Ads That Make Uncle Sam Want To Hide His Eyes

Budweiser, Coke and Levi Blue Jeans: three iconic American products that in much of the world are synonymous with the United States, and vice versa. So that makes it even funnier that here are three commercials that people have thought to be among the worst, ever and they were conceived, vetted and produced in layers of committees for such huge companies. And you probably won't be surprised to learn they were all made in the 80s. I blame Reagan.
Anyway here is a Budweiser commercial that I feel must've been inspired by that scene in Top Gun-it's just not nearly a cool a concept this time around

Serenading someone in a bar-that's just embarrassing for everyone involved and especially if he didn't know/just met that girl to be singing about "Tracks of My Tears" is kinda creepy.

I guess I can sort of see how this idea was improved-have NFL stars rapping, like the Super Bowl Shuffle, but this time about Diet Coke.It's just really really bad, with the dancing and rhythm and what makes it worse is that like 3 of the best players ever were caught on film moving awkwardly and rapping about Diet Coke. Was this during the "Cola Wars" or whatever? because they do throw a slight jab Pepsi's way.(the Diet Coke commercial starts at about 30 seconds in)


And finally this is a very simple ad. Guy is sitting down. Guy rolls the cuff of his jeans up. Stands up, pirouettes, checks himself out then sits back down on a ledge and smiles. No doubt this caused a rush on Levi's 501 jeans.

I was thinking about it and it seems so weird to me when I'm watching whatever from the 80s and they mention that like people in Soviet Russia are amazed by blue jeans and kind of thought of them as an symbol of freedom, and that still today, a little, but the satirical stereotype of Americans usually involves blue jeans (and a cowboy hat but that's totally different.) Like in other countries and all the land in Russia they couldn't grow whatever blue jeans are made of (I assume cotton?-i've never thought of it really) Or are they just tied to America that they were verboten. I would hope that American Exceptionalism didn't refer strictly to jeans.

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Bonus! When Ads Go Bad

And on the other end of the pectrum from that last commercial, which I had never seen before, am not sure what it is advertising and find delightful comes the Beyonce Direct TV commercial that, in order not to be alone in my misery, I really hope other people have found as annoying as I have.
Sure the first time I saw it I was like " " okay maybe I didn't really have any thoughts but now after seeing it approximately 50,000 times in what seems like the last month alone it is really like "enough!" followed by a mad rush to change the channel.
But in the early days of this commercial, about times 3,000 to 5,000 what I did find amusing was a half second in the commercial near the front end. Beyonce is talking to the camera while dancing at about 7 seconds. However the split second she stops and goes into her more frenetic dance at about 10 or 11 seconds her face just totally changes and she gets a look of such intensity, seriousness and focus when she starts pumping her fists (kinda akwardly) to her right.


You may be able to see it better with this one. It's only for a fraction of a second but I know it's there. Or at least I hope it's there, otherwise I will have gained no amount of joy or mirth from those thousands of seconds added together except for that damn whistle and jingle rattling around my brain.

For the last time Beyonce I will not "let'chu let'chu upgrade me (grade me)"
I knew there was a reason I've always preferred Kelly

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When Ads Go Bad

In just about the last hour of watching football I saw two commercials where I'm sure the advertisers who signed the celebrity endorser have to be banging their head against the wall.
The first is Brady Quinn and his commercial advertising Subway's Super Tailgate Special (or something)

This must've been conceieved and filmed this summer (note the buzz cut) when everyone assumed he would be starting for the Browns soon because so far on Sundays this fall, Brady Quinn has been as busy doing the same thing as me-watching football. Though at least I'm able to plop on a couch and chill, while Brady has to pay attention and stand up for hours on end. Score one for me. And I think that's the first time I've heard his voice. Me no likey.

And the other is the infamous, so ironic that someone must have a cruel sense of humor, the Citizen Watch Unstoppable ad featuring the good football player named Eli Manning. I saw the tv ad for one brief second, but haven't been able to track it down, though the print ad is probably better because the Eli Manning and Unstoppable aren't as fleeting as they are in motion.

But seriously did the ad wizards in charge of this campaign never watch him him play before signing this deal? With that ad line? Because right now it's kinda like saying "Puppy lover. Mike Vick is." Everyone knows it is not true and is only suitable for mockery and Kim Kardashian* jokes. I'm surprised I have seen it on a hipster sports fan** t-shirt yet.

*cheap & easy
**if such a hybrid exists.

(oh and p.s. at 4:15 pacific time Eli is actually leading his team on a comeback, which will make it more delicious when he screws up in a bit. but if he doesn't, and the giants win, of course it will have been I that inspired him to greatness. either way i win.)

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