A Bit of Good, Clean, Morbid Fun

With the Oscars courtesy of Vanity Fair which has made a nifty “In Memoriam Montage” Pool

I know I can rely on at least one annual segment for a few minutes of guesswork, revelation, and wholly manipulated drama.

Of course I’m referring to “In Memoriam,” the maudlin montage of clips and photos featuring those stars, filmmakers, and other Hollywood figures who passed away in the year since the last Oscar ceremony

“In Memoriam” in fact yields its own separate culture-within-a-culture for both casual and obsessive viewers alike; expect at least one “She died? Really?” for Jane Wyman, one “He was still alive?” for Marty director Delbert Mann, and never fewer than three “Who?“‘s for the likes of Barry Nelson (the screen’s very first James Bond) or previous Oscar winners like make-up artist William J. Tuttle or The Godfather editor Peter Zinner.

Additionally, if a regular Oscar pool isn’t quite rich enough for your blood, put together a separate, point-based “In Memoriam” ballot for the real high rollers.

And since I’m not sure exactly how this pool is played or who everyone else I feel I am well qualified to just make random guesses and see if I’m right on Sunday. My picks will be in italics
On with the show! (cue melancholy music)

Will They Make It? (Choose One)
Norman Mailer (+5)
Merv Griffin (+10)
Charles Nelson Reilly (+15)
Anna Nicole Smith (+20)
None of the above (+15)

Will Open the Montage
Delbert Mann (+10)
Jane Wyman (+10)
Suzanne Pleshette (+15)
Michel Serrault (+20) [Ed. Note: I have no idea who this is]
None of the above (+5)

Will End the Montage
Heath Ledger (+5)
Jack Valenti (+10)
Roy Scheider (+15)
Deborah Kerr (+20)
None of the above (+25)

Will Get Montage’s First Video Clip
Deborah Kerr (+5)
Laszlo Kovacs (+10)
Peter Zinner (+15)
Jack Valenti (+20)
None of the above (+10)

Will Get Montage’s First Sound Clip
Betty Hutton (+5)
Deborah Kerr (+10)
Brad Renfro (+15)
Roy Scheider (+20)
None of the above (+10)

First Actor/Actress Named
Ulrich Mühe (+10)
Michel Serrault (+10)
Jane Wyman (+15)
Brad Renfro (+20)
None of the above (+5)

First American Director Named
Stuart Rosenberg (+5)
Norman Mailer (+10)
Delbert Mann (+15)
None of the above (+20)

First International Auteur Named
Ousmane Sembene (+5)
Kon Ichikawa (+10)
Michelangelo Antonioni (+15)
Ingmar Bergman (+20)
None of the above (+25)

Oldest Selection
Charles Lane, age 102 (+5)
William J. Tuttle, age 95 (+10)
Michelangelo Antonioni, age 94 (+15)
Jane Wyman, age 90 (+20)
None of the above (+25)

Will Get His Own Montage Elsewhere in Oscarcast
Jack Valenti (+5)
Ingmar Bergman (+10)
Michelangelo Antonioni (+15)
Heath Ledger (+20)
None of the above (+10)

I seriously only recognized like 5 names- that ignorance makes me feel young

Sphere: Related Content

Meet Jane

In 83 days she will kill herself. Or so she claims on her maddeningly fascinating blog 90 Day Jane
Here’s her first post from February 5th

Today is day 90. How did it become day # 90? Well, I'm not really sure except that it's better than day 91.
With roughly 3 months to look at my life from a truly temporary perspective, I wonder what realizations i'll have. Will I suddenly become a sentimental person? Will I tie up loose ends? Will I rekindle relationships long forgotten? I doubt it, to be honest. It's not like I have terminal cancer or something. It's a truly selfish thing I do now (was that Dickens? ha ha) and I plan to live my life as I always had, but with this new perspective. I'll go to work, I'll have a social life, I'll date, I'll celebrate and then I'll check out.
I guess, though, on the day I decide this I should probably say why. Though, I simply can't define it. That's what this blog is for; to define through public record "why"?

This could be scary intense as we reach the end of April or start of May but it is a sign of our age, of the rampant cynicism deisbleif but also thirsst for fame that no one knows if this is a document of a young woman’s last days or merely an art piece.
Radar thinks it is the latter

Allow us to be early in suggesting that 90 Day Jane may be a viral marketing scheme for some amateur auteur's inspiration, that there may be a little evidence to indicate that she's simply a depressed and lonely twenty-something wage slave who finally figured out a way to really get someone to hear her. It's probably secretly sponsored by Zoloft.

On Jane's first blog post, the ubiquitous anonymous commenter left a short note stating that Jane wasn't from Hollywood, she was from Louisiana.

The comment pointed anyone who cared to Void, a weblog kept since 2004 by someone calling herself "Jane Q. Doe."

