill your clogs
with presents. Aside from the threats of violence and kidnapping,
it's not much different from hanging your stockings from the
mantel. Now that so few people have a working fireplace, Dutch
children are instructed to leave their shoes beside the radiator,
furnace, or space heater. Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black
men arrive on horses, which jump from the yard onto the roof. At
this point, I guess, they either jump back down and use the door,
or they stay put and vaporize through the pipes and electrical
wires. Oscar wasn't too clear about the particulars, but, really,
who can blame him? We have the same problem with our Santa. He's
supposed to use the chimney, but if you don't have one, he still
manages to come through. It's best not to think about it too hard.

While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our
Christmas story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his
wife in a remote polar village and spends one night a year
traveling around the world. If you're bad, he leaves you coal. If
you're good and live in America, he'll give you just about anything
you want. We tell our children to be good and send them off to bed,
where they lie awake, anticipating their great bounty. A Dutch
parent has a decidedly hairier story to relate, telling his
children, "Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things
together before you go to bed. The former bishop from Turkey will
be coming along with six to eight black men. They might put some
candy in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you
to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know
for sure, but we want you to be prepared."

This is the reward for living in Holland. As a child you get to
hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat
it. As an added bonus, the government has thrown in legalized drugs
and prostitution-so what's not to love about being Dutch?


All of that made me feel slightly better about trying to portray an Icon of giving and britherhood and love as racist. SO I said most of that to say that I found something finally; it's "The Shanty where Santy Claus Lives" from 1933 and though it is far from the most racist thing I've seen, I personally thought the Sambo Jazz Band was a nice touch


But let’s all remember Santa couldn’t hate any child of any color….as much as he hates the jewish ones.

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Ephemeral Desires: Things that are too cool/trendy for me*

*but I'd still like to see or experience

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For America

For the Country


For John Edwards. Introduction by Doug Bishop on why he is supporting John


For the Forgotten during this Season


For Us All

Joined by Bonnie Raitt and Jackson Browne, Edwards discusses his bold vision to help all hard-working families achieve the American Dream

Manchester, NH – On the second day of his Graniteroots trip with special guests Bonnie Raitt and Jackson Browne, Senator John Edwards outlined his bold vision to lift up middle-class families and make sure that all Americans have a fair shot at the American Dream. Today, Raitt and Browne performed at town hall meetings in Portsmouth and Manchester before Edwards took the stage to discuss his Middle Class Rising agenda. Edwards' plan will help build One America where the middle class prospers and all hard-working Americans can find good jobs, save for the future, and have guaranteed health care and retirement security.

"I take it very personally when I see powerful, well-financed interests taking over this democracy, and taking it away from regular Americans," Edwards said. "We've got to stand right and reclaim our democracy to make absolutely certain that America rises again.

"Every time that we stand up for 135,000 people in New Hampshire who have no health care coverage, America rises. Every time we speak up for the 85,000 Granite Staters living in poverty, America rises. When we make sure that a high school graduate in rural New Hampshire knows that college is in the cards for them, and that they'll be able to find a good job in their community, America rises.

"And I'll tell you this," Edwards continued. "You can feel the New Hampshire voters rising up right now and giving voice to all those in this country who deserve a voice – for the poor, for the disenfranchised, for the working middle class in America. That's what this election is about."

To help the middle class rise again, Edwards' Middle Class Rising agenda will:

  • Create good jobs: Edwards will invest in renewable sources of energy to create new industries and at least 1 million new, good-paying jobs. He will pursue a trade policy that ends tax loopholes for companies that send American jobs overseas, and end the NAFTA trade model. Edwards will also raise the minimum wage, reform our tax code, build career ladders, and strengthen organized labor.
  • Give middle-class families the tools to build a secure financial future: Edwards will create Universal Retirement Accounts that people can take with them from job to job, and to respond to the mortgage crisis, he will pass a tough new national law to prevent predatory lending abuses. Edwards will also reign in credit card and other abusive lending practices by creating a new consumer watchdog agency.
  • Remove the burdens that are weighing families down: Edwards will help families afford rising home heating costs, make sure that college is affordable for everyone, so that every child can have a fair shot at the American Dream, help people balance their work and home lives by making sure that workplace policies are keeping up with changes in the economy, through expanding early education programs, providing paid leave, including sick leave, to all workers, and expanding job protection under the Family and Medical Leave Act.
  • Create universal health care in America: Edwards' top domestic priority will be making sure that every man, woman and child in America is covered with high-quality care.


