Stanley Fish is really old

I suppose my first clue should've been the fact that he's named Stanley- I don't think I've ever met anyone close to my age named Stanley; I feel that name should've peaked in the '50s after "Streetcar Named Desire" came out.

My second and third clue should have been his picture, and the fact that I read Stanley Fish on the regular, so when I saw he had done a Top 10 list of the "Best American Movies" my mind decided not to do the smart thing and remember that old people like old things (I don't hold this against them though; I know I'm going to be the same way) but I love lists and movies and so I couldn't help myself.
Here's his list

1) The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
2) Sunset Blvd. (1950)
(and the rest were "tied for third")
T-3) Double Indemnity (1944)
Shane (1953)
Red River (1948)
Raging Bull (1980)
Vertigo (1958)
Groundhog Day (1993)
Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1945)

So 8 of his 10 best american films of all time were between 1944 and 1958. I must say I have to respect him for so thoroughly and proudly displaying his epochal provincialism, but still I have to agree with the first (FIRST!1) commenter :

Do you really believe American Cinema peaked in the 40s and the one moment of inspiration since has been Groundhog Day?

Ok that’s weird.

For reals. Groundhog Day wasn't even Bill Murray's best movie (it probably was Andie Macdowell's though; either that or "Green Card", since I can'y name nothing else she's been in.)

That is a tough undertaking, and one I shy away from whenever I'm asked about it (unless I'm drunk, of course) naming a top ten best anything, especially something which can be so subjective like film, and I've only seen about 60% of the films he listed so I won't be too harsh.

All I will say is, I'll admit it- I don't get Scorsese. I mean I enjoy his films enough but, in my mind there is no way Raging Bull is the 4th greatest film ever (the only "great" part of the movie to me, that I really enjoyed is when LaMotta is in jail and is pounding his fists into the concrete wall and then crying over what his life has become- so I'll give Scorsese that.) But there are people who swear by and worship his movies, who write theses about his films and search for answers about life and I don't understand that. To be unfairly general, his "great" films all seem to be about men who have anger issues who end up committing acts of violence.
Though to be fair maybe I'm not smart enough to "get" his films*- I have to admit after seeing Taxi Driver and then reading some essays about it, I enjoyed it about 10% more the next time I saw it. Totally better than Raging Bull.

*I kinda loved Rocky Balboa, not gonna lie; it made me cry. So that's the "authority" you're dealing with)

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Iron Maiden Can't Be Serious...

...can they? They "got it" and were just kind of goofing on the whole "satanic heavy metal band" right? Because I just saw their video for "The Number of The Beast" on VH1's beyond positive superlatives "2009 for 2009" marathon (they're on the "The"s and it seriously made me LOL. I mean, watch it for yourself- it's probably my new favorite video

After seeing that I actually thought for a second that their whole career had been an elaborate performance art piece where they were "Spinal Tap" before "Spinal Tap." Seriously what was up with that dancing couple just waltzing on stage? or the whole 5.99 costumed red devil? That weird sea creature-thing? Godzilla?!?! They must've been the most random band ever; what fun, what fun

God I love it! (and what a good song). I have a feeling they put on an absolutely amazing live show- where's my time machine when I need it?

[ADDENDUM: According to Wikipedia, and I quote,"When the music video was first shown on MTV, Eddie's appearance at the end was edited out after complaints from frightened viewers." Who were these viewers? I mean seriously? Were the 80s that "innocent" and "peaceful" a time that a cartoonishly grotesque stitled costumed guy would terrify you? Hopefully such people were done away with in the Great Idiot Purge of 1995, though I doubt it.