Like 90 Day Jane, Ms. "Doe" is 24. Just like 90 Day Jane, she says her occupation is "drone." Both Janes are dark-haired and well-built. Both Janes seem to have a thing for Fight Club. In her "About Me," 90 Day Jane references the movie in order to explain some of her motivations for suicide: "I mean, as an atheist I feel life has no greater purpose. My generation has had no great depression, no great war ..." Just a few days earlier, Jane Q. Doe wrote about seeing the movie for the first time, saying, "I saw fight club night before last. I was thoroughly amazed. I've avoided that movie since it came out as a 'guy movie' riddled with action, boobies, and guys beating the shit out of other people. Instead I was pleasantly surprised by intellect, insanity, and a HUGE THROBBING COCK."

A trip through Louisiana Jane's Void reveals a young woman who often sounds a great deal like 90 Day Jane, in general. It's easy to believe they are one and the same, but there's no concrete proof. Whether Jane meant for her countdown to suicide to be a really big show or not is moot. People are reading and watching.

Though this could be really fascinating (if I remember to check in, as I probably won’t) but I hope in 84 days she reveals that it was all just an exploration and meditation on life and death and what it all means and that she hasn’t actually taken the next step and figured it all out.

[UPDATE: Well I'm glad this has all been resolved and it was a hoax. Score one for cynics]

Sphere: Related Content

Likely Story

Australians are too lazy to come up with believable excuses:

MELBOURNE, Australia (AP) -- A man who hid his wife's body for 23 years in a steel drum in the couple's suburban Australian backyard was convicted Saturday of her murder.

Frederick Boyle, 58, claimed he hid the body of Edwina Boyle out of panic after finding her dead in bed at their home on the outskirts of the southern city of Melbourne on October 6, 1983.

He had pleaded not guilty to her murder at the outset of his weeklong trial, but a Victoria state Supreme Court jury found him guilty Saturday.

Boyle told the court this week he found his 30-year-old wife dead in bed with two bullets in her head and one of his neckties around her throat.

Boyle had told his two daughters their mother ran off with a truck driver, but a son-in-law found the remains in the 170-liter (44-gallon) drum while tidying the yard in October 2006

You have 23 years to come up with a story and that's the one you come up with? I mean really. And why would you actually keep the drum- wouldn't you have had time to get rid of it?
But the more I think about maybe this guy is a genius- maybe he knows that it is like the worst alibi/story ever and it is so bad that he wanted the autorhities to believe that unless it were the truth he would have come up with something more believable. Oh and he was having an affair to boot. Bloody brilliant.

Sphere: Related Content

People Going To Hell

Bill O’Reilly and Fox News for everything they’ve ever done really but specificially in this instance for his continued lies and hostile reception to the homeless vets that he said didn’t exist and whose plight john Edwards was mocked for bringing into the national consciousness

An impromptu news conference was held in front of the FOX News Channel Studios today because veterans were denied entrance as they attempted to deliver a petition to Bill O'Reilly asking him to apologize for his comments denying the existence and importance of homeless veterans. The ensuing drama resulted in FOX News executives, flanked by security and police officials, attempting to mollify the group of veterans and Executive Director Carol Gardener of Fitzgerald House - a group that assists veterans in need - by speaking briefly to the group. In addition, one of the producers of the O'Reilly Factor, Jesse Watters, challenged the vets by deflecting the comments away from O'Reilly's statements

Here’s Keith’s coverage of the shame


This isn’t really newsworthy, except that it’s existence and threatened showing has made a lot of news, it’s more exploitative but if you’re interested about all the fuss or morbidly curious and so I’m going to hell for sharing it


Funny, He didn’t sound Australian in that video

And whoever strapped bombs to women with down syndrome sent them into a crowd and detonated the bomb, and the women by remote control.


There is a place reserved in hell indeed.

Sphere: Related Content

The Last Words of The Presidents

Have you ever thought to yourself “hey I wonder what were the last words of the Presidents” well neither did I but I had a pretty intense localized headache and as I tend to do in such situations I tend to let my mind wander to the worst possible case and as I often do with headaches that I assume are actual brain hemorrhages I remember FDR’s last words “I have a terrific pain on the side of my head” and so in order to actually be accurate in my irrational recollections I decided to google to make sure. Which led me to this website which, interestingly enough documents the last words of our presidents.
It’s morbid but it’s actually really interesting- have a look:

George Washington

I am just going. Have me decently buried and do not let my body be into a vault in less than two days after I am dead. Do you understand me? ["Yes," replied Tobias Lear, his secretary.] 'Tis well.

John Adams

[Asked by Mrs. Clark if he knew what day it was.] Oh, yes; it is the glorious Fourth of July. It is a great day. It is a good day. God bless it. God bless you all. [He then lapsed into unconsciousness. He awakened later, and mumbled] Thomas Jefferson.... [This is often reported as the beginning of the sentence "Thomas Jefferson still survives," but this cannot be held reliable. If this is indeed what John Adams was saying, he was wrong. He spoke the words at the approximate time of Jefferson's actual death; Jefferson preceded Adams in death by a couple of hours.]