(from the ground and from Slate)
The Palace Theater is packed and Edwards, still in his graduate school uniform, is pacing onstage in front of the set of A Christmas Carol. He's just wrapping up, which means Bonnie Raitt and Jackson Browne have long ago finished.

[download Angel from Montgomery]
Edwards gets more detailed questions from his audiences than other candidates. He's asked about the military tribunals act, the nonproliferation treaty, and the relationship between global warming and poverty. For each, he has a very specific answer. At the Obama event I just attended, for example, people asked vague questions about unity and education. Then, a woman in the upper balcony stands up not to ask a question but to sing. She has written a song for Edwards and despite the professionals onstage, she is unbowed.

John Edwards he should be our president
He's the one with all the qualifications
And he'll lead without a reservation
Edwards is No. 1, follow him and see
He's the man with the plan and he can do what's right for us
Edwards is for me.

The tune resembles the kind that was sung in campaigns up until the '60s. My mother used to sing them, which sent me racing from the room. I am gripped by the same urge. When the woman finishes the first verse, the room erupts into applause. Everyone is on her side. "If I were you, I'd stop on that," Edwards says. What he means, I think, is that she's done such a wonderful job she should go out on a triumphant note.

From December 18th

Elizabeth Edwards has just arrived onstage with her daughter Cate, who is a student at Harvard law school. She tells us Cate isn't going to be speaking but then says to the crowd, "Isn't she lovely?" This is not spin. The audience claps because Cate is lovely. This description (though understandable from a mother) would seem a little antiquated and limiting, but then Elizabeth explains that Cate volunteers for a legal-aid bureau and on Thursday will try to keep a family from being evicted the week before Christmas. Lovely and committed, just like her father.

The event has felt a little like a carnival up to this point. Peter Coyote, the actor and author, has spoken and music has been played. Granny D, the 97-year-old political activist, has talked, delivering a righteous clubbing to Hillary Clinton, whom she says is bought and paid for by corporate interests. Elizabeth Edwards centers things, playing her traditional sidekick role. She starts by describing the man she met at law school 33 years ago. "This young man was incredibly sweet about his family. The way he talked about his family would have warmed anyone's heart. He talked about the things he wanted to do and where he'd come from. He didn't have much but he talked about it not in terms of how little he had but all the great gifts he'd been given. The determination and the work ethic and how he was able to bring that to the table in law school. … All those young men I'd met before—they all faded, that one man and that sense of optimism about what a single person can accomplish, made all the difference in the world. It's an incredible characteristic in a husband. It's an essential characteristic in a president. ... He's the same young man I met 35 years ago, and to my great dismay he still pretty much looks the same. My husband, John Edwards."

Edwards arrives onstage dressed like he may have 35 years ago, in jeans and a zippered sweatshirt. Candidates make closing arguments; this is his closing uniform. He was wearing the same thing when I was with him in Iowa last week. During the question period after Edwards' stemwinder speech, his wife returns to make regular interjections. After Edwards answers a question about health care, she adds more about insurance companies' antitrust exemptions. She does the same with a question about the Supreme Court, which Cate has also taken a crack at answering. Edwards reaches the microphone, but Elizabeth waves him away. "Somebody said how they are praying for my good health. Please pray for the good health of Justice Stevens. He is 87 years old and stands between us and even worse decisions by the Supreme Court."