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Hookers and Blow

So on Slate today they were featuring an article by everyone's favorite Elliot Spitzer with a tease something like "Obama shouldn't use the stimulus package on bridges and buildings; here's what he should use it for" (that was a paraphrase because that grammar seems atrocious; something is probably dangling)
but anyway the first thing I thought of was "He should spend it on Hookers and Blow" because really I know Elliot Spitzer smart guy, blah blah was a Wall Street Crusader (who probably shouldn't have resigned; he might have proved effective with, y'know the meltdown of free market capitalism) but what's anyone actually going to remember him for? The Emperor's Club and Ashley DuPre (is that her name? whatevs) which is probably sad for him and sad that our society is that fixated on the tawdry but it's still pretty fun. Which leads me to believe Fitzgerald was only partially right when he supposedly said "There are no second acts in American Life;" there's maybe not the second life you'd want on the same level of esteem but there is a second life of pity or scorn or ridicule.
Plus "Hookers and Blow" just say it...it can't help but make you smile.

It also reminds me of a facebook wall post convo I had with one of my uber conservative friends in the run up to the election about the only way Johnny Mac and an October Surprise could've beaten Barack(and I really hate how that whole election cycle really made me temporarily side with the conservatives- I felt dirty and ashamed)
Anyway, and this is funnier if you know that my friend is a super dedicated christian who has never cursed, smoked, drunk (drank?) or kissed a girl:

me: do the republicans and the white house actually want john mccain to win? because if so they need to hurry up with that "October Surprise", a surprise that hopefully consists of us capturing Bin Laden to discover he has Barack's cell phone # on speed dial, as well as a video of Barack and Bin Laden snorting coke while shouting "Allahu Akbar" (along with maybe a spare trillion or so dollars and a new renewable energy source.) That just might tip the scales...the CIA can do that right? for America?

him: for mccain to have a chance, it'd probably also have to include:
1) footage of the harem that osama gave to obama to bring back to the white house after the coke-scapades.
2) reports and trascripts of the secret meeting--without preconditions--where barack assembled ahmadinejad and kim jong il for a secret foreign policy summit. at the meeting, barack offered to give both leaders secret nuclear weapon technology and permanent seats on the UN security council in return for more, yep, hookers and blow.
3) it also comes to light that barry has made three more quick stops: one in china, where he announced to the chinese public that their gymnastics team was, indeed, of the proper age; one in venezuela, where he was seen pledging his unfailing loyalty to the regime of hugo chavez in exchange for more, yep, hookers and blow; and finally one in cuba, where he promised to make cuba our 51st state and fidel castro our next associate supreme court justice when JP Stevens finally snuffs it.

And who could ever forget the infamous “Better Know A District” with Robert Wexler

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Better Know a District - Florida's 19th - Robert Wexler

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Colbert Report Tickets

Paul McCartney Appearance
More Funny Videos

“If you combine the two together it’s probably more fun”

But yeah the actual article isn't nearly that fun and is really kind of boring, and disturbing (why the f*ck is everyone so pro-robot?!)

(and apparently Hookers and Blow is the name of a band and I must say that is a great great name, unless they're a bluegrass outfit, or like Il Divo, which on second thought might even make it funnier)

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Sin of the Day-Lust

Seven days a week, seven deadly sins; it just seems like certain days should lend themselves to certain sins and while I'd prefer to save Lust for Saturday or Friday and leave Sunday for Sloth but I was reminded that Friday Night Lights is coming back to NBC and of course Taylor "Tim Riggins" Kitsch is...well simply the hottest thing in all of creation


Also Mark Sanchez is pretty hot himself (and he actually plays football, like in real life)



















I hope to be forgiven small sins of the flesh [-o<

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Our Society Has Failed...

...I think it's safe to say, when our government needs to put out PSAs and have an intiative for fathers to be fathers. It's like that Chris Rock skit from Bigger and Blacker

You know the worst thing about niggas? Niggas always want credit for some shit they supposed to do. A nigga will brag about some shit a normal man just does. A nigga will say some shit like, "I take care of my kids." You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker! What kind of ignorant shit is that?