Thomas Jefferson

Is it the Fourth? [Asked of his doctor, Robley Dunglison, who replied, "It soon will be."] I resign my spirit to God, my daughter to my country. [Like John Adams, Jefferson died on the fiftieth anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.]

James Madison

Nothing more than a change of mind, my dear. I always talk better lying down. [In response to a niece, who asked, "What is the matter, Uncle James?"]

James Monroe

I regret that I should leave this world without again beholding him. [referring to James Madison]

John Quincy Adams

This is the last of Earth. I am content.

Andrew Jackson

I hope to meet you all in Heaven. Be good children, all of you, and strive to be ready when the change comes.

Martin Van Buren

There is but one reliance...

William Henry Harrison

Sir, I wish you to understand the true principles of government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more. [Spoken in delerium to Vice President John Tyler.]

John Tyler

Doctor, I am going. ["I hope not, sir," said the doctor.] Perhaps it is best.

James Polk

I love you, Sarah. For all eternity, I love you. [He told her what provisions he had made for her, then passed away.] (spoken to his wife)

Zachary Taylor

I am about to die. I expect the summons very soon. I have tried to discharge all my duties faithfully. I regret nothing, but I am sorry that I am about to leave my friends.

Millard Fillmore

[Accepting a spoonful of soup from his doctor.] The nourishment is palatable.

Franklin Pierce

(unknown)

James Buchanan

Whatever the result may be, I shall carry to my grave the consciousness that at least I meant well for my country. Oh Lord God Almighty, as thou wilt.

Abraham Lincoln

It doesn't really matter. [In response to his wife's admonition not to hold her hand at Ford's Theater, because people might see them. Lincoln's final utterance was laughter. During the performance of the play Our American Cousin, one of the actresses called for a shawl to protect her from the draft. An actor then ad-libbed a reply, "You are mistaken, Miss Mary, the draft has been stopped by order of the President." Lincoln was laughing at this line when he was shot.]

Andrew Johnson

[After falling out of his chair, he spoke his last to his distraught daughter:] My right side is paralyzed. [struggling to move] I need no doctor. I can overcome my troubles.

Ulysses Grant

Water.

Rutherford Hayes

I know that I am going where Lucy is. [Lucy was his beloved wife.]

James Garfield

[To his chief of staff, David G. Swaim] Oh Swaim, there is a pain here. Swaim, can't you stop this? Oh, oh, Swaim!

Chester Arthur

(unknown)

Grover Cleveland

I have tried so hard to do right.

Benjamin Harrison

Are the doctors here? Doctor...my lungs.

William McKinley

Good-bye -- good-bye, all. We are all going. It's God's way. His will be done, not ours. Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee. We are all going, we are all going, we are all going. Oh, dear.

Theodore Roosevelt

Please put out the light.

William Taft

(unknown)

Woodrow Wilson

I am a broken piece of machinery. When the machine is broken... I am ready. [Spoken to his wife. Some accounts have him adding his wife's name, "Edith" at the end.]

Warren Harding

That's good. Go on. Read some more. [To his wife, who was reading him flattering newspaper accounts.]

Calvin Coolidge

Good morning, Robert. [To a carpenter working on his home.]

Herbert Hoover

[When told that Admiral Strauss had come to pay him a visit, Hoover was already speaking in past tense:] Levi Strauss was one of my best friends.

Franklin Roosevelt

I have a terrific headache. (FDR died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage.)

David Bornus advises: According to Conrad Black in his biography "Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Champion of Freedom," page 1110, FDR was sitting for a portrait when he put his left hand to the back of his head and said: "I have a terrific pain in the back of my head." He then was carried to his bed by several people, as they were doing this "he was understood by Laura Delano to say, only semiconsciously, 'Be careful.' These were his last words."

Harry Truman

(unknown)

Dwight Eisenhower

I've always loved my wife, my children, and my grandchildren, and I've always loved my country. I want to go. I'm ready to go. God, take me.

John Kennedy

That's very obvious. [Spoken in response to Mrs. Connolly's comment, "Mr. President, you can't say that Dallas doesn't love you."] [Some claims have been made that President Kennedy exclaimed "My God, I've been hit." but one of the Secret Servicemen riding in the car when the president was shot said that Kennedy made no remarks after he was struck.]

Lyndon Johnson

Send Mike immediately! [To a Secret Service agent over an in-house telephone.]

Richard Nixon

(unknown)

Ronald Reagan

(unknown)

and if you’ve ever wondered what’s in the wills of famous people here’s another bizarrely engrossing site that’s compiled some wills and obits

Sphere: Related Content