"There is a reason I bring her along," Edwards says taking back the microphone and repeating a question a reporter asked him after watching his wife. "Does she check with you when she speaks?" The answer is no, which becomes clear yet again when Edwards starts to answer a question about how he'll select his Cabinet. "I don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of yes people," he insists, getting up a head of steam. "I want people who will say to me you are wrong."


How the Middle Class will Rise
Middle Class Rising: A Plan to Strengthen America's Middle Class

The social compact with the middle class is under siege because big corporations and special interests have taken over Washington. That compact says that if you work hard and do what's right, you'll get some security and the chance to build a better life for yourself and your family. But today, middle class families are not rising, and the gap between the haves and everyone else has grown wider than at any time since the great Depression.

The American middle class is struggling. Wages are stagnant even though the economy is growing, while the cost of middle-class essentials like health care and child care continues to grow. The basic American bargain is breaking down.

  • Our economy is growing only at the top: Forty percent of economic growth over the past 20 years went to the top 1 percent of households. Income inequality is at its highest since the Great Depression. [EPI, 2006; CBPP, 2007]
  • Families are working longer hours, but finding it harder to get by: Families work 10 more hours a week than they did 20 years ago. But middle-class incomes have stagnated for the past seven years. [DOL, 2007]
  • Higher costs for the basics: Costs for middle-class essentials – including housing, health care, college, child care and transportation – have all outpaced wage growth. A child born in 2003 will cost middle-class families 15 percent more to raise than a child born in 1960, after adjusting for inflation. [Draut, 2005; USDA, 2003]
  • Powerful corporate interests have taken control of our government: The number of Washington lobbyists has tripled to 36,000 since 1996, more than 60 for every member of Congress. Their impact can be seen across our society: a broken health care system, reliance on old sources of energy, the neglect of poverty, unfair terms of credit, and subsidies for corporate agribusiness. [Senate Office of Public Records, 2006]
  • Losing hope for the American dream: More Americans are worried that the next generation will face fewer economic opportunities and less security and mobility. Only 30 percent of Americans think life will be better for the next generation. [Pew, 2006]