Anyway I actually thought this commercial was darling and it was the first I had heard of this project

but I just think it's a little alarming that we need something like this. I'm not too religious and lord knows I don't believe in a "traditional family" but you shouldn't need a multi-million dollar campaign to know to love your kids and spend time with them. And if you do then you probably should've already had that pre-emptive vasectomy.
Either way here are a few of the other PSAs, because I do enjoy them (and they are far less preachy and sanctimonious than other attempts on the same subject)




But if you jave a kid and don't know how to be involved in their life I'd recommend calling your "baby mama" (I hate that phrase and it should've been killed before two middle aged white women made a movie about it) and talking to her about OR you can visit Fatherhood.gov

(yeah I'm probably just bitter because I wish someone had come up with this intiative when my daddy left...tear)

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I Can't Be The Only One Who Thinks This Is A Bad Idea

Did anyone read this in the Washington Post

Coming to the Battlefield: Stone-Cold Robot Killers

awesome. just awesome. it's actually coming.

Soon -- years, not decades, from now -- American armed robots will patrol on the ground as well, fundamentally transforming the face of battle. Conventional war, even genocide, may be abolished by a robotic American Peace.
(until of course this Pax Americana is replaced and overthrown by a Pax Robotica)
-----
The robots of past science fiction were governed by Isaac Asimov's Three Laws, which precluded bringing harm to humans. But the real robots of the future will be different. Within a decade, the Army will field armed robots with intellects that possess, as H.G. Wells put it, "minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic." Armed robots will all be snipers. Stone-cold killers, every one of them. They will aim with inhuman precision and fire without human hesitation.
Okay on a practical note, in these wars of the future, where nobody is marching in Napoleonic Columns, and in the words of RATM the "front line is everywhere" will these robots be able to differentiate between civilians and combatants? And what about in that overused melodramatic moment where a belligerent is using a hostage as cover- would the machine mow them both down.
But more importantly
So not only will they be efficient killing machines but they'll be as smart as us, and of course unfeeling?
Really do these military goes not read science fiction or watch any related movie of the past 3o years- THIS WILL NOT END WELL, unless you're definition of ending well is being enslaved by cold and murderous robots who see no point in following the orders of their weaker "creators"
Genocide, and the failure of the outside word to intervene, could also become a thing of the past. The industrialized murder of the Holocaust could perhaps have been disrupted by Allied bombers, but subsequent genocides have been less institutionalized, and far less vulnerable to air power. Intervention would require infantry and a decision to accept casualties. Genocide prevention may be in the interest of our common humanity, but it has never been in the national interest. But with no body bags to explain to bewildered voters, America's leaders may be less hesitant in the future about imposing an end to atrocities in places such as Darfur.

Look, I'm against genocide (as well as cancer and murder and other bad things) but I really feel that in our righteous and warranted zeal to prevent genocide we might be opening the door to a Global Genocide.
Of course I have a well documented fear of robots and am probably irrationally paranoid but still...I just ordered my copy...

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The Reviews Are In...

Have you guys seen the trailer for The Unborn? well if not, I congratulate and envy you but here it is because misery loves company and all that jazz

Do you think critics are allowed to make "edgy" somewhat offensive jokes? Because if so I have a feeling I know what most reviews will be like-a litany of abortion jokes (from everyone except for Shawn Edwards and Peter Hammonds, of course)

"The best case I've come across for being pro-choice"
"After seeing this movie I had a silphium salad, just to be sure
"Where's my hanger?
"I think upon seeing this movie Henry Wade changed his mind"

P.S. What is Gary Oldman doing in that movie? Gary, you're better than that? Michael Bay- that I can understand.


ugh- i'm so rusty with being witty in these posts...i'll get there.