Today, John Edwards outlined his Middle Class Rising plan to restore the American dream and meet the moral test passed by 20 generations before us: to leave a better future to our children than we inherited. We must strengthen America's middle class to make sure that all Americans have a fair shot at the American Dream.
  • Create Good Jobs that Pay Enough to Support a Family
    • Invest in the Industries of the Future
      • Renewable sources of energy – including ethanol, biodiesel, wind and solar – can create new industries and at least 1 million new jobs. Edwards will establish the New Energy Economy Fund to jumpstart renewable energies with start-up capital and train over 150,000 workers for Green Collar jobs. He will also invest in other sources of innovation such as life sciences, technology and private-sector research.
    • Enact Smarter Trade Policies
      • Iowa has seen the results of unfair trade – losing more than 17,000 jobs in the last six years due to growing trading deficits with China. Trade deals need to make sense for American workers, not just corporations. Edwards will reject NAFTA-style trade deals and make sure any new trade agreements include strong labor and environmental standards and will vigorously enforce American workers' rights in existing agreements. He will also expand trade adjustment assistance to do much more for the workers and communities that are hurt by global competition. [EPI, 2007]
    • Eliminate Tax Incentives to Move Offshore
      • The U.S. tax code encourages multinational corporations to invest overseas by allowing them to indefinitely defer taxation on their foreign profits. In practice, this means that multinational companies pay little or no tax on their foreign profits. Edwards will eliminate the benefit of deferral in low-tax countries, ensuring that American companies' profits are taxed when earned at either the U.S. rate or a comparable foreign rate, to eliminate any incentive to move overseas.
    • Make Work Pay by Raising the Minimum Wage
      • Under Gov. Culver, Iowa has been a leader in raising the minimum wage. But even at its 2008 level of $7.25, the earnings of a single parent with two children will still be $2,000 below the federal poverty line. Edwards will set a national goal of a minimum wage that equals half the average wage. He will raise the minimum wage by 75 cents a year until it reaches $9.50 in 2012 and then set it to rise automatically with average wages, ensuring that all workers share in America's growth. [HHS, 2007]
    • Reform the Tax Code to Reward Work, Not Wealth
      • As a result of President Bush's regressive tax policies, the share of the federal tax burden borne by taxpayers in the middle and fourth quintiles is increasing while the share of taxes paid by the top 1 percent fell. Edwards will overhaul the tax code with new tax breaks to strengthen the middle-class pillars of saving, work, and family. He will also ensure that the wealthy pay their fair share of taxes by raising the tax rate on capital gains to 28 percent for the most fortunate taxpayers and repealing the Bush income tax cuts for individuals making more than $200,000 a year. [Tax Policy Center, 2006]
    • Build Career Ladders
      • Two of the fields with the largest predicted job growth – health care and education –have both low-end and high-end positions and offer the potential for mobility. Edwards will invest in career ladders in these and other fields, helping low-wage workers to train on the job, gain new skills, and move into better jobs. For example, health care aides could become certified nurse assistants and registered nurses.
    • Strengthen Workers' Right to Organize
      • Union families earn up to 30 percent more than non-union families, but union membership has fallen from 30 percent of private-sector workers in 1973 to just 8 percent today. The right to choose a union is poorly enforced, full of loopholes, and routinely violated by employers. Edwards will enact the Employee Free Choice Act, vigorously enforce labor laws, and ban the use of permanent replacements for striking workers. [BLS, 2007; Census Bureau, 2007]
  • Give Americans the Tools to Build a Secure Retirement
    • Create Universal Retirement Accounts that Move from Job to Job
      • Only 27 percent of households within 20 years of retirement have adequate retirement savings. Americans who retire with a pension have nearly twice the annual income of those who depend only on Social Security and personal savings, but too few middle-class families are able to start saving. Edwards will create a new universal retirement account available to all workers without another pension. Workers will be able to build up these savings accounts over the course of their careers, regardless of how many times they change jobs. Edwards will match worker contributions up to dollar-for-dollar on the first $500 with a new Get Ahead tax credit, far more valuable than the 10 percent or 15 percent tax deduction that many workers get today on retirement savings. [EPI, 2006; PRC, 2007; Gale, Gruber and Orszag, 2006]
    • End the Housing Crisis
      • Edwards has proposed a comprehensive plan to lead us out of the foreclosure crisis and help families keep their homes, without bailing out irresponsible investors and speculators. He will go further than the Bush-Paulson plan to give every family an opportunity to renegotiate the terms of their mortgage, with counseling and small amounts of aid from a new Home Rescue Fund. He will also let families adjust the terms of their mortgages in bankruptcy, like investors can on their second homes and investment properties. Edwards will prevent future crises by passing a strong national law against predatory lending and creating a new federal regulator for financial services products.
    • Rein in Credit Card and Other Abusive Lending
      • Half of Americans say they live paycheck to paycheck – meaning millions of families rely on short-term credit just to pay the bills. Middle-class families are facing a radically transformed credit environment because interest rates were deregulated in 1978, which has led to looser lending standards and higher rates and fees. Edwards will require minimum protections on credit cards, such as restoring a 10-day grace before late fees and applying interest rate increases to future balances only. He will also create a new consumer watchdog agency – the Family Savings and Credit Commission – whose sole purpose will be to crack down on these kinds of predatory practices. [[MetLife, 2003; Draut, 2006]
  • Remove the Burdens that Are Weighing Families Down
    • Make College More Affordable
      • The three-quarters of Iowa's graduating college students who have debt owe $23,700, on average -- 25 percent more debt than the national average. Roughly one in five young adults reports that student debt caused them to delay starting a family and forced them to change careers. Edwards will create a national College for Everyone initiative to pay public-college tuition, fees and books for students who work part-time, take a college-prep curriculum in high school, and stay out of trouble. [TICAS, 2007; Nellie Mae, 2003]
    • Offer Universal Preschool and Expand Affordable Child Care
      • More than two-thirds of mothers are working, most of them full time, but our workplace practices and public policies have not kept up with this new reality. Child care costs more than a rent for a family with two children. Edwards will create a Great Promise early childhood education program for every four-year-old. For younger children, he will more than double the child care tax credit and create a national Smart Start initiative to work with local nonprofits to make child care higher quality, more available, and more affordable. [BLS, 2005; NACCRRA, 2006]
    • Create Paid Family and Medical Leave
      • Edwards will create a $2 billion National Family Trust to offer paid family and medical leave benefits to all workers by 2014, and he will make the federal government a model employer with a generous paid leave benefit. He will also expand the Family and Medical Leave Act to cover 13 million more workers by reducing the threshold for exemption for the law from 50 workers to 25 workers and help long-term part-time workers. In addition, Edwards will require businesses to offer their workers seven paid sick days a year, with pro-rated leave for part-timers.
    • Help Families with Rising Home Heating Costs
      • John Edwards has championed the need to take on big oil and gas companies to halt global warming and build a new energy economy based on efficiency and renewable energy. Edwards has called on Congress to release some of the nation's home heating and oil reserves to bring down prices and finally fully fund the Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program, which could help more than 3 million more families. He has also proposed more than doubling assistance for weatherization programs and called on neighbors to help weatherize the homes of vulnerable seniors this winter. Finally, he has proposed helping states and non-profits offer low- or no-interest emergency loans so that squeezed families do not fall prey to high-cost lenders.
  • Guarantee True Universal Health Care
    • Guarantee True Universal Health Care
      • Forty-seven million Americans live without health insurance. Edwards will take on the big insurance and drug companies and guarantee true universal health care for every man, woman and child in America. Employers will have to help cover their employees, the government will make insurance affordable with new reforms and subsidies, and all Americans will have insurance. His plan offers every American the option of a public plan that could evolve to a single payer system. [Census Bureau, 2007]
    • Deliver Better Care at Lower Cost
      • Health care costs have consistently grown faster than wages for almost 50 years. Over the past five years alone, families have seen premiums grow by 90 percent while benefits have been cut. Edwards will take on the insurance and drug companies to cut needless waste in the health care system. He will also take much needed common-sense steps such as emphasizing preventive and primary care, requiring electronic medical records, and identifying and publicizing the most cost-effective treatments. Together these steps will save the average family $2,000 to 2,500 a year.


Fight for America. Demand Change. Vote John Edwards.


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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Happy Holidays from the Colbert Report

as long as those "holidays" are Christmas, of course.


and from exactly one year ago tonight here is Stephen Colbert and his Jingle-terns



I really miss that show.

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Boyz II Men are Jewish?

well that was random; who knew? where did that come from? when did that happen?and almost as shockingly, Boyz II Men have something to promote? In 2007?
Anyway Tyra Banks is actually breaking news and investigating something other than how to spot a weave or a fake Gucci bag. From Best Week Ever

Ok that Jews II Men joke* wasn't actually funny- I feel that Tyra may have used her crazy eyes to control the audience into laughing so wildly. And I actually wanted to know the answer as to when they converted because I am now, for the first time in like 10 years interested about Boyz II Men. But does anyone actually know?

*and to think about it in ways that I'm positive Tyra didn't think of at the time but let's not think of Jews becoming men, implying that they are not men, less than men, or subhuman (untermenschen) or are perhaps imperfect. That's just what I thought like two seconds after she said it.

{RELATED 12/26: And this is even stranger- Gladys Knight's a Mormon?! WTF?!)

Speaking of Jews and Black people and BWE (so I don't have to make a separate post)here is Craig Robinson (Darrell from the Office) getting a little steamed about being a part of "the future of entertainment" and attacking Judd Apatow, as the backlash begins

Damn, Judd Apatow has run comedy over the past like 5 years; I guess I never thought about it. But more importantly Paul Rudd is so beyond gorgeous it's distracting; totally my ultimate celebrity crush

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Monday, December 17, 2007

Things To Do: Monday-Thursday

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