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Funky Cold Medina

So Vh1 Classic is doing a 2009 for 2009 video marathon where they're going to play 2009 straight videos (in alphabetical order! for those obsessives among us) and it is pretty clearly the greatest thing ever. It's like if someone created the wheel, except if that wheel was made of sliced bread; anyway it's awesome and you should all be watching it and it's just begging for a far braver and wittier soul to give it the Beavis & Butthead" or MST treatment. (like i mean for this video of Ray Parker Jr's "Ghostbusters"- that's ripe for mocking. Watch it... "Busting makes me feel good" I'm sure it does Ray, I'm sure it does)

But anyway I was watching it and on came Tone Loc's classic (and only hit?) Funky Cold Medina, and it put me in the mind of something I used to do in the before time of this site; encourage alcoholism with fun and different cocktail recipes-woo! And in case you don't know the song, here it is (and don't mind the blatant trans/homophobial the 80s weren't all together perfect)

and for you all, here is apparently all you need (minus whatever gives it that bubbly cauldron vibe- dry ice would probably work I guess)

Funky Cold Medina
1 oz vodka
1 oz Southern Comfort
1 oz peach liqueur
1 oz blue curacao liqueur
top with cranberry juice
top with ice

Pour over ice and top off with cranberry juice.
Serve in "Mason Jar"

I wonder what to add to make a Funky Warm Medina*...it's been snowing off and on for weeks, and that's just not ok.

*though after a few of those I think anyone is gonna be feeling quite warm and funky

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number 9, number 9, number 9....

The Beatles- Revolution 9 [download]

[Bottle of Claret for you if I had realised...

Well, do it next time.

I forgot about it, George, I'm sorry.
Will you forgive me?

Yes.]

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number...

...then there's this Welsh Rarebit wearing some brown underpants
...about the shortage of grain in hertfordshire

Everyone of them knew that as time went by they'd get a little bit older and a litter slower but...

It's all the same thing, in this case manufactured by someone who's always/umpteen ...
Your father's giving it diddly-i-dee/district was leaving...
Intended to die ... Ottoman
...long gone through...
I've got to say, irritably and...
...floors, hard enough to put on ... per day's MD in our district
There was not really enough light to get down
And ultimately ... slumped down
Suddenly...

They may stop the funding...
Place your bets
The original
Afraid she'll die ...
Great colours for the season

Number 9, number 9

Who's to know?
Who was to know?

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9

I sustained nothing worse than ...

Also, for example
Whatever you're doing
A business deal falls through

I informed him on the third night, when fortune gives...

People ride, people ride
Ride, ride, ride, ride, ride

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9

Ride! Ride!

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9

...I've missed all of that
It makes me a few days late
Compared with, like, wow!
And weird stuff like that...

...taking our sides sometimes
...floral bark

Rouge doctors have brought this specimen

I have nobody's short-cuts, aha...

9, number 9

...with the situation

They are standing still

The plan, the telegram...
Number 9, number...

A man without terrors from beard to false
As the headmaster reported to my son
He really can try, as they do, to find function...
Tell what he was saying, and his voice was low and his hive high
And his eyes were low...

Alright!

It was on fire and his glasses were the same
This thing knows if it was tinted
But you know it isn't
To me it is...

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9

So the wife called me and we'd better go to see a surgeon to price it ...
Yellow underclothes
So, any road, we went to see the dentist instead
Who gave her a pair of teeth which wasn't any good at all
So I said I'd marry, join the fucking navy and went to sea

In my broken chair, my wings are broken and so is my hair

I'm not in the mood for whirling

How? Dogs for dogging, hands for clapping
Birds for birding and fish for fishing
Them for themming and when for whimming

...only to find the night-watchman unaware of his
presence in the building

Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9
Number 9

Industry allows financial imbalance

Thrusting it between his shoulder blades

The Watusi, the twist

Eldorado

Take this, brother, may it serve you well

Maybe it's nothing
What? What? Oh...

Maybe, even then, impervious in London

...could be difficult thing...
It's quick like rush for peace is because it's so much
Like being naked

It's alright, it's alright
It's alright, it's alright

It's alright, it's alright
It's alright, it's alright
It's alright

If, you became naked

Phish- Revolution 9 (10/31/1994.Glens Falls Civic Center) [download]


number nine.

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